The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

by Shefali Tsabary


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781897238455
Publisher: Namaste Publishing
Publication date: 11/01/2010
Pages: 300
Sales rank: 22,217
Product dimensions: 8.90(w) x 6.00(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Shefali Tsabary, PhD, received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. Dr. Tsabary was exposed to Eastern mindfulness at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. Blending East and West, she lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world and is in private practice. She resides with her husband and daughter in New York.

Table of Contents

1 A Real Person Like Myself 1

You Are Raising a Spirit Throbbing with Its Own Signature 2

Parenting Unconsciously Is Where We All Begin 4

To Connect with Your Children, First Connect with Yourself 6

You Can Build a Feeling of Kinship in Your Family 9

How Consciousness Changes How We Parent 10

2 The Spiritual Reason We Birth Our Children 13

How Can a Child Awaken an Adult" 15

How Conscious Parenting Is Learned 19

A Conscious Parent Doesn't Emerge Overnight 21

3 Release Your Children From the Need for Your Approval 25

Acceptance Is Key 28

There's Nothing Passive About Acceptance 30

Don't Parent with a Cookie-Cutter Approach 31

You Will Only Accept Your Child to the Degree You Accept Yourself 35

4 A Blow to Our Ego 39

How Does Ego Function" 40

The Ego of Image 43

The Ego of Perfection 44

The Ego of Status 47

The Ego of Conformity 48

The Ego of Being "In Control" 50

You Can Transition Out of Ego 53

5 Is Your Child Growing You Up" 56

Face Up to Your Reactivity 58

Discover Your Emotional Inheritance 61

How Can You Integrate Your Pain" 64

How to Handle Your Child's Pain 65

Take One Step at a Time 68

What It Takes to Tame Your Anxiety 74

6 Life Is Wise 77

Life Itself Teaches Us 78

Is It Possible to Trust Life" 80

Your Child Doesn't Need to Earn Your Trust 81

How You Draw Many of Your Circumstances to You 83

You Can Break Free of Your Unconsciousness 86

It's All in the Interpretation We Give it 89

7 The Challenge of a Lifetime 95

Infancy and the "Terrible Two's"

