Would Somebody Please Send Me to my Room: A Hilarious Look at Family Life

Overview

Bob Schwartz reminds us of the necessity, no matter how harried or confusing things are, to appreciate the humor in the day-to-day nature of family life. Bob gives parents a reason to laugh as he navigates the unexpected twists and turns of parenthood every mom and dad has experienced - such as that feeling of panic when you hear the toilet being flushed and immediately followed by your child's less than reassuring yell of "Uh-oh!" Or the admonition to your five-year-old of, "No, you can't have the leftover ...
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Overview

Bob Schwartz reminds us of the necessity, no matter how harried or confusing things are, to appreciate the humor in the day-to-day nature of family life. Bob gives parents a reason to laugh as he navigates the unexpected twists and turns of parenthood every mom and dad has experienced - such as that feeling of panic when you hear the toilet being flushed and immediately followed by your child's less than reassuring yell of "Uh-oh!" Or the admonition to your five-year-old of, "No, you can't have the leftover cotton candy for breakfast, even if you do pour milk over it."

Perhaps parents also need the reassurance that Bob offers. In looking back on his initial years of parenthood, Bob writes, "There was one word that sprang to mind - Naive. That's French for 'Buddy, you don't even have a clue.'" If you, like Bob, are entirely clueless at the beginning of parenthood, there's hope for the future.

For while imparting crucial information to his children like "the shower curtain goes inside the bathtub; don't put marbles into the garbage disposal, and it's not a great idea to see how many peas you can stick up your nose," Bob did learn things like how to navigate the challenging world of school carpool pickup without infuriating the power hungry fifth grade Safety Patrol. And you, like Bob, might also make some headway with the linguistic parental challenge of cracking the grunt communication code of teenagers.

Bob Schwartz tackles these problems and more. He tells us that the purpose of his essays is to have us embrace the humor of parenthood and the fun of family life. "Let laughter be the fuel for this thrilling, and yes indeed, sometimes pandemonium-producing journey."

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What People Are Saying

David Brenner
"Bob Schwartz has written an insightful and hilarious book, but it has a limited appeal. The only readers who will enjoy it are people who have children, who don't have children or who were once children. I have three sons, so I really loved it, and it has helped me make the decision to sell my children on eBay."
Comedian (nightly at Las Vegas Hilton), Author and Father
Elizabeth Pantley
"Bob has an uncanny knack of writing about the everyday twists and turns of parenthood and letting us know that we're not alone. He shines humor on our day-to-day foibles, allowing us to laugh at ourselves and find more joy in our journey."
author of numerous parenting books including The No-Cry Sleep Solution, Gentle Baby Care, and Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading. . . .
Jodie Lynn
"Bob is incredibly funny and I couldn't put his book down! This wonderfully orchestrated and hilarious masterpiece will leave you rolling on the floor with laughter while nodding in total agreement!"
Internationally syndicated columnist of Parent to Parent and Mommy CEO, revised edition and Mom CEO (Chief Everywhere Officer)
Julie Olan
I've enjoyed reading Bob's humorous column and was excited to learn that his latest book would be a funny look at family life. I've now just finished reading this hysterical masterpiece which had me laughing out loud from the first chapter until the end. Bob deftly presents the ups and downs of parenthood with his wonderfully funny essays and I highly recommend this book to all parents!! It's simply an amusing, fun and entertaining read.
Michele Borba
"Bob Schwartz has written a glorious account about the day-to-day lessons of parenting. The book is wonderfully humorous, yet wise. It's all about what really matters: enjoying the most magnificent role of our lives: parenting! I highly recommend it."
author of Don't Give Me That Attitude! No More Misbehavin', and Nobody Likes Me. . . Everybody Hates Me
Muffy Mead-Ferro
"Would Somebody Please Send Me to My Room is so well-written and so very funny, which are reasons enough to read it. But here's another: it's a great reminder that children aren't meant to be perfect - that not even parents are meant to be perfect. All we can do is our best, and just thank goodness for the whole unpredictable, confounding, and wonderful experience, which Bob so humorously and delightfully depicts, of having kids."
author of best-selling Confessions of a Slacker Mom
T. Rampron
..Oftentimes while reading this book, I'd wonder about what it must be like to live inside Bob's head, with his incredibly zany way of looking at things! Then I'd think, better stress management for Bob to live in MY head. Reality: Right now the best thing going is reading Bob's work and laughing through it all--page by page, paragraph by paragraph. I absolutely love this book.

