Escrito por Cloud y Townsend, autores de Límites para nuestros hijos, este libro cuenta con consejos bíblicos y prácticos para todo cristiano.
¿Está tu vida sin control? ¿siente que la gente te utiliza? ¿Le es difícil decir que no? ¿Está desilusionado con Dios por falta de respuesta a tus oraciones?
Establecer límites claros es esencial para obtener un estilo de vida sano y balanceado. Un límite es un línea de propiedad personal que marca las cosas de las que somos responsables. En otras palabras, límites es lo que define quiénes somos, o quiénes no somos. Los límites afectan diferentes aspectos de nuestras vidas: Los límites físicos nos ayudan a determinar quién nos puede tocar y bajo qué circunstancia. Los límites mentales nos dan la libertad de tener ideas y opiniones propias. Los límites emocionales nos ayudan a tratar con nuestras propias emociones y a librarnos de las emociones dañinas y manipuladoras de otros. Los límites espirituales nos ayudan a distinguir entre la voluntad de Dios y la nuestra, y nos dan temor de Dios.
Los doctores Henry Cloud y John Townsend ofrecen respuestas bíblicas a preguntas difíciles, a la vez que nos muestran cómo poner límites sanos con nuestros padres, nuestros cónyuges, nuestros hijos, nuestros amigos, nuestros compañeros de trabajo, y hasta con nosotros mismos.
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About the Author
El doctor Henry Cloud es un conferencista de gran popularidad. Junto al doctor John Townsend es anfitrión del programa de radio New Life Live!, además de ambos ser fundadores de la Clínica Cloud-Townsend y de la organización Cloud-Townsend Resources. Es autor de varios libros premiados con el reconocimiento Medalla de Oro, entre ellos Límites y El poder transformador de los grupos pequeños. El doctor Cloud, su esposa y sus dos hijas radican en el sur de California.
El Dr. John Townsend es un respetado consultor en liderazgo, psicólogo y autor de libros más vendidos del New York Times. Townsend además es el fundador del Instituto Townsend de Liderazgo y Asesoramiento y de la plataforma digital en línea “Townsend NOW”. También dirige el programa de Liderazgo Townsend. Viaja por todo el mundo para asesorar empresas, dar conferencias y ayudar a desarrollar líderes y sus equipos. Él y su esposa Barbi tienen dos hijos, Ricky y Benny, y viven en Newport Beach, California.
Read an Excerpt
Limites / Boundaries
By Henry Cloud Editorial Vida
Copyright © 2001 Henry Cloud
All right reserved.
What Is a Boundary?
BEFORE YOU LEAD
Boundaries define what is me and what is not me. Boundaries also protect us
from the bad.
Skin, words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are,
time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance, emotional distance,
other people, and consequences are some examples of boundaries.
We are responsible for our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices,
thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love, all of which lie within our
The concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself.
Boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others.
Boundaries result in freedom, which leads to love.
We begin our study of boundaries by answering the question, "What is a boundary?" Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows where each individual ends and someone else begins, leading each person to a sense of ownership and responsibility. These boundaries, or "fences" need to have gates so that we can let good in and bad out.
Just as homeowners setphysical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn't. Skin, words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are, time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance, emotional distance, other people, and consequences are some examples of boundaries. Feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love all lie within our boundaries.
The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God defines himself as a distinct being separate from his creation and from us. He has boundaries within the Trinity. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time they are distinct persons with their own boundaries. God also limits what he will allow in his "yard." He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time.
Created in God's likeness, we too have personal responsibilities within limits-within boundaries-that we set and maintain. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job and what isn't. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn't.
Consider the importance of boundaries. Knowing what we are to own and take responsibility for gives us freedom. If we each know where our yard begins and ends, we are free to do with it what we like. But boundaries do more than just allow us to care for ourselves; they also help us care for others in a healthy, Christlike way.
Maintaining boundaries-or, put differently, taking responsibility for your life-opens up many different options. After all, if you're in control of your life, you'll recognize that you have choices. You'll no longer be limited by circumstances or the control of others. You'll find that you have greater control of your time, energy, and resources. And with that greater control comes freedom to serve others in ways that you choose: to whom you will give, what you will give, and how much you will give.
