I am going to need you to pick me up. I can’t get the car.

Unexpectedly forward of you, Haley from Mrs. James’s US History class.

Crap, you’re not Dylan.

Whose number is this?

M

Who?

Martin

From US History

And English.

We’ve gone to school together since sixth grade.

I texted you last week about the AP questions?

I’m the one who told you you’re the only one not at risk of spending the next three weeks analyzing Shays’s Rebellion???

Didn’t you save my number?

No, sorry.

Wrong number.

Obviously.

I’m hurt.

Didn’t you at least notice the message history??

Still there?

No. Sorry, was texting Dylan.

I didn’t see the history when I started the message.

I COULD be Dylan if you really needed me to.

Not sure I’m dressed for it.

My mother refuses to purchase flannel in those quantities.

Wait … aren’t you in German? Why are you texting?

I’m not.

I mean, I am.

In German.

Stop texting me.

Only if you text me in German.

Geh weg, Scheisskopf!

I know what that means

I read Catch-22.

STOP.

I’m not a text service.

That doesn’t work on me.

Are you ignoring me?

Really???

You can’t turn your phone off

You’re waiting for your best friend’s ex-boyfriend to answer.

OMG, would you stop?

I knew it!

You’re going to get me detention.

Fine … I’ll leave you alone

Scheisskopf.

 

You’re the Scheisskopf, not me.

So you ARE still talking to me

Yes.

No.

I don’t know.

Frau was making me conjugate.

Then I had to do something with Dylan after school.

Between which we had class together and YOU said nothing to ME.

Not like you said anything to me either.

I don’t know why I’m even texting you now.

But you’re still the Scheisskopf.

Which means … due to circumstances beyond our control

We’re both talking and not talking to each other

And we’re both Scheisskopfs?

Pretty much.

Technically, You Started It