But Inside I'm Screaming

But Inside I'm Screaming

by Elizabeth Flock


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780778313168
Publisher: MIRA Books
Publication date: 09/25/2012
Edition description: Original
Pages: 336
Sales rank: 636,167
Product dimensions: 5.30(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Elizabeth Flock is a former journalist who reported for Time and People magazines and worked as an on-air correspondent for CBS before becoming a full-time writer. The New York Times bestselling author of But Inside I’m Screaming, Everything Must Go and Me & Emma—a Book Sense Notable Title and Highlight Pick of the Year—lives in New York City. You can contact Elizabeth through her Web site at www.ElizabethFlock.com.

Read an Excerpt

But Inside I'm Screaming

By Elizabeth Flock


Copyright © 2005 Elizabeth Flock
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0778322106

Isabel picked at the ragged threads that once hugged a shiny button on the front of her blazer. Hunched over her keyboard and sallow-skinned from too much fluorescent lighting, she had won computer solitaire three times before she bored of it entirely and listlessly reached for the mouse to click over to the wires to see what was not happening on this slow Labor Day weekend.

Staring at her flickering screen, either at words floating in front of her or at playing cards triumphantly dancing off a full deck, was a relief from the noise in her brain: angry shouts shifting into one another like a Rubick's Cube. "You disgust me," her husband called out as her father's voice interrupted with "You have no family" and "Why do you even bother?" Alex again: "You're nothing, you don't even register."

She shook her head to put the invisible squares back into place.

"Hey, Jack, check out AP wires. Princess Diana's been in a car accident," she called out across the newsroom to the assignment editor, her ring finger finding its way to her front teeth. "Yeah, her Mercedes probably got a scratch and they're calling it a wreck," the overnight editor answered.

Isabel was filling in for the weekend anchor who wanted the holiday weekend off to spend with his family in the Hamptons.

"You think you can actually get away from this?" an unidentified voice snarled in Isabel's head.

She bit the skin around her fingernail. "I don't know, Jack. Look how many 'urgents' they've entered. Why don't we call the London bureau and see what they know."

"Okay, let's," Jack replied bitterly, knowing that "why don't we call..." was a direct order for whoever was on the desk to carry out the task.

You disgust me. Did you hear me? You disgust me.

Isabel shook her head again. To an observer it might have appeared she was dodging persistent mosquitoes.

As Jack hit the direct-dial button to London, the phones started ringing. Isabel picked up the first line.

"Isabel, it's John. I'm on my way in. Who've you talked to?"


"London just beeped me. You talked to Ted yet? I think he's making his way across town, too."

Jesus. "What did London tell you? Jack's on the phone with them right now -- I haven't heard." Isabel felt a knot tighten in her stomach.

"It's bad. They said they're going to coordinate with Jack to feed video as soon as the freelancer in Paris gets to the bureau. The car's all mangled, though. Should be good pictures."

"What about injuries?"

"London said they don't know yet. Listen, kid, we may need you to do a special report. You okay with that?"

No. Jesus Christ, no. "Sure," she replied. She had tried to sound convincing but was sure she'd failed.

"You sure? Ted's made the call that it's you and he's on his way in to make it happen. But say the word and we'll get someone else in. You don't have to do it."

"I'm fine, John." Isabel corrected her posture and took a deep breath in. "Seriously. Don't give it another thought."

I can't do this. Not right now. Not tonight. Please. But John was dubious. "Who else is in the newsroom?" "No one. Just me and Jack and a couple of editors in the back -- I don't know who."

"For chrissakes! Why hasn't Jack gotten backup in there? You're gonna need at least a couple of producers for now, until we can get our shit together and we know how bad this thing is. Lemme talk to Jack."

"Stand by." Isabel felt the thump of a headache gnawing its way to the front of her forehead. Her computer was beeping every two to three seconds with the same

"urgent" wire report that Diana had been in a car accident. She signaled to Jack to pick up the phone. He already had a phone on each ear and was no longer sitting back in his chair but was pacing behind the assignment desk.

Calm down. This is my last chance. Last chance. Last chance. So let's dance...the last dance...to-oo-night. Yes it's my last chance....

"Buckingham Palace confirms that Diana, the Princess of Wales, was in a serious car accident earlier this evening in Paris. There is no confirmation yet on the extent of her injuries."

Isabel stared at the AP report on her computer. She squeezed her eyes shut, opened them again, and tried to pretend her peripheral vision was not narrowing. "You think you can actually get away from this?" the voice asked again, its sinister laughter bouncing off the interior walls of Isabel's skull.

