Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

by Chelsea Handler
4.2 1389

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler


When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power -- vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world -- a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.

In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she's convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781416959151
Publisher: Gallery Books
Publication date: 04/22/2008
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 102,659
File size: 1 MB

About the Author

Chelsea Handler is an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, as well as the bestselling author of My Horizontal Life. She is the star of her own late-night show on E!, Chelsea Lately; was one of the stars of Girls Behaving Badly; has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Late Night with David Letterman; and has starred in her own half-hour Comedy Central special. Chelsea makes regular appearances in comedy clubs across America and lives in Los Angeles.

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1388 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
By far, one of the funniest books I've read recently. From the hilarious story of her getting arrested for a DUI and ending up in LA County for an unrelated false id theft to going to Costa Rica with her father on a "honeymoon" to get first class airplane seating, Handler is absolutely unique, raunchy, and hilarious. Whether she's discussing her close friends, ex boyfriends, or family, Chelsea doesn't hold back and tells it how it is. If you love Chelsea Lately, you will love this book! If you're easily offended by sex talk and dirty jokes; step away now.
Nikky_S More than 1 year ago
Having seen Chelsea doing stand up and on Girls Behaving Badly, I was anxious to see how her wicked sarcastic wit would translate into text. It's fantastic! A seriously gifted writer, who combines funny and uninhibited raunchiness better than any woman. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous circumstances she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-deprecating and cynical manner. Filled with funny anecdotes, she has that trashy comedienne's gift of saying everything we think about but are afraid to say. And she manages to share absolutely horrifying events and somehow make them hysterical! There are some hilarious and uncomfortable family situations. Her father was quite the provider of wisdom, selling used junkyard cars out of their front yard, while making inappropriate sexual innuendos towards his daughters. There's some really funny and humiliating youth debacles and misadventures. My favorites; her embarrassing and preposterous fake celebrity elementary school tale, a LOL birthday party for a friendless girl full of re-gifting, pretending to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class. The Mini-Me and Prison Break chapters are just classics. Frankly if she wasn't successful, she may have ended up a basket case. At some points in a story, I laughed so hard, my husband kept trying to steal the book from me. I didn't want the book to end. Everyone can find something to relate to in one of these stories. If you are sensitive or quick to take offense, I would pass on this one. If you have a repressed wild side, you'll dive in headfirst and relish her antics and live vicariously through them. Also, if you like reading funny out of control drinking and sex stories, I'm half-way through Chelsea's other book My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands and it's great. And although I can't admit it to my husband, I secretly loved the book that is guy's version of the same theme. Steamy sex, hilarious, and like a James Bond story. High Heels and Dirty Deals - Globetrotting Tales of Debauchery from a Binge-drinking Nymphomaniac by Brett Tate. Get all three!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Definitely a book I'd describe as 'outrageously funny', mostly because half the stuff this woman says is the kind of things you'll either find hilarious in a 'that's so wrong' kind of way, or you'll be offended and refuse to read on further. Still, I'll be looking into her other books since I enjoyed this one so much.
marianne68 More than 1 year ago
This is one of the funniest books I ever read. I sure will be buying more.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a quick read that's fun and entertaining. Great buy!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It is disgusting what some people find funny. This book is compiled of random, compeltely exaggerated and scattered stories, many of which I wonder if are true at all (so it's ironic it's considered non-fiction). It's a lame attempt at making money, so it's shocking how much Handler has supposedly made off these books she writes. I read a good chuck into it (over a hundred pages) and came to my breaking point when a joke was made in the dining in the dark chapter. Handler can be grotesque. I kept looking past the nasty comments she made but after coming to that chapter decided it wasn't even worth it anymore. It had lost my interest for a while so it made it an even easier decision to make. I also don't understand why it is ok for a comedian to make clear how loose her personal life is in the bedroom, and totally and completely offend others, even in sexual ways, and people find it ok because it is written by a "comedian". If anyone else said the things she said it would not be ok with ANYONE! So it doesn't make sense that it's ok just because she is a "comedian". It's too bad things have come to this in what is considered acceptable and funny (and I am in my 20's). There were a few funny things stated, but so few I don't understand how this book is supposed to be considered comedic. Save your time and money! (I'm glad I rented it)
SirDuke More than 1 year ago
It was not that good. Lies and lame lame jokes. I do not see what the fuss is all aboue
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
You almost wish that you weren't her but to have such a sense of humor in the midst of all of the outrageous circumstances in her life you almost get jealous.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I tried reading this while on an airplane and couldn't. It was too funny. After the first 2 pages, people were starting to stare at me because I tried to hold in my laughter. It's a hysterical collection of life events and will have you laughing the entire time!
Starbound More than 1 year ago
I heard about this book through a friend and I knew I wanted to read it because I absolutely love Chelsea Handler. From the moment I started the book I could not stop laughing. This book is beyond hilarious. The stories she tells are just pure entertainment and keeps you reading and reading. Whether you like her not, read this! You'll be laughing your ass off.
lovebee More than 1 year ago
ive heard a lot of good things about this book, & it wasn't as good as i had expected. actually it wasn't very good. i still got through it fairly quickly but there wasn't really a point to the book. there were a couple laugh out loud moments and thats about the only good thing about it. it was a fast, easy, light read but not something i wouldve spent money on.
srfeike More than 1 year ago
Chelsea Handler's uninhibited storytelling and vulgar sense of humor make for a fun read. She has a gift for storytelling that will keep you laughing through each unbelievable and sometimes embarrassing real-life journey. This book is full of good, inappropriate fun. If you offend easily, you probably should not read it. Otherwise, have a good laugh!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was sitting class trying not to look crazy laughing to myself. I could read it again.
Blonderebellion More than 1 year ago
Chelsea, where are the one night stand stories? Thought the book was great but I miss the same topics of the first book. This would be a great gift for yourself, friends, or anyone going through a break up.
likes2readLC More than 1 year ago
I was amused with the beginning of the book, and was ready for an amusing read, but I was sorely disappointed. It was so disjointed that I actually thought I had skipped a few chapters by accident. Some of the stories were amusing, but overall I'd consider it a waste of time.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Overall I thought the book was ok. I've heard numerous people raving about it, so maybe I expected too much. I generally really appreciate her style of humor, but I just didn't find the book to be THAT funny. To her credit there were a few things she said that did make me almost spit out my drink on the plane (I read it flying home from vacation).
kSwinni22 More than 1 year ago
Finally a woman who speaks her mind!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Chelsea Handler's Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea is a collection of ridiculous stories from her past whose topics range from drunken midgets, spending the night in jail, and pretending to be honeymooning with her father to upgrade to first class. Each chapter is a different outrageous story, memorable stories include the time she told her third grade class she was about to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin in order to attract a certain boy, or the time she babysat a fourteen year old while she was only twelve herself. The major messages and themes o f this novel are Handler's ability to turn horrifying events hilarious and her brutal honesty in today's world. The stories were hilarious and entertaining but bordered on ridiculous. The sheer outlandishness of Handler's experiences hints that the stories are either highly embellished or not true at all. In some parts of the book her "humor" can be viewed as vulgar, trashy, and offensive, as is the language used. Anyone who is easily offended should not read this book or even pick it up. If you like wild, bizarre, drunk adventures you would like this book and should also read Handler's other autobiographies My Horizontal Life and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. Overall I would give this book a 3 out of 5 stars.
AliciainMcIntyrescc6 More than 1 year ago
You've gotta admire Chelsea Handlers dry sense of humor and her ability to be completely honest, even if it hurts. In this book Chelsea writes about all the crazy situations she manages to get herself into, and i personaly wish my life was this interesting, every chapter was full of new and hilarious reasons to laugh. Her life consists of midgets, red heads, persians with a fetish for dogs, and an in-mate who had the hots for her. I would most deffinetly recomend this book to a friend or family member, it would even make a great gift!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I found my self laughing through out the whole book, especially chapter 10 jumped.She talks about everything from her love life to her parents to getting jumped, its a world wind of comedic stories. This book is laugh out loud funny! If you like her show you will love this book.
HighHeelsandLipGloss More than 1 year ago
Last night, I stayed in, turned off my BlackBerry, and read Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler. The book was given to me as part of a birthday gift this year. I swear I have never laughed out loud so many times while reading a book. I will admit that some chapters were a bit much, but overall, what an extremely funny read. With a combination of topics ranging from midgets, re-gifting, claiming to be famous, and dog sitting, I read the entire book within a few hours, laughing constantly. It was like watching stand up comedy live, but through a book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A fantastic read and laugh out loud page turner!
AshleyKaye More than 1 year ago
Actual rating: 3.5/5 I'm not a big Chelsea Handler fan. I don't watch her show, Chelsea Lately, though I've seen it. I've watched her stand up "Uganda Be Kidding Me" which made me giggle at parts and that's about my extent of Chelsea Handler-ness. I picked up this book while I was leaving work. I noticed it on the bargain table and thought, "hmm, it's already super cheap, plus with my employee discount, it'll be even cheaper... why not? It might make me giggle like her stand up.." so by that and only that, I picked it up to read it as an 'in between' book. I didn't really enjoy the first chapter. Honestly after that, I was scared to read the rest and wondered if I'm just gonna waste my time with this. But I can't base a book just on the first chapter, otherwise I would have put down many a great books. I will say the stories do get better the further you get into the book (my personal favorite chapter being "Mini-Me"). I give the occasional "hmph" laugh through my nose every once in awhile, but other than that, I probably won't ever read this book again. Maybe Chelsea Handler fans enjoy it a little more? I'm not sure... but honestly it's not as crude as I thought it would be from the little I do know of her.. and I can't figure out if I believe that to be a good thing or bad...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago