Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life

( 6 )

Overview

No one understands the complexities of modern life better than Eugene Mirman--claims Eugene Mirman—and anyone seeking guidance from a man who has lived through everything (except the Great Depression, the Spanish-American War, and Jerry Lee Lewis's sex scandal) won't resist this charmingly hysterical guidebook.

  • Become ultra-popular in high school (without "putting out" -- whatever that is)
  • Discover somewhere ...
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Overview

No one understands the complexities of modern life better than Eugene Mirman--claims Eugene Mirman—and anyone seeking guidance from a man who has lived through everything (except the Great Depression, the Spanish-American War, and Jerry Lee Lewis's sex scandal) won't resist this charmingly hysterical guidebook.

  • Become ultra-popular in high school (without "putting out" -- whatever that is)
  • Discover somewhere between four and two thousand ways to overcome social anxiety (closer to four)
  • Start a band, become an artist, or disappoint your parents by getting on a reality television show!
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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
In his short career as a teen-crisis hotline counselor, Eugene Mirman fielded many typical questions: How can I be popular without putting out? What exactly is "putting out"? What's this "college" that people keep talking about it? How can high school kids get on reality TV? We're not certain that he actually helped anyone with these problems, but we do know that experience definitely enhanced his subsequent, thoroughly irreverent comedy career. In Eugene Mirman's The Will to Whatevs, he doles out advice on matters from birth to afterlife, making pit stops to discuss Major Issues such as social anxiety, finding a mate, and changing your race.
Sarah Vowell
"When to serve duck confit? What’s the haps with sexual harassment? In a world full of questions, the entertaining Eugene Mirman has all the answers."
Mike Birbiglia
"Eugene Mirman is the Andy Warhol of comedy. People look to him for what’s next in comedy, and he emails these people back promptly. The Will to Whatevs put me in a great mood because I was laughing out loud. Alone. That’s hard to do."
Patton Oswalt
"I laughed out loud reading this. I was reading it in public. Three cute girls at a nearby table laughed at me. I swear one of them mouthed the words, ‘fat loser’ to her friends. I now hate Eugene Mirman."
David Cross
"Do you need tips on how to live? I mean besides the breathing and eating part? Then this book is for you! Including self-help tips for Jewish robots from the future (I’m guessing)!!!!!"
David Willis
"This book is good, and not just because it was free. Knowing what I knownow about the quality, I would have paid at least nine thousand dollars."
Joshua Knobe
"A work of penetrating insight and rigorous scholarship. By turning our attention away from the ‘will to power’ and toward the more deeply significant will to whatevs, Mirman reshapes the debate in a way that will doubtless influence philosophers for generations to come."
Kristen Schaal
"This book is a knee-slapper, a gut-buster, and a side-splitter. Don’t read it unless you have health insurance!"
Greg Behrendt
"I liked the sh*t out of this book!"
Zach Galifianakis
"Reading this book is like having a tiny Eugene riding on your shoulder and whispering his advice in your ear. I agree with Eugene on all aspects of this book except taking acid at an office party. I am never doing that again. Buy this book."
John Hodgman
"At last, now, you can be truly happy, the MIRMAN WAY. Just be sure to adjust your rubber mask eye holes to ‘READ MODE,’ or else this book will not help you."
Paste Magazine
"Eugene Mirman is a very humorous individual. Buy a copy of Eugene’s book. You won’t regret the purchase."
—Sarah Vowell
“When to serve duck confit? What’s the haps with sexual harassment? In a world full of questions, the entertaining Eugene Mirman has all the answers.”
—Mike Birbiglia
