Acquiesce to Love Peace Gratitude

Acquiesce to Love Peace Gratitude

by Fabiola Piedad María Alicia R de Berry

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781504311175
Publisher: Balboa Press AU
Publication date: 11/08/2017
Pages: 88
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.21(d)

About the Author

Fabiola Piedad Maria Alicia Reynales de Berry was born in South America, she lives in Australia. The use of her long name is to honour her grandmother who diligently registered it soon after her birth. She studied interior architecture and had her business for several years. She loves all forms of art, photography, classical music, oriental painting, calligraphy, sandstone sculpture. She loves nature, skiing and long walks. An advocate for the environment and animal rights.

Fabiola has studied self-help philosophies during a long period of time. The challenge was to find modalities which resonated with her. She discovered simple steps to follow, which alleviate anxiety and stress. Her intention is, through a story to demonstrate in simple words the different methods available to recover emotional wellbeing.


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CHAPTER 1

Susana and I met many years ago while we worked for a fairly large company. After we both took different paths with work, our friendship has continued throughout the years.

Susana, like me, is a reserved person, and even though this integral part of our personalities made it difficult to share experiences, we did overcome it. We have shared and discussed very intimate situations in relation to our respective lives. While I had difficulties with my relationships and finally said to myself, Enough! Susana persevered with hers. I knew issues brought her close to a divorce some years back; I asked her why she continued accepting that situation. She always said that although there were unhappy moments, life was bearable. She had a good house, and they could travel to do what they loved, which was skiing.

During the last five years, Susana became very withdrawn. She lost a lot of weight and didn't have that innate optimism and energy. The truly happy person she had always been, had lost the sparkle. She became a bit evasive when I asked questions about her life; she said that the same episodes that had made her seek a divorce some years before had returned, and she couldn't take it anymore.

She had dropped her mobile phone, and was waiting to have it repaired. The technician's premises were close to where I lived, and since she would have to wait a couple of hours, Susana called me and offered to buy some pastries for afternoon tea. When she arrived, I was absolutely surprised to see how much weight she had lost; usually a thin girl, she looked fragile, having lost five kilos or more.

I asked her how she had lost so much weight, when I only got fatter. "Oh," Susana responded, "life is truly difficult at the moment. I don't think I can live with this man another day."

"Divorce him," I said.

"It's not so easy," she responded.

I didn't see Susana for several months after that. We did talk over the phone, and she told me what was happening. Her life was quite tumultuous; the house was sold, and her husband was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's. It was a very difficult time for her.

She came to visit me a couple of times after her language classes. At that point, Susana felt quite confident life was improving. She began to look a lot better, she gained a little weight back, and she was more optimistic. She told me about the teachings the Internet had brought her; with those new learnings, her emotions were in the process of recovering.

After her computer hard drive died, Susana called to tell me that she had started a book, recollecting her experiences of her later years and the many emotional issues she had to resolve in order to obtain calm and peace of mind. The bad news was that she had lost all the content of the hard drive, and what she calls the invisible hand of life had decided that she would be an observer.

"Everything happens for a reason," she said, and she proceeded to tell me I was the best person to tell her story. "I am going to tell you everything; you will give me a voice. My story has to be told, because whoever reads this book has to realize that no matter what happens in life, the mind and the heart are powerful components of the life that is lived. The present moment is only a reflection of what is or has been in the mind and heart. I never understood it," she said. "It's only now, after all these events, I recognize the mistakes made."

Susana said, "This is my story. You leave out or include what you consider is relevant; my main purpose is that through my story, the reader understands that only oneself can resolve what the mind and heart have created."

I accepted the challenge, and based on her information, I began to write, omitting names and locations, per her request, to make this story universal.

This is Susana's story; this is her voice.

*
The last four years of my life felt without mercy, as if I was thrown in a cement mixer full of sharp blue metal and dry, abrasive sand. My soul has been severely bruised, and new wounds appeared over old wounds that I thought had healed long ago. How could I possibly have attracted all that misery and unhappiness when I always strive to do my very best? Did my unconscious mind create a state of chaos in order to force me to change my life? Life hasn't been smooth, certainly; like many others, I have faced difficulties that needed patience and courage.

