Fictional Presents We’d Love to Receive This Holiday Season

lassoThe only problem with this list is that I had to narrow down the choices. Sticking to Marvel and DC Comics alone, I could easily come up with 20 objects that I need right this second, starting with an Infinity Stone to control time to do everything that I need to do and ending with a Green Lantern ring to create cool stuff and as instant transportation.

But, alas, we have to narrow down the list to objects you might need.

Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth (DC Comics)
So many items to choose from in the world of comics, among them a Green Lantern ring and Captain America’s SHIELD, but we need this one. The utmost truth is not always what we want to hear, but can be what we need to hear.  I’d like to gift this one to journalists covering presidential politics. “Hello, Mr. President-Elect, sir. How much overlap will there be between your businesses and the Oval Office?” “Hello, Secretary Clinton, was there ever anything classified in those emails?” It would make arguing politics over the holidays so much simpler.

A Spaceship That’s Got It Where It Counts (Star Wars)
Here, we have a plethora of choices to travel the stars. I considered the original U.S.S. Enterprise, but you need to travel with a full crew (over 400!), and I like to travel light. I’ll take the Millennium Falcon for $2,000, Alex. One, it comes with a studly (if annoying) pilot, plus it can take off and land on planets. And I can get my pirate on.

The Auto Chef (In Death series by J. D. Robb)
There are any number of electronic futuristic gizmos in the world of J.D. Robb’s In Death series, but the one I covet the most is the Auto Chef. Fill it with the right ingredients and it spits out the food or beverage of choice. I would never order a pizza again.

Time Turner (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
So many time travel devices in fiction, from the TARDIS to the original H.G. Wells time machine. But the Time Turner has the advantage of being able to fit in your pocket and its range seems to be somewhat limited, so you won’t get into too much trouble. Unless you’re Albus Potter, that is.

Portable Hole (Dungeons & Dragons)
Need to hide and fast? The Portable Hole opens what we’d call a dimensional safe space, allowing the user a 10-foot-deep pocket of secrecy. Unfortunately, not for long, as the only air inside the hole is what whooshes in when it’s opened. Still, good for avoiding dragons,  zombies, and evil wizards.

The Black (Walter Farley’s Black Stallion series)
I could have picked one of the Companions from Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar books but those intelligent beings tend to talk back and do what they want rather than following orders. There’s also the Kangas from Paradise Island in DC Comics, and Krypto the Super Dog, but the Black is the horse that will save you from shipwrecks and allow that special rider for speeds that can cause unconsciousness. Best. Horse. Ever.

Translation Microbe (Farscape)
Lots of translation devices pop up in science fiction universes, including the Babel Fish in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but you have to stick that leech-like thing in your ear. Ew. The Translation Microbe from Farscape also has to be sent into the body (via injection), rooting itself at the base of the brain. But it’s painless, aside from the initial injection, and there’s nothing living in your head. As for Star Trek‘s universal translator? That’s a machine that can be lost or destroyed, and you don’t want to be caught out as a stranger in a strange land.

Fire Lizard (The Pern series by Anne McCaffrey)
Yes, I know. We all want a dragon. But they’re not practical, with what the raiding livestock (sometimes including children) to feed their voracious appetites. Plus, they also tend to have minds of their own, and can turn on their riders. (See: A Song of Ice and Fire.) However, a fire lizard can ride on your shoulder, fetch objects for you, and act as a scout in case of those above-mentioned zombies. Plus, they can still breathe fire.

Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator (Looney Tunes)
The Death Star is too big, and it has that unfortunate exhaust vent that allows intrepid pilots to drop torpedoes inside. No, for planetary destruction, we need Marvin the Martian’s Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. It seems much more portable. However, it has to be guarded against intelligent rabbits.

Rosie the Robot Maid (Jetsons)
Yes, we have the Roomba now and it’s good for what it is but can it make you breakfast? Pack school lunches? Do the laundry? No fear, Rosie can do all that, leaving us humans time for more pleasurable tasks. Of course, you will have to put up with wisecracks and the occasional need for time off so she can visit her robot boyfriend.

What fictional SFF item is on your wish list? 


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