We live in a world where weak bonds have been developed through our phones. We have become desensitized to the point that we have forgotten our humanity. Some have turned into robots and have abandoned their emotions altogether. The main character, one of the only humans left, tries to use her love to save humanity.
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|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.29(d)|
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Hello! Hello!! Hello!!!
I kept knocking on the door. But, no one would answer. I wondered if anyone was home. I turned the doorknob, which I probably shouldn't have done. But, it was something that I needed to do. They told me that no one saw him in such a long time. I needed to see if he was okay. I needed to see what had happened to him. It was normal for me to be worried about him even though I didn't see him in forever. We used to be close. Really close. I finally got the strength to open the door and to look inside. There was complete silence.
My eyes finally reached his — except his didn't look like mine. I didn't know how to feel. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know anything at all. All I knew was that I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. I couldn't believe what time did. My heart started to sting. I had to yell. I had to say something — anything.
What happened to you? Hello! Wake up! You need to wake up! Do you hear me? WAKE UP!
Silence. That was the only thing that I heard. But, I knew that God also spoke in silence. As humans, we felt love in silence. So, I didn't want to make any judgments. I just had to be careful. I had to pay attention and I knew that the universe would reveal things to me, with time.
I got closer to him. Yet still, he didn't make a sound. My heart started to beat faster and faster and faster. I think that it was beating uncontrollably fast because I had no idea what was happening. I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know anything regarding this situation. I didn't even know what to expect.
I didn't understand why he wasn't responding to me. My eyes had never seen someone in this state. His eyes were open. But, they may as well have been closed. And, his body — well, his body made minimal movements. He was breathing, which meant that he was alive. He wasn't dead — or at least I had thought. He just wouldn't talk. At all. I mean it. Not even a word. My mind started to spin. I did not know what to do. I started to ask myself questions. I thought: "What do I do? Do I ask for help? Do I stay? Do I go? What happens next?" I had a bunch of questions. I just didn't know where to begin.
I got closer to him and decided to place my hand over his heart. His heart was supposed to be his home. I unfolded my fingers so that I could touch him. I was just really scared. I didn't know if I would get a response. I didn't know if he would say something. I didn't know if he would even be okay. I think that was the scariest part of it all. I got shivers that ran throughout my entire body. I finally got the strength to do it. I touched him. He felt cold. No. That word doesn't even do it justice. He was absolutely freezing.
He was something else. He was anything — but human. I never saw a human like that before. I was never in the presence of that — whatever that was. It was as if I was touching someone who wasn't human. Was that even possible? My mind started to question everything. Tears filled my eyes. My hands started to shake. I started to feel emotions that I did not know were possible. I thought that I had felt everything. But this ... this was different. I didn't know how, when, or why this happened. But, something was wrong. My mind kept replaying these thoughts: "Humans aren't supposed to be like this. It isn't supposed to happen this way." I started to scream his name in hopes that he would wake up. I started to shake him over and over again. I yelled it once again:
Me: He didn't need to say anything else. At that moment, it all connected. He didn't have to say a word. I was staring into eyes that had neither emotion nor depth. They were supposed to show you the soul. But, all I saw was an empty place where you could not see a trace of fire. They had no light. They had ... nothing. I knew it. Something wasn't right. This wasn't what it was like to be human. So, I simply said, Hi. And then, I walked away.
I didn't leave because I didn't want to help him or fix him. I left because I didn't really know what I could possibly do to save him. I needed to make a decision. Should I leave him alone? Should I let him be the way that he is or should I actually try to fix him? There was one thing that I knew for sure — my mind was in a chaotic state. A few questions kept replaying in my mind: "Could you fix someone who wasn't willing to fix themselves? Did he want to change? If not, was he willing to try to change?" I kept thinking about these questions over and over again, until my thoughts got lost in a whirlwind.
I know that everyone is different. Everyone is unique. I know that most people think that only the person going through pain must decide to fix their own self in order for it to actually happen. But, how do you just let someone drown themselves in their own pain? How do you let someone drown in their own misery? If they might be given the chance to open their eyes — isn't that enough to try and save them? You may disagree. But, for me, it was always enough.