Not now. Please. Calm down.

Two seconds later the makeup artist backed away from her and then dabbed an extra bit of powder on her forehead.

"Okay." Ted Sargent was nervously arranging the two sheets of copy on the anchor desk in front of Isabel. "You got everything you need?"

"Yes, Ted," Isabel answered, her voice an octave higher than normal. "They're talking to me in my ear so, if you'll excuse me..." She was unaccustomed to having the president of the network news division looking over her shoulder.

"Stand by, Isabel," the voice came into her earpiece.

"We don't know when we're cutting in. Stand by."

Isabel had never done a Special Report. She turned in her seat and scanned the newsroom. Within minutes it had come alive, desk assistants, producers, writers -- many of whom she'd never seen before -- were scurrying around, diving for phones, typing on their keypads, combing through hours of Diana footage for the best shots. She felt as if she were on a plane, taking off, the cabin pressure adjusting and popping her eardrums.

We are interrupting this broadcast to bring you an ANN Special Report. Just moments ago, Buckingham Palace confirmed that Diana, Princess of Wales, has been involved in what they are calling a, quote, serious car accident in Paris. The extent of her injuries and the nature of the accident are not yet known. Once again, Princess Diana was in a car accident roughly one hour ago in Paris, France. Buckingham Palace is characterizing it as serious. We will, of course, bring you more information as soon as it becomes available. Please stay tuned to your local ANN affiliate for further details. I'm Isabel Murphy reporting from ANN headquarters in New York.

Isabel's lips moved as she read the copy again to herself. Her heart was racing almost as fast as her thought process.

I'm anchoring a Special Report for the American News Network. Focus. I've got to focus.

"Chip?" Isabel spoke into her microphone at a whisper and barely moved her lips, which were now magenta, the blue fear freezing out the slash of her red lipstick. "Do I have five seconds to make a quick call? It's important."

"We're in standby mode so technically no, but since we're waiting for the break to drop out of programming...if you do it quickly...you've got about seventeen seconds until we're on alert. Go."

Isabel had already dialed the first nine numbers into the phone behind the anchor desk. She pushed the tenth on Chip's go-ahead.


