Beauty Is for Suckers (Iris Greene, Book 1)

Beauty Is for Suckers (Iris Greene, Book 1)

by M.A. Carson

NOOK Book(eBook)


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Vampires are the sexiest, most drop-dead gorgeous creatures on the planet. They are physical exaggerations of perfection, and they are eighteen-year-old Iris Greene’s best chance at happiness. Iris isn’t tall or short. She isn’t skinny or fat. She is nothing worth remembering—a ghost through high school. But one bite on the neck will suck that away and fix every flat-chested flaw. One bite will give her a beauty that inspires confidence.

A small-town girl from Idaho, Iris moves to L.A. with dreams of an alabaster immortal draining the heat from her pores under a moonlit sky. What she gets is a scratchy mustache sucking on the back of her arm behind a Dumpster. Her fangs drop, and her heartbeat stops, but her body and face remain unchanged. She looks exactly as she did when she was human, except now, as a vampire, “average” is ugly by comparison.

The only one who can fix her now is the man who sucked her dry. With the help of Nolan Dayburn—an amateur vampire slayer unaware of what she is—Iris will face alleyways, nightclubs, and the monsters who inhabit each for answers only an Elbow Biter can provide.

Product Details

BN ID: 2940045746601
Publisher: M.A. Carson
Publication date: 03/04/2014
Sold by: Smashwords
Format: NOOK Book
File size: 347 KB
Age Range: 13 Years

About the Author

Michael (M.A.) Carson grew up in San Marcos, California before moving at age twelve with his parents and sister to Montrose, Colorado. His love for writing started in fourth grade, providing him limitless possibilities for creative expression. Throughout school, he bounced between short stories, comic books, and screenplays with imagination and humor at the forefront. After graduating college, Michael concentrated on novels, with subject matters ranging from science fiction to superheroes to beauty-sucking vampires. Regardless of the genre, his goal has always been the same: to take readers on a one-of-a-kind adventure and make them laugh along the way.

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Beauty Is for Suckers 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4 reviews.
Robert_Schell66 More than 1 year ago
Drop Dead Gorgeous…that’s all that newly-converted teenage vampire Iris wants to be.  And why should she not?  It’s common knowledge that all vamps are unbelievably sexy, flawless and irresistible.  Yet Iris is just thoroughly, remarkably plain. The obvious conclusion:  the monster who converted her, a sleazy gigolo vamp known as “Elbow Biter” botched the job!  The solution: track Elbow Biter down and make him fix her! And so begins Iris’ journey into the underworld of vampires and their nemeses: vampire slayers with their own reality shows.  Things get even weirder when she meets one such slayer and is forced into an awkward alliance with him. Then things get even more awkward once Iris finally tracks down Elbow Biter.   M.A. Carson’s “Beauty is for Suckers” is a fun adventure/romance novel with plenty of laugh out loud situations and lines that deftly play on the trope of sexy vampires without becoming a parody of the vampire genre itself.  The author’s use of a therapy session, told in first person by the main character is a clever literary device to introduce the protagonist.  The author has a knack for writing engaging dialogue and interesting turns of phrases.  I found parts of the book a little dialogue-heavy and would have preferred that the plot get off to a faster start, but these are minor quibbles and would recommend the book as a calling card from a fresh talent to look out for in the field of fantasy literature. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Enjoyed this gruesomely kinky read!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Beauty is for Suckers has to be one of the best send ups of the whole vampire genre I've seen in a long while! Carson really gets the humor, the strangeness and even some of the smaller details that would come into vampirism if it became an issue in our real society and became a piece of pop culture. Reality is stranger than fiction and this book really touches on so many elements of that truth.  Iris Greene is a frustrated 18 year old who left small town Idaho for L.A., hoping to be bitten and turned into vampire so she could leave her relatively normal  life behind. She thinks she's boring, unglamorous and worst of all, despite being bitten and changed, she's still ugly. Uncertain about how to go about changing things for the better, she finally gives in and goes to see a psychologist and explains her predicament.  You see, Iris was bitten by a weirdo vamp she refers to as the Elbow Biter and left to her own devices. Life as a vampire has been less than fulfilling and many of the things she took for granted about being a vamp (thanks to reality television shows and pop culture references) just aren't true or working out the way she'd planned. As luck would have it, neither will her appointment with Dr. Malloy or the many attempts she makes to connect with other vampires in a search for the vamp that fanged her and somehow managed to screw it up.  Vampires can't sleep, don't strictly have to have blood, can't stomach the complexities of most human foods and the one thing Iris wanted out of being a vamp has fallen through. She never went through the change that would make her incredible beautiful. Basically, life sucks. Until one night, when being chased, her life begins to take a strange turn and through a complex series of events she is beginning to figure out that there's more to herself and the vampire lifestyle than she thought.  Beauty is for Suckers is funny, witty and quirky. There's nothing I didn't enjoy about it from beginning to end, and that's saying a lot about a book facing the challenges that many authors do in the indie market. There are tons of great scenes, moments and characters in this book and anyone who picks it up is in for a treat. Please do, its more than worth it!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago