Love That Lasts: How We Discovered God's Better Way for Love, Dating, Marriage, and Sex

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by Jefferson Bethke, Alyssa Bethke

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780718039189
Publisher: Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date: 10/10/2017
Pages: 256
Sales rank: 81,634
Product dimensions: 5.30(w) x 7.80(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Jefferson Bethke is the New York Times bestselling author of Jesus > Religion and It’s Not What You Think. He and his wife Alyssa host the highly successful online challenge 31 Creative Ways to Love and Encourage Him & Her, make YouTube videos watched by hundreds of thousands of viewers each month, and host a podcast about relationships and faith available wherever podcasts are found. They live in Maui with their daughter, Kinsley, and son, Kannon. Visit: http://jeffandalyssa.com


Alyssa Bethke talks about love, sex, dating, and marriage alongside her husband Jefferson Bethke on YouTube videos and iTunes podcasts that are watched by hundreds of thousands of viewers each month. Together, she and Jefferson also cohost the highly successful online challenge 31 Creative Ways to Love and Encourage Him & Her. She loves being a mom to their daughter, Kinsley, and son, Kannon, and enjoying the beaches and beautiful sights of Maui as a family. Visit: http://jeffandalyssa.com

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

(The Black Eyed Peas)

I lost my virginity when I was sixteen.

In the back of a car.

In a church parking lot.

To someone who wasn't my girlfriend.

I know that's pretty forward, seeing as how we just met and all. But honestly, I don't say that to shock you. In fact, my intention is quite the opposite. According to stats, that's normal.Oh, and did I mention that Alyssa didn't even hold someone's hand until we started dating in our twenties? To say our marriage was a collision of two very different stories would be an understatement. But that's Alyssa's story, and I'll let her tell it in subsequent chapters.

When I think back to that time in my life, I shudder. I was plagued with debilitating insecurity, trying so hard to fit the mold projected as necessary to be popular. Isn't it interesting how much we sacrifice simply in hopes that others will like us and think we are cool?

I was searching-and searching desperately. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be known. But from the outside I looked like a model kid. I was on the high school baseball team that played in two state championships in a row.

My teachers usually told my mom that I was very bright but that I could probably apply myself a little more. I was the guy who seemed to have it all together. I spent an exhausting amount of energy on editing and protecting my image and caring about what others thought of me. And when you spend all your time on that, you have no time for anything else-yourself, your passions, your joy, following Jesus, and so on.

Filtering your life, or having others believe a lie about you (or at least a half-truth), is a full-time job. We may not realize it, but many of us are playing a game of emotional and spiritual Jenga when it comes to romance, sexuality, and love. We make a lot of decisions that feel good in the moment, that seem like good ideas at the time, before we even consider their consequences. And just like in Jenga, every poor decision we make is another piece we remove from the tower, weakening our wholeness and humanness.

Most likely, it will all come crashing down. After a terrible breakup. An unhealthy relationship. Heartache. Fierce anger and bitterness.

It's only then we realize it was the little decisions along the way that brought us to that point. The reason the breakup hurt so bad in college was because we set up unhealthy relationship patterns when we were fifteen. The reason our marriage starts to lose its foundation is that in our dating relationships in college we moved on to the next person as soon as the butterflies went away.

The reason we almost cracked under the weight of shame after having sex with our boyfriend or girlfriend is because we spent years placing our identity not in Jesus but in purity rings and "true love waits" bracelets.

When we were actually making those decisions, nothing fell on our heads in those moments, so we thought we were in the clear. When we pulled a piece out of the tower, everything still held together.

When we said "just this once" and clicked on that link to watch porn.

When we went to that party and made out with that person we never saw again.

When we fantasized about that girl or made up a whole scenario of life with that guy who wasn't ours to think about in the first place.

When we stayed in the relationship even when all our friends and family said not to.

When we led that guy or girl on because we wanted to have control or feel wanted, even though we didn't really like them enough to date them.

So we kept going. We kept doing it.

Until one day, one particular decision became that final piece of Jenga-right when it was removed, it all fell apart. A pile at our feet.

