Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to Be Wanted

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Provocative and vital, this groundbreaking book delves into the complex world of female desire and discovers that, sadly, women often want to be wanted rather than to be fully engaged with life.

Instead of being able to know what they really want or who they really are, women have been conditioned to accept images — the good daughter, the nice friend, the ideal boss, the perfect mother — to define themselves through reflections from others. ...
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More About This Book

Overview

Provocative and vital, this groundbreaking book delves into the complex world of female desire and discovers that, sadly, women often want to be wanted rather than to be fully engaged with life.

Instead of being able to know what they really want or who they really are, women have been conditioned to accept images — the good daughter, the nice friend, the ideal boss, the perfect mother — to define themselves through reflections from others. As a result, self-direction, self-determination, and self-confidence are undermined from adolescence through old age. A double bind comes to surround female desire: a woman is damned as "the bitch" if she is direct and self-determining; but she is confused and indirect if she plays the Object of Desire.

Dr. Young-Eisendrath shows us how to break out of this double bind so that we can encounter the challenges of choice and responsibility for our own desires. She wisely uses mythological and personal stories to help us take control of our sexual, relational, material, and spiritual lives. If you feel confused, resentful, or trapped in a life that does not seem to be fully yours, then you can find a clear path to your true self, once and for all, with the help of Women and Desire.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
In providing some answers to Freud's famous question about what women really want, Young-Eisendrath draws on her experience as a psychotherapist and on ideas gleaned from Buddhism, Jung and feminist writings. She argues that most women don't have a clue about what they want because society has programmed them simply to want to present a desirable image. Illustrating her thesis with mythic tales and case studies of her own patients, the author shows how our culture recognizes two female stereotypes: the beautiful muse and the ugly hag-bitch who wields power to fulfill her own desires. Women should not be objects of desire, but subjects of desire, she writes, not only in personal relationships but in the workplace. While women may believe that competence leads to success at work, she contends that "what leads to power is self-promotion, making the right connections and being self-confident." According to Young-Eisendrath, women's rampant consumerism, shoplifting and binge eating are simply manifestations of unconscious desires. Although she contends that established religions have subordinated women, the author advocates learning to distinguish pathological desires from authentic ones through traditional spiritual practices or New Age feminist communities. She treads on familiar ground, but Young-Eisendrath writes with authority, offering women a valuable perspective on understanding and changing self-defeating behaviors. (Oct.) Copyright 1999 Cahners Business Information.
Library Journal
What do women want? According to Young-Eisendrath (psychiatry, Univ. of Vermont Medical Coll.; The Gifts of Suffering), women want to be wanted. Hoping for approval and self-validation, women often conform to ideals of beauty, sexual attractiveness, and femininity before they have identified their own desires and needs. Such choices lead to resentment and a loss of self-confidence when reality does not meet expectations. Using examples from myths, fairy tales, and case studies from her own work as a Jungian analyst, Young-Eisendrath demonstrates that women can learn to know their strengths and weaknesses and become the subjects of their own desires rather than the objects of others'. Young-Eisendrath challenges widely accepted beliefs about female power and proposes an alternate view that encompasses both compassion and cooperation. Recommended for public libraries.--Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA Copyright 1999 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780609805305
  • Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 11/28/2000
  • Edition description: 1 PBK ED
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 5.23 (w) x 8.04 (h) x 0.65 (d)

Meet the Author

Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D., is clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont Medical College and lectures worldwide on the topic of women's development. She lives in Vermont.
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