“Eugene Mirman is the Andy Warhol of comedy. People look to him for what’s next in comedy, and he emails these people back promptly. The Will to Whatevs put me in a great mood because I was laughing out loud. Alone. That’s hard to do.”
—Patton Oswalt
“I laughed out loud reading this. I was reading it in public. Three cute girls at a nearby table laughed at me. I swear one of them mouthed the words, ‘fat loser’ to her friends. I now hate Eugene Mirman.”
—David Cross
“Do you need tips on how to live? I mean besides the breathing and eating part? Then this book is for you! Including self-help tips for Jewish robots from the future (I’m guessing)!!!!!”
—David Willis
“This book is good, and not just because it was free. Knowing what I knownow about the quality, I would have paid at least nine thousand dollars.”
—Joshua Knobe
“A work of penetrating insight and rigorous scholarship. By turning our attention away from the ‘will to power’ and toward the more deeply significant will to whatevs, Mirman reshapes the debate in a way that will doubtless influence philosophers for generations to come.”
—Kristen Schaal
“This book is a knee-slapper, a gut-buster, and a side-splitter. Don’t read it unless you have health insurance!”
—Greg Behrendt
“I liked the sh*t out of this book!”
—Zach Galifianakis
“Reading this book is like having a tiny Eugene riding on your shoulder and whispering his advice in your ear. I agree with Eugene on all aspects of this book except taking acid at an office party. I am never doing that again. Buy this book.”
—John Hodgman
“At last, now, you can be truly happy, the MIRMAN WAY. Just be sure to adjust your rubber mask eye holes to ‘READ MODE,’ or else this book will not help you.”
—The Austin Decider
“Armed with eccentric wit and charm, the Russian-born comedian offers compelling insights on contemporary living, from starting a band to high-school social etiquette.”
—The Austin American-Statesman
“Easily as hilarious as Mirman’s stellar stand-up comedy, featuring meta pull-quote jokes, funny author blurbs from other comics and indispensable wisdom.”
—The Boston Phoenix
“A freewheeling mix of bemused ironies and trenchantly silly non-sequiturs.”
—Paste Magazine
“Eugene Mirman is a very humorous individual. Buy a copy of Eugene’s book. You won’t regret the purchase.”
—Austin360.com
“The book is easily as hilarious as Mirman’s stellar stand-up comedy, featuring meta pull-quote jokes, and indispensable wisdom.”
—Filter Good Music Guide
“It’s clear from the get-go that comedian Eugene Mirman’s life guide is not your typical self-help manual bent on nurturing the soul with hot soup or some other bullshit, but instead with flat-out humor.”
—Time Out New York
“Mirman has seamlessly translated his stage sensibility to the page. Which is to say that the king of Brooklyn comedy has written a book that’s ridiculous, nonsensical, often rambling and generally pointless—yet will make you laugh out loud with enough frequency to embarrass yourself in front of strangers nearby.”
—Largehearted Boy
“The Will to Whatevs is one of the funniest things I have read in years. This book delightfully skewers the self-help genre, Mirman reminds me of Woody Allen’s prose works with his self-obsessed narrator, witty asides, and non-sequiturs that will leave you reeling.”
—CMJ.com
“Whatevs is filled with tons of Mirman’s patented laser-targeted yet random as hell asides, and his clip-art illustrations and graphs are truly inspired.”
—Boston Comedy—Funny Grown Here
“Whatevs . . . is the type of book you’ll want to look up from and quote to whoever is around you.”
—Flavorpill NYC
“The seasoned standup comic dispenses invaluable, hyperbolic advice in his debut tome, The Will to Whatevs.”
—Seattle Weekly
“Mirman offers moments of startling clarity: When defending his authority to dish out advice, he writes, “In America, ‘authority’ is an attitude. And I’ve adopted it.” And earned it.”
Boston Comedy-Funny Grown Here
"Whatevs . . . is the type of book you’ll want to look up from and quote to whoever is around you."
Flavorpill NYC
“The seasoned standup comic dispenses invaluable, hyperbolic advice in his debut tome, The Will to Whatevs.”
