“The College Board announced on Wednesday a fundamental rethinking of the SAT, eliminating obligatory essays, ending the longstanding penalty for guessing wrong and cutting obscure vocabulary words…. The SAT’s rarefied vocabulary words will be replaced by words that are common in college.”
— The New York Times

1. Drinking : Binge :: Sex :

(a) Gender
(b) Casual
(c) SEX!
(d) Binge

2. Suri has class starting at 9AM. If it takes her 45 minutes to get ready, and 15 minutes to walk to class, what time should she set her alarm for?

(a) 8:55 AM
(b) 9:55 PM
(c) Snooze button
(d) Suri vomited on her alarm clock last night.

3. Frat : Party :: Calculus :

(a) Huh?
(b) Calculusator
(c) Greek
(d) F

4. Lourdes said to her mother, “It’s not a big deal, mom. Everyone I know already lost her ___________.”

(a) virginity
(b) scholarship
(c) license
(d) bail hearing

5. If 1 + 2x = 3, what does x equal?

(a) Old gf
(b) The spot
(c) Under 21, no drinks (just kidding)
(d) The two strangers I woke up with in my bed this morning

6. Junior Year Abroad : Productive Educational Experience ::

a) haystack : needle
b) Twitter : research tool
c) Friends : Friends Without Benefits
d) Junior Year Not Abroad : Productive Educational Experience

7. Fargo sends 100 texts an hour. Texts cost 20 cents each. How much is his monthly phone bill?

a) Infinity?
b) $14,400
c) This thing is also a phone?
d) My parents would know this.

8. An “A” 50 years ago : An “A” now ::

a) Diamonds : Cubic Zirconium
b) Handwritten letters : Facebook status updates
c) They had the same alphabet 50 years ago?
d) The SAT 50 years ago : The SAT now

9. Fortunately for Madison, in order to get a perfect score on the new SAT, her vocabulary merely has to be ________.

a) whatever.
b) like, okay.
c) words.
d) sex.

10. Optional essay: Please discuss how unpopular anyone who admits to doing the “optional” essay will be at college next fall. Feel free to answer in the form of tweets, tats, listicles, emoticons, GIFs, Snapchats, or whatever new ways you’re communicating that old people haven’t heard of yet.

You can find much more from Jeremy Blachman, although not his SAT score, at