Buddha's Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy

by Cheryl Fraser PhD, Jack Kornfield PhD (Foreword by), Trudy Goodman PhD (Foreword by)

Overview

"Your guide to transcendent sex.”
—Ian Kerner, author of the New York Times bestseller, She Comes First

In this playful and sexually savvy guide, “Dr. Cheryl” Fraser presents enlivening mindfulness exercises, techniques from couples and sex therapy, and the wisdom of Buddhist teachings to help you spark the passion and thrill you’ve been seeking in your relationship. With this book, couples can break free from the monotony of familiar routines and bring a little nirvana back to the bedroom for a more exciting, loving, and fulfilling connection.

The beginning of a relationship is always thrilling—butterflies in the stomach; that sense that someone really gets you; that “love drunk,” “walking on air” feeling. But as time goes by, and the tedium of daily life intervenes, you may find yourself too busy, tired, or just unmotivated to devote quality time and attention to the connection you crave. So, how do you uncover the passion and thrill you’re longing for, and how can you make it last?

Inside Buddha’s Bedroom, you’ll discover how the essential Buddhist teachings of mindfulness and awakening can be applied to your love life—showing that true passion absolutely is sustainable, if you’re willing to shift your perspective. By exploring your deepest desires and expectations, and also learning to see your partner as they really are, without the need for them to change, you’ll be able to create a deep and mindfully loving connection for a fabulous relationship. And with these spiritually scintillating tips and techniques, you’ll have the keys to igniting and sustaining all the thrill, intimacy, and sensuality you seek.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781684031184
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	01/02/2019
Pages:	216
Sales rank:	627,794
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Sharp, frank, and fearless, Cheryl Fraser, PhD, is a Buddhist psychologist and sought-after relationship expert. She has helped thousands of couples jump-start their love life and create passion that lasts a lifetime.

A highly successful and awarded Fulbright scholar, she has conducted extensive research on sexual behavior and what causes love relationships to succeed or fail. With her groundwork, she created the Become Passion online workshop for couples. She has a thriving private practice in sex and couples therapy.

A former talk radio host, Cheryl is a dynamic guest expert for television and radio, appearing on multiple programs, including The Experts, CBC Marketplace, Air America, the Loving Well podcast, and many more.

As a columnist for Mindful and Best Health magazines, Cheryl explores love, sex, relationships, and the human experience. Her approach to life and to helping others is based in her practice of meditation and Buddhism, which she has studied for twenty-five years in both the Tibetan and Theravaden traditions. She was given permission to teach by her root teacher Namgyal Rinpoche, and she is resident meditation teacher for Island Dharma. Her work is encapsulated in the teaching of Mindful Loving, where she brings the Buddha’s teachings into the bedroom.

When Cheryl is not in India, Tibet, or at a three-month silent Buddhist meditation retreat, she lives on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada, with her man and their menagerie, practicing the passion she preaches.

www.drcherylfraser.com

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Preface ix

Introduction: The Buddha Ruined Love Songs 1

Part I Why Buddha's Bedroom?

1 Sex, Love, and Meditation 16

2 Buddha's Cure for Lovesickness 28

3 How to Bring Buddha into the Bedroom 40

Part II Thrill: The Mindful Loving Path

4 Loving View: Don't Change Your Mate, Change Your Mind 54

5 Loving Intention: Falling in Love Is Easy, But Staying in Love Takes Mindfulness 68

Part III Intimacy: The Mindful Loving Path

6 Loving Action: Demons and Antidotes-Think Before You Act 84

7 Loving Speech: What Would Buddha Say? 102

8 Loving Livelihood: Make Your Love Life a Hobby 119

Part IV Sensuality: The Mindful Loving Path

9 Loving Mindfulness: Slowing Your Mind Is Great Foreplay 136

10 Loving Effort: Seven Steps to Enlightened Sex 152

11 Loving Concentration: Tantric Meditation and Orgasmic Bliss 170

Conclusion: Rewrite Your Love Story, Mindfully 187

Acknowledgments 194

References 196

Interviews

Fraser resides in Vancouver Island, BC, Canada.

Editorial Reviews

Sacred sex. Prolonged pleasure. Conscious climax. It’s all part of using your sexual bliss energy to become an awakened lover, and Cheryl Fraser—a renowned Buddhist psychologist—is your guide to transcendent sex.”
—Ian Kerner, sex therapist, and author of the New York Times bestseller, She Comes First

Ian Kerner

Fraser asks pointedly, ‘Why add the wisdom teachings of Buddhism to a book about passion? Quite simply, because they work.’ Buddha’s Bedroom folds the wisdom of Buddha Dharma into the practicalities of love and sex to form a beautiful, thoughtful, and compassionate window into how ‘old sex’ can become new again. She shares her meditation exercises that she has used with countless couples in Buddha’s Bedroom, and teaches the reader how to awaken the passion that has been sleeping inside them.
 
