Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims

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Disciplinary action is one of the most common reasons for bringing parents into schools, immediately putting both parents and school staff (counselors, administrators, and teachers) on the defensive. This short book is intended to help educators move toward effective and necessary collaboration by expanding their skills in talking with parents about the thorny subject of bullying. In direct, realistic language, Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims explores the concerns and frustrations of both parties. In addition, the author offers practical strategies to help educators initiate and carry through conversations and interventions with all types of parents, from persistent to resistant and anywhere in between. Readers will find numerous sample dialogues, as well as vignettes written by parents of bullies and victims.

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Editorial Reviews

Leigh Cassidy
"This book is a no-nonsense approach to working collaboratively with parents, students, and administrators to stop bullying situations and prevent bullying in the future. It provides practical, easy-to-use techniques and strategies that can be adapted for different situations. A must-have for educators who want to instill changes."
Sandi Stein
"This book provides practical and useful strategies for educators to engage parents as partners in the difficult but important task of addressing bullying, both as it occurs and in a proactive and preventive manner."
Rob Osborn
"This is an informative, practical, and thought-provoking book on an important subject neglected by both researchers and writers. It is full of down-to-earth, commonsense advice that educators will find very helpful in addressing a difficult and complex issue. I will share it with my colleagues."
The Bookwatch
"Perfect for college-level libraries appealing to educators and for working professionals in the field. The lessons are for administrator and teachers alike and use case study examples to reinforce real-world solutions."
Choice Magazine
"The book's accessible style is relatively free of jargon, and provides numerous case studies to assist teachers and counselors in conducting productive conversations with parents. "
CHOICE Magazine
"The book's accessible style is relatively free of jargon, and provides numerous case studies to assist teachers and counselors in conducting productive conversations with parents."
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781412951043
  • Publisher: SAGE Publications
  • Publication date: 10/12/2007
  • Edition description: New Edition
  • Pages: 152
  • Product dimensions: 7.10 (w) x 10.04 (h) x 0.39 (d)

Meet the Author

Walter B.Roberts, Jr., is a professor of counselor education at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He began his career in education as a classroom teacher in 1978 and later served as a school counselor before moving to higher education in 1993. In addition to being licensed for private practice, he has extensive public policy experience in mental health and school safety issues, consults and testifies with legislators and the judicial system, and is a frequent source with the media on counseling-related issues. Bullying from Both Sides, his first book published by Corwin Press in 2006, continues to be a bestseller.
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Table of Contents

Preface     ix
Acknowledgments     x
About the Author     xiii
Every Parent's Nightmare-and Yours, Too!     1
Who Will Benefit From This Book?     2
The High Cost of Ignoring the Problem     3
How Educators Have Overlooked Parents as Partners     4
How to Use This Book With Parents     6
What Bullying and Teasing Do to Everyone-Kids, Adults, and Communities     9
Death Comes to Lake Wobegon     10
When Intervention Stops Tragedy     13
The Pain That Resonates to the Bone     14
How Everyone Loses When Bullying Occurs     14
Why Parents Complain About Schools' Responses to Bullying     17
Parents' Attitudes Toward Public Schools: The Statistics     18
About Those "They Didn't Do Anything" Claims     19
Documenting the Facts on School Interventions     20
How to Talk With Parents Whose Children Are Bullied     27
Parents of Bullied Children: The Two Camps     28
Working With the Actively Involved Parent     29
Working With the Less Actively Involved Parent     35
The "Inverted Curve" and Tension Cycle     39
How to Work With Parents Whose Children Bully Others     47
Some Things to Keep in Mind About the Families of Aggressive Children     47
Television's Impact on Children and Bullying     49
KISSing a Plan Increases the Chances of Success for Everyone     56
The Parent Who Refuses to Cooperate     61
Subverting the Dominant Paradigm     61
Conflict Resolution With Parents Who Refuse to Cooperate     65
Eleven Global Approaches Toward Conflict Resolution     66
Types of Difficult Parents     73
The Parent Bully     73
The Silent Treatment     74
The Staller     75
The Negative     77
The Complainer     78
Know-It-Alls     80
Angels     81
What About Mediation and Negotiation?     82
Helping Parents Talk at Home With Their Children About Misbehaviors     85
Helping Parents Understand Punishment, Accountability, and Restitution     85
Restorative Justice     87
Helping Parents Help Their Child Think About Righting a Wrong     89
What Happens After That First Step?     92
Seven Talking Points for Helping Parents Talk to Children About Being Bullied     97
Help Parents Understand the Importance of Listening to Their Child's Concerns About Bullying and Teasing     97
Asking the Right Questions Will Likely Increase Parent-Child Communication     99
Parents Want to Obtain as Many Details as Possible in an Understanding Fashion     100
Parents Need to Assure Their Children That They Will Work With Them to Find a Solution to the Problem     103
Parents Should Ask the Child's Opinions and Concerns About Discussing the Situation With School Personnel     104
Encourage the Child Not to Respond to Provocation With Violence     107
Parents Should Encourage Their Child to Ask Those in a Supervisory Capacity for Assistance     109
Fair Expectations of Parents and Educators in Solving the Problem of Bullying     113
Not All Bullying Behaviors Can Be Stopped or Prevented     114
Once Bullying Has Been Reported, the Parent Has the Right to Expect the Supervisory Authority to Indicate Concern     115
Parents Expect the Supervisory Authority to Investigate the Concern     117
Appropriate Intervention Will Take Place If the Concerns Are Validated     119
The Supervisory Authority Will Communicate With Parents as to the Outcome of the Intervention     120
Never Forget Fair Expectation 1-Not All Bullying Behaviors Can Be Stopped or Prevented     122
The Courage to Act     125
References     127
Index      131
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