Sometimes a single conversation can create or strengthen a relationship that can last a lifetime; at others, chance spoken words, facial expressions, or gestures can stymie our fondest attentions. In his latest effort, veteran therapist/author Andrew Newberg (The Art of Staying Together) delineates twelve strategies that have been proven to enhance interplay with others. Practices to improve conversations at the meal-table, the boardroom, the beach, or the bedroom.
Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intima cyby Andrew Newberg
In our default state, our brains constantly get in the way of effective communication. They are lazy, angry, immature, and distracted. They can make a difficult conversation impossible. But Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Waldman have discovered a powerful strategy called Compassionate Communication that allows two brains to work together as one. Using brainscans as well as data collected from workshops given to MBA students at Loyola Marymount University, and clinical data from both couples in therapy and organizations helping caregivers cope with patient suffering, Newberg and Waldman have seen that Compassionate Communication can reposition a difficult conversation to lead to a satisfying conclusion. Whether you are negotiating with your boss or your spouse, the brain works the same way and responds to the same cues. The truth, though, is that you don't have to understand how Compassionate Communication works. You just have to do it. Some of the simple and effective takeaways in this book include: • Make sure you are relaxed; yawning several times before (not during) the meeting will do the trick • Never speak for more than 20-30 seconds at a time. After that they other person's window of attention closes. • Use positive speech; you will need at least three positives to overcome the effect of every negative used • Speak slowly; pause between words. This is critical, but really hard to do. • Respond to the other person; do not shift the conversation. • Remember that the brain can only hold onto about four ideas at one time Highly effective across a wide range of settings, Compassionate Communication is an excellent tool for conflict resolution but also for simply getting your point across or delivering difficult news.
- Penguin Publishing Group
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Meet the Author
Andrew Newberg, M.D. is the Director of Research at the Myrna Brind Center of Integrative Medicine at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital and Medical College. He is the author of several books, including the bestselling Why God Won’t Go Away, and his research has been featured in Time, Newsweek, Oprah Magazine, and on the Discovery Channel, the National Geographic Channel, the BBC and NPR.
Mark Robert Waldman is Adjunct Faculty at Loyola Marymount University, Los Angeles, where he teaches Executive Communication in the EMBA program. He is a business and personal development coach and the author of twelve books, including the bestselling How God Changes Your Brain, (co-authored with Newberg and named by Oprah as one of nine “must read” books for 2012).
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Pause 30 seconds after each sentence of this review... Research based mindfulness technique. I use it successfully with friends and my mentally ill clients. Two or three sentences and we both feel appreciated and cherished. This is because the extraordinarily simple method puts you in the heart of this moment with the other person. The rest of the books supports what you learned by providing analysis of research explaining why we need it; why it works. Use it and improve every area of your life...activate those frontal lobes.