I got married in my early twenties and quickly realized how those decisions and views and thoughts from ages ago were staring me in the face. I was fighting an uphill battle, one that was on a ninety-degree cliff.

I don't think I'm alone in that feeling.

In fact, I'm a decade removed from that season in my life, and sometimes it feels like yesterday. There are images. Hundreds of images. Dozens of memories.

Burned into the front of my brain.

And in some ways, I'm still haunted by those pictures and memories and thoughts. Sometimes following Jesus is gritty-blood, sweat, and tears type of stuff. There are moments when an uninvited, shameful memory jumps right in front of my concentration, and it takes everything in me-usually me lying on the floor, gritting my teeth, hands on my head-to remind myself of truth and ask: What does God say about me in this moment? What does He say about Himself right now?

That sixteen-year-old Jeff is dead. He was left in the grave, was nailed to the same cross Jesus was, the minute I said yes to following Him. I'm a new creation. Shame has been defeated. Jesus looks at me with searing, white-hot, ferocious love. I'm His.

This is the battleground of a healthy relationship: the mind. It starts there. Our thoughts can define us, and right views of God are the most important things about us because they create the entire trajectory of our lives.

Alyssa and I have battled with thoughts that harm our relationship. The way we see it, both of us came into our marriage sick in some way. A disease of sorts had been coursing through our systems for most of our lives, but sometimes it takes a marriage to start seeing the symptoms.

It reminds me of a party we had before we moved from Washington to Maui. We didn't know it at the time, but someone was definitely carrying a crazy intense virus. Within three days of the party, eleven of the fourteen people came down with a stomach bug that involved being wrapped around a toilet for two days straight, not knowing what end it was going to come out of next (and if you've been there, you know that might be one of the worst predicaments you can ever face in life).

When I was at the party, I didn't feel sick. I didn't feel like I caught anything. I didn't feel infected. In fact, I felt just the opposite. Happy, cheery, hanging out with friends and family. It wasn't until many days later that I actually was sick.

Yet, I had caught the virus at the party days earlier.

In many ways, that's us with love.

We are lovesick and love-diseased. Our views of romance, sexuality, dating, and marriage are killing us. We've been infected for years and haven't even realized it. It almost killed me in high school and stayed with me in college, like shrapnel in my soul that I'm still plucking out and finding healing for. Nothing has caused me more pain, grief, and hurt than previous relationships and my pursuit of love.

Isn't that true for most of us? We get to our mid-twenties or midthirties and feel like we should be beginning our adult lives, yet it feels more like the end. We are tired. We are hurt. We are exhausted. And we don't want to do it anymore. We are left to pick up the pieces of our adolescence, and we now look back with enough perspective to realize just how detrimental our decisions have been.

How did we get here? Why are so many of us entering adult life, our marriages, jobs, and new families hanging on by a thread rather than starting our journey with vibrancy and life and fullness?

Maybe it has something to do with our bad definition of love.

Clearly something Isn't working. Clearly we've got some wires crossed.

Our culture at large is hurt. Sick. Unhealthy. Bruised. Broken.

And a question that haunts me is, if we are all sick, do we realize how sick we truly are?

Loneliness has been declared an epidemic. Porn has gotten so out of control, it's been labeled a "public health crisis" and "public hazard," as Pamela Anderson, one of the most famous porn stars in history, put it. The use of antidepressants has more than doubled since 1998. "Friends with benefits" and "no strings attached" seem to be the normative view of most relationships-and of Hollywood movie titles.

Marriage is becoming so trivial, or is failing at such a high rate, that some lawmakers have considered things like a "two-year marriage license" instead of a lifetime commitment. And selfish, casual, hookup sex has reached its logical conclusion in many ways. It has been so detached from an actual relationship that some people now buy lifelike robots that they can customize and have sex with. I mean, if sex is simply about pleasuring yourself and getting what you want out of it, then why not get a robot instead of another human? They are much easier, and always "in the mood" as long as they're plugged in.