Excerpted from But Inside I'm Screaming by Elizabeth Flock Copyright © 2005 by Elizabeth Flock.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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But Inside I'm Screaming 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 28 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Isabel Murphy is an early thirties career woman who, by all accounts of societal judgments, has it all. And yet, as we find right from the onset, is losing the inner battle of self under the pressures of stress-- finding herself locked in 'Three Breezes,' mental institution. It is from here that we watch her sometimes-painful struggle, often against her own inner railings, to climb from the blackness she has nearly succumb to. Written through the eyes of someone who knows, Flock's descriptive account will hold you captive, and find you cheering Isabel on as she claws her way back into the light.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Isabel Murphy is a hot anchorwoman, until she has a meltdown on live television as the story of Diana Princess of Wales' death breaks. Unable to cope, Isabel even goes to the extent of attempting suicide, but fails. ............. She finds herself in a mental hospital, robbed of all semblance of privacy in a world few can imagine. Dignity and reality are only distant dreams on the road to healing. When drug therapy fails, shock is used. Isabel witnesses true horrors, more awful than anything she ever reported. She has to hit absalute bottom before being able to find her way back to life. ................ ***** This is a starkly real novel, one that can be terrifying, not for the reason something like Stephen King would write would be, but because Isabel could be you, or me, or your neighbor so very easily. The only thing separating her from us is a thin line. This is a powerful book that will disturb and shock you at times, but will not fail to move you. *****
maryintexas39 on LibraryThing 7 months ago
I really enjoyed this book. As someone who has been in therapy and suffers from depression I thought Ms. Flock accurately portrayed the emotions and feelings of someone suffering from depression. Very well done!
WittyreaderLI on LibraryThing 7 months ago
I loved Girl Interupted, both the book and the movie. And based on a couple of reviews I read on this book, I decided to give it a shot. I read the entire book, keep in mind. This book is extremely flat with very unlikable characters and a narrator who is not only psychotic, but boring as well. As I read it, I kept hoping it would get better. The book also has an extremely large font (I didn't buy a large print version) which makes it seem cheesier. So I didn't love this.
porchsitter55 on LibraryThing 7 months ago
This is a riveting tale of the journey of a woman, Isabel, who is spiraling downward into a abyss of mental illness, all while trying to continue to work as a television anchor for a major news station. When she finally has an episode (breakdown) just as she is going on the air to report about Princess Diana's car accident, she finds herself at the lowest point in her life, and ends up committed to a mental institution called Three Breezes. While at the mental facility, Isabel goes from practically catatonic to angry to fearful, all the while feeling like she does not belong in a place "like this". She works with a therapist/doctor named Dr. Seidler, who seems to have Isabel's best interests at heart, but Isabel does not trust her.....at first.Isabel's issues seem to stem from a father who, although present in the home, was always too busy with his job to give Isabel the time and attention she craved. Her mother always seemed disappointed in Isabel, never good enough to merit praise.Isabel married a man who was almost the exact opposite of her father, a man who demanded all of Isabel's time and attention, to the point where he became verbally and physically abusive if she did not live up to his expectations.The story takes the reader through Isabel's long journey through life in a mental hospital, as she forms bonds with many of the other patients, and slowly but surely begins to come out of her inner prison of mental anguish after agreeing to receive electroshock therapy, as a last resort, suggested by Dr. Seidler.The ending of the book was satisfying and overall the story was totally absorbing. I couldn't put it down. The author writes with a smooth flow that puts you right into the midst of the story and doesn't let you go. I would highly recommend this book and look forward to reading more by this excellent author!
pipercat519 on LibraryThing 7 months ago
Not nearly as good as Emma & Me. The main character is someone you want to shake and tell "Stop feeling sorry for yourself!" There are so many better books about mental illness out there. This one is a waste of time.
Alera on LibraryThing 7 months ago
I liked this novel a lot. It reminded me in some ways of The Bell Jar¿and I connected with this book in a way I haven¿t a book since that time. Elizabeth Flock has written two novels I have immensely enjoyed. I¿m glad I picked them both up on a whim one Sunday before work.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Each and e eryone of us can go tnru what this book represents! Excellent hard to put down
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hi. Im going to get right to it. I used to be a super cool kid. But lately my friends have shut me out, and im discovering i have no real friends.. ive been really suicidal lately and need some help. Please respond as soon as possible. -SuicidalSomeone
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
sjbm1493 More than 1 year ago
I read this book when I was 14, I was suffering from just about everything, depression, anxiety, PTSD... I was in a partial program at a mental hospital but I was aloud out over the summer and resume regular school the next fall. About two weeks into summer I was going on a trip with family and we stopped at walmart and I saw this book. I read the whole four hour drive, and I didn't really stop until it was over. It made me realize that I needed to just breathe and let things go and it inspired me to get better. I still have it and I don't think I'll ever give it up. Sometimes people forget that a downward spirl doesn't have a set speed; it's easy to fall apart at the end of it. No matter what though, you need to get back up.
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Helenna More than 1 year ago
I recommend this book to any adult who enjoys a well-written, interesting book with great characters. I don't have anyone in my immediate circle who suffers from these types of mental disorders, yet I found the book excellent and very engaging due mainly to the diverse set of characters.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
Whether you've ever suffered from mental illness,have known someone who has you will immediately feel at home with the character. If you have no experience with mental illness you will begin to understand it. You might not have that- ' oh my gosh, I totally know how you feel' feeling but you will be able to sympathize with the character. I found this book extremely interesting. I really felt as if I was in the psych ward with her. This book makes you feel either not alone ' for those who can relate to her' or that you finally have a glimpse into the world of someone who is suffering so deeply inside.
Guest More than 1 year ago
A book I could not put down. As someone who suffers from depression -- this is a book to relate to and realize you are not alone.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book, hands down, has become one of my favorites. It offers you a great look behind the walls of a mental institution. I felt like I was standing side by side with the main character, Isabel. This book is so well written and very much on point when it comes to the mental disorders that were mentioned. I majored in Sociology and Psychology in college so this was right up my alley. I strongly receommend this book to anyone looking for a heart warming, fantastic read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was a good read. I would not call it great and not the best I have read, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I had a friend who was in a mental hospital and the book brought back memories of visiting him. The main character was someone you could really relate to. Well written.
Guest More than 1 year ago
A wonderfully engaging book. I could identify with parts of the character due to things I am/have gone thru. I couldn't put the book down, read it in one day!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I my self suffer from depression and everyone thinks I have the perfect life. I was particularly upset with my boyfriend on the day I picked this book up from the book section in Target ... therefore seeing the title interested me because it described exactly what I was feeling. I read the back cover and the description just seemed what I always imagined my life would end up like. I had to read it. Completely emotional, and amazing it was like reading my own life story but even better. I recommend this book to ANYONE. You'll love it.