Widow to Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas for Rebuilding Your Life

( 10 )

Overview

Widow to Widow answers the number-one question asked by widows: "Why didn't anyone ever tell me it would be like this?" Writing from her own experiences as a widow, author Genevieve Davis Ginsburg is ...
See more details below
Available through our Marketplace sellers.
Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (22) from $1.99   
  • New (3) from $8.90   
  • Used (19) from $1.99   
Close
Sort by
Page 1 of 1
Showing All
Note: Marketplace items are not eligible for any BN.com coupons and promotions
$8.90
Seller since 2015

Feedback rating:

(0)

Condition:

New — never opened or used in original packaging.

Like New — packaging may have been opened. A "Like New" item is suitable to give as a gift.

Very Good — may have minor signs of wear on packaging but item works perfectly and has no damage.

Good — item is in good condition but packaging may have signs of shelf wear/aging or torn packaging. All specific defects should be noted in the Comments section associated with each item.

Acceptable — item is in working order but may show signs of wear such as scratches or torn packaging. All specific defects should be noted in the Comments section associated with each item.

Used — An item that has been opened and may show signs of wear. All specific defects should be noted in the Comments section associated with each item.

Refurbished — A used item that has been renewed or updated and verified to be in proper working condition. Not necessarily completed by the original manufacturer.

New
Brand New !! Immediate shipping !!!

Ships from: Fort Lauderdale, FL

Usually ships in 1-2 business days

  • Standard, 48 States
  • Standard (AK, HI)
$9.00
Seller since 2009

Feedback rating:

(105)

Condition: New

Ships from: Baltimore, MD

Usually ships in 1-2 business days

  • Standard, 48 States
  • Standard (AK, HI)
$10.00
Seller since 2015

Feedback rating:

(0)

Condition: New
1995 Paperback New *BRAND NEW GIFT QUALITY Pale yellow Softcover Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, MS [author] Fisher Books 6.1-*Usually same or next day service with possible use of ... recycled materials by a reliable seller~GUARANTEED~FIVE STAR SELLER~ Read more Show Less

Ships from: Columbia, SC

Usually ships in 1-2 business days

  • Canadian
  • International
  • Standard, 48 States
  • Standard (AK, HI)
  • Express, 48 States
  • Express (AK, HI)
Page 1 of 1
Showing All
Close
Sort by
Widow To Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas For Rebuilding Your Life

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 7.0
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 10.1
  • NOOK HD Tablet
  • NOOK HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK eReaders
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$9.99
BN.com price
(Save 37%)$15.95 List Price
This digital version does not exactly match the physical book displayed here.

Overview

Widow to Widow answers the number-one question asked by widows: "Why didn't anyone ever tell me it would be like this?" Writing from her own experiences as a widow, author Genevieve Davis Ginsburg is frankly honest as she dispels the myths and disputes the rules, encouraging the widow to begin her new life in her own way and in her own time.

Explores every aspect of the challenges facing widows:

  1. Shock, grief guilt and anger
  2. Surviving the special days
  3. Emptying his closet
  4. Appliance repairs
  5. Making decisions
  6. Dating and sex
  7. Money matters
  8. Traveling and eating alone
  9. Keeping a journal
  10. Family relationships
  11. Special needs of young widows and of widowers
  12. Survival checklist
  13. How to start a support group

About the Author:
Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, M.S., is a widow, a therapist and founder of Widow to Widow Services, a national support group in Tucson, Arizona. She is a frequent lecturer on the subject of widowhood, and has received the Jefferson Award and the Arizona Governor's Award for her social service.

Read More Show Less

What People Are Saying

Harold Bloomfield
"Ms. Ginsburg has written the most useful, practical and compassionate guide to surviving widowhood. This is must reading not only for widows, but also for their family and friends."
--Harold Bloomfield, M.D., coauthor of How to Survive the Loss of A Love
Nathaniel Branden
"A wise, practical and eminently useful guide for a woman struggling to rebuild her life after the death of her husband. Highly recommended."
--Nathaniel Branden, PhD., author of Honoring the Self
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781555611538
  • Publisher: Da Capo Press
  • Publication date: 12/1/1997
  • Edition description: REVISED
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 240
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 9.01 (h) x 0.77 (d)

Meet the Author


The late Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, M.S., founded Widowed to Widowed Services, a support group in Tucson, Arizona. She received the Jefferson Award and the Arizona Governor's Award for her social service.
Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

How Long Does It Take?

How long does it take? Undoubtedly, that’s the question new widows ask most frequently. Every widow knows what it means. Will there ever be a day when I feel happy, when I no longer greet each morning with the fresh realization that he is dead, when I don’t automatically turn to tell him something, when I no longer hear the roar of hollow silence as I come home to an empty house? When will I stop crying when someone says a kind word of sympathy or feel like crying because they don’t? Will I ever stop feeling outside the world, an alien, alone?

The answer is “yes,” in your own time and in your own way: gradually going forward, faltering, falling back, going on again -- in any of the predicted or not-so-predicted sequences. In our society time circumscribes all events. There is a specified time allotted for getting born, beginning school, paying off the mortgage, healing a broken bone; at least you know it will happen. Here there is no time and no sure thing.

Some religious customs used to require the wearing of black for a full year -- it’s still observed in some places -- not only to honor the dead but to signal the resumption of life when the year ended. The custom of wearing mourning clothes may be gone, but the time frame persists because we often hear people say, “It’s been a year; she’s not doing very well” or give good marks for “doing so well” in a shorter time. It would probably come as a surprise to those who knew me at the time, but my second year was worse than the first. The first year I was coping with a capital “C,” perhaps to my own admiration; the second year I realized coping was not a temporary measure. This was it.

I often wish we could drop the whole vocabulary that has come into recent usage on death and dying that so glibly forecasts how we shall respond to the death of a spouse. The so-called stages, described here earlier, were never intended to become a mandatory blueprint for dealing with grief. They were observations of responses to personal loss. Using the medical model for grief -- from shock to recovery -- is a deception. Because we live in a quick-fix time, every illness must have a cure, and for every cure there must be an illness. Implied is the promise that if you carefully go through the stages of grieving you will recover. The message is: You have the illness, we have the pill. If you have not fully recovered then you must have skipped a stage, become mired in a stage or denied a stage. It is your fault, you did something wrong. Guilty again! Widows have trouble enough with guilt; they do not need to be told they’re in a messed-up stage to add to the problem.

How long does it take? is a silly question, because widowhood is not a disease, sickness or mental illness. It is a fact of life and there is no recovering. You learn to live with it, cope with it and survive it. You will get pretty good at it as time goes by. The tears will abate, the anger soften and the future will be brighter than today. But you will not be cured, not even if you remarry.

So let us define the stages of grieving at the outset as feelings or emotions or a state of mind, and know that they come and go like the tide. With the possible exception of the initial shock and numbness that follows a deep loss, the so-called stages of grieving can and do return unpredictably with pristine sharpness any time, any day, any year -- and that is no sin.

When recovery is the touted outcome -- the expected outcome -- the widow feels inadequate and abnormal if she has not “gotten over it” in her allotted time. She can be heard to apologize, “There is something wrong with me.” It has been three months, six months, two years -- whatever -- she is still crying, and she can’t get over it. She has failed the time test. She is still full of tears and anger, she says. She still feels jealous and sad when she sees couples holding hands, still feels confused and rudderless, still cannot let a day go by without thinking of his dying and what she might have done, could have done, should have done. “I know I should be over it by now,” she sobs.

