|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.31(d)|
Read an Excerpt
A Woman's Cry
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2012 Shelle
All right reserved.
Chapter OneThe Heart of a Woman
The heart of a woman can be a safe place, or it can be a scary place, depending on her mood and her situations at a particular time. Our hearts are like the brains of our emotions. It might seem that we women would use our brains first, but unfortunately, we use our hearts first and brains later when it comes to the choices we make about our relationships. I can honestly say that that type of reversal happens for a man also. He may think with his penis before he ever thinks with his head. I believe that if we could see things in their appropriate order, we possibly could avoid a lot of the drama that we go through on a daily basis. As women, our hearts bleed with so much emotion that often, no one seems to understand or want to understand what we are going though. Sometimes we get so emotional that we can't even tell anyone what is wrong with us. All we know is that love hurts like hell sometimes.
We can love a man, even when he does not love us in return. We think that if we keep doing stuff for him and giving him great sex that he eventually will love us. But some of us do not realize that if he does fall for us, it may be for the stuff we do and not for us. Some of us are okay with this, and some of us know better than to expect more from a man. A man has to realize that he can't have only part of us. He needs to have all of us and our baggage. When I speak of baggage, I am referring to everything we have been through from childhood through adulthood. It is not just the physical me; it's the things that he does not see. Men must be willing to accept these things if he is going to be truly there with us. I admit it is a challenge, but we all must learn about the person with whom you are going to spend time.
I once was in a relationship with a young man. He knew I was head over hills in love with him, but he did not care. He took my love—and me—for granted, but he made me feel anything less than a human being but yet I continued to stay with him, trying to convince him that I was the one for him. Even so, he would just laugh and make fun of me. He knew that I was sick with love for him, so it was easy for him to treat me like shit—and I was willing to accept that, just so that I could say that I had a man.
For anyone who was on the outside looking in, we seemed like the perfect couple, but I went through hell with this man. It was like he had three personalities, all rolled up into one. He was a mad man, and I think he thought he was a porn star—maybe that is why he thought I was beneath him. He often had a thing for strippers, which is cool, but a man must realize that a woman has issues when it comes to matters of the heart—and most of those issues are with a man. If you don't believe me, just look around at your mothers, sisters, friends, daughters.
I once heard a preacher say that a man is responsible for the flow of his family. I understood this to mean that any problems that arise in the family are because of the man. This is because man was created first and woman second. I know this may be pretty hard for some of you to hear, but this fact seems to be true. A man is supposed to make sure that he takes care of his woman and his children, not the other way around. I do not know how all of this got started and reversed itself so that the woman takes care of the man. Maybe one day a man decided that he was tired of being responsible and got lazy and told the woman she was going to take over his role. But how can a woman be a man when she was created to be a woman?
I have to admit that we women have done a pretty good job of taking on both roles. It has not been easy, but we have taken on the challenge of playing both mama and daddy. This double role is hard to bear at times, because we know that if we have a son, there will come a time when he will need a positive male in his life to give him a sense of direction. I am not saying that we can't raise a son into a grown man, but it helps if his father or some other positive male role model is in his life. My son has become a wonderful young man, even though his biological father left his side when he was two months old. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, his father said he was going to look for a job and that he would be right back. It's been twenty-six years, and I guess his father is still looking for that job, because he hasn't returned. Still, I must give thanks to the heavenly Father for sending a wonderful stepfather for my son, someone who stepped in to take over the daddy role.
I often wonder if we will ever see my son's father again. Did he disappear in the Bermuda Triangle? I am not sure where he went, but he surely will regret running from his responsibility one day. I think that he will appear again when our son becomes famous. That is the darndest thing that happens when a child becomes famous—the father magically appears. Has anybody else ever felt like this? Have you ever wondered where the other parent has disappeared too? Maybe months or years have passed and you still have not heard from him/her. I cannot understand how a parent can walk away from his own offspring. In the end, it is his loss.
