Trapped for decades, a powerful god seeks freedom . . . and revenge. But the only thing that can save him is the passion of a woman's touch . . .
Emma Keane is your average city girl trying to get a date. There's just one thing holding her back: the disembodied male voice speaking to her through her mind. Sound kind of crazy? Maybe. But crazy turns downright deadly when the voice persuades her to travel to the wilds of the Mayan jungle. There she will free his body-his incredibly hot, muscled, naked body.
Humans are so frail, so undisciplined, so susceptible to love. And when this ancient being connects with Emma, the feelings she sparks drive him utterly mad. Protective, keep-her-close, never-let-her-go kind of mad. Which might not be such a bad thing because from the moment the beautiful, passionate Emma unshackles his body, they are hunted at every turn. Now he'll have to do everything in his power to keep her safe. But will it be enough?
The Accidentally Yours Series
BOOK 1: Accidentally in Love with...a God?
BOOK 2: Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?
BOOK 3: Sun God Seeks...Surrogate?
BOOK 3.5: Accidentally...Evil? (a Novella)
BOOK 4: Vampires Need Not...Apply?
BOOK 4.5: Accidentally...Cimil? (a Novella) (Coming in January 2014)
BOOK 5: Accidentally...Over? (Coming in August 2014)
About the Author
She hopes that someday leather pants for men will make a big comeback and that her writing might make you laugh when you need it most.
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Read an Excerpt
Accidentally In Love With ... A God?
By Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Grand Central PublishingCopyright © 2013 Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
All rights reserved.
Wasn't dating supposed to be fun? Because this was anything but. At any moment, a man I'd never met—approximately six foot three, brown hair, and soul-piercing blue eyes, according to his online profile—would walk through the door of the Conga Lounge, give his name to the hostess, and scream hysterically at the sight of me. Okay. He wouldn't scream ... aloud, anyway. Not that I was heinous, but anyone who looked closely enough might notice I was ... different.
I eyeballed the door, contemplating a mad dash before he arrived.
No, you can do this, I thought, while staring at the condensation channeling down my glass of water, my leg bouncing under the table. Why had my date picked a corny-themed bar that looked like Gilligan's Island threw up? What sort of man goes novelty on the first date?
Bad sign. Bad sign.
At least the other patrons seated around the faux torchlit room, leisurely sipping Bahama Mamas and mai tais were oblivious to my impending meltdown.
I felt the gentle whoosh of summer evening air as the door swung open, and the noise from the traffic-packed New York street poured in. A tall man with sun- kissed skin, broad shoulders, and tousled brown hair floated inside—yes, floated—as if he'd ridden in on a cloud straight from Hot Man Land. He wore a black, polished cotton shirt, which hugged his well-constructed chest, and low-slung jeans that molded to his lean physique. He wasn't just good- looking, he was Milan runway edible.
"Oh, sweet Virgin of Guadalupe, please be Jake," I muttered under my breath.
Like a cliché from a movie, our eyes met from across the room, and his face lit up with a dimple-framed smile. My heart nearly stopped. "Thank you, Virgin," I said, releasing my breath.
He strutted across the restaurant, a magnet for every female in the room.
"Emma?" he said in a deep, slow-churned voice, then smiled and held out his hand. I stood up in a daze, mentally pinching myself.
"You are Emma, right? Curly, shoulder-length, red hair, five three. Several crazed female stalkers for best friends?"
Oh no. What had my roommates done? Since the whole online-blind-date thing was their idea, they assured me they'd carefully "screened" the guy. But I thought they were just joking about breaking into his apartment and rummaging through his underwear drawer. And dammit, they hadn't even bothered to dish.
Tighty-whities or boxers?
I looked down at his outstretched hand. Oh, shoot. Shake hands. "Sorry, it's just—I wasn't expecting someone so ..." I swallowed and placed my palm in his. It was warm and inviting, like his eyes. "Um ... so tall."
