Assholes Finish First

Assholes Finish First

by Tucker Max, Maddox

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Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

The best gift for the dudes and bros in your life: the fratire New York Times bestseller Assholes Finish First, featuring twenty-five new and exclusive stories by Tucker Max.

What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another bestselling book on your hands.

Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to “some next-level shit.”

You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking:

• What’s it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets?
• What does it do to a man to watch a nineteen-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does?
• At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job?
• When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name on her body, what is the appropriate reaction?

The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences:

His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an asshole.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781416951148
Publisher: Gallery Books
Publication date: 09/28/2010
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 416
Sales rank: 259,606
File size: 7 MB

About the Author

Tucker Max received his BA with highest honors from the University of Chicago in 1998, and attended Duke Law School on an academic scholarship, where he graduated with a JD in 2001. His first book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, is a #1 New York Times bestseller, has spent over 150 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list over five calendar years, and has sold over 1 million copies. He has also been credited with being the originator and leader of the literary genre, "fratire," and was nominated to Time magazine's 100 Most Influential List in 2009. He currently lives in Austin, Texas, and can be reached through his website,

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Assholes Finish First 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 603 reviews.
Mark36 More than 1 year ago
The Tucker is back. Like a bad accident you can't look away from. Book one a fresh and funny, raw diary of naïve, self-destructive freshmen overindulging in shameless situations. Great unpredictable bits. Cutting repartee between the motley characters. Penned with minimalist blogger, literary skills. Tales blatantly exaggerated, that reek of snake oil. In a way, the flaws made it even better. The essence of college. Enter the post-college sequel, written by a now mid-30s law grad Tucker. Expectations? Spontaneous tales and laughs from a narcissistic, neurotic adult, with some cash to upgrade his levels of sleaze. Intrigue and twists navigating his next phase in life. Self-discovery. Seasoned writing. Vastly improved comedic delivery. Reality? It took a week to read 20 pages. What happened? The shock value and self-deprecation is gone...replaced with weak, exaggerated penthouse letters for knuckle-dragging virgins with no life experience. He's regressed to puberty. It became a mission to find anything funny. Out of 400 pages, only Tuckerfest and the Midgets strike back brought laughs. The rest? Low rent college blogger scribblings, aggrandizing ordinary events into imaginary Demi-God legends. It reads like a Dumb and Dumber parody of a sociopathic, transparently insecure BS artist, who refers to himself in 3rd person like some Fraternity deity. No dynamics. Flat, one-dimensional characters. We're talking groundbreaking puberty comedy here; liquor, sex, and rebellion; using people as props, and then "insert clichéd insult and gross thing here" for the dreaded, yawning punch lines. I love juvenile humor done right. Farrelly Brothers movies are hilarious. This just falls flat due a lethal combination of weak content, misplaced arrogance to vomit levels, and just frankly...not funny. Think cocky z-list comedian who bombs at the Improv, and mid-set drops the mic and storms off because the crowd is "too stupid to understand the brilliance." Second half of book he pontificates about groupie sex and fame, being a revolutionary "artist"'s view from the top. Seriously. You're killing us. One can visualize the late night burning oil sessions; those spontaneous tomes flying off the steady quill pen that would leave Hunter Thompson and Hemingway quivering with envy. "I know - I'll make up a story about screwing a fat, one legged, vomiting skank who suddenly gets her period - It will be AWESOME!! Tucker Max is a GOD!!!" The irony of the title, well... Other than the two stories, the entertainment here is the content and author are unintentionally hilarious to laugh at. (Hello, David Brent). For any chance to work, the book calls for a self-deprecating guy laughing at himself and the bizarre situations he gets into....followed by self-discovery, development of character, etc. Miss this one. Get the first book. Recommended debauchery books. The Dirt... by Neil Strauss. Addictive tale traveling on tour with Motley Crue and Ozzy. Insane binging, womanizing and pillaging. High Heels and Dirty Brett Tate. Brilliant satirist; a twisted gifted rogue's photodocumentary of an insatiable quest for women and vice. Gritty, hilarious Russian mobsters. Screaming funny observation humor, overindulgence and debauchery to cartoonish levels, coupled with stunning erotic photography.
Jen Ramirez More than 1 year ago
Why would you buy a book, knowing what it is, then complain and give it a bad review? This is def a man's book. Obscene and vulger, but it doesn't hide tnat from the description. Expect it. Its hilariously offensive.Get over it or dont read it. or do and laugh your ass off.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
For thos of you that refer to the author as an "idiot," he is probably smarter than you. He did his undergrad at U Chicago: a school with a 20% acceptance rate and then went to law school at Duke-an exceptional school. I'm not saying I agree with everything he did, but if you are going to insult somebody, do it properly.
JessLucy More than 1 year ago
I typically like well-written books no matter what the subject and this one is no exception. Tucker is quite funny and a good story-teller. For some reason he's especially funny when he's mocking himself. I definately enjoy reading about his adventures and the people he knows/meets. This book is obviously not for everyone and I can certainly see how A LOT of people would be offended by Tucker Max...but I find him to be pretty hilarious. I usually offer other author/book suggestions but...I'm not quite sure what genre Max falls into. If you're female, Chelsea Handler's books are quite funny.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
While he's certainly an egotistical a**hole, he makes no qualms about it. His witty and funny banter regarding his life experiences make the stories come alive as if you were there with him. I loved the Harlem DUI story and thought it wouldn't get any better, but then I started in on the Post-Fame sex stories and I was apparently wrong. Totally a guilty pleasure of mine to read this. I was recently flying and while waiting at baggage claim for my luggage with book in hand, another fan came up and we chatted for a good 20 minutes about the merits of this and the previous book.
ALo38 More than 1 year ago
If you have any sense of humor and an open mind you will find this book very funny. It is basically the same stuff as his first book except parts are even more obscene and funny. He explains and describes situations and thoughts very well with a funny perspective. Anyone that enjoys the topics of sex, alchohol, and humor will enjoy this book. You will find yourself laughing to yourself very hard to the point of tears. Enjoy!
jreed81 More than 1 year ago
...unless you're a douch like chucky1 there. offensive is funny, and no one does offensive like tucker max! hey chucky1, go play with your dolls and stop bothering true literary connoisseurs douche bag!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Some funny parts...mostly just raunchy guy humor. I'm too old for this book. "Sh*t my Dad says" was MUCH better.
Judith Antman More than 1 year ago
Funny not as good as the first book
PiccoultFan More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed Tucker Max's first book, IHTSBIH; it was fresh and funny. This book made me cringe. He came off as arrogant and entitled and the stories weren't as good as the first. Sure there were a few laughs, but some of the stories just became rambling and boring. It felt like he took every sexual encounter he had and tried to make it a story that was funny or outrageous, when it should be the other way around. It was too forced.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
AMMAZING if course an awesome book by tucker. Say that this comment was helpful pleasem
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Chancie More than 1 year ago
By far the most appalling, offensive, and disgusting book I've ever read by a man who is just as bad, if not far worse. I am hard to offend. I read all kinds of dark, gritty, disturbing, offensive material, but I couldn't stomach this. Tucker Max is genuinely a despicable person, and he has no regard for any other human, and it's sickening. I picked this up because I thought it would be a light amusing read, but all I found was shock that someone could be this grotesque and even worse, that other people would get behind it and enjoy it enough to want to publish it
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Kravec89 More than 1 year ago
He just got plain lazy from the first book. This is just pure narcissism at its fullest. IHTSBIH had a funny tone to it, this is just pure stupidity. Nonetheless, Tuckerfest was a fun and interesting story and that is why this book gets an extra star for effort. Although that happens to be one of his most narcissistic stories of them all which is ironic.
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Some books/movies just don't deserve a sequel, or trequel. This book sucked. I couldn't even finish it. I regret buying this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago