Zalford's Scandals: A Millionaire Preacher Allergic to the Poor

by Nelson Bryant

Overview

Ready for a religious rollercoaster where salvation plays second fiddle to Swiss bank accounts? Meet Dr. Mat Zalford, self-anointed Apostle of Affluence(TM) and CEO of Epic Celestial Empire. Forget humble prayers; Zalford's gospel is turbocharged with LED-lit miracles, gold-plated fog machines, and a God who only blesses those in silk robes and six-figure tithes.

Each Sunday sermon is a Broadway-grade prosperity pageant: think hydraulic pulpits, flaming MicroLED halos, and a chandelier shaped like a dove projectile-vomiting coins. His wife Amelia, the Chief Faith Officer, assures the faithful that the poor have "spiritual, ethereal, and conveniently unspendable" riches. Isn't that just splendid for them?

Zalford doesn't just preach the Word-he monetizes it. His Bentleys boast Bible verses, his Rolexes tick to divine ROI. His third yacht, The Floating Epistle, doubles as a mobile baptismal spa-because why not get dunked in style?

His autobiography, From Meek to Millionaire: A Pastor's Path to Platinum Grace, topped charts in "Christian Inspiration" and "Financial Manipulation." In this novel, faith gets a high-definition makeover, complete with heavenly branding and platinum-card salvation.

If you've ever wondered what happens when televangelism meets capitalism, buckle up. Will you join the faithful in their quest for spiritual affluence, or will you stand by the gates, wondering where your prayers went so horribly, hilariously wrong?

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9798317692162
Publisher:	Barnes & Noble Press
Publication date:	05/30/2025
Pages:	228
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.52(d)

About the Author

Nelson M Bryant is an educator with a diverse academic background spanning literature, human rights, business, and health sciences. Nelson bravely ventures into the bizarre love triangle of faith and prosperity, often wondering if they're actually frenemies. He is a dedicated health psychology enthusiast. When not pondering the mysteries of the human psyche, he's usually found engaging in thought-provoking discussions about life's absurdities—a talent he's perfected through sheer existence in the modern world.

Above all, he's a Christian and staunch human rights advocate, even for the Zalfords (bless their materially endowed hearts), but with a much, much greater emphasis on the have-nots and the destitute in society. Ultimately, someone must ensure that the divine wealth sharing plan encompasses more than merely gold-plated thrones.

Editorial Reviews

You'll finish 'Zalford's Diary' wondering if the line between divine inspiration and corporate branding truly exists, or if it's just another perfectly packaged product. A truly insightful and unsettlingly funny read. ...

A scathing, brilliant, and uncomfortably relevant look at the intersection of spirituality and unchecked capitalism. 'Zalford's Diary' is the kind of book that makes you question everything, often while still chuckling at the sheer audacity of its protagonist.

Customer - Maria Dolorez

"Forget self-help; 'Zalford's Diary' is the ultimate cautionary tale for anyone who's ever dared to conflate faith with a quarterly earnings report. You'll laugh, you'll gasp, and you'll seriously re-evaluate that prosperity gospel sermon you heard last Sunday."

Customer - Igor Sanchez

"This novel masterfully peels back the gold leaf from modern televangelism, exposing a hilariously dark mirror to our own consumerist desires. 'Zalford's Diary' doesn't just satirize; it dares you to examine what you truly worship"

Customer - Kelly Brown