The Austin Decider
“Armed with eccentric wit and charm, the Russian-born comedian offers compelling insights on contemporary living, from starting a band to high-school social etiquette.”
Filter Good Music Guide
“It’s clear from the get-go that comedian Eugene Mirman’s life guide is not your typical self-help manual bent on nurturing the soul with hot soup or some other bullshit, but instead with flat-out humor.”
Time Out New York
“Mirman has seamlessly translated his stage sensibility to the page. Which is to say that the king of Brooklyn comedy has written a book that’s ridiculous, nonsensical, often rambling and generally pointless—yet will make you laugh out loud with enough frequency to embarrass yourself in front of strangers nearby.”
Largehearted Boy
“The Will to Whatevs is one of the funniest things I have read in years. This book delightfully skewers the self-help genre, Mirman reminds me of Woody Allen’s prose works with his self-obsessed narrator, witty asides, and non-sequiturs that will leave you reeling.”
CMJ.com
“Whatevs is filled with tons of Mirman’s patented laser-targeted yet random as hell asides, and his clip-art illustrations and graphs are truly inspired.”
Seattle Weekly
“Mirman offers moments of startling clarity: When defending his authority to dish out advice, he writes, “In America, ‘authority’ is an attitude. And I’ve adopted it.” And earned it.”
The Boston Phoenix
“A freewheeling mix of bemused ironies and trenchantly silly non-sequiturs.”
The Austin American-Statesman
“Easily as hilarious as Mirman’s stellar stand-up comedy, featuring meta pull-quote jokes, funny author blurbs from other comics and indispensable wisdom.”
Austin360.com
“The book is easily as hilarious as Mirman’s stellar stand-up comedy, featuring meta pull-quote jokes, and indispensable wisdom.”
The Boston Phoenix
"A freewheeling mix of bemused ironies and trenchantly silly non-sequiturs."
The Austin Decider
"Armed with eccentric wit and charm, the Russian-born comedian offers compelling insights on contemporary living, from starting a band to high-school social etiquette."
The Austin American-Statesman
"Easily as hilarious as Mirman’s stellar stand-up comedy, featuring meta pull-quote jokes, funny author blurbs from other comics and indispensable wisdom."
Flavorpill NYC
"The seasoned standup comic dispenses invaluable, hyperbolic advice in his debut tome, The Will to Whatevs."
Austin360.com
"The book is easily as hilarious as Mirman’s stellar stand-up comedy, featuring meta pull-quote jokes, and indispensable wisdom."
Filter Good Music Guide
"It’s clear from the get-go that comedian Eugene Mirman’s life guide is not your typical self-help manual bent on nurturing the soul with hot soup or some other bullshit, but instead with flat-out humor."
Time Out New York
"Mirman has seamlessly translated his stage sensibility to the page. Which is to say that the king of Brooklyn comedy has written a book that’s ridiculous, nonsensical, often rambling and generally pointless—yet will make you laugh out loud with enough frequency to embarrass yourself in front of strangers nearby."
Largehearted Boy
"The Will to Whatevs is one of the funniest things I have read in years. This book delightfully skewers the self-help genre, Mirman reminds me of Woody Allen’s prose works with his self-obsessed narrator, witty asides, and non-sequiturs that will leave you reeling."
CMJ.com
"Whatevs is filled with tons of Mirman’s patented laser-targeted yet random as hell asides, and his clip-art illustrations and graphs are truly inspired."
Seattle Weekly
"Mirman offers moments of startling clarity: When defending his authority to dish out advice, he writes, "In America, ‘authority’ is an attitude. And I’ve adopted it." And earned it."
Boston Comedy—Funny Grown Here
“Whatevs . . . is the type of book you’ll want to look up from and quote to whoever is around you.”
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780594002093
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 2/10/2009
  • Pages: 240
  • Product dimensions: 5.30 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 0.40 (d)

