You Can Date Boys When You're Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About

You Can Date Boys When You're Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About

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by Dave Barry
     
 

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A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times–bestselling author of Insane City.
 
In his New York Timesbestselling I’ll Mature When I’m Dead, Dave Barry embarked on the treacherous seas of adulthood, to

Overview


A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times–bestselling author of Insane City.
 
In his New York Timesbestselling I’ll Mature When I’m Dead, Dave Barry embarked on the treacherous seas of adulthood, to hilarious results. What comes next? Parenthood, of course, and families.

In uproarious, brand-new pieces, Barry tackles everything from family trips, bat mitzvah parties and dating (he’s serious about that title: “When my daughter can legally commence dating—February 24, 2040—I intend to monitor her closely, even if I am deceased”) to funeral instructions (“I would like my eulogy to be given by William Shatner”), the differences between male and female friendships, the deeper meaning of Fifty Shades of Grey, and a father’s ultimate sacrifice: accompanying his daughter to a Justin Bieber concert (“It turns out that the noise teenaged girls make to express happiness is the same noise they would make if their feet were being gnawed off by badgers”).

Let’s face it: families not only enrich our lives every day, they drive us completely around the bend. Thank goodness we have Dave Barry as our guide!

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
12/09/2013
Columnist and humor author Barry (I’ll Mature When I’m Dead) includes nine never-before-published essays in this characteristically hilarious collection. Though not only about parenting (Viagra commercials, horseback riding, cremation and grammar are just a few of the topics addressed), Barry is particularly sidesplitting when describing his role as the 65-year-old dad of a 13-year-old daughter. His description of taking his teen to a Justin Bieber concert is brilliantly funny (he compares the young rock star to the GEICO gecko) and will resonate with parents everywhere. His piercing critique of the bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey contains on-target observations about the mysteries of popularity and success. A lengthier travel essay on a trip to Israel, “Seeking Wi-Fi in the Holy Land,” which he takes with his daughter and wife (both of whom are Jewish though he is not), ranges from humorous rants about rappelling a cliff or riding camels with Bedouins to more somber observations on the weighty responsibilities of parenthood. As always, Barry’s humor takes unexpected turns, whether he’s focusing on the penis bone of a walrus, the “wussification of American men,” or on how males and females communicate. Parents and non-parents alike will find plenty of laughs in the author’s latest collection, which, as he states in his introduction, is “about many things.” Agent: Amy Berkower, Writers House. (Mar.)
Kirkus Reviews
2013-12-22
Another wide-ranging collection of funny essays about parenting--and "grammar, sex, camels, women, brain surgery, sex with women, how to become a professional author, airlines, Justin Bieber and death"--by best-selling humorist Barry (Insane City, 2013, etc.). The author has made a career of chronicling his life (and those of his now-adult son and teenage daughter) in his syndicated newspaper column and several essay collections. The format is as familiar as an episode of a police procedural: Barry offers ludicrous yet authoritatively delivered advice and glumly acknowledges that following it might get you arrested. Although parenting is well-worn fodder for comedians, only Barry would coolly share his idea to install traps around his home to capture any teenage boys who would dare watch TV from the same sofa as his daughter and release the boys ("nothing more than short men") into the Everglades. The author provides useful information for parents of tweens and teens--e.g., "BFF stands for 'Best Friends Forever.' This is a term that girls my daughter's age use to describe essentially everyone they know"--as well as not-so-helpful advice on how to perform emergency first aid: "Keep the victim calm by administering several brisk facial slaps and shouting, ‘CALM DOWN, DAMMIT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE??'…When the ambulance arrives, ask the paramedics if you can operate the siren." The book is also part travelogue and part writing guide, as well as the author's detailed, pre-planned funeral program ("IX. Lucky Seat Announcement: The Audience will be instructed to look under their seats. Under one of them will be a small container of my ashes, which the audience member can take home"). A mishmash, but even those who don't have children and have never lived in Miami or searched for a Wi-Fi connection in the Israeli desert will appreciate Barry's lighthearted absurdity.
From the Publisher
Praise for Dave Barry and his books

“The funniest damn writer in the whole country.”—Carl Hiaasen

“[Barry] is truly the funniest man living in the three mile ‘safe’ zone off the shores of America.”—Steve Martin

“Big, goofy comedy in the vein of Carl Hiaasen and Tim Dorsey…Barry keeps the humor good-naturedly bawdy while simultaneously throwing in everything but the kitchen sink.”—Kirkus Reviews

“Barry’s dialogue is smart, fast and funny.”—Denver Post

“Fans know what to expect from Dave Barry: joke-packed prose and one-liners.”—The Associated Press

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780399165948
Publisher:
Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:
03/04/2014
Pages:
240
Sales rank:
1,343,377
Product dimensions:
6.20(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.00(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

What People are saying about this

From the Publisher

Praise for Dave Barry
 
“Despite years of medication, Dave Barry is still the funniest damn writer in the whole country. Let’s hope he never grows up.” —Carl Hiaasen
 
“Dave Barry is truly the funniest man living in the three-mile ‘safe’ zone off the shores of America.” —Steve Martin
 
“This isn’t a book to take on vacation, it is a vacation.” —Janet Maslin, The New York Times, on I’ll Mature When I’m Dead

Meet the Author


Dave Barry’s recent bestselling books include Insane City, I’ll Mature When I’m Dead, and Dave Barry’s History of the Millennium (So Far). He lives in Coral Gables, Florida.

Brief Biography

Hometown:
Miami, Florida
Date of Birth:
July 3, 1947
Place of Birth:
Armonk, New York
Education:
B.A. in English, Haverford College, 1969
Website:
http://www.davebarry.com

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You Can Date Boys When You're Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 11 reviews.
flitey More than 1 year ago
I'm not a big reader. In fact, I loath it for the most part. However, there is something in the way Dave Barry writes that I actually enjoy. I've been brought to tears on several occasions by his humor. Tears of laughter that is. I'm not converted to book worm yet, but I have read most of Dave's books. This one is as good as the others.
JMTDiva More than 1 year ago
Dave Barry does it again, this time by addressing the new circumstances of his life (i.e., a teenage daughter). Several chapters had me laughing so hard I had tears running down my face!!! Highly recommended!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Parents everywhere can relate to the author's stories about raising a teenager. His anecdotes are hysterically funny, especially since parents have experienced many of them first-hand! We all need a humorous perspective on life with teens. Purchase this book and get many hearty laughs! (We all need that!)
Anonymous 3 months ago
L_Michaels More than 1 year ago
Laugh aloud funny, like all his humor writings. Enjoy!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
OMG what did the public do to deserve such torture?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I HATED IT IM GOING TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMMILY TO NEVER GET A NOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (READ OVER AGIAN IN FUNNY VIOCE IF NOT BEFORE:) ) (JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!) IF MY SPELLING IS WRONG THEN IT'S JUST WRONG DEAL WHITH IT!