In turn, the freedom that comes with knowing boundaries leads to love because love requires freedom. If you have to do something for someone and don't have a choice about the matter, you are doing it under compulsion rather than acting in love (2 Cor. 9:7). You are doing it in fear of either the person's withdrawal or attack or to avoid your own feelings of guilt. But if you are free to say no, then when you do choose to give, you are giving out of love, and your service will be truly Christlike.
"A Day in a Boundaryless Life" and "What Does a Boundary Look Like?" chapters 1 and 2 in Boundaries
1. Call the group together.
2. Welcome the participants to Session 1 of the Boundaries course: "What Is a Boundary?"
3. Introduce yourself: Tell the group your name, a little about yourself, and
why you are excited about teaching this course.
Opening Prayer (1 Minute)
Heavenly Father, thank you for the people who have gathered here and for what you have for us to learn. May we hear your truth with our hearts as well as our ears and apply it to our lives in new and freeing ways. Jesus, we look to you to be our guide and our teacher as we begin learning more about boundaries and your design for our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Overview (1 Minute)
Participant's Guide page 9.
Note: On each facing right-hand page is a copy of the corresponding Participant's Guide page(s).
For the next nine sessions we are going to look at boundaries-what they are and how they can help us live a life that honors and glorifies God. This course is based on Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's best-selling book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life.
Hold up the book. At this point you may wish to offer this book for sale as an additional resource or simply mention where a copy can be obtained.
Let's turn to page 9. Today we're going to define "boundaries" and see how
boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others. We'll look at examples of
boundaries and see what we are responsible for within our boundaries. We'll see
that the concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself, and, as
we move through this session, you'll come to understand how boundaries result
in freedom, which leads to love.
Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries (8 Minutes)
In this first video segment, we'll see some scenes from chapter 1 in the book Boundaries and hear from Dr. Cloud. But first, let me tell you a little bit about your Participant's Guide. During our nine sessions, we will discuss various topics as a large group. You will also meet together in small groups, talk one-on-one to the person next to you, and occasionally work alone on some exercises. The Participant's Guide will help you stay focused and keep us moving through this challenging and life-changing material.
Participant's Guide page 10.
If you turn to page 10, you'll see that the authors have listed the key points from the video segments so that you don't have to take notes while you're watching. You can use these later, if you want to, to review what was covered. Let's get started.
View Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries (7 minutes)
Boundaries help us to differentiate ourselves from someone else; they show where each person begins and ends. Right now we're going to look at some examples of boundaries as well as what falls within our boundaries, those things for which each of us is responsible.
Let's Talk: Examples of Boundaries and the Responsibilities That Come with Them (15 Minutes)
Participant's Guide pages 11-14.
Please turn to pages 12-13 of your Participant's Guide. There you'll see two lists-one of types of boundaries and another of those things that fall within our boundaries.
1. In a moment, I will split you into seven small groups and assign each group a
cluster from one of the lists found on pages 12-13.
2. If your group is assigned some examples of boundaries, talk about why each is
considered a boundary and what people can do to keep that particular boundary
3. If your group is assigned some of the responsibilities that come with boundaries,
talk about what being responsible for each of these areas involves or (perhaps an
easier question to answer) what irresponsibility in each area looks like.
4. When we come back together as a large group, a spokesperson from each group
will share your small group ideas with the rest of us.
5. You'll also notice some "Boundary Building" questions at the end of each page.
You will find "Boundary Building" questions throughout this and subsequent sessions.
These important questions-intended for later, after the session-can help
you build healthy boundaries for yourself.
6. You will have 8 minutes to complete this exercise.
After dividing your large group into seven small groups, assign each group a cluster of topics to discuss (see clusters A-G below).
Examples of Boundaries (4 groups)
Cluster A: Skin (What good does skin keep in and what bad does it keep out?);
words (especially the word no)
Cluster B: Truth (about God and about who you are); time (as in "time away
Cluster C: Geographical distance (removing yourself from a situation); emotional
distance (guarding your heart)
Cluster D: Other people (How can other people help you set and keep boundaries?);
consequences (Why are consequences necessary to strong boundaries?)
Responsibilities That Come with Boundaries (3 groups)
Cluster E: Feelings, attitudes/beliefs, desires
Cluster F: Behaviors, choices, values, thoughts
Cluster G: Limits, talents, love/trust
Excerpted from Limites / Boundaries by Henry Cloud Copyright © 2001 by Henry Cloud. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:
-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"
In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.
