eBook
Available on Compatible NOOK devices, the free NOOK App and in My Digital Library.
Related collections and offers
Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781466975330 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Trafford Publishing |
| Publication date: | 02/21/2013 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| File size: | 117 KB |
Read an Excerpt
Choosing A Life Time Partner Using God's Perspective
Amos 3:3 "Can two walk together except they agree?"
By Jean Shim
Trafford Publishing
Copyright © 2013 Jean ShimAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4669-7532-3
CHAPTER 1
God's Perspective
In todays modernized world, when building a house, after the decision has been made, the ones who are involved, joins together and draft out all the requirements. This is done, to ascertain that the building would be secured with a firm foundation, suitable to withstand any hurricane, storm, earthquake or other disasters. It is expected, that a house that is built with a firm foundation, can withstand most threatening disasters, but one that is built with a foundation that is not well-founded, if threatened, the consequences can be devastating.
In some relationships, some individuals makes the decision to become involved in partnerships, with expectations of engagement, and marriage following. At times these arrangements are made without structuring. To such persons, it is usually that they are so excited of being together, for various reasons, that the reasons and togetherness is all that clouds their minds. However, without structuring there is no solid foundation, and many things are over looked. In buildings, firm foundations, secures the structure, and so it is in relationships. Relationships with firm foundations and good structuring, can withstands almost any obstacles within the years.
It is God's requirement for male and female partners to be joined together in holy matrimony. All references within the scriptures are given to the males, but the instructions are for both males, and females. Man is designated to be the head of the household, and in the bible, things portrayed pertaining to family matters are addressed to the man. In Genesis chapter 2 verse 23 the instruction given of God, after He made woman for man, was that man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.
In Matthew chapter 19, when Jesus was in Judea conversing with the Pharisees, pertaining to the questions being asked, He reminded them in verse 5, of the instruction that was given from the beginning. Instruction, that man should leave his parents' home and be adjoin with his wife and they should become one. When a male and female bonds, and decides that they are going to spend their lives together, it is required that they do so as husband and wife together in their own home.
So often because of financial situations couples remain at home and share the home with their family and in-laws. This is done sometimes to ease the burden on each other, or until they are more financially stable. However, the requirement is that as a couple they become one. In addition, they should be likeminded, in an identical or uniformed way, assisting each other in all aspects, which may be difficult to do within the home of others. Being part of another union can be at times either helpful or unfavorable to the relationship.
A biblical viewpoint of structuring is the story, of Ruth and Boaz. In the book of Ruth, she presented herself to Boaz. However, before Boaz took her as his wife, he went through the legal system of that time, which was the norm. Boaz went to the gate, which was the Town Hall, where all the legal transactions were done. Boaz made his petition known, pertaining to all the matters to be addressed, in reference to making Ruth his wife. Boaz established the foundation of their marriage; and with a firm and structured foundation, Ruth and Boaz were united in marriage.
In society today, people are expecting that everything should be to their likings, as they desire them to be. To such persons, they react as though God's instructions pertaining to ethics and morality are not relevant to them; and as a result many unethical decisions are being made, with some churches involvement. However, if many of us including myself had adhered to God's instructions, there would be an avoidance of the many divorces, and separations we have in society.
Many times, as individuals, we get involve in relationships with our hearts, and we exclude our minds and souls from being involved in the decision making process. When this happens, we refuse to listen to the still small voice speaking to us, and we refuse to see the signs that are visible to us. We ignore them, and I do believe we pretend not to see them, and partners are chosen without God's involvement. Making a choice without the guidance of the Holy Spirit, as I have learnt, can be one of the biggest mistakes that so many of us make.
In addition, other persons may go to God, making their request for a partner known. Often we ask God for partners. Yet, instead of waiting on God, we go hunting for the partners ourselves. We tell Him we need the partner, and then we set about looking for the perfect one we want. Another aspect is that we verbalize, our desires of the need of a partner, whether it is in prayer, or otherwise, we describe the characteristics we are looking for within the person. The enemy hears us and set about working out his plan for us.
Unaware of the enemy's plan, mister or misses right shows up in our lives. They are the perfect partners; portraying the characteristics we so desire in our partners, and at times, they can even give more than is expected. The individuals gets all involve showing and giving all the care, and attention we crave. We start thanking God for the persons without even second guesting, or seeking His guidance.
Eventually as the weeks pass, the courtship is marvelous, proposals are made, the engagement quickly follows, and dates are made for the wedding. The marriage ceremony is performed, and then a few months within the marriage, everything starts to change. We then start to question ourselves about what transpired, due to the change in the relationship that has been made since the courtship.