My Love Is Your Love
I love this chapter because now I truly know what it means to Love yourself and accept all of the things you were created to be. It took many years to realize that I needed to love myself first, and then love someone else. I used to think it was the other way around. I thought that if you loved someone first that they would in turn love you back. I had always wondered why I kept ending up in the same type of relationships that I was in. I could never put my finger on why was my dating men was so extreme. I finally figured it out. One day I just made up my mind that I needed to step back and look over my life and study what exactly was going on and why was I accepting not being loved by the hands of another. I found out that I was not being proactive in my relationships. I was just letting a man tell me how to do things such as, how to dress, how to wear my hair, when to go to bed, when to go to school, when to work, when to exist. I was depending on men to teach me how to be Shelle. I thought they were trying to help me be a better person, but what I found out was they were only trying to make me into someone I was not. I also found out that I was being controlled every minute of the day. I could no longer hand out with my family and friends I just had to stay around them and be used as they wanted to use me. After so many years I never figured it out. Now that I look back there were so many red flags and I just looked the other way. I thought I was happy and I also thought that I was becoming a better person by a man controlling my every move. This makes me so sad every time I think of someone using me up and hurting me with my permission. I must pause for a minute....
I am so hurt right now as I write these words. This type of behavior should not be tolerated for any reason at all. We as women deserve to be loved unconditionally. We deserve everything back that has been stolen from us, our dignity, respect, and self-esteem. We deserve to be treated like we treat a man. We deserve to be our very best and on top of our game. Not abused in any kind of way. Women we need to reach out to each other and teach each other how to love ourselves. We need to teach our younger generation how to love themselves especially. Fathers you all need to teach your daughters to recognize what a real man is, so they will not just be accepting any old thing. As a matter of fact being the wonderful father that you are; you can teach your daughters not to settle on just a man because he is breathing. You can teach them to recognize a man with goals, dreams, ambition, and more. As a father you can teach your daughters how to recognize a wonderful husband and someone who will not hurt one hair on their pretty little head.
I get so angry when I find out that as a father you are not around to raise your daughters. It is so critical that you be in your daughters lives, because if you do not then her boyfriend will try to play daddy to her. Over the years I have found out that this is not working, and it should not be tolerated. So please father's step up to the plate and show your daughters how spot the signs of danger before it is too late.
"My love is your love" sounds like a song that we women sing to our men. We sing this song, because this is how we truly feel from the bottoms of our hearts. When we sing this song to our men, we hope that they understand that there is nothing they can do that will keep us from loving them. We love them so much that it hurts, often literally. We often wish that they would reciprocate that feeling, but because men hold back their emotions, we probably will not know how they feel until it is too late, or we will find out they loved us after we are on someone else's arm.
Men may find artificial love in a hurry, when they see someone else is interested in us. I often wonder why this often happens. Why does it take a woman to act like a fool for a man to realize that we are one of the best things that God created for him? Why does he act like he hates the ground that we walk on? Why does he cheat on us with other women who do not even care about them? Why does he neglect his children when they need him in their lives?
Your children need you in their life. Your children need you to teach them their survival skills from the harm they may endure in the future. When you disappear and leave no contact information, this can hurt your children in the future. When a man lies with a woman, he should be prepared to take care of his babies. He should know that being intimate with a woman could produce an offspring that he would eventually have to take care of. I'm amazed why some men act surprised when a woman tells him that she is pregnant with his child. Men should take a good look at themselves and ask if they are ready to be a father. They need to look at sex a little more seriously than they have in the past. I am not sure if they are looking at sex as a sport and the child is the prize, but running around town bragging on how many baby mamas they have is no longer acceptable. They need to worry about how many children they have abandoned.
I am not sure who told men that abandoning their children was okay, but it must stop. They must step up to the plate and help take care of their children. If they do not know how to take care of children, they should get a self-help book. So many children are lost and looking for their fathers on a daily basis. Fathers must be there in all aspects of their children's lives.
No matter how much we women try to do our best at raising our children, we often get the short end of the stick, but we can reverse that by taking control of our lives and not letting anyone deter us from going in the right directions. We need to continue to raise our children the best way that we can and continue to look towards the future in a positive light. When we allowed a man to get the best part of us, it was because we really loved or liked him. We thought that he was going to be there for us and that he shared the same ideas and strategies for our lives.
We gave him the benefit of the doubt. What a sad disappointment in the end, we now must always ask ourselves, "Do we follow the one we love, or the one who loves us?" I ask this question because once we find out in which direction we should be going, our life will make more sense. I had to learn this the hard way, and what I found out was that when I followed the one I loved, it often was not the right choice. I found out over a period of time that I was in love by myself. I was the one who constantly bent over backwards to please that person. I was the one who sacrificed everything to make him happy. I was the one who lost myself, day by day, to the point that I did not even recognize myself any longer. I was the one who was stuck with the kids, wondering where the next meal would come from, living paycheck to paycheck. But when the person loves me, this is the shoe that fits me perfectly. I found this out by experiencing a kind of love that I didn't know existed—until one day it just fell in my lap from the heavens above. I am so thankful for this.
