You Send Me: Getting It Right When You Write Online

Overview

Patricia T. O'Conner takes on the challenge of taming our e-mail and other e-writing. Will the computer be the death of good writing? Not necessarily, insist O'Conner and coauthor Stewart Kellerman, her journalist husband. In fact, the Age of E-Mail may be the best thing to happen to literacy since the printing press. The good news is we're writing again, but we'll have to upgrade our lousy language and social skills or suffer the cyber-consequences. Tackling subjects such as etiquette ("To E or Not to E"), ...
See more details below
This Hardcover (Library Binding) is Not Available through BN.com
Sending request ...

Overview

Patricia T. O'Conner takes on the challenge of taming our e-mail and other e-writing. Will the computer be the death of good writing? Not necessarily, insist O'Conner and coauthor Stewart Kellerman, her journalist husband. In fact, the Age of E-Mail may be the best thing to happen to literacy since the printing press. The good news is we're writing again, but we'll have to upgrade our lousy language and social skills or suffer the cyber-consequences. Tackling subjects such as etiquette ("To E or Not to E"), beefier writing ("The E-Mail Eunuch"), deconstructing a message ("All's Well That Sends Well"), and civilized English ("Grammar a la Modem"), You Send Me delivers everything you need to connect with real people in the virtual world.
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Patti Thorn
A small but powerful volume dedicated to the notion that email can be as tricky as it is time-saving.
—Rocky Mountain News
Charles Matthews
I give my wholehearted endorsement ... O'Conner and Kellerman ... write concisely ... and charmingly ... about crafting effectivmail.
—The Mercury News
Anne Stephenson
Funny and sure to generate interest.... Their goal: encourage tact, taste, brevity, truth, good spelling and good grammar in e-mail.
—Arizona Republic
Library Journal
In spite of some clever chapter titles, this thin style guide offers little more than commonsense advice about when and how to send e-mails. Whether e-mailing belongs to a new generation of letter writers or to the youngest of conversationalists, we should already know to be electronically polite and cautious as well as to be ever conscious of our present and future audiences, both known and unknown. While sections on avoiding clich s and platitudes are useful reminders of how to become a better writer, why not tackle other stylistic flaws like the overuse of the passive voice, the nominalization of verbs, and the occasional shift from third-person to first-person-plural exposition? While sections on misused and misspelled words are useful, the lists provided by O'Conner (Words Fail Me) and her husband, journalist Kellerman, are limited and sometimes idiosyncratic. Many writers will find that as a usage manual this well-intentioned book is incomplete and as an exploration of the potential for effective communications through e-mail it just begins to "scratch the surface" (a phrase that should be added to the section titled "Trite Stuff"). Herbert E. Shapiro, SUNY/Empire State Coll., Rochester Economics Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.
Booknews
The intrepid writing and editing team sally out against the dreadful writing that has infected cyberspace. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, style, and coherence are among the qualities they believe can find a home in email, chat rooms, and web sites. Annotation c. Book News, Inc., Portland, OR (booknews.com)
From the Publisher
PRAISE FOR WORDS FAIL ME
"This is the other book Bill Strunk would have written if he'd had more of a sense of humor."—SharpWriter.com

PRAISE FOR WOE IS I
"A cool book."—Garrison Keillor
"Lighthearted and funny . . . It's like Strunk and White combined with
S. J. Perleman."—Daniel Pinkwater, The New York Times Book Review

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780613671347
  • Publisher: San Val
  • Publication date: 12/1/2003
  • Format: Library Binding

Meet the Author

Patricia T. O'Conner is the author of the beloved and bestselling Woe Is I and Words Fail Me. A former editor at the New York Times Book Review, she has written for many magazines and newspapers.

Stewart Kellerman , her co-author and husband, is also a former Times editor. He has reviewed books and written on literary subjects for the Times. They live in rural Connecticut.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

1. Protocool

Attitude Adjustment

Our friend Miles loves his job in the entertainment industry, but he dreads opening his e-mail. He never knows what will jump out of his in-box and grab him by the throat. Messages between colleagues have become curt, rude, aggressive. Sentences are often mere commands, shortened to quick barks. There's a sense that to be nice in e-mail is to show weakness. It's gotten so bad that Miles is seeing a cognitive therapist to help him deal with the stress.

Welcome to the dark side. Sure, the digital revolution is awesome, the niftiest thing to come along since the wheel. Computers have made writing routine for people who almost never wrote before. Online bulletin boards, chat rooms, instant messages, Web pages, newsgroups, and the like have brought new meaning to the word "community." And e-mail has single-handedly revived the epistolary tradition, the venerable practice of writing letters.