It wasn't easy to face so many issues across several years. I struggled to find the link needed to connect me to the deepest part of my soul. I knew and believed that all the answers existed already within me, and I so desperately wanted to understand why certain emotions and beliefs persisted, in spite of all the efforts I made to change thoughts and feelings that arrived uninvited into my troubled mind.

Stress overwhelmed me. Aggravating the stress, the lack of sleep and a mix of negative emotions, such as anger, hurt, and resentment. I felt immense anxiety, worry, and, for the first time, profound doubt and fear whether I would be able to resolve the range of problems that kept appearing mercilessly into my everyday life. I felt totally alone; I had nobody to help resolve all the issues I had to confront.

I had read an incredible amount of self-help books and also practised meditation for several years. I said my mantras every day without fail, and if I woke up during the night and realized I had forgotten to say my mantras, I would quietly recite them all before I fell asleep again.

I couldn't understand why so many issues were happening to me. I was a confident, assertive person, and most of all, I believed in myself; however, all of a sudden, my innate optimism appeared to have disappeared, and my attention diverted to very negative thoughts that, like an uninvited guest, returned from somewhere in the past.

When my life turned upside down once more, how was it possible I landed where I had been before? I faced a wall of silence, which I detested; not a word was spoken to explain what was going on. It was difficult to live with a total absence of love, and a wave of destructive criticism resurfaced.

What had I learnt after all those years of so avidly reading philosophies for self-improving, thinking that I had understood it all? It seemed that in spite of my efforts, the philosophies I had learnt had fallen through the invisible fissures of my mind, because at that moment, I only had immense hurt, and I felt absolutely overwhelmed. All those beautiful words that composed the mantras, and I recited every day had worked while life had run smoothly without many hiccups.

I was lost — totally lost. I couldn't understand why it was so difficult to make my brain work, without feeling overpowering anxiety and a pain in my chest. My stomach felt full of rocks after a light meal. My mandible was stiff, and my back molars ached without compassion. The root of every molar appeared to dig into the mandible, touching a nerve. My neck felt restricted and tight, as if an invisible pair of hands strangled me day and night.

At night, when I fell asleep of pure exhaustion, after a few moments, a pain in my chest would wake me up once again. Sometimes, the pain I felt was like the pain described by people who had suffered cardiac arrest. I had a pressure come from below my heart, which then sat over my chest. I tossed and turned night after night, my mind racing uncontrollably. All kinds of thoughts jumbled up, most of the time with unpleasant memories of decisions I should have made. But like in a game of chess, I made the wrong move, at a time when I should have followed my intuition. I had no regrets, just anger and deep hurt. Many nights, I woke up in a lather of sweat, almost as if I had stepped out of an overheated sauna. Anxiety gripped my conscious mind with feelings of fear, loneliness, and betrayal.

I didn't speak to anybody about what I was going through; I didn't want to be a burden. But then, one of my lovely, good friends called. She had gone to a fortune teller who had said that a friend of hers, who was like a sister to her, was going through a very hard time. Everybody thinks that this friend and I are sisters because we both have light frames, our fashion tastes are very similar, we have curly hair of almost the same colour, and the camaraderie we have when we are together is like that of siblings.

The fortune teller had said to call her friend because she needed help. My friend responded that one of my pussycats had died recently, and I was very attached to my animals. The fortune teller indicated that it was much more than that.

My friend called me the same day, and while we talked, I told her about what was going on; as usual, she listened and offered help, even if it only meant listening to my problems. I had decided not to discuss any of my current problems with her because, she had gone through a terribly acrimonious divorce after ten years of marriage. She had lost everything financially, and the proceedings had lasted several months; that incident caused her a lot of grief and pain, and she was recovering emotionally from all her years of anxiety.