This book is for anyone in a love relationship who wants to fall in love again (with the same person), and is willing to examine within themselves to discover that they possess the key to happiness. Fraser weaves in real stories from the couples who have walked the path with her, along with her own candid (and entertaining) experiences to illustrate to the reader how to bring Buddha back into the bedroom. I will recommend this book to my own clients (and friends!) and suggest that they clip each of the ‘Love Bytes’ and ‘Buddha Bytes’ scattered throughout the book!”
—Lori A. Brotto, PhD, registered psychologist, Canada research chair in women’s sexual health, professor at the University of British Columbia, and author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness

Lori A. Brotto

True mastery is rare and precious—and Cheryl Fraser is truly a master of her subject. Written with a wonderful combination of simplicity and thoroughness, heart and intellect, and profundity and practicality, this is a phenomenal book on intimate sensuality, and equally excellent about communication skills and mindful awareness. Wow—a wonderful book.”
—Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha’s Brain

Rick Hanson

Cheryl Fraser, in her beautifully written and engaging book, Buddha’s Bedroom, reminded me how the power of presence and intention can vitalize and sustain a romantic relationship. As well as being simply fun to read, I found the book to be useful in many ways. From building curiosity in the bedroom to falling in love with your partner over and over again to practicing the skills of lovemaking, Fraser has created a meaningful book that, whether single or partnered, all can relish. Awareness to the joy of love and sex is a wonderful way to live inside of relationship. My gratitude for a fantastic book!”
—Robyn D. Walser, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, coauthor of The Mindful Couple, and author of The Heart of ACT

Robyn D. Walser

Buddhist teachings, traditionally the province of celibate monastics, can be confusing for lay practitioners when it comes to relationships, sensuality, and sexuality. Freedom from desire as a Buddhist goal seems inconsistent with sexuality in particular. However, Fraser does a beautiful job of demonstrating how the transient lust that relationships begin with can be transformed into an expression of love, compassion, and a manifestation of the Seven Factors of Awakening.”
—Culadasa (John Yates, PhD), spiritual director and chair of Dharma Treasure Buddhist Sangha, and author of The Mind Illuminated and Brain Science for Greater Mindfulness

Culadasa (John Yates

Fraser brings a fresh, enlightening voice to relationship literature. She applies a spectrum of Buddhist principles and practices to the inevitable suffering that arises in the quest for enduring love. Whether schooled in Buddhism or newly discovering its wisdom, readers will find abundant, readily accessible tools for handling disappointments and conflict, and overcoming negative reactivity. Buddha’s Bedroom is inspiration and guide for a lifelong journey of mindfully engaged, joyful, passionate intimacy.”
—Miranda Shaw, PhD, associate professor of religious studies at the University of Richmond, and author of Passionate Enlightenment and Buddhist Goddesses of India

Miranda Shaw

Cheryl Fraser faced a daunting task in writing a book which integrates sex, love, and meditation. Buddha’s Bedroom is a unique book in presenting readers with a love Dharma that teaches couples to value intimacy and passion. The message of Buddha’s Bedroom is that if you utilize Buddhist principles to focus on your own mind, passion in your relationship will be enhanced. Her exercises, especially the Buddhist skill of mindfulness, empower and motivate couples to be awaken lovers.”
—Barry McCarthy, PhD, is a professor in the department of psychology at American University, and coauthor of Finding Your Sexual Voice

Barry McCarthy

Cheryl Fraser puts power back into her readers’ hands—and minds—by helping them realize that they are in control of their own happiness, reawakening passion and enriching their sex lives in a loving, mindful manner along with some changes in behavior. I’m looking forward to sharing her words of wisdom, couples skills, and mindfulness techniques with my clients so that they too can bring Buddha into their bedrooms.”
—Sara Dimerman (aka helpmesara), psychologist, and author of several books, including Why Married Couples Don’t have Sex

Sara Dimerman (aka helpmesara)

If you’re looking for a guide to lasting connection, passion, and ultimately more love in your life—inside and outside the bedroom—you’ll want to pick up this book. Cheryl not only lays out the path to greater sexual intimacy and happiness, but also practical skills that we can all do to enhance our lives and ultimately bring more love into the world.”
—Elisha Goldstein, PhD, creator of A Course in Mindful Living

Elisha Goldstein

Sex and spirituality have been awkward bedfellows for as long as anyone can remember, and now we live in an era with plenty of chaos, confusion, misunderstanding, and contention about sexual roles and sexual acts. Here comes Cheryl Fraser to offer clarity, encouragement, and some very sound advice about how to ignite passion while remaining aware. She lets us know how we can dance and share with another—lovingly—and with the kind of mindfulness that doesn’t drape a big, wet blanket over the proceedings.”
—Barry Boyce, editor-in-chief of Mindful magazine

Barry Boyce

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