All My Lost Poems

All My Lost Poems

by Nikolai Lisov


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781496960658
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Publication date: 01/05/2015
Pages: 50
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.12(d)

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All My Lost Poems

By Nikolai Lisov


Copyright © 2015 Nikolai Lisov
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4969-6065-8



I'm getting tired of always looking the other way, so
whatever I have on my mind I will say, these days
everything is all computerized, and they're always
feeding us all kind of lies, why won't the government
just leave us alone, why do they need to be tapped in
to our phones, they're always asking us for our social
security and ID, why can't we just be free, even if we
tried to hide in space, I don't think it would work
cause they have cameras all over the place, I'm tired of
always obeying all their rules, cause all they're doing
is treating us like fools, I think they like treating
us like slaves, that's why they don't pay us a decent
wage, why are they always playing with our money,
I don't know why they think it's funny, they don't
even care about the middle class people, cause they're
not treating us equal, they're trying to control this
world, but all they're doing is making this country
really poor, 80 percent of the stuff they say are all
lies, do you think they care if we die, the president
doesn't care about us – he just keeps putting us in a
big mess, and putting this country through a lot of
stress, and who knows what he wants to do next.

Strange Couple

I know you're the love of my life, but it's getting
really old cause all we do is fight, one day we kiss
and hug, and the next day we scream and shove, it
seems like we're walking on really thin ice, why can't
you at least try to be nice, this has been going on for
a while, I just don't know how long I can keep this
smile, it seems like our relationship is fake, cause
all we have towards each other is a lot of hate, every
weekend all we do is fight, we can't even have one
normal night, it seems like we're always saying bad
things, why do we have to be so mean, I don't like
when you slap me in the face, and then you tell me
to get out of your place, everyday is a struggle, it's
like we're digging ourselves a hole with a shovel, you
always tell me to leave you alone, and don't bother
coming home, I don't know if you and I are going
to make it, cause I don't know how long I can take
it, you know I love you to death, but why do you
always want to take my check, when we first met we
used to have a lot of fun, but now all we call each
other is dumb, right now we're barely even hanging
on, we need to tell each other what's wrong, I really
want this to work, but lately we been having a lot
of hurt, we really need to sit down and talk, cause
I want these problems to stop, I'm not saying were
a mistake, but maybe we should take a break.

The Devil

Sometimes he calls me his son, he tells me I should
have more fun, and for some reason he wants me to
buy a gun, he keeps telling me he's my friend, but
all I want is for him is to get out of my head, I keep
telling him to leave me alone, but he always follows
me home, he's always making me mad, cause he's
always trying to make me do something bad, he keeps
whispering things in my ear like I need to stay strong,
and just keep doing wrong, he started making me go
insane, all he's good at is putting me through pain,
he's always telling me lies, I think he likes when I
cry, somehow he always gets me into fights, I really
need to get him out of my life, he's always pushing
me to go to bars, and after that he makes me drive
the car, but once I got my DUI he told me so long
goodbye, before I got in trouble – he said he liked me,
but once I was in jail he didn't write me, he would
always try to put crazy thoughts in my head, like
saying I would be better off dead, he always wants
me to play this game, where I have to grab a rope
and see how long I can hang, I really don't know
what to do, cause he keeps telling me he's teaching
me how to be cool, but lately he's been making me
feel like a fool, the only advice he keeps giving me is
don't do anything right, and you should be alright.

Country Boy

I was never a big fan of the big city, cause it was way
too busy, I didn't like wearing a suit and working at
a desk, it was a lot of stress, and I didn't like having
a close neighbor, cause they would always ask me
for a favor, ever since I moved to the country I been
having a blast, everything is so clean and there's
so much green grass, the city just got way to crazy,
that's why I moved to the country and it's really
amazing, this is my new home, and I chose to not
own a phone, I like to be left alone, I actually like
living by a swamp, I can fish whenever I want, a
lot of times I get cuts and bruises, cause I'm always
playing in the dirt, I don't care if I get hurt, I like
having barbeques and eating meat, I don't like busy
streets, the city had way to many cars, out here
we just have a lot of pretty stars, the city had too
much crime, out here we just have a lot of time, in
the country everything is so fresh, not like the city
where it's always a mess, everyone in the city would
always want to fight, out here we just have one signal
light, I'm so glad that I moved to the country cause
the air is so clean, and no one is mean, I'm not
going to lie this is the place where I want to die.

