What have you accomplished in the last year? Maybe you landed a new job. Maybe you moved states, or even countries. Maybe you got married, started a family, ran a marathon, won an eating contest. The chances are still very good that nothing you did was weird or wonderful enough to make its way into the record books—or at least, the only record book that really matters. I’m speaking, of course, about Guinness World Records, the annual guide to the odd events, impressive collections, and obsessive behaviors that reach truly singular status. Guinness World Records 2016 is here, and these are a few of the weirdest facts found within.
The world’s largest gathering of Segways
Do you remember Paul Blart: Mall Cop? Do you remember that there was a sequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop? No matter, because an April 2015 promotional event for Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 in New York City will go down in history as both the largest Segway riding lesson of all time and the occasion that saw the most people performing simultaneous 360-degree spins on a Segway. (Perhaps I should also add: remember Segways?)
Longest marathon TV broadcast
Between August 21 and September 1 of 2014, the FXX cable network aired a hair under 205 consecutive hours of The Simpsons—every episode of the series in existence up to that point, and the longest uninterrupted broadcast of a TV franchise in history. It’s a feat that, we can all agree, ranks with the best. World records. Ever.
Most facial flesh tunnels
Your tongue piercing is impressing no one these days. Especially not Joel Miggler, who, in November 2014, earned official status as the (presumably) living person with the most “facial flesh tunnels,” which are pretty much what they sound like: holes that extend all the way through his face. Never fear, however: he says he has no problems eating or drinking. (“I can only take small bites though,” he adds.)
Fastest mile wearing swim fins
OK, so maybe you did make the record books for running a marathon, provided your name is Zachary Miller and you did it while wearing swim fins. Embarrassingly, Zach accomplished this feat in a mere 5 minutes and 48-ish seconds, whereas I have been running a non-consecutive mile for roughly the last five years.
Hula hoop madness
While we’re discussing athletic shortcomings, Australia’s Marawa Ibrahim sure has us beat when it comes to hula hooping. In 2014, “Marawa the Amazing” and her team of 10 majorettes secured record status for most hoops spun consecutively (264). She also holds an individual record for the longest time hula hooping while on roller skates (2 minutes, 29 seconds). My personal hula hooping record stands at however long it takes for the hoop to immediately drop to the floor.
One of each, please
This year’s record book includes entries for both the most edible layers in a sandwich (40, of marshmallow fluff, peanut butter, and bacon) and, to wash it all down, the largest cup of coffee (3,758.7 gallons). I’d ooh and ahh, but all this peanut butter has glued my mouth shut. Speaking of sandwiches, the most expensive sandwich in history was sold in October 2014 in New York City (of course); the Quintessential Grilled Cheese (including two slices of French Pullman bread made with Dom Pérignon champaign and dipped in edible gold flakes) cost $214.
This year’s biggest books
If it’s books you love (and of course it is), you probably won’t be surprised to learn that James Patterson was once again the world’s highest-grossing author in 2014, with income topping $90 million. Meanwhile, we’d be happy to stand alongside the likes of Blackie, the world’s wealthiest cat, who inherited a mere $7 million in 1998, and who, I’ll remind you, poops in a box full of sand.