We try to find all sorts of excuses as explanations to justify the happenings. However, due to the lack of honesty and the presence of pretense, there could not have been a long courtship, or engagement, unless the person was an expert at acting. Therefore, marriage had to be a quick one. After a few months within the marriage, and at times even the courtship, signs start to be revealed, and then as months go into years, more is revealed, and the relationships are disasters. In these relationships there are the frequent verbal fights, and sometimes the physical fights, as well as abusive and insulting language of all forms.
Sometimes, in the beginning of the confusion, the alarm goes off, but in most relationships, the alarm never goes off until after years of abuse in the relationship. Call it what you may, but as long as there is such behavior within the home, it is an abusive relationship. This is domestic violence. There may be some physically abuse, but most often the abuse may be more psychologically, emotionally, and in some cases financially, and sexually.
One thing that should open our eyes, which we do not usually focus on, is to remember that God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, (1 Corinthians 14:33). Therefore, if there is any type of confusion involved, God's presence is not there. Such confusion can lead to doubts of uncertainty, to disrespectfulness, and to low self-esteem, and in some cases there have been both suicides, and homicides.
In some circumstances, prior to marriage, individuals are counseled by a Pastor or Priest or whoever is the leader according to their religious affiliation. In some sessions, discernment may reveal the true identity of the situation, and the leader may inform the individuals of what is being revealed, or there may be a refusal to perform the ceremony. In some situations no guidance or direction is sought from God, by the leader, and the ceremony is performed. Moreover, in many of these sessions the focus is usually on the natural pertaining to the relationship, instead of the awareness relating to God's standpoint.
I am aware of a situation involving an individual who at times sought my advice. One day, this individual visited me, and informed me that she had met a man, two weeks earlier. She stated that he had asked her to marry him within a week. My first response was to inquire if she had discussed the meeting and the proposal with her spiritual leader and what was the response. The individual stated that she told her leader the same week they met, and she was told that they should be married. I asked her many questions concerning the man, which I had considered to be important things for her to know, and none of the needed information she knew. I advised her to wait, and learn more about the man before she made her decision. She seemed a little uneasy about my suggestion, but had promised that she would consider my advice.
The individual came to me about six months later, stating that she had made a big mistake, for which she was ashamed. She ignored the given advice, got married and within a few months, they were separated. Her life is now in shambles, she is homeless, and is feeling pressured, from all who were involved in recommending that she got marry. One would wonder what went wrong and why did the leader not see what was happening, or why was she encouraged to marry so soon. But when though is fully given to the whole scenario, this was advice given without discernment, and it was also a situation that the enemy knew the young lady's circumstances, heard her plight, and acted on her behalf, in his cunning evil way.
There are many stories similar to this one, and some are more intense. However, in this situation if there was any spiritual discernment, and the young lady was forewarned, and she still had made the decision of getting married, then the consequences, would have all have been because of her own decision. But according to her, her spiritual leader's encouragement meant a lot to her.
So often, people take each other for granted, and or they do not see each other in the likeness for which they were created. Everyone is busy fulfilling their own selfish desires. In partnerships according to the biblical specifications, the man is expected to be the head of the household, and the woman a help meet for the man. According to the definition, help, is to give assistance, or aid; to contribute furtherance of, or to promote. Meet, is to come into company or presence of; to cope, or contend effectively with; to come into conformity with, view, wishes, opinions of; to satisfy, or to be joined. When both help and meet are placed together, the definition of "help meet" can be considered as, someone who is there to give assistance, and contribute to the furtherance of each other satisfactorily, as they join together to cope effectively, with each other's views, wishes and opinions.
CHAPTER 2
A Help Meet
Man was created; he was supplied with all the needed essentials for living on this earth, but there was one thing God mentioned that was lacking. (Genesis 2: 20) but for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him. God, knowing the importance of having a help meet, created one. The help meet was made, and God chose to use one of Adam's ribs in the creation, and Adam was allowed to name her, and he named her woman.
God saw the need for a help meet in Adam's life, and the need was fulfilled, as Eve was created. So it is in the lives of all within society, we all need a help meet, we need to have that special someone with which we can be unified. Stipulations made by God pertaining to Adam and Eve are given in verse 24 of Genesis chapter 2, relating to the unification of the two. The stipulations are expected to be used for all males and females within society. They are expected to be adjoined together, and be an inseparable unit, without humiliation, embarrassment, or being degraded.
