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Adversaries into Allies: Master the Art of Ultimate Influence

Adversaries into Allies: Master the Art of Ultimate Influence

by Bob Burg




The bestselling co-author of The Go-Giver offers new insights into what it means to be truly influential

Faced with the task of persuading someone to do what we want, most of us expect resistance. We see the other person as an adversary and often resort to coercion or manipulation to get our way. But while this approach might bring us short-term results, it leaves people with a bad feeling about themselves and about us. At that point, our relationship is weakened and our influence dramatically decreased. There has to be a better way.

Drawing on his own experiences and the stories of other influential people, communication expert Bob Burg offers five simple principles of what he calls Ultimate Influence—the ability to win people to your side in a way that leaves everyone feeling great about the outcome. In the tradition of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, Burg offers a tried-and-true framework for building alliances at work, at home, and anywhere else you seek to win people over.

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781591848165
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date: 06/23/2015
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 272
Product dimensions: 5.47(w) x 8.23(h) x 0.70(d)
Age Range: 18 Years

About the Author

BOB BURG is the bestselling coauthor of The Go-Giver (now in its 26th hardcover printing), Go-Givers Sell More, and It’s Not About You, and the author of Endless Referrals. He speaks frequently to business and sales audiences worldwide.

Table of Contents

Note on the Text xix

Introduction 1

Section 1 The Five Principles of Ultimate Influence Understanding the Basics of All Human Action and interaction 5

Chapter 1 The Five Principles 11

Chapter 2 Its (Much) More Than Just About Being Nice 21

Chapter 3 Persuasion Versus Manipulation 23

Section 2 Control Your Own Emotions This Comes Before Everything Else in the Process, Every Time 29

Chapter 4 Responding Versus Reacting 31

Chapter 5 Effectively Handle Verbal Attacks 34

Chapter 6 Make Calm Your Default Setting 38

Chapter 7 Overcome Anger 44

Chapter 8 The Persuasive Power of Positive Detachment 49

Chapter 9 Think Before You Speak 51

Chapter 10 Agree to Disagree 54

Chapter 11 Consider the Source 56

Section 3 Understand the Clash of Belief Systems Avoiding Those Deadly Misunderstandings 59

Chapter 12 Belief Systems-the Problem and the Solution 63

Chapter 13 "How Would You Define…?" 67

Chapter 14 Accept the Responsibility for Communication 69

Chapter 15 The Importance of Conscious Awareness 72

Chapter 16 Personal or Not? How Do You Know? 74

Chapter 17 Love Languages from Liberty the Cat 78

Chapter 18 First, Know the Issue. Then, Choose the Words 80

Chapter 19 The Answer? Based on What Information? 82

Chapter 20 Perceptual Realities Equal Different Conclusions 84

Chapter 21 Change Your Non-Serving Beliefs to Be More Productive 86

Section 4 Acknowledge Their Ego Working Effectively Within the Ultimate Human Motivator 87

Chapter 22 Don't Shame or Embarrass 91

Chapter 23 Be a Judge, Not a Lawyer 95

Chapter 24 The Principle of Agreement 97

Chapter 25 Ego Repair 100

Chapter 26 The Power of Handwritten Notes 104

Chapter 27 Edification-a Powerful Key to Influence 106

Chapter 28 Do You Look for Disagreement? 108

Chapter 29 Compliment the Uncomplimented 111

Chapter 30 Caught in the Act!… of Doing Something Right 113

Chapter 31 "I Appreciate Ya" 115

Section 5 Set the Proper Frame Do This Correctly and You Are 80 Percent of the Way to the Win/Win Outcome You Desire 117

Chapter 32 Positive Expectation Works, but Not Why You Think It Does 121

Chapter 33 Framing Your Influence in Your First Conversation 125

Chapter 34 Sometimes, It's Good to Let 'Em See You Sweat 128

Chapter 35 The Ransburger Pivot 130

Chapter 36 The Value of the Correct Phrase 133

Chapter 37 "What Can I Do to Help?" 135

Chapter 38 Win by Making the Other's Case First 137

Chapter 39 Help Them to Live in the Solution 140

Chapter 40 Avoid Negative Framing 142

Chapter 41 Don't Fall Victim to the Either/Or 144

Chapter 42 Persuasion Secrets of a Ten-Year-Old 146

Chapter 43 Change Your Frame, Change Your Life 149

Section 6 Communicate with Tact and Empathy The Big Difference That Makes the Big Difference 153

Chapter 44 Tact-the Language of Strength 157

Chapter 45 The Beauty of Empathy 161

Chapter 46 Lead-in Phrases Pave the Way 164

Chapter 47 Deflection via the Parry 166

Chapter 48 Kind Words Regarding Your Competitors 169

Chapter 49 Tact Does Not Equal Compromise 171

Chapter 50 Give Them a Back Door 172

Chapter 51 How to Say No Graciously and Effectively 177

Chapter 52 Don't Tread on Me 180

Chapter 53 Turning Down an Offer, While Leaving Room for Another 182

Chapter 54 Dealing with an Interrupter 184

Chapter 55 The Ben Franklin Method for Winning People Over 187

Chapter 56 Dr. Franklin and Another Great Lesson in Communication 189

Chapter 57 Timing Rules! 192

Chapter 58 Make People Comfortable with You 196

Chapter 59 Collecting Money Owed You in a Winning Way 198

Chapter 60 The Pleasure of "My Pleasure" 201

Chapter 61 Deliver the Right Message for Your Audience 203

Chapter 62 Seeking Forgiveness 205

Chapter 63 "Acknowledge Me!" 207

Chapter 64 Just Listen 210

Chapter 65 Remember to Scratch the Hogs 212

Chapter 66 The Pre-Apology Approach 214

Chapter 67 Influencing in Style: A Reader Success Story 217

Section 7 The Character of Ultimate Influencers Even More Important Than What You Say and What You Do Is Who You Are 221

Chapter 68 Stand Firm on Principle 223

Chapter 69 The Master of "Goodspeak"… and Influence 224

Chapter 70 Focus on Your Strengths but Don't Ignore Your Weaknesses 228

Chapter 71 Ignore Problems at Your Peril 230

Chapter 72 Why Top Influencers Build Strong Teams 232

Chapter 73 Consistency-a Prime Ingredient of Trust 234

Chapter 74 Growing from Your Mistakes 236

Chapter 75 Self-Correction-When Your Replay Shows You Fumbled 237

Chapter 76 Want to Be an Ultimate Influencer? Say Little and Do Much 239

Acknowledgments 241

Index 245

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From the Publisher

“Impressively clear and compelling.”
Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence

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