Beware the Ninja Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

Beware the Ninja Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

by David Lubar
4.5 40

Hardcover(First Edition)

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Overview

Beware the Ninja Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales by David Lubar

Welcome to the Weenie Zone! Acclaimed author David Lubar is back with his sixth collection of Warped and Creepy Tales, which have sold more than 1.7 million copies

Stranded aliens seek out Earth’s most intelligent species. (Hint: It’s not us.) A bully discovers the meaning of “spatial displacement.” Two girls find out why you should never annoy a witch. When a swarm of sneaking, slashing, scurrying ninja weenies invades their neighborhood, a boy and his best friend find a way to fight back.

Acclaimed author and master of the macabre David Lubar is back with his sixth collection of warped and creepy tales. Here are thirty-three hilarious and harrowing stories that will scare you, make you laugh, or see the world in a whole new way. Find out where David got the idea for each story at the end of the book.

Don’t be a weenie. Read these stories. If you dare!

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780765332134
Publisher: Tom Doherty Associates
Publication date: 06/05/2012
Series: Weenies Stories Series
Edition description: First Edition
Pages: 192
Sales rank: 393,968
Product dimensions: 5.70(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.90(d)
Lexile: 590L (what's this?)
Age Range: 8 - 12 Years

About the Author

DAVID LUBAR created a sensation with his debut novel, Hidden Talents, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults. He is also the author of the Nathan Abercrombie series, True Talents, Flip, and five short story collections: In the Land of the Lawn Weenies, Invasion of the Road Weenies, The Curse of the Campfire Weenies, The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies, and Attack of the Vampire Weenies. He lives in Nazareth, Pennsylvania.

Read an Excerpt

PLAYING SOLO

 

 

Henry fired a mortar round at the cluster of aliens. Perfect! It hit their group dead center, and blew them up in a geyser of brown soil and green flesh.

“Nice!” Stan said. “I’ll flank the other squadron while you distract them.”

“Got it,” Henry said into the microphone of his headset. He pushed the right thumb stick to rotate the camera toward the other group of enemies. Then he tapped the D-pad to switch weapons. No use wasting mortar shells. He fired short bursts from his plasma rifle, knocking chips of stone off the broken statues that sheltered the enemy. They responded by sending a hail of blind fire in his direction.

“Almost there,” Stan said.

Henry panned the camera back, but couldn’t spot his friend.

“As soon as you attack, I’ll move closer,” he said. “Okay?”

Instead of answering, Stan screamed, “Aliens!”

“Ouch! Stop that.” Henry lowered the volume. “Of course there are aliens. That’s the whole point of this game—to fight the aliens.”

“No. Real ones!” Stan yelled.

Henry rotated the view all the way around until he got back to the starting point. He didn’t see anything that hadn’t been there before. No new enemies had shown up on the radar map, either.

“Aaggggg! Noooo!

A message scrolled across the top of the screen.

CONNECTION LOST. STANROCKS720 HAS DROPPED OUT.

“Very funny,” Henry muttered. He had no idea why Stan had quit, but he was happy to play the game by himself. He switched back to the mortar, slipped closer, and took out the second group of aliens with another perfectly placed shot. Then he headed over the ridge, where he suspected he’d find ammo crates and health pickups.

“I knew it,” he said when he saw the stockpile of supplies. Now that he had full health and plenty of ammo, he decided to keep going. According to the walk-through he’d checked before starting this session, there were only five levels left. It would serve Stan right if he missed out on the ending.

Half an hour later, Henry felt someone tugging on his sleeve. “Can I play?” his little brother, Ruben, asked.

“Go away.” Even if Ruben had any chance of lasting more than five seconds in the game without getting vaporized by an energy whip or blown to pieces by an omega mine, Henry wasn’t going to put up with a split screen, which was the only option for two players on the same console.

“Please…” Ruben said.

“I mean it,” Henry said. “Go away!”

