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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
     

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

4.5 15
by John Mordechai Gottman
 

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780671899325
Publisher:
Touchstone
Publication date:
02/28/1995

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Why Marriages Succeed or Fail 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 15 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
You can't argue with the research. It is pretty solid. The ideas that came from the research also are sound. Couples that read this book together and discuss it will be far down the road to keeping their marriage together or if they decide, they can realize early that it isn't going to work before the three kids come along and get out fast. Another book that is great is 'How to Date Your Wife' by Stan Cronin. In his book the author asked wives anonymously what they thought was good in their relationships and what needed improvement. I think every woman will recognize the good and the bad. Both books give you tools to use to improve the marriage and that is the important part.
Kympossible More than 1 year ago
This book is awesome and a must read for marriages at every stage. There is much that can be gleened from the Gottman's research. I am a therapist and I do marriage and family counseling. This is one of the books I recommend for homework!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is very interesting and insightful. It provides you with some of the basics about marital relations and gives you some ideas about how to improve your marriage. The author goes through his own scietific research and sends us important messages about what it important and what is not important in keeping a marriage together. Although this book had some important and interesting insights, I was hungry for something deeper. That hunger was satisfied much more when I read Rhythm, Relationships, and Transcendence by Toru Sato. A friend recommended it to me and it was the best gift I ever bought myself. Read it and you will know what I am talking about!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Finally! A book that gives hope in a hopeless world of escalating divorce rates. This is the first book I have read that actually backs up ideas with sound statistical data. And, the ideas presented really make one probe into the true essence of relationships. It allows for human contrast by avoiding the gender issues and primarily looking at the couple as two individuals who bring their own unique attributes to the relationship equation. I've already recommended this book to many of my friends who have read it and feel the same way I do. Read it!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Gottman has finally gone where no other marriage counselor has gone before--into the realm of observing what works and what does not work in actual marriages. Over the years there have been many books written to help the 65% + of couples who end up divorcing in the US, but this is the only book of suggestions that was developed from true observation, and not a theorists's best thinking. The book contains some suprising findings, however, most of the advice concerns changing behaviors that we know do not facilitate loving communication--somehow we just never identified them before! Most importantly, couples can really practice these tools on a daily basis--as oppossed to the famous mirroring technique that never really was used outside of the therapy session. Take a look and pass it on!
MissAthena More than 1 year ago
Good book, easy read, and very informative and helpful. Even for sibling and parent relationships, this book was applicable to almost every type of relationship. Kudos to Dr. Gottman!
DrBrock More than 1 year ago
It is one of the most influential books I used in counseling as an Army Chaplain over the years. I recommend it for any couple to read to understand the 5-1 ratio of positive to negative experiences in a marriage or relationship.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I thought that this book was excellent in outlining the types of patterns we fall into when we get married. It gave me a positive but realistic outlook on what is going on in my marriage and how I can work on making it better. The author's de-emphasis on deep meaningful communication left me a little unsatisfied. Although I know that letting go of the little things is important, I feel that opening up to your partner is very important in a loving relationship. I like another book that takes this one step further in developing a deep caring relationship. It is called 'The Ever-Transcending Spirit' by Toru Sato and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to understand and improve his or her relationship.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Gottman explains exactly how to avoid what ruins marriages. About 25 years ago, he started interviewing newlyweds in his laboratory. He hooked them up to devices that measure physical responses (blood pressure, heart rate, sweat on the palms, etc.) and videotaped them while they discussed a subject that was volatile for them. He was then able to go back and study the videotapes and watch the records of blood pressure and heart rate and see how the person responded both outwardly and inwardly. And then he tracked these couples over the years. Some broke up. Some stayed together. He found something very specific that enabled him to predict, with an astoundingly high degree of accuracy, who will break up and who will stay together: How they fight. Gottman's most important discovery, I think, is that it isn't the content of the fight that makes a difference, it's the process you use during an argument. If you use a lousy method of fighting, it doesn't matter if you're only arguing about a toothpaste tube, it can destroy your marriage. I'm the author of the book, Self-Help Stuff That Works, and I'm an expert on what is practical and helpful. The advice Gottman gives in his book is just that.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
If you and your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage is in danger ¿ but then again, it might not. The fact that you argue is not the issue. Problems, conflicts and disagreements are inevitable and unavoidable in life and in a marriage. The key to a stable, healthy marriage is the way you air and resolve conflict. Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for more than 20 years to identify what, if anything, healthy and failing marriages have in common. Based on his research, the most innovative part of the book, he believes that he can predict with 94% accuracy which couples will stay together and which ones will fall apart. Failing marriages tend to follow the same downward spiral, a path that leads to loneliness, anger, negativity and, eventually, dissolution. Recognizing these destructive communication patterns is the first step back to a healthy relationship. Gottman's research, conclusions and recommendations hold up surprisingly well. We recommend his timeless advice to couples who want to avoid ¿ or address ¿ marital pitfalls.