When we have someone who loves us, it is an amazing feeling. When someone is in love with us, he will be there even when we feel we do not deserve it. He will care for us in all of our pains and woes. When someone loves us, he will grow with us. He is very understanding of us, and he does not judge us. He is our best cheerleader.
Someone once told me that if my heart stopped pumping, he would take out his heart to place in my body, just so that I could live. This was the best line I'd ever heard. This man who loves me would do exactly that for me. He has loved me through it all, no matter what. He found me, beaten and battered, in the lost-and-found box. I was thrown away by someone who did not know my worth. He took me home, washed my beaten and bloody body, fed me soup, and tucked me in. And he did this when he did not even really know me.
Please believe me when I tell you that once you have made it to this point—when you are with someone who loves you—you have made it. This may take some time, because many of us tend to like the bad boys versus the good guy. You know the saying, "Good guys finish last," but it is not that the good guy finishes last. It is the fact that we do not recognize a good man, because we may not be used to a good man. We may have allowed ourselves to fall in love with someone who did not give a damn about us. We may have thought that this man would change eventually, if we kept doing the things that would keep him happy. But this is not reality. This type of person is going to keep being Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right.
In order for us to be happy, we must think of ourselves first. We must love ourselves on all levels and love everything we see when we look in the mirror. We must accept all things about ourselves. We must remain true to ourselves and let no one define our existence. We must come to terms with our unique beauty, not what society says is beautiful. We must persevere and keep moving beyond all expectations.
I found that there is no reason for me to settle on being unhappy. I know that I was placed on this earth to serve a purpose—a purpose beyond a man abusing me, mentally and physically. My purpose is to be a unique and beautiful flower that blossoms in all her seasons. I have been created to bear wonderful fruit and teach my fellow sisters and children that they can be unstoppable, if they put their minds to it.
We are a blessing, and a man needs to appreciate that. We are like precious gems that need polishing from time to time. Men should care for us in a gentle way. He should love us and protect us from harm, and he should treat us as he wants to be treated.
I Am Your Queen
I am your queen who loves you very much. I am your soul mate. I was created from one of your ribs. I am your partner in all things. I am your best friend for life. I will be there for you until the end of time. I believe in you even when you can't believe in yourself, I have hopes for you. I am mesmerized by your qualities; you are mind-blowing to me. You have me at hello when you speak in that deep voice. You are my king who has been created in God's own image. You are everything that I could ever dream of. I can't wait to fill my belly with your children, because I am just that in love with you.
Now I know that I was naïve to believe a man loved me because he slept with me. (No one sleeps with you if he doesn't love you, right?) Wow, we women have a lot to learn about this one. Some of us may believe that if we get pregnant, this will make the man loves us or marry us. Many women who have tested this theory, however, have gotten nothing but a lot of mouths to feed and cries in the night. It's a sad reality, but it's so true.
This brings me to a question: Why are we are good enough for a man to sleep with and become his baby mama but not his wife? I notice this type of behavior a lot in black men. I am not saying this does not happen in other races, but it is a total epidemic in my race. Marriage seems like a disease with black men. I would say that out ten black men, only three or four may be married. I may be pushing it a little; three may be too much. Some of our men think that it is cool to make us only a baby mama but not their queen for life. The sad thing about this is that some of us are perfectly okay with this. Somewhere in the future, however, we may wonder why we can't be his wife, especially if we had one or more babies for him, and we've been with him since we were teenagers and we're now both are going on forty. This is not only something you see in the movies, this is a reality. This situation is like being a temp worker at a Fortune 500 company for twenty years and never getting a permanent position or earning the money you deserve. Imagine how hard your life would be. Well, this is how hard it is for a single mother who desperately needs assistance from the father, who thinks he is a "playa playa."
Excerpted from A Woman's Cry by Shelle Copyright © 2012 by Shelle. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
The Heart of a Woman....................1
My Love Is Your Love....................7
I Am Your Queen....................17
Natural Beauty vs. Plastic....................21
Listen: Do You Hear Me?....................33
Good Girls Gone Bad....................69
Judge Me Not....................75
Happiness Is Within....................87
When a Man Finds a Wife....................93
Prayer Has Changed Things....................97
Transforming Your Mind....................101
The Act of Forgiveness....................107
My Life as a Testimony....................111