Be Prepared: Be Prepared

by Gary Greenberg, Jeannie Hayden

Overview

An indispensable survival manual for men entering the trenches of fatherhood, Be Prepared is loaded with one-of-a-kind insights, MacGyver-esque tips and tricks, and no-nonsense advice for mastering the first year as a dad.

Finally, a book that teaches men all the things they really need to know about fatherhood...including how to:

-Change a baby at a packed sports stadium
-Create a decoy drawer full of old wallets, remote controls, and cell phones to throw baby off the scent of your real gear
-Stay awake (or at least upright) at work
-Babyproof a hotel room in four minutes flat
-Construct an emergency diaper out of a towel, a sock, and duct tape

Packed with helpful diagrams and detailed instructions, and delivered with a wry sense of humor, Be Prepared is the ultimate guide for sleep-deprived, applesauce-covered fathers everywhere.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780743251549
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster
Publication date:	06/01/2004
Edition description:	Original
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	87,356
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.98(h) x 0.58(d)

About the Author

Gary Greenberg is the author of the national bestseller The Pop-Up Book of Phobias, as well as The Pop-Up Book of Nightmares. He is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian, and has appeared on Comedy Central, Bravo, NPR, and USA Network, among others.

Jeannie Hayden is an award-winning illustrator and graphic designer whose clients include Nickelodeon and the American Museum of Natural History.

Read an Excerpt

Be Prepared

A Practical Handbook for New Dads

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By Gary Greenberg Jeannie Hayden

Simon & Schuster

ISBN: 0-7432-5154-7

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Chapter One

The First-Month Slump

Fatherhood can hit you like a sucker punch. The baby arrives, you're showered with help and gifts and food for a week or two, and then everyone leaves. And you are suddenly hit by this overwhelming feeling that nothing will ever be the same again. Someone has taken away your old life and replaced it with this really long, frustrating community service project.

For the first couple of weeks post-baby, you may feel anxious, depressed, and lonely, and why shouldn't you? You're completely at the mercy of a relentless little dictator, and there is no relief in sight. But as you're wallowing, it's important to remember that you are not alone. Fathers the world over, from Copenhagen to Cape Town, from captains of industry to ditch diggers, have all gone through this rough patch.

For the majority of dads, this phase lasts somewhere between eight and twelve weeks, at which point you switch into the "I might as well make the best of it" phase. Several factors combine to help lift the dark clouds from your head, including:

The baby is sleeping longer hours. You're feeling more adept at handling and troubleshooting her. She's finally smiling at you (the baby, not your partner).

If this period lasts more than three months, or you begin to feel completely overwhelmed or withdrawn, talk to your partnerand friends and think about seeking professional help.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Be Prepared by Gary Greenberg Jeannie Hayden Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Introduction

The First Week

What Your Newborn Won't Look Like

What Your Newborn Will Look Like

Newborn Party Tricks

Handing Over the Baby

You Are the A.V. Club

Why Your Partner May Not Be Functioning Properly

Breast vs. Bottle

Bidding Farewell to the Breast

The Joy of Burping

The Basic Change

Your Newborn and Your Pet

How to Entertain a Newborn

O-3 Months

The First-Month Slump

Moms and Mood Swings

Scrubbing Your Sprout

Coping with Crying

Wrestling the Breast Pump

Bottles Up!

Sleeping Like a Baby

Returning to Work

Reading Sports Illustrated to Your Baby

A Guy's Guide to Strollers

The Infant Ensemble

4-6 Months

Your Mental Health

Resuming a Sex Life?

Protecting Your Back

Circuit Training Your Baby

Tethering Everything to the Baby

Temperature Taking Tactics

Getting Medicine into a Baby

Soothing the Teether

Be Prepared for Outings

Great Outings 4-6 Months

Driving and Crying

Using the Baby as a Prop

Breastfeeding in Public

Starting Solid Foods

Effective Diaper Disposal

Skill Builders 4-6 Months

7-9 Months

Sleeping Through the Night

Going Mobile

Babyproofing

Removing a Foreign Object from the VCR

The Terrible Tube?

Great Outings 7-9 Months

Skill Builders 7-9 Months

Babies and Language

The Secret Meaning of Peek-a-Boo

The Big Bath

First Haircut

10-12 Months

Eating Like a Person

Babies and Restaurants

Great Outings 10-12 Months

Skill Builders 10-12 Months

The Decoy Drawer

Rigging Emergency Diapers

Advanced Changing Maneuvers

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Making Your Baby Laugh

Babies and Airplanes

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn

How to Neutralize a Runner

Camping with Your Cub

The First Birthday Party

The New Year's Panda

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Index

About the Authors

Editorial Reviews

"If you're a new dad, keep a copy of Be Prepared by your bedside. It's funny, informative, and — let's be honest — it's not like you're going to be sleeping anyway."
—Paul Reiser, New York Times bestselling author of Babyhood

From the Publisher

Parenting is hard, and reading many of the jargon-filled parenting books out there can make it even harder, but with a combination of smart writing and clever illustrations, husband-and-wife team Greenberg (The Pop-up Book of Phobias; etc.) and illustrator Hayden make both seem fun, if not easy. As the subtitle suggests, the book is filled with advice that will appeal to the solution-centered male perspective, from step-by-step swaddling instructions to a guide for identifying six distinct infant crying patterns. (A hunger cry, for example, is "a pattern of low-pitched, rhythmic moans, growing more and more insistent," whereas a boredom pattern is "a low-volume whimper which stops and starts irregularly.") Not only is Greenberg and Hayden's information useful, but it's also been vetted by "several distinguished fellows" at the American Academy of Pediatrics. Along with the conventional chapters on baby-proofing your house and taking a baby's temperature are more obscure-and amusing-topics, such as how to videotape your baby and how to conduct a "Mirror Puppet Sing Along" to sooth a crying baby while driving (the technique requires two mirrors, a hand-puppet and an indifference to looking silly). Hayden's drawings strike just the right balance between textbook-boring and tongue-in-cheek funny, depicting everything from a sketch of a bottle of teething gel to a drawing of an exhausted father snoozing in a business meeting. Greenberg and Hayden have succeeded in providing new dads (and many moms, for that matter) with an entertaining and informative cheat sheet. Agent, Todd Shuster. (June 1) Forecast: With a blurb from Paul Reiser and a low paperback price, this book should be a strong Father's Day seller. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.

Publishers Weekly