We met later that week for lunch, and then I talked sincerely about my situation; I felt certain that after thirty-two years of marriage, my only option was a divorce; I had arrived at a turning point. I clearly remember making the comment that I was reliving numerous episodes that had occurred years before. Back then, I had also decided that a divorce was the only way out, but something had convinced me not to leave. It felt good to talk about the situation. It gave me a sense of relief from the anxiety I carried.

The return home was pretty grim, although my friend so kindly allowed me to discharge some of my anxiety, by talking about the circumstances affecting my life, I still felt deeply overwhelmed. I got caught in an absolute traffic jam that lasted more than two hours, and by the time I arrived home, as usual, nothing had been done. This time, I didn't care whether he had prepared something to eat. He had given dinner to the pussycats, and at that moment, that was all I cared about.

I found the following days truly unbearable. He did not speak a word to me for more than a week. I didn't know the reason, and as it had happened in the past, the wall of silence appeared impenetrable. Meals were consumed in absolute silence; not a word crossed the air at all. My emotions arrived at a point of no return. Resentment overwhelmed me, and I couldn't stand the physical presence of the person who treated me so badly. I hadn't done anything that warranted that behaviour. I decided to take my meals in the drawing room while I watched television.

The anxiety I experienced at that point consumed me, and my mind also began to harbour suicidal thoughts. The thoughts came into my mind like flashes from movies that contained suicide scenes. I had seen a black-and-white movie many years before, perhaps a vintage reel. However, the images arrived absolutely clear and vivid in my mind. The story related to an advertising agency executive driving his small sports car on a highway. All of a sudden, he veered the car under the chassis of a large vehicle. The scenes after that showed his rescue and the hospital bed where he rested, connected to machines and tubes.

That driving scene so frequently came into my mind that I began to fret about it, and since I couldn't understand why I had these thoughts, it became like a panic attack. Every time those images arrived into my mind, I felt immense anxiety.

Another scene that frequented my mind came from an exhibition called The Rituals of Death, which I had seen at the Museum of Science. When I saw it, I believed it to be macabre. It had death masks of criminals, and stories about religious rituals and death incidents, such as suicide. The image of it that recurred in my mind included a suicide victim, a country fellow who delicately placed his boots under the beam where he hanged himself. With permission from his family, his story formed part of the exhibit. The family donated forensic photos of the incident to the museum. These images haunted me continuously. And I couldn't figure out what caused these thoughts.

I experienced a terrifying moment when driving along a busy highway; I don't recall where I was going. The highway was very congested, with large vehicles on my right and left. Suddenly, the film scene appeared in my mind. I thought I could drive my little car under the chassis of one of those large vehicles, and all my anguish would've finished in an instant. I had heart palpitations, my mouth was dry, and I experienced a strong, pulsating headache.

I had to find the nearest exit. Anxiety gripped my mind, and those invisible hands grabbed my throat, restricting my breathing. I didn't know where I was. During those agonizing moments, I felt the need to stop somewhere before those thoughts eventually tricked me into doing something I never wanted to do. I drove through very unfamiliar places with the hope that I could stop somewhere for a brief rest. I felt nauseous.

Finally, after going down what appeared to be a series of dead-end streets, I arrived at a very small suburban shopping precinct; it had a flower shop, a butcher shop, a newsagent, and a coffee shop hidden from the parking area. Only the coffee shop's sign was visible. I parked the car; shaky and with deep trepidation, I walked toward the premises.

It must've been a family run business, inside, a delicious aroma of fresh bread filled the air. I asked the saleslady for a cappuccino. On the counter, a tray of little baklava rolls. The incidents, such as suicide. The image of it that recurred in my mind included a suicide victim, a country fellow who delicately placed his boots under the beam where he hanged himself.

With permission from his family, his story formed part of the exhibit. The family donated forensic photos of the incident to the museum. These images haunted me continuously. And I couldn't figure out what caused these thoughts.

I experienced a terrifying moment when driving along a busy highway; I don't recall where I was going. The highway was very congested, with large vehicles on my right and left. Suddenly, the film scene appeared in my mind. I thought I could drive my little car under the chassis of one of those large vehicles, and all my anguish would've finished in an instant. I had heart palpitations, my mouth was dry, and I experienced a strong, pulsating headache.

I had to find the nearest exit. Anxiety gripped my mind, and those invisible hands grabbed my throat, restricting my breathing. I didn't know where I was. During those agonizing moments, I felt the need to stop somewhere before those thoughts eventually tricked me into doing something I never wanted to do. I drove through very unfamiliar places with the hope that I could stop somewhere for a brief rest. I felt nauseous.

Finally, after going down what appeared to be a series of dead-end streets, I arrived at a very small suburban shopping precinct; it had a flower shop, a butcher shop, a newsagent, and a coffee shop hidden from the parking area. Only the coffee shop's sign was visible. I parked the car; shaky and with deep trepidation, I walked toward the premises.

It must've been a family run business, inside, a delicious aroma of fresh bread filled the air. I asked the saleslady for a cappuccino. On the counter, a tray of little baklava rolls. The lady said that her mother-in-law had baked them that morning and that I should try one; I accepted the offer. She said she would bring my order to the table.

While waiting for my order to arrive, I thought about my pussycats and how much I loved them. They needed me, and nobody would love them as much as I did. Driving under a truck would create sadness for them, and it wouldn't resolve anything for me either. Also, there was a great possibility that I would end up squashed like a cockroach, still alive, with tubes popping out of every orifice, feeding me intravenously, and modern technology keeping me alive, no one asking me whether I still wanted to be part of this world. I smiled at my stupidity.

(Continues…)



Excerpted from "Acquiesce to Love Peace Gratitude"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Fabiola Piedad Mara Alicia Reynales de Berry.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Acquiesce to Love Peace Gratitude 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 3 reviews.
Amys_Bookshelf_Reviews More than 1 year ago
Perseverance This is Susana's story, her voice, but someone else is telling it. I liked the concept of the story and the influence of how it was told, but there was something slightly missing from it. I suppose there is a challenge of telling someone else's story, but it could've used some more depth within the characters. The story itself was inspirational, and Susana's story was about strength, inspiration and definitely perseverance. It gave a moral of being positive and hopeful, and there were tips and positive notes to help any reader gain some influence from that. It was a good story, and that's what it felt like, a story.
ReadersFavorite More than 1 year ago
Reviewed by Mamta Madhavan for Readers' Favorite Acquiesce to Love Peace Gratitude by Fabiola Piedad Maria Alicia Reynales de Berry is an inspiring read and is about Susana, whose story will make readers understand that no matter what happens, the mind and the heart are powerful components of the life that is lived. Her story helps readers understand that only the person can resolve what their mind and heart have created. Susana’s life had never been smooth and the difficulties she faced required patience and courage. The book speaks about the importance of the subconscious mind; how important it is to be aware of your own thoughts, emotions, and feelings, and to change them when they do not serve you well any longer. It is a story about change, transformation, gratitude, self-belief, and faith. Life can go wrong in many ways at different stages and Susana’s story will resonate with many readers who have experienced similar problems in their own lives. A failed marriage, stress, anxiety, dementia, trauma, pain, and fear are palpable while reading Susana’s story. The narration is detailed and takes readers right in there. Her story gives one hope of improving life and experiencing wonderful things like love, peace, gratitude, and joy all over again. It is a good read for all those who are struggling with personal issues in their lives and want to make positive changes so that they can live life meaningfully. For all those who are going through a bad phase in their lives, this book gives good tips and suggestions that will prove to be helpful when it comes to getting life back on track.
andmicmic More than 1 year ago
I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Acquiesce to Love Peace Gratitude by Fabiola Piedad María Alicia Reynales de Berry is a story of a woman that had a long and troubled marriage. Through the narration of her story, you can see and feel the emotional turmoil that was under. Through a systematic application of a method called tapping and meditation, she managed to overcome her anxiety and also improve her way of living. The book is a monologue and only presents her side of the story. I found that to be tiring at some point. There are a plethora of books listed in the book which I found to be very useful. If you are divorced or had experience with people with dementia and Alzheimer, then you will connect with this story.