You Still Don't Understand: Typical Differences between Men and Women -- and How to Resolve Them

Men and Women Want Different Things!!!

***Review provided by Bruce Holt***

As a counselor and teacher at a small Appalachian college, I am always searching for material that challenges and inspires my students. Last year in class, we used an earlier version of "You Still Don't Understand", by Driscoll and Davis. While the book provides complex observations and careful research, students consider it remarkably easy to read and to understand.


Last fall I read a rave review of "Guyland," by Michael Kimmel, in the New York Times, so I adopted it for our class this last semester. While some of it was interesting, by the end of the semester students felt it was too full of complaints and had a man-bashing tone to it.


In retrospect, I now see real advantages in the Driscoll and Davis work over other materials. I have taught courses in sexuality, relationships, and gender for ten years now and keep returning to the Driscoll and Davis offering. I get more "Aha's!" and more "That explains so much!" reactions from my students than from any other material I have assigned. I will be using this highly-provocative book again this year.


"You Still Don't Understand" explores not just one or two but perhaps twenty or so substantial differences between men and women. It begins with an easy introduction to evolutionary psychology which provides an excellent foundation for the observations that follow.


The authors show how we exaggerate some qualities, conceal others, and insist on seeing what we want to see. We seem to be born to misunderstand each other.


The book is clearly written and often funny, but highly innovative and willing to surprise you. Is it too far ahead of its time? You be the judge. I am back on the bandwagon, and give it a well-earned "5."

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

So you think we live in a patriarchal society? Perhaps you should think again! Or, better yet, read this book!

Being a single mother who has gone through several periods of complete abhorrance of the male species would make me an unlikely candidate for a 5-star review of a book that is bent towards more understanding of males in our society. I must, however, give "You Still Don't Understand" a 5-star review due to the authors' creative and informative assessment of the innerworkings of male/female relationships and the colorful and lively manner in which the authors present this information.

Drs. Richard Driscoll and Nancy Ann Davis have obviously spent an exhaustive amount of time gathering research and have formed an intriguing and unarguable analysis that supports males stepping up to the plate and voicing their concerns. If you have been fascinated in the past with how men and women come from separate planets, you won't want to pass this one up! In "You Still Don't Understand", the authors travel way past Venus and Mars as well as the other planets in our solar system and shoot straight out to the stars! I have benefited from this book greatly! I hope you do too!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

'As trite as it sounds, we are overworked and underloved.'

Husband and wife team Drs. Richard Driscoll and Nancy Ann Davis have produced yet another book about the gravely road of relationships in this very well written, readable and useable guide 'YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND: Typical Differences between Men and Women - and How to Resolve them'. What makes this new addition to the mountain of self-help books unique is the warmly caring attitude of the writing and the downright sensible manner in which the differences between men and women are addressed. It is one thing to say that men and women are 'from different planets' and then use those differences to explain away why there will always be contrasts in the way men relate to women and women relate to men. But it is yet another thing to analyze in a most comprehensible way, using male/female symbol marks to isolated 'asides', to show how those differences can become more like assets than distractions to successful mating.

The wise yet homespun language of this book discusses such important aspects as Listening, Hearing, and Equality in discussions between potential 'warring parties'. These chapters alone provide enough insight to warrant buying this book as a guide to improving relationships - especially married ones. An important example of this is suggesting that married couples make an agreement early on in their marriage about just how possible divorce would alter each partner's life (how children would be cared for, finances divided, etc). The 'equal parenting agreement will increase your chances of staying married and lower the chances that you will have to actually experience later what you want to avoid thinking about now'. That is how realistic and thoughtful the guidelines are in this book. Another example, 'Listen first, and say something to indicate that you have heard what your partner says. Then, in all fairness you can ask to he heard in return'. And these are but two samples of the kind of wisdom that emanates from this book.

Another aspect of the writing is the lighthearted comparison of homo sapiens to other animal members of the earth, underlining similarities that make us think differently about our 'superior' status. The mating rituals and pairing rituals, the shared traits of monogamy versus polygamy, and the running comparison of animal behavior patterns keep this book light hearted as well as seriously focused. It is rare to encounter books of this nature that make such excellent reading. The authors must be terrific therapists!

Grady Harp

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