In a strange irony, one of the biggest pornography sites in the world, a place that is probably the farthest from real love, since you are literally having sex with yourself while staring at a computer screen, seems to be full of people in search of that very thing, as the most frequently used word in its comments section is love. Loneliness. Trivial marriages. Sex robots. Porn.

In a world where you can get anything you want at any time (as long as you have Amazon Prime or Postmates), love seems to be the proverbial carrot on a stick.

Yet Scripture says that "God is love."

And a famous quote says, "Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God."

The good news is that the reverse is also true. God is knocking on the door of every brothel, looking for man. We all have our different brothels-places we go in search of connection, intimacy, and love. We need to be in a relationship because we are addicted to approval and that feeling of emotional and relational intimacy.

For some, it's the need to be recognized, liked, affirmed, and admired.

Or we scratch our heads, wondering why we so easily fall in and out of love with people we are dating, not realizing we are addicted to an ideal of a person who doesn't exist, and our ideal not only crushes them but also doesn't satisfy us. Then we move on, hoping to find it with the next person, creating a vicious cycle.

We become human bodies full of wounds, hurts, emotions, and scars, carrying around so much baggage that we aren't sure how much farther we can go. But what if it wasn't actually love that got us to that place? What if it was the misunderstanding of love that did?

*
When I was sixteen and fresh out of driver's ed, I had my first flat tire. I say "first," because, well, let's just say my first couple of years behind the wheel didn't go so well. (If we ever have coffee, remind me to tell you about that one time I totaled my first car after only owning it for two weeks because I thought it would be a good idea to hydroplane purposely in big puddles for fun-with the car my dad had spent months building and repairing before giving it to me.)

I remember driving and feeling like something was a little off in the car's movement. I was a few miles from home, driving on a side street after hanging out with some friends. (I can't remember exactly what I was listening to but knowing the year, it was probably "Yeah" by Usher or "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day. I may have an eclectic taste in music.) But it felt like the gas wasn't working or that the emergency brake was on or the gas pedal needed to be pressed a little harder than usual to stay at a normal speed. It felt like I was towing or dragging something.

Since this was my first flat tire, I didn't know what it was. I thought a flat tire would be more obvious. You know, like in the movies, where a tire explodes and the car spins out of control.

At least in my case, driving felt off and weird, but I could still accelerate, turn, and stop.

Little did I know that every second I drove with a flat tire, the worse it was for my whole car-the rims, the engine, the alignment, and more. But I kept driving. And my car kept getting worse and worse and worse.

For a lot of us, the way we see love, dating, sexuality, marriage, and romance is like a flat tire. There's a little something off at first. We know it and we feel it. Sure, we can still get from point A to point B on a flat tire. Sure, it does the job. Sure, sex before marriage doesn't feel wrong. Sure, living together while you're dating helps you learn more about each other. But there are moments when it feels "off." There are moments when it feels more damaging than it should. But we don't know any better, so we keep driving. And it gets worse. And worse. And worse.

We were created for more.

We were never meant to drive on a flat tire. We were never meant to have sex with someone who wasn't our husband or wife. We were never meant to be addicted to porn. We were never meant to be so wrapped up in a relationship that makes us feel as if we are losing our god when we break up with that boyfriend or girlfriend.

Years later, when we finally pull over to look under the hood, many of us realize-for the first time-just how damaging the flat tire was.

The compounded years have made us view love as something we can take instead of what we can receive.

As something we feel instead of something to commit to.

The reason love, romance, and sexuality feel so right, even when they are wrong, is because we were created for them. Even the distortions hold an element of truth; that's what a distortion is-an alteration of the original. But there's more. So much more. God doesn't want to take away our joy; He wants to give us more of it. He doesn't want to take away our sexual desire; He wants to give us the context in which it works the best. God doesn't want us to hate romance; He wants to introduce us to the greatest love story of all time.

In order to realize where we went so wrong, we first need to see where it was all so right. Where this intoxicating intimacy and love comes from in the first place.

*
As author Christopher West says, "Love, by its nature, desires to expand its own communion." God didn't need us. He was perfectly complete in and of Himself. But love creates. Love overflows.

