500 Acres and No Place to Hide: More Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl

by Susan McCorkindale

Overview

The hilarious follow-up to the memoir, Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl.

It's been four years since Susan's husband dragged her kicking and screaming from their comfortable, big city East Coast life to a farm in Virginia cattle country. Susan's adjusting as best she can, which isn't easy considering she's been known to wear Manolos in manure. She'll never be a real farm girl, but as readers will see from her side- splitting confessions, she's faking it just fine.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780451233363
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	08/02/2011
Pages:	368
Product dimensions:	5.30(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.70(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Susan McCorkindale is the author of two memoirs, No Place to Hide: More Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl and Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl. A former marketing director at Family Circle, McCorkindale is now a freelance advertising copywriter in Virginia. She is also the editor of SHE! magazine and a contributor to The Huffington Post. She is a graduate of Marymount Manhattan College.

Table of Contents

Prologue 1

Part 1 Sleepless in Sticksville

Cluckster's Last Stand 7

Staying Abreast in the Boonies 14

Runaround Sue 18

When It Rains, It Paws 29

Dressed to Kill 34

Who Says You Can't Go Home? 42

The Cowpoke Wore Prada 51

Brumfield Follies 55

The Land the Takeout Taxi Forgot 63

Cock-a-Doodle Sue 69

Jeremiah Was a Peeping Tom 79

Supermodel Suzy 87

Part 2 The Counterfeit Farm Girl Gets Real (Counterfeit Farm Girl Style, Of Course)

Calves' Heads and Black Snakes and Groundhogs. Oh, My! 99

Coming around to Country 107

The Mother of All Realities 122

There Oughta Be a Pill 118

Death by Family Time 122

Ah, the Wonders That Await Me in My Whirlpool 126

Suzy Soprano 130

Star of Stage, Screen, and Livestock Exchange 141

My Birthday Means Jack 145

Ain't No Way to Treat the Ladies 153

It's Okay, Phil. You'll Get My Bill 160

Just Another Blue-gened Boy 166

Jammin'with the Jonas Brothers 178

Swan Lake? Not So Much. But Swan Pond Sounds about Right 183

Forbidden in Fauquier 190

Christmas in Cow Country (Or, Suburbanites Deck the Halls, Farm Folk Deck the Heifers) 200

You Say You Want a Resolution 203

Part 3 Will Farm for Love

Will Farm for Love 211

I'd Like to Have a Word John Wayne 214

Failing Caregiving 101 227

Drawing the Line at the Leech 236

Please Don't Squeeze the Stinkbugs 240

The Guilt Is in the Mail(box) 251

Nailing the New Normal 255

Looking for Dick in All the Wrong Places 264

Needy and Not Proud of It 277

Puzzled by Kudzu? Me, Too 281

One Cholecystectomy, Three ERCPs, and Six Dead Chickens Later… 285

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas Tree. Not 290

Is That a Poinsettia in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me? 299

Cock-a-Doodle Sue, Part Two 306

Jailbird in a Scruffy Blue Bath Towel 311

Putting My Faith in the Funny Stuff 322

Part 4 Epilogue

500 Acres and No Place to Hide 331

Acknowledgments 349