Ruben stormed off. Henry didn’t even look up. He couldn’t care less about his little brother at the moment. He’d just discovered a stash of mini-nuke proximity grenades. They’d be perfect when he attacked the stronghold at the end of the level.

Ten minutes later, Ruben started screaming. “Aliens! Help meeeee!!!!”

Henry heard footsteps race through the living room, along the hall, and into the kitchen. The back door slammed as Ruben ran into the yard. There was another scream, but Henry didn’t pay any attention to it. His little brother was always screaming. Henry had more important things to deal with.

Finally, two hours later, Henry watched the credits scroll down the screen. “I did it.” He’d beaten the game on his own, clearing the last five levels without any help from Stan.

Henry dropped the controller from his half-numb hands and staggered to his feet. His back ached from sitting in one spot for so long, and his legs tingled. He didn’t care. He’d finished the game. That was the important thing. He needed to brag to someone about his accomplishment. Not just someone—he wanted to brag to everyone. But he’d start with the most convenient, and easily impressed, person.

“Hey, Ruben, where are you?”

No answer.

Henry walked out to the backyard. Instead of grass and a swing set, he found an enormous crater, like someone had set off a bomb. He went around the house to the front yard and looked down the street. Half the houses were on fire. A bunch of others were just gone, like a giant had scraped them up with a spatula.

Henry didn’t see any people at all.

“Hey,” he called, in case someone could hear him. “I beat Alien Warfront. All by myself. On the hard setting.”

After a moment, Henry gave up and went back inside. Might as well play another game, he thought. There was no point wasting the day. He called a couple of his friends, to see if anyone wanted to play online, but nobody answered.

So Henry played by himself and he was totally happy, until the electricity went off, the water stopped running, and the invaders made a second pass through town to wipe out any stragglers.

Despite all his gaming skills, Henry didn’t turn out to be a very challenging opponent when he fought against real aliens. The battle was brief. And then it was GAME OVER forever.

 

Copyright © 2012 by David Lubar

Table of Contents

Contents

Playing Solo

Gorgonzola

Blowout

Christmas Carol

Thresholds of Pain

Smart Food

The Art of Alchemy

Magnifying the Tragedy

Sweet Dreams

Chipmunk

Stuck Up

The Snow Globe

Iron Wizard

Fortunate Accidents

Big Bang

Laps

Bed Bugs

Lost Treasures

Catfishing in America

Poser

Beware the Ninja Weenies

Little Bread Riding Hood

Gulp

Spring Behind

Garden of Gargoyles

Alien Biology

Evil Is in the Eye of the Beholder

Whiter Than Ever

Day Careless

Rat Slayers

Frigid Regulations

Dog Gone

A Word or Two About these Stories

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

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Beware the Ninja Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 40 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lubar has made many twisted and dark shorts. As a longtime fan, I find this book not as... creepy. Being creeped out at 12:00 AM is not always a good sleep tip, but it's AWESOME! I hope David has not given up. Don't get me wrong, it IS a great book. But not enough for me creep factor. - An 11 year old.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Sounds awesome! Can't wait!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Another great tale:)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love this book my book fair had it so i had to get it on the nook.My friend at school has it too and he loves it.I read this SEIRIes
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Oh my gosh! I have read every single weenie book and I will admit, they are the best! I love there short stories because sometimes they're scary,funny, and supenseful! This book was super good, I love the weenies, I am always crawling back for more!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Best book ever
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hot dogs and ketchup: well definately get it will be awsome i read all the others exept red hot pepper weenies and this definately get it!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is reely awesome
Anonymous 8 months ago
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My # : 817-437-8736 Thanks! Ps im a girl send me nudes first so i can decide if i like you or not and just call me master!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Nice job david lubar
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Good miny stories.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I want your hard sex if you're a girl.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Add me :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
That vook rocks!
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book rocks
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Thats a good book
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have read this book like 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times!!!!!!!!!! I have two copies, parperback and hardcover, i also have like 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 books. THISIS BY FAR MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!