Love is abundance. Love is life. God made it so, simply out of the goodness of who He is, that He would create image bearers to share in that beautiful exchange of love. A beautiful picture of otherness becoming oneness. That's what marriage vows mean. That's what sex is in body. And that's what covenant is in promise.

We can't miss the truth found in that beautiful divine and mysterious and glorious moment. That when He created us and all the uniqueness of male and female bodies, He was choosing to communicate something about Himself.

One of the first commands in all Scripture is to have sex. Well, God's exact words are "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28), but you get the idea. Because even before sin entered the world, male and female were incomplete and were built with a longing, a holy longing for the otherness to become oneness. That's the story we were created to tell.

As the poet Wendell Berry put it, "The sexuality of community life is centered on marriage, which joins two living souls as closely as, in this world, they can be joined. This joining of two who know, love, and trust one another brings them in the same breath in the freedom of sexual consent and into the fullest earthly realization of the image of God. From their joining, other living souls come into being, and with them great responsibilities that are unending, fearful, and joyful."

(Continues…)



Excerpted from "Love that Lasts"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Jefferson Bethke and Alyssa Bethke.
Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

A Note to Our Readers xi

A Few Things to Remember xv

01 Where Is the Love? (The Black Eyed Peas) 1

02 What Makes You Beautiful (One Direction) 19

03 Slow Dancing in a Burning Room (John Mayer) 35

04 Riding Solo (Jason Derulo) 45

05 Fake Love (Drake) 63

06 Lucky (Jason Mraz) 77

07 Call Me Maybe (Carly Rae Jepsen) 89

08 Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis) 99

09 We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Taylor Swift) 117

10 When I'm 64 (The Beatles) 133

11 At Last (Etta James) 145

12 Stay with You (John Legend) 155

13 All of Me (John Legend) 167

14 Let's Get It On (Marvin Gaye) 179

15 Let's Talk About Sex (Sait-N-Pepa) 193

16 Just the Way You Are (Bruno Mars) 211

17 Unpack Your Heart (Phillip Phillips) 221

Now What? 237

Acknowledgments 241

Notes 243

Additional Resources 247

About the Authors 249

Customer Reviews

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Love That Lasts: How We Discovered God's Better Way for Love, Dating, Marriage, and Sex 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 22 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Oh my gosh, I can't even fully comprehend the amazingness of this book right now. I sit here completely blown away. THANK YOU JEFF AND ALYSSA FOR YOUR HONESTY AND REALNESS!!!! Jeff and Alyssa basically open up their hearts and souls and show complete transparency of their lives and their relationship and then their marriage. I read this book in a few sessions, and HATED to put it down when I had to and only did out of complete necessity. I wanted it to continue when it ended. My heart was so deeply touched by several of the topics which I have encountered and also have gone through the difficult parts too. Marriage is definitely a commitment for life. Jeff said in one paragraph, " But to end a marriage because you're not in love anymore is like selling your car because you ran out of gas. You don't sell it, you fill it back up. You take care of it. You take it in for maintenance and check-ups." What a profound euphemism of what marriage really takes. There are so many days you don't feel the butterflies or even that you love the person, much less love them, but you both have to work for it. You need to keep Jesus in the center like these two did. I laughed and cried in this book. I laughed because it was SO real in some points that I won't mention for those who haven't read it yet, but then times I cried because something touched a dark place in my heart and I felt pain and could relate. The best and MOST IMPORTANT part is to keep God in the center of the marriage. The chapters about sex at the end are profound and really, really need to be taught to ALL new marrieds especially. Especially when we grew up in the era that sex was "bad." THANK YOU for letting me be part of this launch team. It was such an amazing honor. This book should be read by singles, daters, marrieds, and anyone who may someday be in a serious relationship. I highly recommend it!! Thank you again for this honor of reading this book. "I received an advanced copy from the publisher." DON'T LET THIS BOOK PASS YOU BY!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Wow! Just wow! As always I am blown away with the Bethke's views on Love, Dating, Marriage, and sex. But this book made me feel secure in the fact that I wasn't the only one who went through these struggles! I was able to connect with both writers and it was a very easy read! I have been married for 4 years and have a 3 year old daughter. So my favorite thing about the book was that they take the time to pray for each other! Even AFTER they are married. I learned that it's so important to keep our focus, expectations, and faith in Jesus Christ so that way we can fully enjoy the people/things that He has blessed us with. And in doing so, it takes the pressure off of our spouses, family and friends! With out Jesus, there is no way we can survive in this world. So I would definitely recommend this book to single, engaged, and married people who are maybe struggling. 