“Six-Month Syndrome”

Worse, another widow may suffer what she believes is a setback after having steadily moved onward and accepted her reality: “I was doing so well, everyone was so proud of me, and for no good reason I’ve suddenly started going backward.” Tears at the drop of a hat, physical symptoms that prove to be groundless, a hand tremor that began with the first formidable document and grows more embarrassing each day, and finally, feeling hopeless and missing him more than ever. We call this the six-month syndrome because that seems to be when progress most often founders. It is also the time when family and friends worry and express concern. “It’s been six months and my mother is doing worse; she’s crying more now. What shall I do?” Mother is doing what her daughter did after taking her first step a long time ago: She fell down.

The six-month syndrome may occur at any time (I experienced mine after two years). Widowhood is dotted with sudden realizations -- some very scary -- that account for the many emotional highs and lows. As shock and numbness fade, the widow becomes more clear-headed. She begins to reconstruct her identity and becomes increasingly aware of how many changes she will have to accept and how many crises she will face single-handedly. With a sudden jolt, she thinks perhaps she will never become used to being alone at night, or maybe that pain under the left rib is the beginning of cancer. Or as one woman recalled, “I couldn’t pull the damn zipper up the back of my dress and that triggered one of my lowest periods. I cried for two days. It really hit me that I was alone and I’d have to lose 50 pounds or wear a Hawaiian muumuu for the rest of my life.” Later, more mundane reminders rise to bait the new widow -- little things, like having no escort for the annual Heart Fund Ball, and hundreds of other first-time realizations that run the gamut from struggling to open the mayonnaise jar to traveling alone.

If she speaks with friends about the emptiness she is experiencing during these low periods, she will hear, “You’re feeling sorry for yourself.” Her family is the audience for bright thoughts, not black ones. The widow herself becomes the most distressed if she suspects she may indeed be feeling sorry for herself. For no convincing reason, self-pity is judged to be the worst of all possible sins.

On the other hand, self-pity is actually more desirable than other people’s pity and feels pretty good when you are just plain tired of coping. Feeling sorry for yourself is like putting your emotional feet up -- resting between coping bouts and catching a second wind. Overdone, of course, it can become a bore for everyone.

Once you stop equating good days and bad days with success and failure and grading yourself on performance, your energy is freed for better use than self-reproach. Reassure your family and friends -- and your doctor -- that sometimes neither you nor they can tell what stage you’re in. Today, it might be the stage called regression or be all of the stages simultaneously.

Anger is a troubling emotion for some people to admit into their consciousness. Depression comes in many disguises, and confusion may become so pervasive that it feels natural. You’ve heard people say, “She only hears what she wants to hear”. Well, it’s the same with emotions. The true value in taking a look at our emotional reactions to grief is not so we will identify and label ourselves, but that we give ourselves the right to feel the way we are feeling. “You mean it’s OK to feel sorry for myself? Angry? Useless? It’s been eight months, I thought I was supposed to be over that.” You’ll always have a little left over for another time.

Grieving is a process rather than a series of uphill steps, and gains are most often realized in retrospect. One day you will realize that a whole day has passed without thinking about him. You actually enjoyed yourself for an entire weekend, that this Christmas was better than the last, that the little knot of envy has worked its way free, and that the good days far outnumber the sad ones. How long did it take? Six months? A year? Two years and three months? Only you can say. But it does happen, in your own time and in your own way.

Copyright © 2001 Fisher Books. All rights reserved.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Contents

Preface viii

In the Company of Others xi

Part 1: A Ton of Bricks 1
Widow 3
Numb and in Shock 7
The Dumb Things People Say 11
How Long Does It Take? 16
Making a Full Day of It 21
Anger 25
Guilt 32
Decisions, Decisions 37
Emptying Closets, Emptying Drawers 41
Dinner for One 46
It Seems So Real 49
Do I Answer the Mail? 54
Where Did I Put My Mind? 57
Hello, Who’s Home? 60
In Your Own Words 64
Firsts: A Journal Entry 68

Part 2: Rebuilding Your Life 71
The Blues 73
To Wear or Not to Wear Your Wedding Ring 79
Yesterday A Wife, Today a Mechanic 82
Family Relationships 88
Widowhood and the Calendar 97
Divorced, Widowed—Is It the Same? 101
Speak Up, I Can’t Hear You 104
Dating 113
Sex 119
Money, Money, Money 123
‘Tis the Season to Be Jolly? 133
Letter to Martin: A Journal Entry 135