Bob, sorry, we can't send you to your room ! You're too good
June 18, 2005

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780944435571
  • Publisher: Glenbridge Publishing Ltd.
  • Publication date: 5/28/2005
  • Pages: 320
  • Product dimensions: 6.10 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 1.20 (d)

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xv
Part I "That's the Crib Post Up Ahead, Your Next Stop - the Newborn Zone"
Chapter 1 Introduction: All Aboard the Jocular Journey 2
Chapter 2 From the Land of Know Nothing We Came 7
Part II "I'd Like to Use A Lifeline Please!"
Chapter 3 Sing Along, "These Are A Few of My Least Favorite Things" 17
Chapter 4 Scientific No-Know 23
Chapter 5 Game of (No) Chance 29
Chapter 6 Bending for the Family 35
Chapter 7 Some Are Semi-Sweet and Some Are Semi-Not 41
Part III Sometimes You Got To Laugh (Crying Will Just Dehydrate You)
Chapter 8 What Does Sleep Have To Do With It? 47
Chapter 9 Kid Camp Paradise 53
Chapter 10 Wondering in a Water Wonderland 59
Chapter 11 The Perilous Nature of Pickup 65
Chapter 12 It's a Ballet New World 71
Chapter 13 "What Do You Mean You Never Heard of Neil Diamond?" 77
Part IV Panicking Over the Plaything
Chapter 14 Eye Wish You Hadn't Done That! 83
Chapter 15 Virtually Connected 91
Chapter 16 Fears of A Clown 97
Part V Vacations Are All Relative(s)
Chapter 17 Traveling Man, Pack What I Can 103
Chapter 18 Feast of Variety 111
Chapter 19 Roughing it the Family Style Way 117
Part VI Nobody Ever Said That There Were Prerequisites for this Job
Chapter 20 The Dawn Of Unenlightenment is Here 125
Chapter 21 Clothing Capers 131
Chapter 22 The Sorcerer's Stone and My Cover is Blown 135
Chapter 23 The Rebel Without a Pause 141
Chapter 24 Discovering the Secret of Wife 147
Chapter 25 "Got any Side Seams with a Zip Fly, Hammer Loop on a Pair of Low Riders?" 153
Chapter 26 My Mechanical Love 157
Part VII Suburban Wild Kingdom
Chapter 27 The 100 Acre Wood Offensive 165
Chapter 28 Doggone Turtle Gone 171
Chapter 29 Fly Away (Out of My) Home 179
Part VIII All's A Bit Muddled On the Home Front
Chapter 30 "Anyone Have a Sledgehammer For the Pinata?" 187
Chapter 31 Caught in a Suds-Still! 193
Chapter 32 Welcome to the University of Pediatric Parenthood 199
Chapter 33 The Sound of Silence is Overrated 205
Chapter 34 In the Shrill of the Night 211
Chapter 35 Trombone Standard Time Zone 217
Chapter 36 Who Needs Those Vowels NYH W! 225
Chapter 37 The Economics of Lemonade 231
Part IX Tis Got to Be the Season for Something or Another
Chapter 38 "If You're Not Going to Be Jealous, Well, What's My Point?" 239
Chapter 39 Love Instructions From the Crayola Crowd 245
Chapter 40 Sugar-Term Memory 251
Part X Postulating at Parenting
Chapter 41 Pop Psychology (Literally) 259
Chapter 42 Over Hill, Over Dale and I'm Pale 267
Chapter 43 Apparatus Advantage 275
Chapter 44 The Chaotic Cafeteria Training Ground 281
Chapter 45 A Literally Hair-Raising Experience 287
Part XI Tag Teaming Family Life
Chapter 46 The United Family Faxing Front 295
Chapter 47 Warehouse, Our House 301
Chapter 48 Lessons in Waiting 307
Chapter 49 The Diminutive Dropkicker 313
About the Author 317
About the Illustrator 319
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