"And I wasn't expecting a woman so"—he paused to look me over like a dog eyeing a giant juicy steak—"adorable."
"Adorable?" said the deep male voice inside my head. "What kind of moron compliments a woman with the word adorable? Does he think you're a goddamned puppy?"
Couldn't I have one, just one lousy day without the voice? My blood began to boil instantly, but I resisted the urge to snap back with something lame like, "Well, maybe Jake senses I want to lick him from head to toe. Maybe even have a go at his leg." But then I thought better of myself. Because tonight, I was on a mission, and nothing would stop me from climbing my own mental Mount Everest: convince myself that I, Emma Keane, could feel attraction for a real live man with ten fingers, ten toes, arms and legs, and the other necessary, dangly bits needed to make a relationship normal. All I needed was the right man.
The other person I had to prove this to wasn't exactly a person. Okay, truth be told, he was a mysterious voice only I could hear. Yes, a luscious, deep, velvety voice so intriguing and seductive it could turn me into a quivering mindless puddle of need with one little sigh. I couldn't get enough of it. Sound crazy? That wasn't the half of it. But it was why I had to do this. If I wanted a shot at normal, I had to take this first step and break this annoying, lifelong addiction.
Jake and I held hands for several moments before we sank into our wicker seats. "You must be Jake." Stupid statement, I know, but I had forgotten all of the witty icebreakers I'd painstakingly memorized.
He nodded and continued smiling.
"So." I paused, trying to think of something clever to say. It didn't happen. "My friends, they didn't do anything crazy, did they?" Other than a felony B and E?
Jake shook his head. "Aside from having me followed? No. They just sent an e- mail making it clear they'd remove both my testicles if I did anything wrong."
I cringed inside, but at least he didn't know about the home invasion.
"With a dull spoon," Jake added.
The voice snickered. "I've changed my mind. I now officially approve of your friends."
Jake continued, lowering his voice, "I'm glad I came. I thought your profile might have been exaggerating your looks. It didn't."
"What a cretin. You're not falling for this crap, are you, Emma?"
I felt my temper percolating, but I hung on. "Thanks," I said to Jake and then looked down at my hands.
"I hope you like this place." He opened up the piña colada–shaped menu. "The food, I hear, is tiki-licious."
"Right. That's it. This date ... is over!"
Percolate went to boiling over. "Jake, I'll be right back."
"Um, okay," I heard him say as I stomped off to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and checked the two small stalls.
"You giant turd! You promised you wouldn't talk!" I hissed. "Not a peep."
"Well, that was before ..."
There was a cricket-worthy pause.
"Fine. You listen to me, Guy." That was my latest name for him since he'd never shared his real one. "We had a deal. You promised you'd behave—"
"And you swore on your soul you'd pull the plug if I said so."
"Oh, no, no, my friend." I shook my finger at the air, even though he couldn't see me. "I said I'd end the date if you sensed anything wrong."
"Yes, and he's clearly deranged."
"Deranged?" I barked. "You're un-bel-ievable! He's said two words—"
"Eighty-five. Or was it eighty-seven? Hell, it doesn't matter. I knew on word three there was something ... off."
"Oh my God! You're completely full of it!" Hiccup! Hiccup! "Great. See what you did? My night is ruined." Hiccup!
"Do you have a paper bag?" he asked.
I continued hiccuping uncontrollably. "No. Doesn't exactly go with my new dress." Hiccup. "Besides." Hiccup. "That only works for hyperventilating. I'm working up to that next."
"New dress?" he asked, his tone a notch above angry. "You didn't wear the new green dress, did you? The tight one that shows every curve and 'makes a man instantly hard,' as your friend, Anne, so eloquently stated?"
The door to the restroom swung open. The woman gave me a nod as she went into one of the stalls.
Christ! I'd forgotten my wireless headset. Again. Without it, I looked like another New Yorker one step away from a Repent Now! sandwich sign. I scrounged through my matching satin evening bag and popped on my prop.
"Answer me! Did you wear the dress? After I expressly prohibited it?"
Should I tell him I secretly wish he could see me in it? No. No! What am I thinking? He could never know what went on inside my head; he'd only use my feelings against me. I hiccuped three times in quick succession. "Yes! I wore it, and it looks fabulous. You should see all the men walking around with colossal erections from looking at me!"
Just then, the woman emerged from the stall and scampered out of the bathroom. She didn't even bother to wash her hands. Ewww, I thought.
"You play with fire, little girl."
"No! You play with ..." I couldn't think of anything meaty to say. "Uuuh ... fire. I'm going out there, and I'm going to finish this date whether you like it or not. And if you make one more peep, just one more, you're going to ... uh ... get burned!" I so need to work on my threat technique. "Got it?"
"And if I don't do as you say?"
Again, I came up empty in the threat department, so I threw out, "I'll go home with Jake and sleep with him! That's right. Wild monkey sex, too! Hanging from the chandelier and everything." Does Jake even have a chandelier? I'll have to ask.
He growled. "You wouldn't."
"Try me! Not one more peep!" I smoothed down my curls, hiccuped five more times, then took a deep breath, and headed out into the dining area. The woman from the bathroom caught my eyes for a brief moment before looking toward her date and leaning in to whisper something. Her companion shot me a quick judgmental glance over his shoulder. I resisted blurting out that his date was disgusting and had cooties on her hands. Instead, I lifted my chin and walked over to the table where Jake was sitting back, completely unaware of the turbulence he'd invited into his life.
That's when the tsunami of guilt hit me.
I stopped and looked down at Jake, the most beautiful man I'd ever seen in real life.
"Everything okay?" he asked, obviously wondering why I hadn't taken my seat.
Jake's online profile said he was looking for someone special, someone to settle down with. That someone wasn't me. How could it be? I was ... complicated. My heart was trapped in some sort of bizarre purgatory, attached to a voice. Or, more accurately stated, attached to the endless images and fantasies my mind had conjured up to go with the stupid voice.
I couldn't go on with the date. There was simply no point. I had to get rid of Guy, or there would be no normal. No boyfriends. No husband. No wild monkey sex.
I hiccuped twice, making Jake jump in his seat.
He stifled a smile. "Oh, here. Try drinking some water."
I smoothed down the front of my dress, barely holding on to my tattered self- esteem. "I'm sorry, Jake, but you don't want me. I've got so much baggage even JFK couldn't handle it. But it was nice meeting you, and I hope you find that special someone."
Jake stared blankly and then nodded slowly.
I bolted outside onto the bustling street filled with people enjoying their Friday night, living their lives while I continued hiccuping uncontrollably.
"Emma, I'm glad you came to your senses. All this bickering is tiresome, especially when you know I'm right. That male was despicable. Why do you even bother to challenge me?"
That's when the doors flew off.
"You're a horrible, egotistical caveman! I'm done! Do you hear me? Done! You. Have. Got to leave!"
Several couples scurried past me. Although I was pretending to be talking to someone on my headset, I still looked like a detonating atom bomb in a green dress, mushrooming with toxic radiation.
"I'm not going anywhere, Emma. Besides, what would you do without me?"
"You can't be serious!"
"Why the hell not? If it weren't for me, some sleazeball would be using you for his sexual pleasure at this very moment. Is that what you truly want?"
"Yes! Wait. No ..." I sighed. "Don't you get it?" I need to move on. I need a normal life. I can't keep obsessing over you, I wanted to add and thanked my lucky stars Guy could not read my thoughts.
"Once again, you ask this ridiculous question. The answer is no! I do not 'get it.' I do not 'get' your determination to throw yourself into situations that will only cause trouble. And as long as I exist, I have vowed to protect you ... even if it's from yourself."
"Protect me?" That was always his fallback line, but he never could explain why that was even necessary. What the hell did I need protection from? "You're not protecting me, you're hurting me and keeping me from having an actual life! And if you're not going to tell me why, there's nothing left to talk about."
