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All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man over 50

All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man over 50

by Barbara Keesling Ph.D.

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This book is not about Viagra—it is about making love. Getting older really does mean getting better. By taking the mystery out of the aging process, this book educates, reassures, and reinvigorates.


This book is not about Viagra—it is about making love. Getting older really does mean getting better. By taking the mystery out of the aging process, this book educates, reassures, and reinvigorates.

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Here's another title in the gush of "boomer's and older" sex books within the last few years. Keesling, a sex therapist for ten years and the author of several other sex manuals, focuses not on illnesses associated with aging that affect sex but on coping with the normal and gradual decline in the speed and intensity of male sexual response. Se prescribes two approaches for women partners: firstly, find the advantages in your man's sexual changes and use them to improve your sex life together; secondly, work with your main in a series of exercises to enhance circulation to his genital area and to increase his sexual sensitivity. Her warm and colloquial approach makes a sense for enhancing intimacy as well as sexual response. A short appendix reviews methods for treating true, organic impotence. Although illustrations would have been useful, this is a fine book and is recommended to complement more medical works like Williamson's Great Sex After 40.-Martha Cornog, Philadelphia, PA

Product Details

M. Evans & Company
Publication date:
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Product dimensions:
5.84(w) x 7.94(h) x 0.61(d)

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Love Begins at 50

(And You Don't Need a Pill!)

This is not a book about Viagra. I need to make that clear before we get started because I know it's on your mind; these days, it's on everybody's minds. In the next ten chapters I am going to share a comprehensive sexual anti-aging formula that I developed over the past ten years with my colleagues — sex therapists, urologists, psychologists and cardiologists-and my wonderful clients. But there isn't any little blue pill called Viagra in this potent formula. And if you think I'm going to spend most of this book talking about "magic pills" such as Viagra, you don't know me very well. My anti-aging formula isn't something you can buy with a prescription, or purchase over the counter (though you might discover some of it under the table!). It does not come in pill form. It is a program of simple exercises that anyone can learn, combined with basic wisdom that every man and woman can embrace. And the only one who is qualified to dispense it is you.

I first decided to write this book before the introduction of Viagra. Then this "magic pill" appeared, followed by copycats, wannabes, herbal alternatives and new, improved versions. For a while, it seemed as though the universe had been turned on its ear as millions of prescriptions were being handed out around the globe and pharmacists were suddenly busier than they could ever remember. It looked as though sex after 50 would be something we would get in a pill. "Take two, and call me when you're ready." Would that become our rallying cry? For a while, everyone wondered. Even I wondered. For a while.

We all know what pills such as Viagra can dothey can help many men get an effective erection.* But it took a little longer for most of us to discover what Viagra, and other magic little pills, can't do. It also took a little longer for us to discover that for the vast majority of men over 50 — men who are not clinically impotent-these pills can actually interfere with healthy, natural, incredibly positive sensual and sexual changes that time provides free of charge.

*Please Note: Every man should consult his physician and carefully evaluate his personal risks before ever taking any of these medicines. Contraindications are serious and often lifethreatening.

I have no interest in passing judgment on any performance-enhancing medication (particularly medications that are endorsed by distinguished former members of Congress!). I'm glad men have such medicines and remedies available to them. I'm all for anything that gives more people the opportunity to enjoy sex, and it's important to have options. But I think it is more important to point out the limitations of any solution — be it this year's medical miracle, next year's and so forth — that comes in pill form. And we need to start with the biggest limitation of all: A pill may give a man an erection, but it doesn't necessarily make him more sensual, more caring or more loving. To the contrary, it can actually decrease his motivation to become a better partner, particularly if he's a man who equates having an erection with being a satisfying lover.

I call this "erection-first thinking." "I've got an erection," he tells himself, "what else do you need?" And that is the end of sexual growth. Perhaps this limitation is not obvious to you, but it is obvious to a professional sex therapist whose goal is increased intimacy and gratification. Maybe you have been doing a little "erection-first thinking" of your own.

The focus has to be on lovemaking, not erections — on partnership, not performance. Yes, we want our partner to have an erection! For his enjoyment, and for ours. But what we want more than anything is to have a partner we can make love to. It is our heart and soul that we want to have penetrated. We want this kind of penetration when our partner is 50, and 60, and 70, and 80. An erection can't do that. A pill can't do that. Only making love to the man we love can do that.

Sharing Secrets: You Are the Most Special Ingredient in This Anti-Aging Formula

So if there is no medicine in my secret formula, what is this fountain of sexual youth? I will share everything with you in the pages that follow. I will share all of my secrets, even the ones I hold most dear. But you need to know right now that the key ingredient in this erotic recipe is you. Your interest. Your attitude. Your support. Your openness. Your enthusiasm. Your willingness to experiment. Your love. And your willingness to work: your willingness to work with your partner to have the kind of sex life you want.

This book is for you. Much of it you will choose to share with the man you love. Perhaps you will encourage him to read it from cover to cover. But it is for you, because you are the catalyst for change.

By following a program of simple exercises, learning a few easy-to-master sexual techniques and acquiring some basic information that will foster an open, loving attitude, you can keep your man-and yourself-sexually fit, sexually focused and sexually fabulous for decades. It doesn't require any pills or gadgets. It doesn't require a Ph.D. The only requirement is the love between you and your partner, and a shared desire to keep your sex life special. If you have that, the rest is easy. You just need to get started.

What People are Saying About This

John Gray
The unique contribution of Getting Close is the idea that sexual desire involves wanting—Dr. Keesling shows women how to prolong that exquisite state of excitement as long as possible before surrendering to the ultimate joys of intimate connection.
— John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Wemen Are from Venus

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