And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...
The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.
This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".
I have read the reviews on here and have a word of caution, no book should be read and applied literally with out interpreting the message and applying the message to your situation with the right intentions. This is not about ultimatums or finding reason for rigid applications to get your way! This book enlightened me to see that relationship can not grow and endure with out boundaries. I have been struggling with overly involved, overly critical in-laws and have been searching for information on how to navigate these highly emotional situations with out being disrespectful or harming the relationship in the long run. It reminds you of what can happen if boundaries are not respected and these types of unhealthy relationships are not what God intended. Being pleasing or perpetuating harmful behaviors is not loving when you are harboring feelings of irritation and anger. Its about communication and doing what right for the relationship in the long term and not what's easy for the present. Loving as God intended includes stewardship BUT doing it in a loving communicative way. Its all about intentions... if your seeking to fulfill selfish wants, negativity begets negativity, you will find a bad result! If you are seeking to fulfill your spiritual needs, love begets love, your relationships will grow stronger and your heart will find peace.
This book definitely helps me understand the necessity of setting boundaries and it works! I definitely see more damage and hurt than love without a healthy boundary! My mom doesn't like my boundaries because she can no longer be manipulative and controlling to my life. The loving family in her mind with all the guilt trip is actually a torment for me. My boundaries setting enable me to keep mentally and spiritually healthy. We all love to have family around but not until she gets healthy and stop damaging us emotionally to meet her unhealthy needs, will I invite her to my life. And it helps my mom to communicate in a healthy way at the same time although she didn't know it at the beginning.. Honoring Mother and Father is to become someone Godly and healthy enough to serve in His name.
I had no idea how few boundaries I had, and which ones I needed, until I read this book! I knew I needed my "space", but I didn't know why I couldn't seem to get it without hurting myself or others. This book helped me identify what my particular needs are and ways I can have them fulfilled. This book presents a very healthy and honest approach to the subject. Actions - and words - have consequences. We get to choose what we will do, and whether we are willing to get the consequences - for good or for ill. I highly recommend this book, for in our culture we are not taught how to form and maintain good boundaries. This book really helps!
This book was recommended to my wife by her counsellor. I am in counselling as well. I have never been good about sharing my feelings. I quickly realized this book was for me as well. The book discusses the importance of boundaries - what to let in and what to not let in. When to say yes and when to say no. Some relationships in life are harmful and we need to know how to limit their negative impact on us. We need relationships that help us to grow as well as provide support. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to improve their interpersonal relationships.
As far as writing about boundaries goes, I would give it 5 stars, but since everything is mixed up with realigious quotes and reasons I found it extremely difficult to read. I had to search for the information that had me reach for the book in the first place in between lots of things I not only am not interested in, but often times found annoying. If you are not religious you might want to take lots of notes to actually be able to see what you want to see.
Great book!!! I like how the content draws from the Bible. Our family has put the principles of this book into practice & as a result, my family & I are much happier. We are living a much fuller life. We put God first in our lives & His values & principles have made all the difference. We now have more money & more time to help others as God intended.
My sister gave me this book while I was still in High School, but like most books, I put this book away, not thinking much about it. It was one of those I'll get to it books, that I pushed aside. Now 8 years later, I finally got around to read it, and I wish I read it when I first received it. The authors give us the readers, a perspective that goes deep into our lives, how we view the world, how others may have impacted us without us even knowing to what level they did... And what they say empowers the readers to really take back control of our lives, through what they call boundaries.
Boundaries is an "easy-read" because it motivates the reader to keep reading, and we can relate to the examples in this book. I must say, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, have really found a way to minister to God's people through their writings.
Boundaries is a teaching tool to help you at different times in your life. I purchased when it was recommended by my grief counselor after my husband died. It does explain the times you need to say no to people if you're too involved in other things. You don't want to say no, but if there's too many things that you are dealing with (personally or business), you must try to set those boundaries to pull your life together before being able to do things for other people.
Great book. They have others. If you follow actual advice and make it a habbit it can change your life.
I bought this book over twenty years ago but was not ready for it. I have struggled with boundaries my whole life
This book does offer sound biblical advice. We all need boundaries!
Wonderfully and carefully written with spiritual references to back up the content. I would recommend it to anyone who feels they are expected to do it all alone; whatever it is. I will read it again and again suggesting it to others.
