If you want to master the art of "arising by people" and making your dealings with people smooth, pleasant, and beneficial; or if you are looking for an exact science or an artistic way in which to solve the dilemma in relationships, heal your current problems, prevent probable future misunderstandings but also have the power to grow any relation, partnership, friendship, liaison, romance, and love affairs to maximum heights of love, joy, peace, harmony, and contentment, then look no further. This book presents the artistic science to you.
"Your sincere desire to make people feel important is the engine that supplies power to all your communication skills. The artistic skills of communication are the lightbulbs or outlets in which when your eagerness to communicate is supported by your genuine desire to make people feel important, then enough light will be produced to make your relationship with people a delightful experience!"
Without the understanding of this esoteric science, your efforts to deal with others will be powerless and your relationships will continue to be no more than shots in the dark. Yet with it, you will possess the power to arise by and with people effectively, efficiently, efficaciously, and effectually!
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Arising By People
The Artistic Science of Dealing With Others
By Advent AM Monyatsiwa
Trafford PublishingCopyright © 2013 Advent AM Monyatsiwa
All rights reserved.
FALLING BY PEOPLE
Preparatory to talking about the art of dealing with people effectively, productively, and successfully, let us first look at the futile artifice of dealing with people which produce ineffectual, unproductive and unsuccessful ends ...
For the sake of time and simplicity I will not get into the details of these futile principles. Time is existence so we should not waste it and simplicity is the key to efficiency so we must keep things as simple as possible. I want YOU to use your imagination and seek your own answers, personal examples and wisdom to the statements, questions and ideas I will give.
Also the mind responds better to what we inform it to do rather than what we inform it not to be; We cannot expose the mind to negativity and hope that it will veer away from it. In simpler words, thinking about the negative things we do not like, will not cause us to eliminate them. On the contrary, the more we think about what we do not like or want the closer we attract it to ourselves. This is why you will hear people say, "I do not like this but I find myself doing the very thing that I do not like?"
Yes, knowing the history and root cause of a problem gives us the awareness of dealing with it in the future. But the secret to tackling the problem and not falling back into it does not lie in talking more about it and thus indulging in it. Instead, it is in the resolution to talk about the ideas and plans about the solutions that will produce a much desirable future in the end.
This is an important tactic in solving problems—Think about it! It is the reason why I would rather touch a little on the things that cause futile dealings between people but talk in detail about the art that creates successful relationships in people.
In the book ARISINGS, I talked about arising and falling; about how to arise by falling and yet there are those who believe themselves to be arising when actually they are falling. Those kind of people have false knowledge for they misconceive wrong as right and deem ignorance to be enlightenment. Mindlessly they see bliss in misery and derive their happiness from indulging in sense gratification.
Thus the happiness they experience is transitory for the reason that it first tastes sweet like honey but ends up tasting like poison. To them sadism is their nourishment, ignorance their bliss, foolishness their highest wisdom and physical pain and torture their analgesic drug for eliminating suffering because they feel that life is incomprehensible, meaningless, pointless and purposeless.
In much the same way, when it comes to Arising by People there are those who ignorantly think and believe that their dealings with people causes them to arise by them when in actuality they are falling by them. In the end these people are like:
The Maudlin Man:
A maudlin man is a foolishly sentimental man. A foolishly sentimental man is a man with many mistakes, His stupidity tripped him down and added to his disgrace, And now he regrets the last just like he enjoyed the past.
He keeps on hoping after hope that he had not been ignorant, since he now knows that ignorance is not a way of the brilliant. He is now aware that fame and glory is not the only path to freedom, Because he remembers the days when he poured scorn on wisdom.
His words and promises used to be full of deceit and malice, And he remembers the days when he was looking down on others, For now life has turned against him and the tables have turned otherwise. He realizes that many advices mean security, for now all he has scatters.
In the beginning, he enjoyed being the first to kick the ball, Now he knows that who ever wants to be first must place himself last, Because to achieve more one must first learn to be a servant of all, Otherwise however clever 'pride comes before fall' and gives one a bitter past.
His life is now gloomy, for instead of being modest he used to be loud, Because now the value of his dignity is like that of gold in a pig's snout. Arrogance and pride left him with nothing but bitterness and a life of sin, For the jokes and beers he used to take have lastly taken HIM for a spin.
Now he mourns and laments for his body's deteriorating health, Because indulgence and extravagance has been like a curse to his wealth. His self-importance and pride is as irritated as smoke in the eyes, Because now he sees that all that is material in nature eventually dies.
His strolls with 'the lady of the evening' have finally caused his heart to bleed, Now on his knees he cries and pleads guilty of his foolishly ignorant deeds. In his life he has accomplished nothing but a bag filled with suffering and pain, Because in his foolishness he has been chasing a ghost with nothing to gain.
And so he is left with nothing but a past full of bitterness and penitence, All because of the futile artifice of his sadistic attitude and violence. From a sophisticated magnate, he has now become a self-pitying drunkard, A fella that does nothing all day but sing a maudlin ballad!
That said, let us now quickly talk about these things that you should avoid when dealing with people unless of course you intend to fall by them and end up like The Maudlin Man:
THE FUTILE ARTIFICE OF FALLING BY PEOPLE
1. Falling By: Demeaning Instead of Dignifying
According to MacBookPro dictionary, to demean means to, "Cause a severe loss in the dignity of and respect for someone or something." Imagine that, you have taken many hours of hard work and turmoil completing a tortuous project but when you present it to your boss or show it to your friend he says, "My grandmother could have done better than that!" or "Why did you take so long ... and what is that little dot of dirt over there?" Or worse, "I am too busy to look at it, just dump it over there ...!"
How would you feel to such responses? Would you not feel worthless, unimportant and insignificant? Would your self-respect, self-confidence and dignity not be decreased or destroyed? If YOU then who would feel that way, why should you on the other hand belittle, debase and lower others with such inconsiderate responses? It is not wonder Jesus says, "Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you!" For if you would not want to be demeaned, you would not demean others, instead because you would want to be dignified you would dignify others.
Demeaning not only destroys the self-confidence of esteem of others, it destroys your relationship with them and even those who would hear you demean others. If you want to be and feel dignified, you must watch the words and actions you use against others, for how others are made to feel by your words and actions is how ultimately you would be made to feel by not only others but more significantly by your own words and actions you used against others. Think about this carefully.
2. Falling By: Blaming, Criticizing, Complaining and Condemning
To blame here means to "assign the responsibility for something bad to someone or something" (MacBookPro dictionary). Have you ever met anyone who likes to be blamed for anything? How about those who like to blame others, how often are they liked by those whom they blame and even by those who listen to them blame others? If then, blaming causes you to be despised by others; and you do not like the feeling of being blamed either, WHY then should you blame others? What does blaming do for YOU and what does it do for OTHERS when you blame them?
To criticize means that you "indicate the faults of someone or something in a disapproving way" (MacBookPro dictionary). Just like blaming; as you do not like to be criticized, nobody likes to be criticized. When you criticize others you are judging them by saying that they are inadequate, not good enough, and as result they feel unimportant and insignificant. This diminishes their self-esteem, self-confidence and morale.
Complaining means that you "express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event" (MacBookPro dictionary). In any undertaking, is there any leader who approves a subordinate who indulges in whining and complaining? It does not matter if the subordinate is complaining about a valid and sensible matter or not, the very fact that they are complaining makes them a dislikable nuisance. So if you want to be demoted or fired as quickly as possible, do not mind your skills and expertise, simply start complaining, your boss will be quick to respond to that!
Compared to blaming, criticizing and complaining put together, condemning is the worst. When you condemn you "express complete disapproval of someone or something, typically in public; censure" (MacBookPro dictionary). You are officially saying to someone, "You are unfit ... useless ... you are guilty of this wrong ... you deserve punishment or to be cast out for your inadequacies!" Can you imagine any human being (or even any animal) that would enjoy experiencing the effects of these words no matter how terrible their crime?
Unfortunately and sorry to say, we condemn each other everyday with our words and actions. We do it both unknowingly and knowingly. Very often you hear somebody comment, "He is terrible in that, he needs to just quit and try something else." Or a parent and family member say, "You good—for-nothing bastard, you can never amount to anything in life!" Then a close and trusted friend advice, "You just can't sing or dance, why don't you just stick to drawing your usual stick figures?" Or some spiritual figure expel, "You are cursed because your entire family has been cursed many generations ago, therefore there is nothing you can do about it ...!" And so on and so forth.
Well, can you imagine what this does to the ears of the one who hears it? If the minds of those ears are already weak in self-esteem, what happens to their future? What happens to the character, reputation and dignity of the one who uses such vile forms of communication? Even worse, how about the relationship of the two parties who get involved in such futile words and actions of dealing with each other?
There is a saying in Setswana "Lefoko ga le boe, go boa monwana." The Book of Proverbs in the Bible, explains the meaning of this saying better than I could translate it for you; "Cruel words can wound as deeply as any two edged sword!" Words of blaming, criticizing, complaining and condemning are harsh to the ears. They are tormenting to the mind that receives them because they hurt one's pride; they lower one's confidence, self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Not only that, they demoralize one's attitude towards life and arouse resentment against the one who speaks them. They incite malice and ignite excessive anger and bitterness on the mind that takes them to heart. More detrimental, they cause you the doer and speaker of such sadistic and stony-hearted utterances to feel the effects of the cruelty you made others feel.
You see, when you are saying such things, you are in fact judging others and when you judge anything, you are no doubt spending your precious time and thoughts thinking about that which you are judging. And if what you are judging is negative in nature, it causes you to instill within yourself a negative nature, that is a an unpleasant attitude and character.