If I was being honest with you — and myself, I didn't even know what could heal him. But, I couldn't help but think about love. Love could heal almost anything. The human heart had to produce love at such rapid speeds — at least my human heart. Maybe it could even produce love faster than the speed of light because the speed of light is something that you can measure. It is something that humans have figured out. But, love — love hasn't been able to be figured out to this moment. And, I doubt that it ever will be. No one really knows how to heal a broken heart. No one knows how to make someone fall in love. No one knows how you fall in love. No one knows how to measure love. There isn't a formula for any of this. All we know is that it varies from human to human.
I am not really certain of much. But, I am certain of one thing: Love can heal anything and the absence of love can kill someone — slowly, but surely. And, if a human lacks love, the human may still breathe. They may still appear to be alive. They may still appear to be human — walking, talking, laughing, working, and even achieving their greatest dreams. But, their insides will be completely empty. And, when they rest their heads to go to sleep at night, they will feel a void that nothing will be able to fill — except for love — whether they are willing to admit it or not. I just didn't know if I was strong enough to turn him back to a human.CHAPTER 2
I tried to go away for a few hours so that I could try to figure out everything on my own. It came natural to me that I needed to go to my escape in the city. I frequently sat there and reflected for long periods of time. This time, I had a specific reason to go there. I needed to make a decision regarding him. I had a habit of analyzing different people's behavior whenever they walked by. I watched their movements. I started to pay attention to the details. I noticed a whole lot — more than they would have expected. They moved like him, too. At that moment, I was sure that he wasn't the only one.
I started to pay attention to the way that these "humans" did daily basic things that would typically be human nature. They were on their phones — texting. They barely communicated with each other. They didn't dare speak of love. They barely spoke — at all. Instead, they spoke of temporary bonds. They spoke. But, they didn't really hold conversations with other people. They had small talk here and there. And then, they quickly disconnected and isolated themselves. Yet, they would brag about how they lived in this world.
You see, the irony is that they thought that they were living. But, they really weren't. If you're not being your true self — who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose? The sad thing was that they would talk about being heartless. They would talk about using their partners. They would lie. They would cheat. They would talk about getting married and then constantly divorcing without reason — as if love meant nothing and it was an easily breakable bond. They didn't really believe in God. I noticed it all.
They had more belief in the things that they created. They seemed to only love what was man-made. They had more trust and faith in technology. Human connection seemed to be dying. I'm not sure where the human connection was going. When they talked to someone, it would become very awkward. I realized that most of the communication that occurred between them was through these social media outlets or through their cellphones.
There was a whole other world out there — a world that was preferred over the one that we were in. There was a world that was more isolated. A world where you could pretend that you had a heart, but not use it. A world where hearts were connected with wires. A world where hearts could have masks because you couldn't get too close to even notice. A world where distance was okay. A world where you didn't even keep family too close. A world where bonds were here one day and then gone the next. A world where everyone was replaceable. A world where you used humans over and over and over and over again. But then, you spoke of humanity as if it were a dying art. A world that you saw. But, you didn't care to fix.
You see, it is easy to feel something for a split second. It is easy to think of everything as art. It is easy to talk about love, but not live it. It is easy to give up. It is easy not to commit. It is easy to disconnect. But, it is harder to go out into the real world and live that message. It is easy to talk about wanting love. But, it is harder to show love and to give love and to accept love. It is easy to hide from real things — the things that last. It is harder to bring down the walls that we have created and give love a chance. But, no. They wanted what was easy. They wanted a world where nothing was permanent, except for the world that they created — a world that didn't even exist. They wanted an illusion. They wanted a world that was made for robots — not humans.
Me: I opened the door. I'm back. I think that we should talk.
Him: How do you come in without knocking? Where are your manners?
Me: Sorry. I just had to come back. I had to talk to you. Look at me! He looked up.
I felt it in my core. He was looking at me again. He wanted to feel. But, he couldn't. He had neither emotion nor depth inside of his eyes. He was empty. I had to be strong. I had to do this — not just for me. But, for everyone. I thought about how my future kids would be if the people in this world didn't change. I didn't want them to come into a world that was so cold that it would freeze their souls. I didn't want them to live in a world that desperately needed and craved emotions, but they were impossible to get from anyone. I had to do this for them. I had to do this for him. I knew that there was hope. He was human. They were human. I believed that they would be human again. So, I knew that I would try my best to be stoic at times even though being stoic was not natural for me because I am used to showing all of my emotions. I was going to channel all of the love that was inside of me and use that to get my power. First question:
Why don't you believe in love anymore?
