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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome
     

Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome

4.5 40
by Barney Stinson, Matt Kuhn
 

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The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid.

So you’re going to be a parent.

You might be asking yourself a series of important questions:

Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able

Overview

The newest book in the New York Times bestselling “Barney Stinson” canon teaches prospective parents everything they need to know to have a legendary kid.

So you’re going to be a parent.

You might be asking yourself a series of important questions:

Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again?

Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be as lame as you’re about to become. That’s why I’ve written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy.

The Bro Code for Parents will help you:

Choose a baby name that won’t get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker •

Interview and hire a smokin’ hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like “The Boobs on the Bus” and “Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat”

With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you’ll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781451690644
Publisher:
Touchstone
Publication date:
10/02/2012
Sold by:
SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
176
File size:
31 MB
Note:
This product may take a few minutes to download.

Related Subjects

Read an Excerpt

GOLDISLUT AND THE THREE BROS

nce upon a time there were three Bros: Barney Bro, Marshall Bro, and Ted Bro. They were going out later for what would no doubt be another legendary night and decided to go pound some shots at the bar to get properly psyched.

Just then Goldislut, a blond hottie who lived upstairs, wandered into their pad, looking to borrow some sugar, if you know what I mean. She decided to sit down and wait for the Bros to get back. Barney’s chair was too hard (what up!), Ted’s chair was too soft, and Marshall’s chair was okay I guess, though it leans awkwardly to the left and he should really get that checked out.

Soon Goldislut grew tired of waiting and went into the bedroom to lie down. Marshall’s bed was too dirty, Ted’s bed was too rigid from inactivity, but Barney’s bed was just right, despite being so big—Goldislut liked it that way.

When the three Bros came home, they found their lair a mess. Marshall Bro said, “Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” Barney Bro said, “Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” And Ted Bro said, “At least something of mine is getting sat on.”

They went into the bedroom and saw Goldislut asleep in Barney’s bed. When she awoke, she winked sexily at Barney Bro but was understandably frightened by Ted Bro and Marshall Bro. Barney Bro kicked them out and gave Goldislut some sugar. Then he had sex with her.

The End

GETTING JACKED

Until your child can walk on his own, you’ll be forced to carry him around in your arms since many cultures frown upon dragging a baby behind you on a tow rope. It can be quite the workout since it’s just like carrying a 25 pound dumbbell everywhere you go . . . if the dumbbell squirmed, drooled, and frequently crapped all over itself. The good news is you’ll quickly start to notice some dramatic muscle growth: your biceps will bulge out faster than when Popeye chugs a can of spinach, your triceps will harden faster than when Bruce Banner gets angry and hulks out, and your forearms will tone faster than when a fourteen-year-old hits puberty and starts cranking his deal like it’s a stubborn can of spray paint.

ARE YOU READY TO BE
A PARENT?


s you consider having a child, one of the first questions you should ask yourself is, “Am I sober right now?” We’ve all made a poor decision while drunk, be it reenacting the van surfing scene from Teen Wolf or sleeping with a balding chick or commandeering a police horse to escape the balding chick . . . but this is too important a decision to make while under the influence of alcohol.

The question you really need to ask yourself is, “Am I ready to be a parent?” Becoming a mother or a father requires a whole new set of responsibilities, such as

Getting home every single night before 3 AM

Trading in your wardrobe for ugly sweaters and high-riding “slacks”

Watching and having an informed opinion on each week’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

Paying taxes

Having sex almost exclusively with just one other person

Many people are understandably nervous about these types of lifestyle changes and aren’t ready to trade in an invigorating social life, geographic mobility, disposable income, a rewarding sense of self, relative quiet, exercise, a flexible calendar, and regular sleep patterns for the joy of wiping diarrhea off a baby’s legs, hands, and face.

Meet the Author

Barney Stinson is awesome. He works for a powerful bank in New York City but somehow finds time to “suit up” and help the less fortunate, in particular his lovelorn and all together pathetic bro Ted Mosby—seriously, that dude’s got probs. When Barney’s not staging private bikini calendar shoots, test-driving tanks, or elbow-deep in another legendary activity, like riding a tiger bareback or blowing up a guitar, he can be seen on the hit CBS show How I Met Your Mother with his friends Ted, Robin, Lily, and Marshall.
Matt Kuhn is a staff writer for the CBS hit show How I Met Your Mother and also produces Barney’s Blog for the show’s website. He lives in Los Angeles, California, which is conveniently where he works.

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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 30 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hi there...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It jennie :) go to our book
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Oh... why did he leave?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Is you sister julia because i know where she is
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Heyy
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Cool
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lol..yeah
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hey
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Tia. Runs in crying hard. Aubbri. Tia im sorry please honestly. Tia. Liar leave me alone u dont care u want me dead tesrs fall just stay away. Aubbri im really sorry tia. Tia i dont velieve u please just give me space please she says tears falling.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Just wish Hazel a happy birthday.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Tosses everyone a nerf gun "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" He shouts then stoots nerf darts at samntha
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Heyyyy.. I know, I know.. Noone wants to talk to the newbies.. but if you know ashleey.. yaah.. i am her cuzin (: lol Sooo.. WAAAAZZZZUP?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
No clueO.o
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Is in the house ppl!!!!!!! Whats up???????
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Paul?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hey
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
*bored.*
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Suop
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
-He got from his bed and marked the calender.-
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Your welcome! (: