- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
Posted July 10, 2012
"Rise and shine!" A voice shouts. I open my eyes to see Korrin on his feet, arms folded. I stir and turn to look out the window. We've landed, and I see that we're in some city or something. We all rise, not exactly in beautiful uniformity, and file after Harlie and Korrin.
We get a good look at Sector 6.
Gasps. Murmuring. That's how everyone took in the place. A street lined with buildings. Past that, huge forests. I mean MASSIVE. We must be closer to Sector 1, 2, or 3 then I thought. Those three are close together, but not too close. Not close enough for the residents to interact.
The other airship lands beside us. The other soldiers file off. I realize all the Sector 4 soldiers had been crammed into my hovercraft. Some other Sector is watching us.
"Sector Four soldiers, these are the Sector Two soldiers. Your two groups will be meeting soldiers from Sectors One, Three, Five, and Six." The Commander says. I look around. I guess some people do live here. Some of them have been chosen to be soldiers, too.
"Follow me. I'll take you to meet the other soldiers. You will then begin your training." The Commander explains. He turns and walks off. We follow him, two sectors walking together as if we were one.
We finally come to a large gray building, definately bigger than the others.
"Is that it?"
"I think that's it!"
"It's SO BIG!"
The soldiers are murmuring. I glance at Finnick. He's staring up at the building.
"Welcome to the Compound. It's much cooler on the inside." The Commander says. "I'm Commander Asher." He heads into the doors to the building, and we follow him. Inside there are high ceilings, elevators, stairways, doors, and so many people. The people are everywhere. Most look about our age, maybe a few years older. And some adults leading groups.
"Okay, everyone. I'm going to take you to the level you all are sharing. Harlie and Korrin will show you your bunkers. Tommorow, you will be divided into your groups. Tonight you pick who to stay in a bunker in. Harlie and Korrin will explain the rest." Commander Asher says. Harlie nods and walks toward an elevator. We all squeeze in after her. The elevator shoots up, then to the left for a while. Finally, it stops and the doors open. We look at a long hall lined with doors.
"This is where you all will be staying. Pick your bunkers and bunkermates. Tommorow I will divide you all into your groups. Have a good first day!" Harlie says. She boards the elevator. Korrin follows. He glances back at us for a moment. I see something in his gray eyes. Understanding. He knows how we feel. He was a soldier, too.
1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 17, 2013
I'm a writer/editor; your story has something really fun in it, I would love to read more, just be careful of your edits. Your spelling is spot in; not something we see much of here or on many blog posts these days, but after a narrative, the comma goes inside the quotes (which you may have done) and then it is explainded who said what or did what. For example: "The guy just said shut up," cried Kayla incredously. However, it could also go like this: "The guy just said shut up!" Kayla could not believe he'd talk to her this way. A great book if you're starting out is 'Stephen King; On Writing' and keep on keeping on! It took me two years to get really moving, but now I'm president of my own freelance company, I write record reviews for bands, and I'm the Entertainment News Editor for an awesome online site called ForcesofGeek! Come ckeck it out, if you're serious about writing, I may be able to help you! Take care~JennalunaVerse?Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.