5 STARS all the way!! I was blessed enough to receive an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was one of the lucky ones chosen by the publisher for an advance reader copy. What can I say. Every word has you engaged and intrigued. I love the fact that they use humor as well in this book even though it is a serious book that will open up your eyes and make you realize what love is actually about. I love all the pre-translation words from the Bible and I love the fact that they explain everything in so much detail to you. It is such an easy read book and I felt as if they were in my living room speaking to just me and we had a blast! I will re-read this book over and over again because I love it that much! I am so thankful I got to be apart of this and I so love these authors! They are amazing! This book Rocks! It makes you Cry and laugh and sometimes even makes you cry and laugh together!
Rocky2210 More than 1 year ago
Greatest Book I have read in a long time!! This book was very easy to read and I just loved how open Alyssa and Jeff are about their lives. I could relate to so much of the rawness that was in the book, the good and bad. The book is was written for everyone, married, single, engaged, and dating. There is a little bit for everyone. I found advice that I could use in my marriage and while reading I had many "ah ha" moments. This book is wonderfully written, raw, and has beautiful bible verses that we could all relate to. I received an advanced reader copy from the publisher.
MissysReadsAndReviews More than 1 year ago
Honestly, I put off reading this book for some time because I thought that, judging by some of the synopsis, I couldn't really get much from the book for myself. I have been married for over a decade now and didn't think anyone could tell me anything that I may not have already known about marriage. Once I finally got around to reading Love That Lasts, I knew just how very wrong I was - but not in the way I was expecting, which I will explain. Right off bat, I loved how very honest both Jefferson and his wife Alyssa are in their stories. Their candidness made the story feel that much more authentic and really brought their story to life. Their writing style is also very hilarious, which helps to keep my attention. What I thought was maybe just a simple book on marriage from a married couple ended up being much more. It is a story about marriage, but it's an authentic account of THEIR marriage and relationship. It also gives a refreshing and very welcomed Godly perspective on topics of a relationship from dating, sex, marriage, etc - and, most importantly, it allows you to draw inspirations and lessons from their story, instead of being told what you need to do, know, etc. I admit that I was very wrong in my assumption of this book but I am so very glad that I finally decided to give it a go. I could not recommend a book more than this one!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I resisted reading this book for quite a while (I was given an advanced copy and have had it for several months now) simply because I didn't feel I was in a place to read this book by the Bethke's and really take it in. I am so glad I waited because as I read Love that Lasts over the last few days, I was able to sit in the truth of their experiences and come to some of my own conclusions and understandings of what love is. I found this particular book to be really refreshing because both Jeff and Alyssa tell a story that isn't commonly heard in society, yet one we desperately all need to hear. I can't wait to read this book with my future spouse someday and to be able to talk about what our Love that Lasts will look like.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I resisted reading this book for quite a while (I was given an advanced copy and have had it for several months now) simply because I didn't feel I was in a place to read this book by the Bethke's and really take it in. I am so glad I waited because as I read Love that Lasts over the last few days, I was able to sit in the truth of their experiences and come to some of my own conclusions and understandings of what love is. I found this particular book to be really refreshing because both Jeff and Alyssa tell a story that isn't commonly heard in society, yet one we desperately all need to hear. I can't wait to read this book with my future spouse someday and to be able to talk about what our Love that Lasts will look like.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book has the potential to change the thinking of the younger generations in how they look at love! This was a phenomenally written book, giving insight into relationships in the 21st century and how to 'unlearn' what our culture and even our churches are feeding us when it comes to love, marriage, sex, etc. This is a book that I will make each of my children read before they start dating, when they get to that age. It is a book that is great for everyone and anyone, regardless of what stage you are in in life...single, dating, engaged, newlyweds, been married 50 years....this book is for you! The way it was written with Jeff and Alyssa alternating chapters, made it feel like you were sitting in the same room while they told you their story! Their writing reached inside me and completely made me question most everything I had been taught, or thought I knew, about love. It turned me inside out and helped me make some needed realizations of where I needed to change my thinking and my understanding. I honestly can't recommend this book enough. I want to give it to every single person I know! I was lucky enough to be on the launch team for this amazing book, and received an advanced copy from the publisher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
