You Can Lead a Politician to Water, but You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics

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And Kinky Said Unto the People: Why the Hell Not?

So the good people of Texas weren't able to get the Kinkster into the Governor's Mansion in 2006. It was a solid race, and he fought the good fight. Getting on the ballot as an independent -- a feat that had not been achieved in over a century -- was a victory in itself. And with ideas like "slots for tots" (legalized gambling to pay for education), the five Mexican generals plan (bribes to enforce border protection), and a firm...

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More About This Book

Overview


And Kinky Said Unto the People: Why the Hell Not?

So the good people of Texas weren't able to get the Kinkster into the Governor's Mansion in 2006. It was a solid race, and he fought the good fight. Getting on the ballot as an independent -- a feat that had not been achieved in over a century -- was a victory in itself. And with ideas like "slots for tots" (legalized gambling to pay for education), the five Mexican generals plan (bribes to enforce border protection), and a firm stand against the "wussification" of the state, he would have done a helluva job.

If that 2006 election was any indication -- and it was -- the political landscape in both Texas and the country at large needs a significant overhaul. The hucksters, the wealthy, and the twofaced rule; there is no room for Truth, and the little guys are quickly forgotten in all the muck. But Kinky, (briefly) down yet certainly not out, is still looking out for his fellow Americans, and he has much wisdom to impart.

In this hilarious, thought-provoking manifesto, Kinky lays forth his ten commandments for improving the state of Texas and politics everywhere, and for restoring order, logic, decency, and above all a sense of humor back to this country. It's classic Kinky in a brand new way. And he might just have a point.

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Editorial Reviews

Bill Scheft
A chronicle of a race in which one doesn't even wind up with a podium finish cannot help being self-reverential …but the narcissistic journey is worth it. Kinky loves Texas more than himself. His heart is in the right place, and so is his outrage…In a state that offers festival seating on death row, there is only one capital offense for the Favorite Son Humor Writer: first-degree unfunniness. Fear not. Kinky never stops working the room. New, used and pre-owned jokes cohabit with Southwestern Zen and spur-jangling wordplay. He gives credit where he can, or when it makes him look good. Sure, you'd like to know who originally uttered the line "I'm 62 years old. That's too young for Medicare and too old for women to care," but this is hardly Joe Biden ripping off Neil Kinnock. If you want to beat him up for being a sloppy archivist of other people's witticisms, fine. At worst, Kinky is the one guy who e-mails you gags that are actually good.
—The New York Times
Publishers Weekly

When satirist/novelist/musician Friedman declared his independent candidacy for Texas governor, nobody expected him to win-and he didn't. But he did get nearly 550,000 votes, or 12% of the total cast. He also collected rich material for his sendup of politics in Texas and other jurisdictions. Friedman's always irreverent, sometimes profane and occasionally sophomoric commentary won't appeal to everybody, but even those who refuse to laugh out loud can find verities worth repeating. His chapter about improving schooling for all children, for example, includes the observation that "No good teacher wants to teach to the test; no great teacher ever will." The emphasis on classroom assessment, Friedman says, risks creating "a whole generation of supposedly college-bound kids who aren't quite sure if the Civil War took place here or in Europe. It wasn't on the test." Given Texans' independent streak, Friedman correctly calculated his messages would get a hearing on the campaign trail. After all, he noted, professional wrestler Jesse Ventura won the governorship of Minnesota. Too bad he lasted only one term, Friedman quips: Ventura "never figured out that wrestling is real and politics is fixed." (Oct.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781416547600
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster
  • Publication date: 10/2/2007
  • Pages: 144
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.44 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Kinky Friedman
Kinky Friedman

Kinky Friedman is a former country music star, Texas Monthly columnist, and author of a successful mystery series.  He is running for Governor of Texas in November ’06.  He wants to take things back to a time when the cowboys all sang and their horses were smart.

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Table of Contents


A Preface     1
An Introduction: Old Testaments and New Revelations     5
Oaf of Office     5
See Kinky Run     9
Dome Improvement     13
remember the Alamo and Keep it Holy     19
The Alamo of the Heart     19
A Band of Gypsies on a Pirate Ship     22
Blessed Is the Match That Kindles the Flame     26
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Mudflaps, or, The Long-term Effects of Apathy upon the Yellow Rose of Texas     31
Never Say Fuck in Front of a C-H-I-L-D     39
No Teacher Left Behind     39
Suggestions to improve the education system in Texas     41
Increase teacher salaries     41
The Trust for Texas Heroes     41
Transfer sports funding     42
Get rid of "teaching to the test"     42
The Texas Peace Corps     44
How Do We Pay for All of This?     45
Thou Shalt Fight Wussification     47
WWWRD     41
Guinnessgate, 2006     51
God Bless Oscar Wilde     55
Thou Shalt Throw the Money Changers Out of the Temple, or, I Can Answer That for You, but I Can't Understand It for You     57
Suggestions for political reform in Texas     59
Same day voter registration     59
Mandatory voting     60
Fair ballot access     60
Initiative and Referendum     61
Fair and open debates     61
Publicly funded campaigns     64
Lobbying reform     64
Redistricting reform     65
Thou Shalt Not Bullshit, or, Sacred Teachings of the Butt-Sniffing Clan     67
K. I. S. S.P.     70
Suggestions for dealing with
Illegal immigration     70
Crime     72
Government spending/taxes     72
Perry's business tax     73
Thou Shalt Not Kill     75
Max Soffar     75
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy     80
My Pet Project     82
Thou Shalt Not Eat a Chicken-Fried Steak Bigger Than Your Head, or, Common Sense     89
What Has Six Balls and Screws Texans?     90
The Santa Anna Highway     92
The Five Mexican Generals Plan     95
Fuck 'em if They Can't Take a Joke     99
Criticize Me All You Want     102
The Only Two Good Balls I Ever Hit     103
Booze in the Blender     107
On the Road Again      110
Ask Not if You're Proud of Texas: Ask if You've Made Texas Proud of You     113
The Good Shepherd     115
Young Voices     117
I Have a Dream     118
Bird in the Hand     121
A Truth-Seeking Missile: A Tribute to Molly Ivins     123
Acknowledgments     129
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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Review

  • Posted August 2, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette, or, How to Get to Heaven or Hell without Going through Dallas-Fort Worth

    Love him or hate him, he's never boring.

    If you are from Texas and have any questions about this guy's politics this book is a must-read. Kinky Friedman takes the time to lay out all the issues for which he stands as a "politician"; and I use that word as an expedient. Some of his ideas are more out there than others, but if nothing else this book will get you thinking.
    This is, however, a book that would probably get a PG-13 rating were it made into a movie.

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