Him: What? So you come into my home without knocking and you expect me to just answer your random question?
Me: I need to know.
Him: Just leave!
Me: No! I need to know.
Him: Well, I don't want to talk about it.
Me: Why not?
Him: I just don't want to talk about it. There doesn't have to be an explanation for everything. There doesn't have to be an answer for everything.
Me: I stared at him as he got up to leave. Oh, so you're just going to leave in the middle of our conversation? Actually, no. It is the beginning of the conversation and you are just going to walk away! We didn't even get through one question. I thought that we could actually talk.
Him: I have more important things to do!
Me: That, right there, is the problem. You don't even care to fix any problems, even if they are your own. You just want to leave things when they don't benefit you. Actually, you want to leave things when you think that they don't benefit you. If you were actually in touch with yourself, you would know that this conversation would benefit you. Or maybe, subconsciously, you know that it does benefit you and that it could help you, but you want to bury these problems deep inside of you so that you don't have to fix them. You want to leave the wound there — just as it is. You want to cover up the void by filling it up with temporary things. Doing this makes you forget about everything.
Him: I said that I don't want to talk about this. I'm doing fine and I can figure it out on my own. I don't need anyone and I certainly don't need you.
Me: But, that is the problem once again. You haven't cared to fix it on your own and you want to throw away people who are actually willing to help you. You want to push away people who want to make you see your problems and actually give you solutions to them. Why is it that everyone thinks that they can do everything on their own? Why can't they realize that they actually need help? I mean, I know that it starts with the individual. But, I wish that I had someone to actually help me get through something or figure something out whenever I had issues or problems. I didn't have anyone. Okay? I know that it would make it a little easier, especially when the help is coming from the heart. I want to help you. I mean that with my whole heart. I promise.
I noticed him stare at me. It was as if he was hearing the words, but they were not registering inside of his mind. It was as if my words went over his head — completely.
Him: Listen. I don't want your help.
Me: At that moment, I knew that this was going to be harder than I had previously thought.CHAPTER 3
I had to leave yesterday. Don't judge me. I went out into the world again. I needed to get some more answers. I felt like I was trapped inside of a room talking to someone who wasn't human.
I had all of these questions: "Is there anyone out there who is still human? Is there anyone who still feels? Is there anyone out there who still wants to love? Who still wants to hold hands? To write letters? To feel a touch? Is there anyone out there who fears love, but still wants to love anyway? Or, have we been conditioned to go against who we are?" Humans — we are complex. Sometimes, we are so complex that we want to give up our souls.
I mean, we can't even accept ourselves and who we are supposed to be. We are going against nature. We are going against our own selves.
We were created to love. At least, that is what I believed. I started doubting myself again. I felt like the more that I tried to figure everything out — including the way that he worked, the more that I kept doubting myself. I kept questioning my own love and myself. I thought that maybe he was right and that humans weren't made to love. Was he right? Maybe it was love that destroyed the human. Maybe we needed to guard ourselves to the best of our abilities. Maybe we shouldn't just love everything. Maybe we shouldn't love with our whole souls. Maybe we should just use people. I mean, that was what everyone else was doing and it seemed to be working for them. Right? It seemed that the choice to become a robot was helping them in the long run. They wouldn't get hurt. Right?
NO! My mind started to freak out at its own thoughts. This is what happens when anyone is around this behavior for too long. You start to question your own humanity. You start to think that there is something wrong with you because you're the one feeling. You start to think that there is something wrong with you because you're the one loving and you're the one giving emotion, but nothing is reciprocated. You start to feel like the outcast. You start to feel like maybe everything is wrong with you because you are who you are. But, no. There is nothing wrong with you. There is everything right with you. You, not only, have a beautiful human mind — you have a beautiful human heart.
This didn't work yesterday. But, I needed to go back today. Today is a new day and there is always another chance.
Me: Hey, you.
Him: Hey! I'm guessing that you didn't knock again!
Me: Sorry! It has clearly become a habit. Where's your heart? I laughed a little bit as I said that.
Him: Right here!
Me: He pointed right to where his heart used to be, physically. I didn't mean it that way. I know where your heart was, physically. I want you to talk to me about where your heart really is. I want you to talk to me about love because I believe that your heart is love's home. What you love becomes what lives in your heart. Your heart protects it.(Continues…)
Excerpted from "A Beautiful Human Heart"
Copyright © 2018 Margaritë Camaj.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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