Meet the Author

Eugene Mirman is a New York City-based comedian, writer, and actor. He plays the landlord on HBO's Flight of the Conchords and has a half-hour special on Comedy Central. His first album The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of Eugene Mirman was voted Best of 2004 by Time Out New York and The Onion. He has four hundred children and lives in outer space.

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Read an Excerpt

The Will to Whatevs
A Guide to Modern Life

Chapter One

Eugene, Who Are You, and What's This Will?

"My book is very funny, but disorganized. I think in the end, people will compare me quite negatively to a retarded Mark Twain."
—Eugene Mirman, drunk in a swimming pool, March 2008

As you know, a good book starts with a good anecdote. The same is probably true for a bad book—that's the fault of formatting. Before the anecdote, you'll often find a preamble about humanity, followed by the answering of several rhetorical questions. Look no further than the book (not film!) version of Clear and Present Danger, or the liner notes of any Velvet Underground box set. Though my examples may be untrue, I've certainly prepared you for a preamble, an anecdote, and a rhetorical Q&A, so that's good. Information is best sneaked into people's minds, not told.

Our society is at a critical point in history (if you believe in linear time). Some believe that America and the world are on the verge of global self-destruction—morally, environmentally, sexually, and/or gastrointestinally (foie gras—more like, f-uh-oh gras).

However, optimists look at mankind and see a civilization on the verge of interstellar space travel, world peace, and the end of poverty. (Those people, of course, are Gene Roddenberry, Bono, many college undergrads, and a handful of charming scientists. Oh, and Bill Clinton!)

Of course, there are those who don't care either way—they simply want to make out in a bar with an okay-looking friend-of-a-friend. (I am very much in allthree camps, which is why Forbes magazine voted me the third-most well suited to write a life advice book.)

Throughout our history, humanity has been plagued with questions, and also plagued with regular plagues. I don't know much about biology, so I can't speak to actual plagues. However, I can answer all kinds of questions: moral, ethical, job-related, child rearing, party etiquette, romantic, technological, stuff about boobs, and my three faves: How do I have sex with someone and not talk to them again?, Can you hit a kid for a very, very good reason?, and of course How do you get a self-righteous asshole to shut the fuck up, even if they're right?

Sadly, like many life coaches, psychologists, preachers, and philosophers (Mind Thinker alert!), no matter how much I "get it," it's almost impossible to apply that knowledge to my own life. I'm not so arrogant as to overlook that fact. (On a quick side note, I would argue that—much like Samuel L. Jackson—I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great.)

It's easy to sit on a mountaintop and tell people what to do and how to be happy. I have chosen to do that. Not because it's easy, but for a different reason, which I would reveal, if your mind was ready to handle it, which it isn't, which is also very convenient for me.

Often, what people need in their life is an outside perspective—someone who can tell you how it is. Sadly, since life doesn't take place inside the TV show Buck Rogers or the movies Crazy People or The Matrix, and you don't have the luxury of either a wise-ass astronaut from the 1970s, truth-talking mental patients, or Laurence Fishburne helping you see things differently, you need me.

I am a traditional outsider. I am an immigrant (from Russia!) and a Jew (sorry). I am a comedian—a role historically known for entertaining through its critical, outsider look at society and for popularizing fart noises on stage and screen (but disregard the second reason since it does not help with my point). Here I am, like in the days of olde, when jesters were granted special permission to tease kings and right wrongs. (I think that's only part true.) Alone I come with the tools and teases you need to survive school, find love, get a job, reach nirvana, or whatevs you like. Kind of sort of? No! Definitely sort of!

Still not convinced I'm an outsider? Or not convinced I can help? Well, let me address your first doubt with a story. (The second doubt can only be assuaged with a leap of faith and a box of wine. . . .)

A Story About Someone from High School

A few years ago I got an e-mail from someone I knew growing up. He was always very mean to me (because I was a weirdo, a Russian immigrant in the '80s during the cold war, terrible at lacrosse, and not very sexy). In tenth grade science class, he threw fire into my hair. It's important to note that he wasn't an emotionally troubled pyrokinetic (which I would've forgiven even at the time), but simply a crappy kid who lit a bunch of paper with a Bunsen burner and threw it into my hair.

We fell out of touch after high school, because (1) we weren't friends, and (2) he threw fire at me and was mean to me for about a decade. Still, I once ran into him our sophomore year of college, and he seemed perfectly nice and was studying law. Also, a year prior, he sent me an e-mail congratulating me on a commercial I was in. It was a really great commercial, so I understand why someone would want to reach out and congratulate me. That was it, though.

Seventeen years later, he e-mailed me wanting to meet up, get a cup of coffee and talk. I was a little nervous. I knew he wasn't going to hit me or throw fire in my hair, but I was worried he wanted to start an improv troupe. (The spouses of cops and soldiers fear getting a call that their loved one has died; comedians mostly fear a call from someone from their past wanting to start an improv troupe.) He told me he would come anywhere to meet me. I told him I lived in New York. He said he'd come anywhere in the Boston area to meet me.

The Will to Whatevs
A Guide to Modern Life
. Copyright © by Eugene Mirman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Customer Reviews

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