But not everybody's cheering. Miles (he asked us not to use his real name) isn't the only one who finds this new world hard to take. Others grumble about spam assaults, wacko chain letters, waves of mass-forwarded jokes, in-your-face instant messages, Web sites to nowhere, boorish behavior in chat rooms, complicated downloads that tie up their computers, and rampant misinformation. Some people are so bummed by e-mail that they won't have anything to do with it. So there!

It's not hard to see what's happening. Like kids on their first visit to Toys "R" Us, we're experimenting with these new ways to communicate, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole or make a dump truck fly or see through the wrong end of a telescope. If we want to play nicely withothers, boys and girls, we'll have to learn how to use our new toys.

The Mouse That Roared

A corporate president we know showed us an e-mail that a software developer had sent to her and a dozen other people in her company. The message announced plans for a training session and added: "Please let me know if you would be interested in attending or if you would like an underling to attend."

Ouch! Let's hope the training session wasn't about sensitivity in the workplace.

It's strange how online writing can bring out the tactless oaf in even the nicest person. The dunderhead who sent that e-mail would never have used the word "underling" in a memo to be tacked up on the office bulletin board. Yet there it was, dropped as casually as you please into a mailing to a long list of people. Why not use the PA system?

The next time you e-mail, show a little tact. For starters, adjust your attitude before you begin writing. Imagine how your message will look to the reader, and write the kind of e-mail you'd like to get if the tables were turned. When you've finished, reread the message before letting it go. Look for dissonant notes (like "underling"). As Jane, our editor, often says, "Leave no tone unturned." And never, never, never hit Send in anger-hit Send Later and store the radioactive material until you've cooled off.

Why bother being nice? Because it's too easy to be misunderstood when you're writing modem à modem. Let us count the ways: What's convenient shorthand for you may seem cold and abrupt, even nasty, to the reader. Small slights are magnified. A tiny, half-joking pout can look like a major hissy fit. The mildest of suggestions may sound like a rebuke. Subtlety, irony, and sarcasm can land with a thud. And in mass mailings, now an important part of office life, the chances for misunderstanding are multiplied by the number of readers.

Certainly, the computer has brought us closer together. But it's also turned us into a scrappy, suspicious bunch and made cyberspace a quarrelsome place. The plain truth is that connecting sometimes drives people apart. Virtual behavior is often bad behavior, perhaps because the speed and the anonymity of online writing give messages a hard edge. Is it any surprise that something written in a clipped, telegraphed manner comes across as gruff and snippy?

The very structure of e-mail encourages curtness. The blank subject line staring you in the face is a signal to state your business and get on with it, and almost precludes a warm message. The To and From fields seem to make salutations and greetings and signatures redundant or unnecessary. What we have here is the ideal breeding ground for rudeness.

Once upon a time, a huffy or overwrought letter-writer had a built-in cooling-off period-the time it took to address an envelope, find a stamp, and get to a mailbox. She could always change her mind along the way and tear up that nuclear missive. Chances are, you too have written letters that for one reason or another were never mailed.

But how many unwise e-mails have you intercepted in time? Almost everyone has regrets. One exec we know blew up when a pet item was vetoed from the company budget. The angry message, lamented for years afterward: "Fine, then take it out of my salary!" And you probably read about the CEO in Kansas City who made headlines when an overheated e-mail of his was leaked to a Yahoo message board and took on a life of its own. The company's stock plunged and he was forced to apologize.

What he needed was a tact-checker. Actually, the e-mail program Eudora has one, a feature called MoodWatch that's supposed to warn you when you're about to say something better left unsaid. Regrettably, the reviews haven't been good. A computer can help you think, but it can't think for you. So use your own judgment and watch your own mood.

Mail Bonding

We shudder to think what Dale Carnegie would make of cyberspace. Some wired types seem determined to lose friends and alienate people. Apparently manners aren't evolving as fast as technology, so it's cold out there. If you want to take the chill off, try doing these warm-up exercises next time you log on.

oReacquaint yourself with a few quaint English words, like "please," "thanks," and "sorry." Why abandon the pleasantries merely because you're online? If you need something, ask-don't demand. Show your appreciation when someone's been helpful. And apologize when you step on toes.

oGo the extra word. Online writing doesn't have to be abrupt. You're not paying by the word; why sound like a classified ad?

oBe forgiving. Don't let an ill-mannered e-mail set you off. You didn't mean to be a horse's patoot when you went online, and the person who messaged you probably didn't either. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Use some of the courtesies of letter writing. A friendly greeting, a polite closing, and a name at the end can do plenty to thaw out a cold message.

oBe patient. Don't expect an immediate reply, especially when your message is unsolicited. If it's really a matter of life and death, don't e-mail-call 911.

oSet the right tone. It's better to sound too nice than not nice enough. Take out any word that might be hurtful, and stick in any that might warm up your message. We're not crazy about smiley-face symbols or cute abbreviations or bracketed asides (there's more about them in chapter 4), but if they'll help prevent a misunderstanding, then why not? Free-spirited doesn't have to be mean-spirited.