At this moment, take a quick pause and imagine what happens to your mind when you engage your thoughts on fiendish things? Do it NOW!
That causes you to fall into a negative attitude or mood, right? This is because all you saw is the bad side of things and all you thought about were the things that cause you to fall instead of the good that build you and others up. In other words, when you engaged your mind in negative, unpleasant and cruel things, you automatically caused your being; your vital spirit, your soul or the creative force in you to react in accordance to those negative thoughts, words or actions. Consequently, your emotions are engaged to feel that way and if you continue to feel that way long enough, you will begin to either consciously or subconsciously believe that it is who you are. Thus you will be propelled to be that way towards other people you come in contact with.
Can you see how ruinous to your health and relationship this is and how detrimental it can be to your rising to success? In Botswana and most African countries, this is a snag comparable to that of alcohol abuse. Snags that are a major cause of our limitation to progress, be civilized and develop as a people and as a nation. If we are to advance in our mental, social, political and infrastructural development we must do something to eliminate these futile drawbacks of Blaming, Criticizing, Complaining, Demeaning and Condemning. This book is a good start to show us how.
In fact, in my life I have watched some really capable and talented people let their talent and capabilities go to waste because they were afraid to use it. Afraid to use it because they feared that other people might judge them. Feared other people's judgments because they themselves spend a considerable amount of their precious time judging others. So because they judge, they are afraid to act lest they be judged, thus blocking themselves from doing what they are capable and talented to do doing.
The ramifications of this being that, they end up in lack, destitution and perpetual perturbation. For deep down in their hearts they know that they COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT at this and that had they not FEARED other people's random opinions about them—A fear which originated from their careless and inconsiderate utterances to others.
As people who desire growth and prosperity, I plead with you to pay attention to these things. Bluntly speaking, if you want to eliminate your fear of being judged and thus move forward in your life, thenSTOPjudging others!
3. Falling By: Crummy Communications
The health of virtually all types of human relationships is determined almost always by the quality and quantity of the communication that is present in those relations. There is no breadth, length, depth or height that can determine the importance of the art of communication in all human dealings.
Let me commence by telling you that although people tend to avoid arguments and conflicts by neglecting to communicate and or by keeping silent about the things that are deep in their hearts for the sake of protecting the feelings of the people involved, well, lack of communication is in fact poor communication.
Lack of communication does not solve anything, what it does is that it procrastinates the problem for the future. Then, do you know what happens to postponed problems when they are met in the future? They are BIGGER, more vicious and they EXPLODE when they are triggered by trivial matters. So why would you want to leave your problem for the future rather than communicate about it when it is still small and manageable?
Anyhow, by crummy communications here I mean the kind of communications that produce fruitless and unfavorable results in human relations. They are unpleasant, dirty and poor in quality compared to the kind of communications that bring harmony, peace and progress in relationships. These are the kind of communications you will find mostly in "traditional beer depots" among drunkards and other sense-controlled gatherings. The purpose of their talks is not to make sense but to indulge in nonsense; not to bear fruit but to spoil the existing ones.
Now, in my personal opinion, there are two types of noticeable communications that are important for this topic at hand; good communication and poor communication and nothing in between. "Silence" falls under the worst kind of poor communication because staying silent about problems means that you are leaving those problems hanging around in the air unsolved. Pending problems means that there are also pending feelings, that is, unresolved emotions left behind by the two parties. Unresolved feelings are like a balloon, they expand with every little breath of negativity exposed to them.
In other words, choosing to remain silent about things that trouble you is worse than the fellow who expresses his heart through vulgar words because unlike you, we know what he is thinking and therefore we can find a way to solve the problem. More importantly, he releases his bitterness through that speech, whereas you on the other hand bottle up your emotions for future emotional explosions that will not only affect YOU but everyone and everything else around you including the chairs and plates in your kitchen. I will talk in detail about the art of communications under next topic, The Artistic Science of Arising By People.
Excerpted from Arising By People by Advent AM Monyatsiwa. Copyright © 2013 Advent AM Monyatsiwa. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
PART 1: FALLING BY PEOPLE,
Falling By People, 1,
The Futile Artifice Of Falling By People, 5,
PART 2: ARISING BY PEOPLE,
The Artistic Science Of Arising By People, 29,
The Engine, 33,
The Control-Switch, 45,
The Lightbulbs, 63,
The Light, 91,
PART 3: THE MONKEY-WRENCHERS,
Introduction: A Monkey Wrench In The Works, 107,
The Bottlenecked Monkey-Wrenchers, 111,
Summary: An Ariser or A Monkey-Wrencher, 119,
PART 4: ARISING BY THE PERSON INSIDE,
Introducing A Sacred Truth, 123,
The Sacred Truth Of The Millennium, 125,
Summarizing The Truth, 129,
Concluding The Book:, 131,