"I've still got plenty to say, little girl."
"No! This is over! Do you hear me? I'm ending this." I stepped off the curb into the crosswalk, continuing to stomp my way home, determined to find the answer to my million-dollar question: How, dammit, would I get rid of him? I'd researched exorcists, psychotherapy drugs to block him from my mind, and shock treatment, but nothing gave me hope of extracting him without exposing myself and being locked away in a white padded room. Just then, from the corner of my eye, I saw a set of lights barreling down on me and felt my body fly through the air before everything went dark.
"Guy? What happened? Where am I?" I said aloud. I spun several times, looking up, down, in every direction. I was perched on a large balcony jutting from the face of a decadent three-story villa carved into a lush green hillside. Like a fortress, I thought. I feel safe here.
"Emma, honey? Can you hear me?" a familiar female voice called from beyond the rolling hills.
My head snapped up, canvassing the terrain. I saw nothing but miles of neatly groomed vines heavy with burgundy grapes and almost as beautiful as the red-and- pink bougainvillea bowing over the towering arched windows at my sides. Every inch of the place was breathtaking. But where was I? Heaven. Yes, must be heaven.
"Emma, please, baby. Come back." The voice carried on the wind. It was my mother I finally realized, but I didn't want to leave.
Just then, a low hum tumbled down the hills like an invisible avalanche and began sifting into the air around me, vibrating like a swarm of angry bees. The noise roared inside my head.
I cupped my ears and doubled over, but the sound only amplified. My skull quaked with pain as the buzzing burrowed deep inside and settled in my bones, causing me to collapse into a quivering heap. I could have stayed like that for minutes, hours, or days. Who knows? But when that luscious voice came crashing through the layers of crippling noise, I clung to it like a life raft. It was a voice so soothing, so deep and hypnotic that every cell in my body fluttered with euphoria.
Then the voice began humming, a message embedded in the melody, "Please, my sweet, do not leave me. I'm sorry." The voice repeated the same message over and over again, yet never paused from the melody.
Wait. I recognized that song. It was—it was from ... Madame Butterfly!
"Oh, God. No! Go away!" My eyes flew open. I wanted to scream, but tubes were wedged in my mouth and throat. I gagged and clawed, then heard ear-piercing beeps and screeches.
My parents, with ghostly pale faces, hovered over me, yelling for the nurse. I was in the hospital, and not just any hospital, but the one where my parents practiced. The powder-blue walls were unmistakable.
"Emma! Baby!" My mother slid the tube from my mouth, threw herself over me, and sobbed with joy.
I winced as someone flipped on the blinding lights directly above. "What happened?" I managed to croak.
My mother's bloodshot brown eyes told me it was something catastrophic. "You were hit by a cab, honey," she said as she smoothed the hair back from my forehead. "The driver said you just ... came out of nowhere."
Oh. That. "I was distracted." By an evil, disembodied dictator who's hijacked my head, I wanted to add.
"Yes, Dr. Keane?" The nurse entered the room through a panel of pale blue curtains and gasped, her eyes wide. She scrambled to my side and began prodding while my parents moved aside and began hugging each other, crying.
"How long was I out?" I grumbled to the nurse, who checked my vitals.
She gave me a nervous look before she flashed a light in my eyes. "One month."
One month? I'd been out one whole month? I wiggled my toes under the beige blanket covering my lower legs. My body was stiff and sore, but nothing felt broken.
"Blunt head trauma with no signs of brain activity. You were in a coma, but you beat the odds, young lady," the nurse elaborated, checking my IV drip. "A true miracle."
The word miracle jarred me. Was it really? Had getting hit by a cab and being in a coma been the magic key to getting rid of Guy? I remembered the dream I'd had before waking up, but it could have been just that, a dream.
I mentally held my breath, hoping the universe had taken pity on me, while the nurse spent the next few minutes observing me like a lab rat before she turned to my still-sobbing parents, who were alternating between hugging each other and making calls on their cells to family.
"Can I speak with you both outside for a moment?" the nurse asked. "I need you to fill out some paperwork."
Frantic, they each kissed me on the forehead. "We'll be back in two seconds, baby," my mom sputtered. "I love you. Oh, thank God you're okay. We—I, we just love you so much, honey. We'll be right back."
"I love you guys, too," I mumbled.
They disappeared behind the curtain out into the hall. The heavy door made a loud thug! as it closed behind them.
Crap! I jumped. "Holy Virgin of Guadalupe, not you." I covered my face with my hands.
Excerpted from Accidentally In Love With ... A God? by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff. Copyright © 2013 Mimi Jean Pamfiloff. Excerpted by permission of Grand Central Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Mimi Jean Pamfiloff is hysterical. This is the first in her Accidentally Yours series. Can't wait for more. You will love Emma and the arrogant god she can't see. Emma does not dare let people find out she has a relationship with someone she only knows through dialogue in her thoughts. Her friends and family will think she is bonkers. But when he calls her into the heart of the Mayan jungle to free him from the ancient ruins, with a promise to finally leave her alone after that, she finds that he is not only real, (and gorgeous) but about to further turn her world upside down. Her desire to have a normal life, without some voice bothering her, may be a futile desire. But desire is the word. This ruthless warrior-god is the most amazing male she has ever seen or imagined. Emma is in big trouble. She realizes that her god is as dangerous as the other crazy gods, including my total favorite, wild and crazy Cimil. You are going to love Cimil and laugh out loud at her antics. Is she going to help Emma with the evil that has been unleashed into the world, the terrifying Uchben, or is she only going to make things worse?
I'm assuming if you've gotten to the reviews that you've read the synopsis. No need for me to retell the story here. If you like a spunky humurous leading lady then this is the book for you. I loved the Emma's spunky attitude, she was no wilting violet. I also loved that she had a shock threshold. She dealt with most things in as best she could and some things she didn't handle so well. She wasn't perfect, but I appreciated that as well. Of course, I loved Guy/Votan- tall, gorgeous god who can kill a man with his pinky? What's not to love. The story was well written, fun, and fast paced. I also apprecieted that while there was plenty of chemistry between Emma and Guy/Votan, that it wasn't the driving force in their relationship or in the book. There is one sex scene, a couple of steamy lead ups, but I appreciated that we weren't stopping the story to drop in sex scenes at every opporutnity (and trust me I do appreciate a good love scene). I did get a little frustrated with Emma and Guy/Votan at times, but mostly Emma. She was a forceful personality, which I loved, but she had a tendency to fly off the handle now and think later. She didn't always listen very well and had a tendency to think the worst of Guy/Votan, which is a bit understandable given some of his choices. Still, there were times I wished she would shut up and listen. On the other hand, given the situation she found herself in and her understandable difficulty to fully assimilate everything, she was an understandable and extremely likable character, even if I didn't like all of her choices. Being the first book in the Accidently Yours... Series, I would say this series is off to a great start. I'm picking up the next book today and will put this author and series on my list of those to look out for. STATS: E-Book Pages: 234 Genre: Paranormal Rom Steam Factor: Steamy (with some graphic dialogue) Re-Readability (0=Low;5=High): 4
OMG Loved this book, started fast and never slowed down! I so enjoyed Emma she was a heroine after my own heart, strong and weak very much as a real life female would react to the supernatural things going on around her. no easy acceptance for this girl, love how she had trouble dealing with all the changes in her life and all the new scary things thrown at her. All the twist and turns in this book added to the over all story, never making for a confusing read. I felt just as torn as she did between the male love interests in this book but loved how it turned out. The ending left me panting for more I'm left with a How? Why? and OMG this can't be good! Can't wait for the next book ! Mimi Jean Pamfiloff You have a new devoted fan in me.