Before you can do all this, you'll need to grow a new set of antennae. Many of the old assumptions about behavior no longer compute. The world, particularly the world of work, isn't what it used to be. Technology has changed our jobs and has even affected how we look and dress and talk. In some offices, every day is casual Friday and five-o'clock shadow is considered sexy. In others, pets come to work and kids go to day care down the hall. Flex time, job sharing, telecommuting, and home offices have turned the workday upside down.

Manners, too, will have to evolve. You can't say the same thing in an e-mail, for example, that you'd say in person. Imagine you're a supervisor and you want to gently prod an employee. If you happen to be passing by his cubicle, you might poke your head in, give him a big smile and a thumbs-up, and say, "So? Where is it? The clock is ticking!" But if the guy works from home or in a distant office, an e-mail bluntly delivering the identical message-"So? Where is it? The clock is ticking!"-might scare the pants off him.

People expect to be treated like human beings, even online. That's why you should do your warm-up exercises.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xi
Introduction 1
Part I The Virtual Mensch
1. Protocool: Attitude Adjustment 9
2. All's Well That Sends Well: Anatomy of an E-Mail 29
3. To E or Not to E: When Online's Out of Line 46
4. Accustomed to Your Interface: Keeping the Reader in Mind 63
5. A Click and a Promise: Getting the Facts Straight 81
Part II Alpha Mail
6. Natural Selection: Conciser Is Nicer 95
7. The E-Mail Eunuch: Beefing Up Wussy Writing 105
8. The Trite Stuff: Nipping Cliches in the Bud 121
9. Wired Write: Are You Making Sense? 129
10. Get a Virtual Life: Operating Instructions 140
Part III Words of Passage
11. Grammar a la Modem: A Crash Course 149
12. Go Configure: Abused, Confused, and Misused Words 172
13. Alphabet Soup: Spelling It Right 182
14. Period Piece: The Perils of Punctuation 201
Afterword 225
Bibliography 227
Index 231
Read More Show Less

First Chapter

1. Protocool

Attitude Adjustment

Our friend Miles loves his job in the entertainment industry, but he dreads opening his e-mail. He never knows what will jump out of his in-box and grab him by the throat. Messages between colleagues have become curt, rude, aggressive. Sentences are often mere commands, shortened to quick barks. There's a sense that to be nice in e-mail is to show weakness. It's gotten so bad that Miles is seeing a cognitive therapist to help him deal with the stress.
Welcome to the dark side. Sure, the digital revolution is awesome, the niftiest thing to come along since the wheel. Computers have made writing routine for people who almost never wrote before. Online bulletin boards, chat rooms, instant messages, Web pages, newsgroups, and the like have brought new meaning to the word "community." And e-mail has single-handedly revived the epistolary tradition, the venerable practice of writing letters.
But not everybody's cheering. Miles (he asked us not to use his real name) isn't the only one who finds this new world hard to take. Others grumble about spam assaults, wacko chain letters, waves of mass-forwarded jokes, in-your-face instant messages, Web sites to nowhere, boorish behavior in chat rooms, complicated downloads that tie up their computers, and rampant misinformation. Some people are so bummed by e-mail that they won't have anything to do with it. So there!
It's not hard to see what's happening. Like kids on their first visit to Toys "R" Us, we're experimenting with these new ways to communicate, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole or make a dump truck fly or see through the wrong end of a telescope. If we want to play nicely with others, boys and girls, we'll have to learn how to use our new toys.
The Mouse That Roared
A corporate president we know showed us an e-mail that a software developer had sent to her and a dozen other people in her company. The message announced plans for a training session and added: "Please let me know if you would be interested in attending or if you would like an underling to attend."
Ouch! Let's hope the training session wasn't about sensitivity in the workplace.
It's strange how online writing can bring out the tactless oaf in even the nicest person. The dunderhead who sent that e-mail would never have used the word "underling" in a memo to be tacked up on the office bulletin board. Yet there it was, dropped as casually as you please into a mailing to a long list of people. Why not use the PA system?
The next time you e-mail, show a little tact. For starters, adjust your attitude before you begin writing. Imagine how your message will look to the reader, and write the kind of e-mail you'd like to get if the tables were turned. When you've finished, reread the message before letting it go. Look for dissonant notes (like "underling"). As Jane, our editor, often says, "Leave no tone unturned." And never, never, never hit Send in anger-hit Send Later and store the radioactive material until you've cooled off.
Why bother being nice? Because it's too easy to be misunderstood when you're writing modem à modem. Let us count the ways: What's convenient shorthand for you may seem cold and abrupt, even nasty, to the reader. Small slights are magnified. A tiny, half-joking pout can look like a major hissy fit. The mildest of suggestions may sound like a rebuke. Subtlety, irony, and sarcasm can land with a thud. And in mass mailings, now an important part of office life, the chances for misunderstanding are multiplied by the number of readers.
Certainly, the computer has brought us closer together. But it's also turned us into a scrappy, suspicious bunch and made cyberspace a quarrelsome place. The plain truth is that connecting sometimes drives people apart. Virtual behavior is often bad behavior, perhaps because the speed and the anonymity of online writing give messages a hard edge. Is it any surprise that something written in a clipped, telegraphed manner comes across as gruff and snippy?
The very structure of e-mail encourages curtness. The blank subject line staring you in the face is a signal to state your business and get on with it, and almost precludes a warm message. The To and From fields seem to make salutations and greetings and signatures redundant or unnecessary. What we have here is the ideal breeding ground for rudeness.
Once upon a time, a huffy or overwrought letter-writer had a built-in cooling-off period-the time it took to address an envelope, find a stamp, and get to a mailbox. She could always change her mind along the way and tear up that nuclear missive. Chances are, you too have written letters that for one reason or another were never mailed.
But how many unwise e-mails have you intercepted in time? Almost everyone has regrets. One exec we know blew up when a pet item was vetoed from the company budget. The angry message, lamented for years afterward: "Fine, then take it out of my salary!" And you probably read about the CEO in Kansas City who made headlines when an overheated e-mail of his was leaked to a Yahoo message board and took on a life of its own. The company's stock plunged and he was forced to apologize.
What he needed was a tact-checker. Actually, the e-mail program Eudora has one, a feature called MoodWatch that's supposed to warn you when you're about to say something better left unsaid. Regrettably, the reviews haven't been good. A computer can help you think, but it can't think for you. So use your own judgment and watch your own mood.