Part 3: From Widowhood to Selfhood 139
Uncoupling 141
A Life of One’s Own 146
To Work, Volunteer or Play 150
Rebuilding a Nest 156
Traveling Alone 162
It Wasn’t Perfect All the Time 168
On a Scale of One to Ten, What Am I Without a Man? 173
Looking Back to Say Good-bye: A Journal Entry 175

Part 4: Besides Which 179
Young Widows 180
And Widowers, Too 188
Notes to the Children 196

Part 5: Resources 203
How to Start a Support Group 204
Books, Pamphlets and Organizations 210

Part 6: The Widow’s Survival Checklist 217

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 10 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(8)

4 Star

(1)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 10 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 30, 2014

    I Also Recommend:

    I am now placing another order to have "Widow to Widow"

    I am now placing another order to have "Widow to Widow" on hand when an appropriate instance arises and another new widow needs some calming insight. This book has given me much needed insight into how to help my mother cope with her sudden singleness. Ginsburg's empathy (she herself was unprepared for widowhood) and intelligence (her prose isn't rife with the self-help jargon that doesn't come naturally to many of us) permeate each insightful page. She details not only the facts of widowhood (living alone, eating alone, suriving alone) but also includes personal commentary that places her words in much-needed context. I will purchase copies for my mother and sister, and I believe that they will now begin to understand that it's "okay" to feel anger, and sadness, and hopelessness. Ginsburg validates one's feelings, and no one else has been able to do that for me/us yet. This is a very special book. I find the emptiness overwhelming at times and picking up this book (between counseling sessions) is a great boost to my sense of where I am now.        

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 8, 2011

    Highly Recommended - for widows or friends of widows

    I was widowed at the age of 57 - my husband Glenn was 58 when he died which is similar to Genevieve's experience. As widows know it takes awhile to focus long enough to read but I encourage new widows to read it as soon as you think you can focus. There are parts where I felt she was looking over my shoulder and writing about my experiences. Like all "how to survive" books - there are parts that didn't apply to me but most of it did. It even helped me to teach others how to act or react to a friend who suddenly loses her past and her future. For instance saying "I'm here for you - just give me a call - let me know if you need anything" puts the responsibility on the widow to first know what she needs and to contact the person. Rather Genevieve tells us to be specific with something like - "I'd like to come over on Tuesday with dinner." I found myself saying to my family that it frustrates me when people say just call if you need anything - I didn't know what I needed - "do you want to take out my trash, can you bring my husband back, can you change my future." This book helped me cope and understand that they are just trying to help but they don't know what to do either.
    I appreciated this book so much that I sent it to my friend who recently lost her husband at the age of 58. Is there something magical about that number 58? Anyway, it is a good resource and I highly recommend it.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 16, 2010

    A wonderful book of guidance for a new widow of any age.

    I lost my husband at age 46 and felt so lost and so overwhelmed at what I needed to do. This book not only helped to explain some of the feelings and things I had already gone through, but it also prepared me for things that were still to come. Widow to widow lists many tips and explanations on things you will go through that most people don't even think about...like removing your wedding rings permanently or cleaning out the closets. This book doesn't just take you through the grieving process but continues on to give you the hope and confidence you need to move on in your life and make it become whatever you want it to be. I was so encouraged by this book that I not only recommend it, but I have found that it is one of the best gifts I can give to any of my friends or family that suffer the loss of their loved one.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted May 2, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    a wonderful help for the widow

    This is the book I wish had been written when I was widowed at age 40. It covers so much of what the widow goes through beginning with the death and through the grieving process. It is not necessarily a "grief" book, it is a "how to survive now that I am no longer a wife" book. I have given this book to others who have lost a husband.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 13, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 19, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted April 6, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 2, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 8, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 10 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)