Great read! Funny as heck, I can not wait for the next book.
As a completely avid reader who reads around a book every day, I often click and choose my next book based on the titles/cover art, then read the synopsis, then buy the book. With this book I have to say the title scared me. I feared this book would be a badly written, modern day, teenage melodrama sort. INSTEAD what I found was a completely charming hilarious book, with a kickass heroine, sexy as hell hero, and a story line that keeps the reader hooked. My boyfriend is often used to my reading far into the night or being ignored for hours at a time when I get into a good book, but even he pointed out that this book must be amazing because eating, sleeping, and time of day all became irrelevant. I HIGHLY recommend giving it a chance as well as the sequel. I look forward to the continuation of this series and more truly laugh out loud moments. Bravo MJP!
True pleasurable book with a cliffhanger ending leaving you to want more! The unfagging hilarious characters make this truly spell binding novel a must read. One of my new favorite novelists.
Loved the story and characters. Author did a wonderful job drawing you into their world. Could not wait to read the next book. Highly recommend!
I loved it.... what a talented author
This book was so much fun to read. It's fast paced and will give you more than a few LOL moments. Reminds me of the stackhouse series but I laughed more get it and the next series book: accidently married to a vampire.
This is also a great short story. If you are feeling down, read this book the heroine is freaking hilarious.
This was a fantastic book. MJP manages to introduce you to a whole new race of people with such ease and detail, it's almost hard to believe. I bought this on a whim, and it was the best $0.99 I have spent in awhile. Upon finishing, I immediately bought the second book. Her ability to combine Laughter with Lust is what makes this book a winner. I found myself speaking out loud to the main characters while reading (luckily, my hubs already knows I am crazy) Don't hesitate, just buy it. This was much more entertaining, original and well written than several of the mainstream $7.99-per-book series that are available.
I absolutely love a good romance novel that can make me laugh my ass off!!!!!!so damn funny!!! Loved it!!!! New favorite author!!!!
I love the book it was so funny. Emma and Guy are great together. Paranormal romance is my fav and this one has everything. Its a must buy. Mimi is a great writer.
This book is what reading is all about.... It is truly a creative piece of work and what fun! I love that the main character hears some voices (who doesn't these days?!?), there is a hunky man of every woman's dream, mystery, and to round it out a little arse kicking. My kind of book!! I read to escape and have fun and this book did just that. I was laughing out loud on the plane. I couldn't put it down... Go Emma! I can't wait to read Accidentally Married to a... Vampire.
This author is going on my favorites list. Can't wait for the next book.
I can wait for the book in the series.
Can't wait for further books to come out in this series!
Cute story, but it was jumpy in places where Ihad to go back and reread a sentence or two in a few places. But overall not bad. I'll gladly read other stories by this author. My only complaint...and this is in no way a reflection on the author...the formatting sucked. Whoever prepared this book for electronic distribution didn't have a clue or maybe they were still hung over from the weekend. Stray punctuation, sentences breaking in strange places, very strange chapter separations...oh, and the occasional blank page where the text just disappeared made reading difficult at times because I had to fill in the blanks with what I thought probably happened...
Finally, something a little different from the normal. I loved this book and couldn't put it down. I can't wait until the next book.
A terrific read with all the best ingredients. Fast paced, edge of your seat thriller with just the right amounts of laughter, sighs, and roller coaster love affairs. Can't wait for the next installment!
Desde el principio, hasta que lo acab¿! No puedo esperar para el siguiente.........
This book was just delightful to read. The characters and plot are fresh, the writing is smart and the repartee is witty. The story line just pulled me along. Oh, and did I sway the fellows are yummy. A terrific read. I recommend.
I have to say i really enjoyed reading this book. It was very well written and kept me in suspence the entire time! I definitely would recommend this book, however, i wouldnt categorize this as a romance.
Good book with original plot and fun characters.
I thought this was a great read could not put it down finished in one sitting.