Brave Talk: Building Resilient Relationships in the Face of Conflict

by Melody Stanford Martin

Overview

When we disagree about fundamental issues, especially issues such as politics or religion, it can be incredibly difficult to maintain close interpersonal relationships. These differences have ended friendships and caused rifts in families. We need a tool to help us build more resilient relationships despite real and present differences. In Brave Talk, communications expert Melody Stanford Martin offers just such a tool: impasse. By learning to treat every conflict as if it's an impasse and temporarily suspend our desire to resolve differences, we make space for deeper understanding and stronger ties.

Brave Talk offers hands-on skill-building in critical thinking, power sharing, and rhetoric. Combining real-life storytelling, engaging illustrations, and rigorous academic sources, this book blends humor, creativity, and interactive learning to help everyday people develop better skills for navigating conflict in order to build stronger relationships and healthier communities.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781506462448
Publisher:	1517 Media
Publication date:	09/22/2020
Pages:	300
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x (d)

About the Author

Melody Stanford Martin is a social ethicist and communications expert helping people of all ages develop skills of courageous dialogue and conflict transformation. She is the Founder and CEO of Cambridge Creative Group, an organization specializing in nonprofit messaging and outreach, and a founding co-host of Irenicast, a podcast on faith and culture. She is a graduate of the Religion and Conflict Transformation program at Boston University School of Theology. Stanford Martin lives in Portland, Maine, with her husband, Corey, and their dog, Benedict Cumberbatch.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction xi

Part I Understanding Impasse 2

1 Three Secrets of Impasse

Engaging the Elephant in the Room 3

2 Unraveling Fear

Trimming the Taproot of Conflict 27

3 Conflict and Power

Goliath and the Hare 47

Part II Engaging Impasse 76

4 Why We Need Disagreement

Leaping from the Trapeze 77

5 A Guide to Great Questions

Common Cures for Loud-Thought Syndrome 107

6 Dealing with Feelings

Too Many *%$@! Blue Cars 121

Part III Transforming Impasse 152

7 Assumptions and the Awesome if

Singing to Worms 153

8 Build a Better House

Rhetoric and Argumentation for the Rest of Us 175

9 Creating Resilient Relationships

How Do We Live the Dream? 211

Epilogue: Epic Impasse Pep Talk 242

Appendices: Tools for the Real World 244

Appendix A Brave Talk Base Camp

A Group Exercise for Practicing Courageous Dialogue 246

Appendix B Top Ten Conversation Hazards 247

Appendix C Difficult Conversations on Social Media 250

Appendix D All Aboard the Talking Train Deciding What to Share, When 252

Appendix E Glossary of Awesome Words 255

Recommended Reading 265

Bibliography 265

Endnotes 270

Editorial Reviews

07/20/2020

Martin, cohost of the Irenicast podcast, instructs readers on how to disagree with respect in this insightful debut. She begins by describing how to understand impasses—particularly how fear works at the center of conflict—and how power disparities can shape impasses: those in disagreement, she argues, need to compromise as equals to find a resolution. She then discusses why disagreements are necessary, ways to disagree well, how to navigate tough emotions that come with impasses, and tools for learning how to ask better questions. For example, she recommends “mirroring” by repeating back unclear statements and asking if you’ve understood correctly. Martin uses personal anecdotes throughout (including her own challenges with family members) and clever illustrations, flowcharts, and reflection questions to bolster her lesson: “Something powerful happens when we treat every disagreement and every conflict as if it is an impasse... when we take the time to first, before anything else, see others, we will learn some vitally important things about their world.” Appendices examine skills such as navigating the 10 most common conversation hazards (trolling, “wearing the crown”) and holding respectful conversations on social media. Martin’s useful suggestions will help those on both sides of disagreements engage in more constructive conversations. (July)

Publishers Weekly

"Its work is hopeful and empowering. Re-envisioning conflict with care Brave Talk is a self-help book that flips the script to improve challenging situations." —Foreword Reviews

"Insightful debut" —Publishers Weekly

"In Brave Talk Melody Stanford Martin has done what no one has done before: challenged some of the most basic, widely held assumptions about conflict and how to address it. Anyone who experiences a deep divide will benefit enormously from this book." —Dr. Donna Hicks, associate at the Weatherhead Center for International Affairs, Harvard University; author of Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict and Leading with Dignity

"Brave Talk is one of the most honest, imaginative, insightful, relationally focused, and comprehensive books in the field of engaging difficult conversations and conflict transformation. This is a book everyone should read, ideally in community." —Tom Porter, mediator, lawyer, minister, and teacher of conflict transformation at Boston University School of Theology

"Brave Talk is a book for our time. With her personal experience and expertise, Melody Stanford Martin writes with both rigorous analysis and deep compassion and shows how it is possible to reach a point of empathy and understanding, even in deep-rooted conflicts." —Diana Francis, peace activist and former president of the International Fellowship of Reconciliation

"In a time when divisions threaten not only our country but our very families, we need a new approach to dealing with conflict. Brave Talk is that new approach. Martin tackles the topic of interpersonal conflict with humor, practical suggestions, and profound insight. A must-read!" —Lindsay James, Iowa State Representative

"Brave Talk by Melody Stanford Martin is an amazing achievement—a book on conflict that is actually fun to read while also grounded in solid research." —Steven J. Sandage, PhD, LP, Albert and Jessie Danielsen Professor of Psychology of Religion and Theology, Boston University School of Theology, Research Director and Senior Staff Psychologist, Albert & Jessie Danielsen Institute

From the Publisher