Table of Contents
Acknowledgments 9
Introduction 11
1 Laser Tag in the Library 21
2 Library 101 32
Unknown Library Firsts 52
3 Let's Move the Library 53
Things to Remember When Moving Your Library 66
4 Library School, Finally! 67
Classes They Should Teach in Library School 74
Jon's Nine Circles of Library Hell 75
5 I Am the Law! 76
6 The Future Is Now 81
How to Tell If a Patron Is Viewing Porn as Opposed to a Nude 92
7 Does Your Family Tree Fork? 93
Things Never to Say to a Librarian 105
8 The Brotherhood/Sisterhood of the Book 106
9 Oh, Christmas Tree 118
10 Rats 122
11 The Brief Reign of Pharaoh Ho-Ho and the Queen of Denial 136
12 Working at the Mayberry Library 144
13 Potty Humor in the Library 149
Things Librarians Would Love to Say to Their Patrons 155
14 Goodbye 156
Appendix A Library Stories 161
Appendix B A Letter to Library Patrons or Prospective Patrons 175
Appendix C A Letter to My Fellow Librarians 177
Bibliography 181
Index 183