From creation, God's requirement for couples was that they should be as one. They should be inseparable, which means that there should be cohesiveness, and attachment. The female is expected to be the helpmeet. Therefore, she is expected to assist her partner. However, to give someone assistance, or aid physically in an effective manner, one will have to be standing at the individual's side instead of in front or behind the individual, which would make it difficult for them to maneuver. Therefore, as help meets, the individuals will be working side by side with their partners towards gaining achievement in all aspect of the relationships.
The rib which was taken to form woman, was taken from man's side, and this can be a sign of the significance, that a woman's place is at a man's side. To assist someone, it is more effective if the person that is assisting be at the person being assisted side, instead of in front or behind the person trying to hold them up. One such woman in the bible who stood by her husband's side was Sarai. She was Abram's wife, and as his wife, she stood by his side, and when the need arose for her to protect him she did.
The protection meant obeying him, and doing what it took to protect him, (Genesis 12:13) Say I pray thee, thou art my sister, that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee. It is not right to lie, but as his help meet, she found it in her heart to do what was requested, and necessary at the time to save his life.
Abram and Sarai continued their lives together, and as the years passed and Sarai grew older she had no children. In a vision, God made a seed promise in a covenant with Abram. The promise was made, when Abram complained of his childlessness, and God promised him, that he would have an heir which would come from his own bowels (Genesis 15:3, 4).
Time went by, Sarai was not pregnant, and she took it upon herself to help God by speeding up the process. She insisted that her husband take her maid as his wife. Sarai, Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife (Genesis 16: 3). This action was against God's plan, Sarai tried to fulfill the promise that was made to her, she was impatient; and as a result she enticed Abram, and he adhered to his wife's request.
On both occasions both Abram, and Sarai had wrong motives, but as help meets they worked together to accomplish what they though was right. God had promised Abram, and when under trial, instead of Abram standing firm and taking God at His word, he went to Egypt; and then had to ask his wife to lie to save him. God intervened, and the situation was resolved. Likewise in the second situation, God promised and instead of waiting, Sarai took it upon herself to help God. God never needs any help to fulfill His promise. Sarai offered her maid as a wife to her husband, he accepted, a son was born, and corruption was in the home. Once again God intervened, and resolved the situation.
These examples may seem not to be the most effective ones to illustrate. But Abram and Sarai were joined together and were compatible, but when the test of their faith came, they sought to use the most convenient way out, and so it is in many relationships. Force is used by one partner to persuade the other to do things that maybe unethical. Self takes over, decisions are made, problems come, and then Christ is sought to clean up the mess left behind. However, it is at this time that trusting God, and remembering His promises, and depending fully on Him for deliverance from the famines and barrenness or unproductiveness is necessary.
There are relationships in which the women are utilized in such ways that they are degraded, and not treated as equal; they are not even allowed to walk by their partners' sides. These women are accepted in the lives of their partners to bear the children, and take care of the homes. In these relationships women are not considered worthy enough to be involved in anything else. These women are, preparing their meals, laundering their clothing, and caring for the children. But none of these chores places a woman at any man's side; the women are placed in the homes as domestic assistances, and have no rights as women to make decisions. In contrast, there are other women that are involved in the daily activities of their partners, and have a voice in the decision makings. These women are usually the strong pillars of the successful men.
God's plan of a help meet for man was not with intentions for the woman to be a man's slave, a punching bag, a football, or just his child bearer; neither was there any plan for the woman to ill-treat or misuse the man. The woman was created to be by the man's side, with both of them working together towards their achievement. When the trials come, if preparation was not done in advance to deal with such situations, then they both should be getting together, to work out solutions to solve the problems, with Christ as the navigator. Therefore, each partner should be respected, in such a manner that they will regard each other as equal, and they should esteem and appreciate each other as they themselves would want to be treated.
In addition, there are those partners who are very subservient. They are always fully submissive and or eager to follow the wishes or orders of others, and due to their passive attitudes, the other partners abuse the situation to their advantages. Under such circumstances there is usually manipulation, and excessive abuse. However, if God is the main focus and foundation of the relationship, the power and value of love would be enacted in the union, and every interaction would be based on the instructions, and encouragements in God's word.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Choosing A Life Time Partner Using God's Perspective by Jean Shim. Copyright © 2013 Jean Shim. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Preface.................... ix
Acknowledgement.................... xi
Lord Give Me a Plan.................... xiii
Introduction.................... xv
God's Perspective.................... 1
A Help Meet.................... 6
The Power and Value of Love.................... 10
Unequally Yoke.................... 15
Compatibility.................... 18
Coping in a Stressful Relationship.................... 25
Where to Go From Here.................... 30
God's Perception on Divorce and Remarriage.................... 33
Viewing the Situation Under the Microscope.................... 39
Author's Note.................... 45
References.................... 49