This is a must read for those of us who anguish over our responsibities to ourselves, families and the other relationships in our lives The Biblical references to me are helpful to place the demands of others and our own needs into perspective the book is extremely helpful without being at all"preachy"! This read will inspire me to get my life back on track, give me "permission" to take better emotional care of myself and to stop being the "enabler" I've morphed into over the years by owning all crisis situations others create and
everybody should read this at least once in their lifetime! Reading this book helps you build critical skills to foster healthy relationships be it family, husband, friends, work, kids, etc... It also arms you with skills to address the not so healthy relationships as well. I'll recommend it to everyone I love! By the way, you don't need to be a Christian to greatly learn from this book.
I bought this book probably over 10 years ago. I first picked up a very small, gift version of it - and liked it - not realizing it was a Christian book. It was when I searched for the regular edition of it that I found that out. I bought it anyway, because it was so interesting. I think it was the first Christian-based book I bought. I have since become a Christian (not necessarily directly because of this book - but who knows??). Since we all have seasons in our lives, I seem to go back to this book, again and again, and it has helped me tremendously. I tend to be a person who has trouble setting boundaries. This book will help you to do so (and to not feel guillty!) and to feel better because of it; whether with your kids, husband, ANYONE in your life. Thank you, God, for these authors!!
When one of my best friends gave this book to me post-divorce many years ago, I thought "Oh no - not another one of those self help books!" Well, it wasn't "another one" - it's the most helpful one I've ever read which addresses not only relationships with former spouses, but virtually every type of relationship one could have - parent/child, co-workers, friendships, etc. The advice & teaching are biblically based, practical, and helpful in many daily circumstances. As this book was given to me at a critical time in my life, I hope others with pass it on to others in need of it's timeless wisdom. It makes a great gift!
Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend explained putting up boundaries, when to take them down, and how to respect boundaries of others. They used examples, which were very informative. I've heard good things about this book from others, too. I learned so much about myself and others. I've had problems setting and keeping boundaries in the past, but this book helped me understand and clarify them better, which has improved my life immensely. It's a book I just had to read and I'm the better person for it, too. I owe a huge thanks to the authors.
If you have any relationships eith anyone you shoukd read this. Especially if you have a challenging relationship with anyone. Great read!
If you want real life tips to set boundaries in your life then this is the book for you. It's amazing how a person without boundaries can not only be hurting themselves but the people they care most about in this world. Reading this book will most certainly open your eyes to your place in this world and how boundaries make for a healthier and happier life.
I am trying to figure out what I could add to the amazing reviews so many people already have posted. There is nothing to say but buy it. I'd also recommend that you buy "When God Stopped Keeping Score," which takes an intimate look at the power of God and forgiveness. This book too will change your life.
This book is a life changing book. After you read this you will really think about the way you interact with people. It gives you a strong sense of self from a Biblical perspective. This book will definitely help you communicate more effectively with anyone you encounter in your life. I loved that it had help for every person: singles, husbands and wives, parents, etc. This is a must read, truly eye opening. I am letting all of my friends borrow this one! This book was also very well organized in presentation.
When my therapist suggested this not so new book - I thought, I really don't think this outdated book will help me in 2010. I was so wrong. After the death of my father and nephew six weeks apart, I was left with an 84 year old Mother who was beating me down day by day. I love her dearly, but she made me feel I could never say no. My therapist said I should start with the chapter on family and I immediately saw the mistakes I was making. After making some changes in my actions, I am dealing with caring for my Mother with so much more ease. And without the huge guilt factor. After reading the first chapter on family, I couldn't wait to read the rest of the book and apply it to my life in hopes of making my life more peaceful. I had checked out the book at the library as well as purchasing it at Barnes-Nobel thinking I probably would return the book that I bought. Wrong! I returned the library book so I would always have my very own copy for reference in the future.
Being the adult child of an alcoholic then married an alcoholic, I had been taught poor boundaries as a way of life. This book helped me change from being a door mat enabling woman with poor self-esteem, to a free, butt-kicking woman who is now well liked due to only taking on what is mine. Prior to this book, I was a people pleasing wimp who tried to make everyone happy and fix every situation even when it wasn't mine to fix. I appreciated the chapter on "Resistance to Boundaries" because when I changed my behavior, my loved ones did not like the consequences of their behavior when I did not fix things for them.