First things first: I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher. But this is far from a forced review; I actually REALLY enjoyed this book (so much so that I'm going to read it again with my wife, and bought additional copies for my friends and family). But let's get to the point: Relationships are a hot topic among my peers. So many people want a good and healthy relationship/marriage, yet there seem to be so few. For a myriad of reasons (in my opinion, at least), 'love' is something highly sought after, but seldom truly found. Jeff and Alyssa Bethke tackle this and more in their tag-team book, "Love That Lasts". And like Batman and Wonder Woman (Superman bores me), they pull no punches and (in my not-so-humble opinion) are worth your time. At the time of this review, my wife and I have been married for 226 days! So the Bethke's book came at a grand time! Jeff and Alyssa are astonishingly transparent and honest in "Love That Lasts"; divulging their individual stories, the ups and downs of their dating process, and their present struggles in marriage. But they do so in a way that bring about many thoughts of "so it's not just me" from the reader. The relatability of their book makes it extremely easy to read, but the wisdom they offer gives the reader much to consider; making the book that much more enjoyable and impacting. As stated before, I am recently married and am an eager sponge for good, Christ-centered marriage advice; and I get just that from the Bethkes. Personally, I relate more with Jeff's "prodigal son" background, so his chapters hit home for me the most. But Jeff clearly married Alyssa for a reason, because her chapters were equally as eye-opening and hard-hitting! The way they both dig beyond the superficial and into the heart of the topics of love, dating, marriage and sex make way for self-reflection and self-evaluation; things much-needed in our present culture. Jeff and Alyssa don't claim to have all of the answers (their humility is awesome), but they present what they can in hopes to positively impact whoever picks up their book. So whether you're newly married (like me), dating and thinking about marriage, single and desirous of a relationship, single and content, etc.; I'm certain you'll walk away with something after having read "Love That Lasts". I certainly did.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I've been so blessed to have received an advanced copy of this book. I finished reading it and I can honestly say, I feel like there is something in this for everyone! Whether you're single, dating, engaged, married, etc. I feel like anyone can get something out of this. I love that it's in both, Jeff and Alyssa's, point of view. I had several "wow" or "oh... dang" moments while reading this book, which is great! A book should make you think. This brings a different, Godly, perspective on the topics of dating, sex, marriage, etc., that I think we all should consider. So many of us are looking for guidance, or maybe a Bible study, to lead us on this topic. While, you should definitely be going to God, who knows all and has all the answers we could possibly need, having a book like this is a great resource. I definitely recommend this to ANYONE. This book brings funny and serious elements as we draw lessons from Jeff and Alyssa and their experiences. If you're struggling with ANYTHING, I feel like this would be a really good read for you. While, it talks about dating and everything, it also touches on shame and guilt that the devil haunts us with and how to overcome it. I feel like this is a VERY important book for anyone who is in a relationship or wants to be in one. I wholeheartedly recommend this. God bless Jeff and Alyssa for sharing their experiences with us all! I received an advanced reader copy from the publisher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I don't think I have ever read a book with more vulnerability and openness than this book. Jeff and Alyssa discuss everything-- the good and the bad of relationships and the evolution into marriages-- with real examples regarding their own relationship following God's path. If you like a book thats real and raw, I highly recommend this one. I loved it so much that I read it twice before posting a review because I wanted to give it the justice it deserves. It is truly amazing. I felt that Jeff and Alyssa were in my living room and we were having an intimate conversation the entire time I was reading it. I received an Advanced Reader Copy from the publisher, and I'm so grateful that I did.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had the amazing privilege to receive an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher. Oh my gosh! While the book provided reassurance in areas that I have been struggling as well as loving guidance and direction for moving forward in a healthy relationship and marriage it is a must read for anyone no matter what stage of life you're in.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Such an amazing book! So raw. So real. So honest. It's so refreshing to see a couple talking about their real struggles and their life. Jeff goes in depth about his past and Alyssa was able to dig deep into her heart & tell us about her struggles & worries. It's both amazing and beautiful to see a couple from two completely different worlds fall in love & share with us what marriage really looks like after the vows are said. It does not matter if you are single, married or divorced, this book is for everyone. I'm 22 years old & I found myself relating to so many of the things they spoke about. They're so honest and open, It really felt like I was having coffee with them at my local coffee shop! I really can't say enough good things about this book. They have been working on this for years & there is no doubt in my mind that whoever picks it up, will not regret it. It is only to your benefit! I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love That Lasts is the best book I have read, by far, that addresses a wide variety of topics such as being single, love, dating, and marriage. As I soon as I started reading the book, I did not want to put it down! Jeff and Alyssa Bethke were so honest, vulnerable and authentic in their writing. As as a reader, I felt like I had front row seat to different challenges they faced throughout their journeys. I liked that the book addresses topics that are viewed as taboo in many churches such as different addictions people are faced with. There are so many aspects of the book that I found myself relating to. Parts of this book will make you want to laugh, while others may make you want to cry. This book is perfect for anyone who is single, dating and married. There is something in the book for everyone. There are so many lessons one can learn. God has definitely used this book to work in my heart and convicted me with areas I need to improve on in my marriage. This is a book I will come back to read over and over as there is so much for me to learn and apply to my life. I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
ManskerD More than 1 year ago
My husband and I have been married for fourteen years, so I wasn't sure if I would really gain any marriage wisdom by reading Love That Lasts. Well, I was quickly proven wrong! Jeff and Alyssa write in such a way that you feel like old friends. They share their love story and what they have learned along the way with great vulnerability and honesty. They show that relationships are hard work,but they are worth it! Jeff and Alyssa both share their personal struggles and how God brought healing to them as individuals and as a couple. Their story and advice was encouraging and convicting. This is a great read for everyone, either single or in a relationship. Even after fourteen years of marriage, I learned a lot from Jeff and Alyssa. I was given an advanced copy by the publisher.
coffeeshaman More than 1 year ago
I have a lot of relationship and love wounds and I admit, I was a little afraid to read this book. When I got my advance copy from the publisher, I actually postponed digging into it, as I realized more and more that I clearly have some healing to do and is now the time for me to do that? And then, I ripped off the bandaid. I will be reading this again and suggesting it to possibly everyone I meet. It is an excellent book for everyone...not just the newly wed. As I read, I kept thinking, "Oh, I wish I had read this as a highschooler." This book would have been the perfect preventative medicine for me. Alyssa and Jefferson alternate writing chapters and this tactic is just perfect. With their bold honesty, you feel like you are getting insight to ALL sides of the story. It is wonderful. All of it will speak to you in a time of your life. You will learn something about yourself and how to move forward from where you are. I feel, more than anything, this book helped me open my eyes a little more and allowed me to start looking at some things differently, so that...maybe I am capable of considering a future relationship, should an opportunity arise. And this change of heart is really close to miraculous. Bottom line? If you love growing yourself, buy it. If you have been hurt, or feel too dirty, or ashamed, or too good, or misunderstood, or lost, or confused, or perfectly fine...buy the book, read it, underline stuff. AND...please, please, buy copies, many extra copies, to hand out to the young people in your life, to a couple you know, to that friend of yours that just doesn't understand why this keeps happening to her/him. This book should be read and shared and spread. And just have so much fun!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Where do I start? Jeff & Alyssa poured it all out in the pages of this book. I was chosen to be on the Launch team, so received this book in PDF format (I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher) months before the release and as soon as I started reading I was not able to put it down. I read the entire book in about 6 hours over a span of just two days. I am in a very recent relationship, however pretty fast paced, as we are dating with the intent of marriage and have already had several conversations about marriage in just these short 2 & 1/2 months being together. I was able to apply and relate tremendously to Alyssa & Jeff both throughout the book. Each of their stories and upbringings/views of relationships at an early age combined with the wisdom they each carry now having been married for a few years was incredible to sit under and learn from. My boyfriend and I are fighting hard, trying our best everyday to do things the right way as far as setting boundaries and pursuing one another in a Godly way. This book brought out real issues like evaluating dating relationships, the importance of communication and having hard conversations and asking the hard questions, our culture versus what God's design is for relationships, pornography, etc. "Love That Lasts" made me think of relationships in a different light and allowed my boyfriend and I to sit down and have hard but life giving conversations that have brought us closer to the Lord, closer to each other, and allowed us to evaluate and put purpose/focus behind our relationship. This book is great for anyone in every phase of life. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married there is something within the pages of this book for YOU! The Bethke's are so wise and so real and so relatable.. they share such vulnerability in the pages of this book involving their struggles in singleness, in dating, in engagement, and even now as they are married and have a family. You will be so thankful you read this book!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am a 21 year old college student that was able to get a copy of this book as part of the launch team. From the start of this book I was crying because I felt like God was using it to speak right to me. I had a rough freshman year of college and had not recovered until I read this book. This spoke to me about my past relationships and God used Alyssa and Jeff to help me move from my past. My favorite quote from the book is "We are not identified by our pasts, but our pasts continue to affect us. They are part of our stories. Our outward appearance is not our identity. The truth is, we were each formed in God’s image and created with purpose and goodness and beauty. We reflect God. Our hope is in Him.” I have pre-ordered two books, one for me and one for my boyfriend. I have also told many friends that they need to read it when it comes out. This book is for singles, people in a new relationship, people in a long term relationship, married, divorced, widowed, I believe it is for everyone. Thank you, Jeff and Alyssa, this book has made me finally feel whole again. I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love literally everything Jeff and Alyssa write! This book is funny and inspiring, insightful and humbling. It is a book for people in all walks of life, single, dating, engaged or married. I teach high school and I wish I could give a copy of this book to every girl in my classroom. These concepts and nuggets are so important. Jeff and Alyssa will have you laughing and then crying and feeling like you're all sitting in the coffee shop trading stories! I love the style of this book, I love the message of this book, I just love this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book prior to it’s release because I was part of the authors’ launch team and I’ll say this: I don’t consider myself a reader - I get bored easily, distracted quickly, and there are many more things I’d rather do in my free time than read a book. But this book is EXCELLENT. Jeff and Alyssa do such a great job of engaging you as a reader, being open and vulnerable in sharing the stories and experiences they’ve had, and appealing to their readers, no matter what stage of life they’re in. This book isn’t only for those that are dating, engaged, or married. It’s also great for singles. And it’s not only about relationships but also touches on other struggles that can subsequently enter and negatively affect our marriages. It does sometimes, however, have some of those “cheesy Christian clichés” but I don’t think it affects the quality of the book. Would definitely recommend this to anyone, whether or not you enjoy reading!!
Larena Runnels More than 1 year ago
This is a book that I will read numerous times. This book is something that everyone can read. It doesn’t matter if you are single, dating, engaged, or married. I was able to relate to so much in this book. Both Jeff and Alyssa put their most vulnerable parts of their life in here. I received an advance copy of this book. I feel so blessed I did.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is amazing. The book gives advice in a more subtle storytelling way. Through the story of Jeff and Alyssa's relationship and experiences you learn some very Godly advice. The authors are very relatable, hilarious and open, that makes reading the book even that more enjoyable. This book is about dating, engagement, marriage, and sex. Even if you aren't in that period of your life it holds good advice on what is to come. Jeff and Alyssa are so open and vulnerable about their stories that it leads you to open up to yourself about where your heart is. This book is a must read for everyone. No matter if you are single, dating, engaged, newly married, or married for years I feel like there is advice in this book for anyone and everyone. "I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher."