As the 2015 Grand Prize winner of the Beverly Hills Book Award, Psychiatrist Susan L. Edelman unlocks the mystery of why women don't get what they want from men and changes the dating game. She shows women how to reclaim their power by learning what works best for theminstead of what they're programmed to believe is "normal" by our culture. Today's dating culture is a minefield. With tricky dos and don'ts and endless conflicting strategies, women are more confused than ever. You could be hurting yourself and not even know it, but Dr. Edelman says it's not your fault.
Twenty-nine years of listening to the deepest secrets of patients has given Dr. Edelman a provocative and practical perspective that will question everything you think you knew. She says dating doesn't have to be filled with angst and disappointment anymore.
Dr. Edelman will give you the tools to date on your own terms, enjoy the process, and find happiness. Yes, all that is possible with Dr. Edelman's transformative method. Join the revolution. Be your own Brand of Sexy.
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About the Author
Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman has spent 29 years as a practicing therapist in Palo Alto, California specializing in women’s issues. In addition to her private practice, Dr. Edelman is an Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor at Stanford University in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. She is honored as a fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. Dr. Edelman received her undergraduate and medical degrees from Louisiana State University. She completed her psychiatric residency at Tulane University School of Medicine.
As a single woman, she’s been on the front lines of dating. Living in Louisiana and then California gave her two very different perspectives on dating, helping her see all the options women have. She enjoys dancing, gardening, and traveling. Perhaps you will see some of her interests reflected in this book.
Table of Contents
1 Why We Need a New Sexual Revolution: You Always Have a Choice 1
Wht Do you Think?
Five Guidelines to Being Your Own Brand of Sexy
Why Is It Valuable to Be Your Own Brand of Sexy?
Owning Your Options
What Went Wrong?
Why We Need a New Sexual Revolution
Learning to Be Your Own Brand of sexy
The How-Tos of the New Sexual Revolution-Being Your Own Brand of Sexy and Sisterhood
2 Media and Peer Pressure Solutions Might Not Be Right for you 21
Explosive Changes: The Old Revolutions
Something Gained, Something Lost
The Rise of the Hookup Culture and the Demise of Romance-The Confusion of Casual Sex and How Slow Can Be Sexy
Men Are Struggling Too
They Tyranny of Beauty and the Power of Sisterhood
Teenage Sexuality: The Powder Keg
Somewhere in the Middle
Is Protecting Your Heart Passé?
So What Now?
3 Know Where You're Going 51
Is More Better?
Sex Is All Around
What's Girl Supposed to Do?
What do you Want?
At-Home Exercises: What Would you Do?
What Do You Think?
l4 Consider How We're "Built" 67
Don't Believe Everything You Read
Are We From Different Planets?
What Do Women Want?
What Do You Want…and Are You Built for What You Want?
The Bottom Line
5 Protect Your Heart: Slow Can Be Sexy 87
Are Rules Meant to Be Broken?
Drawing a Line Requires Finding One
Reality or Delusion?
Bringing Sir Galahad Back from the Dead?
6 Emotional Hygiene: Your Voice Matter 105
How Do You Feel? Getting in Touch With Your Emotions
More Than a Feeling: Intuition
Can You Trust Your Instincts?
Looking for Patterns
Influence: Stand Up for Yourself
What Are We So Afraid of? Conflict, Rejection, and Anger-Oh, My!
Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself
"To Thine Own Self Be True"
7 Plan Your Strategy: If a Guy Isn't Respecting Your Voice, Move ON 133
Single Woman's 12-Piece Dating Toolbox
Using Your Toolbox: Making These Strategies Work for You
8 Script Your New Game: A Dating Quiz 165
Quiz Results Review
9 When Self-Help Books Aren't Enough 117
When Self-Help Books Aren't Enough for You
10 Your Next Chapter 187
How Far We've Come
Take the First Step
Communication is Everything
Figure Out What Works for You
Try It Out
Reward Yourself Again
A New Sexual Revolution
Five Guidelines to Being Your Own Brand of Sexy
Sisterhood Is Powerful
You Say You Want a Revolution
A New Appreciation for Our Differences
Is It OK to Look Sexy?
Looking Good and Doing Good
Confidence Is Sexy-Self-Knowledge Is Power
Appendix A Related Books and Articles 223
What People are Saying About This
If you want to put an end to heartbreak and finally find the man for you, read this groundbreaking book!
"Navigating the gender divide has never been easy, but in some ways, it has even become more complicated following the Feminist Revolution of the past few decades. In my own psychiatric practice, I hear about very similar complaints and confusions which Dr. Edelman, a seasoned practitioner, scholar and valued colleague, describes in her book. Maintaining a strong individually based perspective, while helping the reader and presumably her patients thoughtfully navigate between the extremes of idiosyncrasy and pressure packed prescriptive norms, Dr. Edelman shows the reader how to craft a solution which fits their own personal needs without sacrificing respectable standards of a satisfying partnership. It is with great pleasure and deep respect that I see this manuscript reach its final stages of publication. I think it will rapidly become a much needed classic in its own right."
This is an important book. It reveals sociology and psychological insights for young women to explore who they are and make romantic decisions wisely. Additionally, Dr. Edelman’s call for a return to sisterhood is compelling. Women will learn much from her wisdom.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
BE YOUR OWN BRAND OF SEXY Susan L Edelman, MD This is by far the best relationship book that I have ever read. I learned more in the first two chapters of this book than in most of the other books I have read on this subject. Dr Edelman not only filled this book with knowledge, but she also filled the book with examples of the situations she was talking about. It was extremely interesting to read. Also, the book has so many references where you can do more reading on what Dr Edelman is talking about. One of the things I like most about this book is that it is for everybody. It touches on situations every woman, whether young or old, has to face in the dating world. I think the main ideas that came across to me were to be myself and to say what I mean and not what is expected of me. This book was great to read and I have tons of yellow marker on whole sections of it. If you are looking for a book that teaches you, but is also an interesting read then this is the book for you.
Reviewed by Roy T. James for Readers' Favorite Be Your Own Brand of Sexy by Susan L. Edelman, MD. is about the next sexual revolution. The first sexual revolution promised women more choices, enabled them in expressing themselves better and blew an air of liberation, but cultural limitations today still hinder women’s choices. Permissible dating behavior and levels of intimacy are some of the more obvious areas needing change. When women, as a result of the first revolution, did let go of the old constrictions, they in fact ended up replacing the old ones with even more impracticable demands, a sexual imagery highly taxing as well as impractical. Gone also are the identifiable metaphors such as chivalry, courtship and others linked with romance. A casual look at the sales data of fictional romances of any reputable publisher can easily show to what degree women have been missing this in their lives, and how they are always trying to compensate through these imaginary creations. Be Your Own Brand of Sexy by Susan L. Edelman, MD. examines this quandary and offers certain solutions to encourage each woman to decide what’s best for her, regardless of cultural expectations. Rather than attempting another revolution which might end up in more shackles, Susan implores women to maintain their own brand of sexism, realize that women are beautiful in their differences, and reject the totally unrealistic sexual imagery they are constantly bombarded with. This is a thorough study on the many facets of womanhood; almost all the social transactions analyzed are easily identifiable in daily life.
Susan Edelman MD has written a cultural manifesto for women, that honors femininity, sexual intimacy, and the unique voice of sisterhood. Within the covers of this graceful book is a quiet revolution: one less concerned with power, than with self-esteem and self-affirmation. The aesthetics of beauty, the risks of being alone, rejected, stigmatized or shamed are carefully re-examined. Women of all ages are invited to dispel the marketing of specialized forms of allure, and to find their particular affinities, and ways of sharing their unique qualities of personhood- their own brand of sexiness.! The hidden irony of this book is its relevance for men,as well as for women, regardless of gender identity and/or sexual object choice. Any one who doubts the superb contribution this book makes to personal and social well-being are urged to scan the chapter headings and the remarkable index. Dr. Edelman has brought a tone of real dignity to the beauty of sexual relating, however variable our inner and outer bodies may be. Randall Weingarten, M.D.
This book impresses me. It is more than it might seem to be on first read, easily the best of the "dating for women" category, clearly written, engaging and useful. Just as important, it is an insightful look at a tough 21st century developmental challenge facing almost every individual at one time or another. It should also be of interest to parents, brothers and all the guys who seek to understand themselves and their future partners. It has a place on my bookshelf. I will enjoy and learn from rereading it. Charles W. Casella, M.D.