If you have ever wondered what it would be like to crash a fairground ride, upset the Russian mob, humiliate yourself in front of two and a half million people, fall asleep on a push-bike, pole dance, be Santa Claus, be run out of town by more gangsters intent on snapping your legs like Twiglets, receive a VIP tour of The Whitehouse, forge an identity, be fired from the same job twice in as many days, make a movie with an Oscar-nominated Hollywood actress, have a crazed psycho break into your flat at 3am intent on causing you serious physical aggravation with a screwdriver, fleece a pensioner out of their hard-saved cash, be pursued by the paparazzi, simultaneously implode three companies, make weaponised plutonium or be normal...then you're no longer alone. Welcome to Danland.