Women and Love: Finding True Love while Staying True to Yourself: The Eight Make or Break Experiences in Women's Lives

Overview

For the first time in history, a generation of women has the power to say no" to mediocre love. It's because we care so much about love that we know nothing less than the best will do. We want love to feel real and strong, to let us be true to ourselves, to be our emotional home. Now Mira Kirshenbaum has identified the make-or-break experiences that lead to just this kind of love.

She presents the radical idea that you have to make mistakes before you can find the love of your ...

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Overview

For the first time in history, a generation of women has the power to say no" to mediocre love. It's because we care so much about love that we know nothing less than the best will do. We want love to feel real and strong, to let us be true to ourselves, to be our emotional home. Now Mira Kirshenbaum has identified the make-or-break experiences that lead to just this kind of love.

She presents the radical idea that you have to make mistakes before you can find the love of your life. You try on different kinds of love affairs for size, you allow yourself to fall for different kinds of men. These "love adventures" give a sense of freedom and knowledge about yourself and what you want out of life and love. Mira Kirshenbaum describes seven more essential experiences that can mean all the difference between frustrating and fulfilling love. Through a series of diagnostic questions and quizzes that tailor her advice to every woman 's individual situation, she illuminates the path through these eight passages toward a lifetime of love, and illustrates her points with the stories of real women just like you.

Rarely has such a wise, inspiring, and comforting voice been available to guide women on the path to a lifetime of real love.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780380802227
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 6/1/2000
  • Pages: 288
  • Product dimensions: 5.00 (w) x 8.00 (h) x 0.72 (d)

Meet the Author

Mira Kirshenbaum is an individual and family psychotherapist in private practice and the director of the Chestnut Hill Institute in Massachusetts. She lives in Boston with her husband of thirty-two years. They have two grown children.

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

A Life Full of Love

For the first time in the history of the world a generation of women has come of age that has the power to say No! to crummy love.

It's because we care so much about love that we know nothing less than the best will do. We want love to feel like love, to be real and strong. We want intimacy to be rich and meaningful. We want the kind of love that goes hand in hand with our being honest and true to ourselves. We want to give love as much as we want to receive it. We understand that our love should be our emotional home.

It's time for us to demand the best in love. For the first time in history we don't need men to help us survive. We can put a roof over our own heads, put food on our own tables, pay our own way. We can even bring up kids on our own, if it comes to that. If we're going to have love in our lives, it ought to be great.

This book is dedicated to helping you find a way to:

  • say no to bad love; to love that drains you, hurts you, robs you of your potential; to love that doesn't feel like love
  • say yes to real love-love that delivers, love that's alive, love that fulfills your expectations, love that's honest and
  • passionate and absolutely top quality
  • get on the right path to have a life filled with love

I agree with you that love should change your life and make it great. With me it's personal.

What's true for you is true for me. Love is the most important thing in my life. To a lot of people who think they know me, this is news. I come across as such a practical, commonsensical person. I hate bullshit, and I show it. Besides,women today are not supposed to be in love with love. I've taught my daughters to take care of themselves first and to seek love second. We're all concerned about the ways women sacrifice themselves in the search for love. I hate bad love.

But every sacrifice I've made in my life has been for love. I've had many dreams, but a life of love has been my deepest desire. I like helping people, I like discovering new things, and to be honest I like having money and getting ahead, but I'd throw it all away to keep love alive.

Let's Throw Ourselves an Award Ceremony

There are so many twists and turns in the story of love in a woman's life, from sitting down to have coffee with an attractive stranger, to spending an intimate weekend in a beautiful cottage with the person you're falling in love with, to trying to bring the two of you back together after a terrible fight, to getting over a painful breakup, to enjoying a twentieth anniversary surrounded by the people who represent the life you've built together, to debugging the mystery of heartache. As you've gone through all the experiences of love in your life, I know you've searched for love that's real and true. That means you're the best.

It's time to honor and celebrate the most important people in the world: you, women who truly care about love. You're special because you stand for something. It's become clearer and clearer to me the more women I've talked to that you are the Krazy Glue holding the world together. That's because love is so important to you, because of all the love you have to give, and because of all you've endured in the name of love. Without you our world would be filled with anger, pain, and emptiness. Because of you, joy, meaningfulness, and connection are possible for everyone.

Looking for the real thing. The myth is that women who care about love are sappy. Let's explode that myth. You're a woman of substance. There's nothing sappy about you.You're a practical woman, a happy woman, a smart woman, a hip young woman, or an even more hip older woman. You're committed to being honest about what you need, and let the chips fall where they may. It's just that you need to feel good about the love in your life to feel good about your life as a whole.

Your story of love is the most joyous, painful, meaningful, confusing, and triumphant story of your life. But love isn't the only thing in your life. Being true to yourself is as important to you as being a loving person. In fact, you're a whole person with all kinds of plans and dreams. There are other things you care about a lot-like children, friends, family, and work. There are goals you're trying to carry out, whether they involve becoming President of the United States, president of your small business, or president of your PTA.

We're already taking part in one revolution-becoming freer and stronger than women have ever been in history. Women today are proud of that. Now let's have another revolution. Let's understand what it means for free, strong women to have a rich river of love running through their lives.

Why should you have to choose between the best in yourself and the best in love? I wrote this book so you won't have to. This book is your guide to getting the best out of love for the best in you-for your entire life.

How We Feel about Love in Our Lives Today

It would be nice if we could just relax when it comes to love. But love is under attack today. Your heart, and mine, are the battlefield. Sometimes the battle goes quiet, sometimes the battle rages, sometimes one side or the other wins. It's a battle between hope and despair.

Of course love has always been hard. A lifetime of love is still harder. And the conditions under which we all live today make love scary and difficult. Still, for most of us, most of the time, the hope of love triumphs. As it should. If you have hope, you're willing to keep giving love another chance. And hope should win. Love is your gift, your strength, your birthright. You're as made for love as Aretha Franklin's made for singing.

How do you feel about love in pour life? That's important because when it comes to love, our attitudes matter a lot. Our attitudes grow out of what's happened to us. But then our attitudes also change what happens to us in the future, because so much of what we do grows out of what we expect will happen to us. You can't get the best if you expect the worst.

Women & Love. Copyright © by Mira Kirshenbaum. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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