Mail Bonding
We shudder to think what Dale Carnegie would make of cyberspace. Some wired types seem determined to lose friends and alienate people. Apparently manners aren't evolving as fast as technology, so it's cold out there. If you want to take the chill off, try doing these warm-up exercises next time you log on.
o Reacquaint yourself with a few quaint English words, like "please," "thanks," and "sorry." Why abandon the pleasantries merely because you're online? If you need something, ask-don't demand. Show your appreciation when someone's been helpful. And apologize when you step on toes.
o Go the extra word. Online writing doesn't have to be abrupt. You're not paying by the word; why sound like a classified ad?
o Be forgiving. Don't let an ill-mannered e-mail set you off. You didn't mean to be a horse's patoot when you went online, and the person who messaged you probably didn't either. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
o Use some of the courtesies of letter writing. A friendly greeting, a polite closing, and a name at the end can do plenty to thaw out a cold message.
o Be patient. Don't expect an immediate reply, especially when your message is unsolicited. If it's really a matter of life and death, don't e-mail-call 911.
o Set the right tone. It's better to sound too nice than not nice enough. Take out any word that might be hurtful, and stick in any that might warm up your message. We're not crazy about smiley-face symbols or cute abbreviations or bracketed asides (there's more about them in chapter 4), but if they'll help prevent a misunderstanding, then why not? Free-spirited doesn't have to be mean-spirited.
Before you can do all this, you'll need to grow a new set of antennae. Many of the old assumptions about behavior no longer compute. The world, particularly the world of work, isn't what it used to be. Technology has changed our jobs and has even affected how we look and dress and talk. In some offices, every day is casual Friday and five-o'clock shadow is considered sexy. In others, pets come to work and kids go to day care down the hall. Flex time, job sharing, telecommuting, and home offices have turned the workday upside down.
Manners, too, will have to evolve. You can't say the same thing in an e-mail, for example, that you'd say in person. Imagine you're a supervisor and you want to gently prod an employee. If you happen to be passing by his cubicle, you might poke your head in, give him a big smile and a thumbs-up, and say, "So? Where is it? The clock is ticking!" But if the guy works from home or in a distant office, an e-mail bluntly delivering the identical message-"So? Where is it? The clock is ticking!"-might scare the pants off him.
People expect to be treated like human beings, even online. That's why you should do your warm-up exercises.
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 10, 2002

    Be a virtual mensch!

    YOU SEND ME is the best guide I've seen to good English, writing, and manners online. I just wish the people who need it most will actually read it. Then maybe our in-boxes won't be clogged with so many wordy, boring, incomprehensible, ungrammatical, boorish, or spammy messages.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)