The Lottery

I used to be really poor, but not anymore cause I went
to the right store, after all these years of working
really hard and feeling like a slob, now I can finally
quit my job, even though the state took a couple
grand, I still feel like a better man, the first thing
I'm going to do is buy my whole family a new car,
and then we're going to celebrate by having lots of
drinks at the bar, a couple weeks ago I was barely
getting by, now I'm having trouble trying to figure
out what I want to buy, for the first time in my life
I don't feel like a mess, and I don't have anymore
stress, cause I feel really blessed, I always wanted a
second chance, and now I can finally go to France, I
feel like a million bucks, now I can buy me a couple
new trucks, after I bought my own private jet, I
started to think what should I buy next, I did buy
a couple new toys, cause I wanted to spoil my boys,
I did start to act a little insane, cause everywhere I
went I would make it rain, I do love my new lifestyle,
cause it is pretty wild, but lately I been acting like
a child, before all of this – I was never lazy, but for
some reason all this money is making me crazy.

My Friend Ivan

I thought it would be nice if I would put you in my
book, I know your up there taking a look, everyday
my heart has a sharp pain, don't think I forgot your
name, I think we first met back in 1997, we must have
been around 11, I remember we used to always skate
all over town, now it's hard cause you're not around,
you and I used to have a lot of fun, and it makes me
really sad because you died really young, I thought
of you as a little brother, that's why I always tried
my best to keep you out of trouble, if you were still
alive we would have been conquering our fears, I just
can't believe it's almost been 10 years, I'm not going
to lie, I still remember that phone call, all I did was
cry, and what sucks is I didn't get to say goodby, they
said that you broke your neck, that's when I ran out
of breath, I wanted to think that everyone had lied,
because I just saw you 4 months before you had died,
it went on for awhile – where I was really depressed,
and I couldn't get any rest, some days when I think
about you it gets really hard, why did you have to
drive after the bar, you shouldn't even have been in
the car, I know you made a big mistake, some people
said they couldn't even recognized your face, I didn't
go to your funeral cause you were in a different
state, but I hope God put you in a better place.

Panic Attacks

I know I can't stop the clock, but I feel like I'm in a
bad spot, I used to have really high expectations, but
all I have right now is a lot of frustration, about 10
years ago I had a really good plan, now I don't even
feel like a man, I always have way too much going
on, it feels like I'm doing everything wrong, some
days I would wake up with night sweats, cause I'm
always trying to figure out what I need to do next, I
don't know why I've been getting all this stress, and
always feeling like a big mess, maybe it's because
I thought I would be married, but now my life is
looking pretty scary, I need to do something about
it before I get buried, lately I've been putting way
too much weight on my shoulders, and I don't like
the fact that I keep getting older, some days I just
wake up and scream, cause lately I've been having
some really bad dreams, and sometimes I would cry,
because it feels like I'm going to die, I know I'm not
the only one that gets panic attacks, I'm just trying
to find a way to get back on track, in the last couple
of months I've been getting really bad chills, but the
doctor said they should go away as long as I keep
taking my pills, I'm trying to stay strong, but it can
be really hard cause I don't know where I belong.

Just a Picture

I don't know what to say, she was the girl that got
away, I thought it was insane cause we met in Spain,
I knew when I first seen her eye's, I had to try to
make her mine, for one whole week we did everything
together – we went on hikes we even rode bikes, on
my last day we were suppose to meet at the park, but
she never showed – I even waited until it got dark, I
even missed my flight, cause I went looking for her all
night, I didn't even know her age, or even if she was
engaged, it's been over 5 years ago, and I still can't
let her go, everyone told me I need to stop being so
obsessed, but I can't cause I can't even get any rest,
I know I can't live my life twice, that's why I need
to get her back in my life, but I made a big mistake,
by now she could be in a difference country or state,
but I didn't care so I went back to Spain and I went
from door to door, I didn't even care if the rain
poured, if I ever do find her, I don't know what I'm
going to say – is she going to think I'm a creep, or is
she going to be nice and sweet, I keep telling myself
maybe it's too late, how did I ever let this girl escape.


I was wondering why there were no cars on the road,
I just heard on the radio they closed, I knew I should
of stayed in town, why was I even trying to make it
home, and I didn't even charge my phone, now I'm
going to die alone, I lost control when I hit black ice,
now I'll be stuck here all night, if I didn't drive so
fast, I wouldn't have lost control and crashed, before
I even left I should of watched the news, cause now
I'm really screwed, I am dressed up pretty warm,
but it still sucks cause I'm stuck in this storm, I
don't think anyone knows where I am, cause there's
probably way too much snow covering my van, all
of my windshields are covered with ice, I cant even
see any light, it feels like I'm stuck in a cave, I don't
think I'm going to get saved, this is really scary
now I ran out of gas, and I don't know how long
I'm going to last, I know I have to stay strong, but I
really wish my heater was on, I don't have too much
to eat, and it's way to cold to even sleep, I think I'm
starting to get frost bite on my feet, I really wish I
had some heat, my body is starting to get really weak,
and sometimes these blizzards can last for a week.


I remember the first time I held you in my hands, I
knew I had to set a good example so you can grow up
to be a better man, when I looked into your eyes, I
knew I had nothing to worry about cause you would
be fine, and I would treat you like you were one of
mine, it feels like yesterday when you started saying
your first words, I knew you could have anything
in the world, I watched you grow in front of my
eyes, so don't think I'm blind, right now you think
everything's all fun and games, but I get really sad
cause I don't want to see you end up in chains, I
really wish you the best, I just don't want to see you
get under arrest, I'm a little confused, cause all I've
been hearing about you is bad news, lately you been
getting into a lot of trouble, you really need to get
out of this bubble, I don't ever want to see you in any
pain, that's why I think you need to change, I always
tried to teach you from right and wrong, your not
even in junior high, and you're already starting to
lie, you need to stop acting tough, and stop making
trouble on the bus, for now your friends might be
there, but trust me when you get into trouble they
wont care, I need you to make me a promise, I don't
want you to hide your feelings – I need you to be
honest, if you ever need to talk, my doors are never
locked, I want you to know I love you to death, and
I'll always be there for you until I run out of breath.


it was about 10 Easters ago when I would act really
wild, but I can't do that anymore cause I'm not a
child, it's usually about 6 weeks before Easter where
we can't have any meat, that's what makes Easter
even more sweet, sometimes Easter usually lands
on a different day, it can be April or it can be May,
we celebrate our Easter for a whole week, all we do
is eat and drink, everyone can get a little loud, but
the first day that's allowed, when I'm in Oregon I
hardly get any rest, cause I try to make it the best,
I know every year I'm getting older, but when I'm
out there I can never be sober, I like seeing all of my
friends cause we always get along, and we play beer
pong all night long, my friends always tell me it's
all luck, when I keep beating them at flip cup, I like
how my friends would try to get me drunk every
morning, that's why I love them cause there never
boring, it's really nice when we would all meet at
Abby's, it makes us feel like one big family, the one
thing you have to worry about on the first day of
Easter are the cops, cause they already know all of
our party spots, as long as you obey the rules, they
can be pretty cool, it's okay if you party and play,
just don't get carried away, every year I do like a
change, but some Easters I want it to stay the same.


I lived in Woodburn Oregon for 14 years and those
were some of my best years, I have 3 sisters and 1
brother and the best mother, my mom had me at 25,
I really love her cause she helped me survive and I still
remember she would tuck me in bed until I was 5, in
middle school I joined the wrestling team, and for me
that meant everything, we moved to Minnesota in
1999, at first it was a little weird but later I felt fine,
it just took a little time, the house that we bought
had a lake, so every summer I would always fish until
it got late, moving out here was a really big change,
but I can't really complain, since I've been here I've
seen a lot of my friends get married, and some of
them even got buried, in my early 20's I was always
in and out of trouble, it's like I couldn't get out of
that puddle, some parts of my life has been really
scary, like when I was in court and they gave me
12 months, that's when my life just shrunk, when I
was in jail instead of fighting, I just started writing,
I did get in trouble a lot with the cops, but one day
I told myself this needs to stop, I knew something
had to change, when I was locked in a cage, once I
turned 25 I found my new strive, and that's how I
started to survive, I learned from all my mistakes,
and after a couple years I finally caught a break.


Excerpted from All My Lost Poems by Nikolai Lisov. Copyright © 2015 Nikolai Lisov. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents


Slaves, 1,
Strange Couple, 2,
The Devil, 3,
Country Boy, 4,
The Lottery, 5,
My Friend Ivan, 6,
Panic Attacks, 7,
Just a Picture, 8,
Blizzard, 9,
Confused, 10,
Easter, 11,
1985, 12,
College, 13,
I Survived, 14,
Lost at Sea, 15,
The Island, 16,
Facebook, 17,
Tornado, 18,
Get Out of My Head, 19,
Mountain Man, 20,
Druggy, 21,
Sky Diving, 22,
High School, 23,
I Saw The Light, 24,
Stuck In Traffic, 25,
Honey Moon, 26,
Monster, 27,
Ghost, 28,
Monastery, 29,
My Crazy Weekend, 30,

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