The Lessons of Infancy for the Parent 96

A Journey of Self-discovery 98

A Chance to Recover Your Rhythm 100

Toddlerhood: A Planet All Its Own 102

Toddlerhood Is the Time to Sow the Seeds of Containment 105

8 From Center Stage to Supportiang Cast 109

A Parent's Opportunity for Spiritual

Growth in the School Years

Middle School: the Challenge of "Being There" for Our Children 110

High School: the Need for Unequivocal Acceptance 113

Why It's Important to Resist the Temptation to Control 115

9 The Insanity of Parenthood 117

The Particular Role of the Mother 118

Raising a Child Is an Invitation to Surrender to a Different Pace 122

10 Parent From Wholeness Instead of Your Wounds 125

If You Grew Up Feeling You Weren't Good Enough 127

If You Learned to Please Others to Earn Their Approval 130

Were You Unable to Be Yourself" 134

"Bad" Behavior Is Really a Search for Our Inherent Goodness 137

Your Brokenness Doesn't Reflect Your True Being 139

11 A Household Built on Being 141

Are You Aware that Anxiety Is a Form of "Doing"" 144

What's the Source of Our Fear of the Present" 147

Beyond Living by "Doing" 149

The Moment Is Now 151

12 The Wonder of the Ordinary 155

Do You Revel In Your Child's Ordinariness" 156

The Fallacy of the Overproduction of Life 158

Surrender the Urgency to "Do" 161

Back to Basics 162

A Life that Mirrors Who Your Child Is 165

13 Shelve Those Great Expectations 167

Honor Who Your Child Is 168

How to Set the Bar for Your Child 169

What Can You Realistically Expect of Your Child" 172

Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome 174

Use the Right Kind of Praise 178

Realize that Your Children Imitate You 179

14 Create a Conscious Space In Your Child's Life 183

Allow Room for Stillness in Your Child's Schedule 184

Create a Meaningful Narrative for Your Child 186

Why Expressing Gratitude to Your Child Is a Powerful Parenting Tool 188

15 Connect to Your Child with Engaged Presence 193

How We Undermine Our Attempts to Connect with Our Children 195

Do You Validate Your Children's Behavior, or Their Being" 197

Just Be There 200

16 How to Handle Your Child's Mistakes 205

Do You Really Know Why They Did What They Did" 206

How You Can Transform Mistakes into Spiritual Gold 208

Celebrate Your Child's Mistakes 210

17 The Two Wings of the Eagle 213

A Child Can't Soar Without Containment 214

The Spiritual Approach to Discipline 218

Don't Avoid Conflict-Value It 221

How to Discipline in a Manner that Works 223

The Rule about Rules 226

Why Teaching Is More Effective Than Punishment 229

Acting Out Reflects Unmet Emotional Needs 232

Do You Own Your Part in Your Children's Behavior" 234

Why Delightful Children Turn into Defiant Teens 238

Heavy-handed Tactics Backfire 241

How to Execute the "No" 245

Timing Is Crucial 249


Understanding Our Shared Unconsciousness 253

We're All in This Together 254

Becoming a Parent Who Is Present 256


The Consciousness Compass 259

Questions to Ask Ourselves

Some Highlights From the Conscious Parent 263

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The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children 4.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 8 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is empowering for any parent, new, facing the terrible twos and trying to connect with your teenager child. This has been very helpful. 
860850JC More than 1 year ago
My 17 yr. old daughter mentioned to a friend the other day. "I don't know why but my mom and I don't fight as much as we used to" I smile. She knows that I have been less reactive and more responsive, less constricted and less stressed. Since reading the Conscious Parent the question is not- why read it? but when? Since this profound book has entered my life it has turned it around. Now I approach this life from a better place and that changes the whole dynamic of my family. Instead of coming from fear and control and parent that way I am becoming better at listening to the needs of what my child is saying and operating from a deeper place. Like Einstein said if you keep doing what your doing and expect different results that is the definition of insanity. So now when things "Go wrong" and they go wrong quite often I find myself operating from a more attentive responsive place. So if you are in the market to empower your child and transform yourself I would ask you to carefully consider Dr. Tsabarry's book. I assure you to become the better person & parent you long to be.
CynthiaSueLarson More than 1 year ago
If you're seeking quick and easy ways to change your children's behavior, or get them to do what you say, this book is not for you. Becoming a conscious parent requires looking deeply and honestly within oneself, delving into one's own fears and shortcomings. The Conscious Parent invites parents to become more mindful of their daily interactions with their children so that rather than seeing children's actions as "misbehavior," parents can recognize an opportunity to be kinder and more open themselves. The central premise of The Conscious Parent is that children provide parents with mirrors of their own subconscious issues, and parents who understand this can enter into a state of heart-to-heart communion with their children, learning and growing alongside their children, rather than continuing habitual reactive patterns that tend to perpetuate family cycles of power, control and dominance. As author Shefali Tsabary points out, this shift from an egoic state of mind to one of authentic being "... isn't an easy one for a parent to make." While much of the Conscious Parent contains the kinds of tips and pointers Tsabary provides for her clients, this book really shines when Tsabary shares her first-hand experiences as a mother. Parents seeking ways to bridge the gap from parenting similarly to how they've been raised and achieving a Zen-like state of mindfulness in parenting will delight in the examples and suggestions Tsabary shares for how they might actually manage to incorporate some of the lofty ideals of mindfulness to parenting, and how it feels as a parent to deal with one's own internal doubt, fear, and resistance. Tsabary discourages parents from using praise and scolding to mold children into doing and being what most pleases the parents, and recommends that parents grant their children the freedom to become the best they can be at who they truly are. Tsabary suggests that parents can set high standards in some areas, such as for: speaking from their authentic voice, being kind, expressing feelings directly, helping others, and engaging in daily dialogue and conversation with them. The Conscious Parent is highly recommended for readers dedicated to living their lives mindfully who are eager to have functional, rather than dysfunctional families. This book inspires parents to set examples for children by embracing imperfections, and staying open-hearted, open-minded, and truly present and engaged. If all families adopted just some of the ideas from this book, it seems clear that the world would be a much better place.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love this book! It is a must for any parent. It is not only helpful for your relationship with your children but can be applied to all of your relationships. It has transformed me not only as a parent but personally as well. By chapter two, I could tell it was already making a difference and I was feeling more at peace and parenting in a more conscious way. My relationship with all of my family has changed for the better. :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is one of the BEST books for parents I have read. Dr. Tsabary helps parents understand themselves and their children in a way that is so important and key to improving their relationships. It was very meaningful and helped me understand where I am as a parent and guided me to where I want to be.Her understanding of the parent-child dynamic and how it creates and contributes to the frustrations we experience is absolutely on target.I HIGHLY recommend this book to ALL parents!
5kidsnow More than 1 year ago
As a mother of five (oldest is 26, youngest is 9) when I saw Dr. Shefali on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday I was immediately drawn to her work. I ordered this book right after the show and literally devoured it once it arrived on my doorstep. Almost every page is written on, or high-lighted in some way. If we choose to embrace the ideals and methods Dr. Shefali is proposing, I believe it could literally revolutionize the role of parent! And, let's face it, we really need to make some serious changes in raising our youth (and ourselves) TODAY! I am continuing to read through and work towards implementing her theory about our children really raising US in my everyday parenting life with my children who still live under our roof. Like yoga, this is a "practice" not a destination. Terrific read, very worth your time!
MomsChoiceAwards More than 1 year ago
The Conscious Parent is a recipient of the prestigious Mom's Choice Award. The Mom's Choice Awards honors excellence in family-friendly media, products and services. An esteemed panel of judges includes education, media and other experts as well as parents, children, librarians, performing artists, producers, medical and business professionals, authors, scientists and others. A sampling of the panel members includes: Dr. Twila C. Liggett, ten-time Emmy-winner, professor and founder of PBS's Reading Rainbow; Julie Aigner-Clark, Creator of Baby Einstein and The Safe Side Project; Jodee Blanco, and New York Times best-selling Author; LeAnn Thieman, motivational speaker and coauthor of seven Chicken Soup For The Soul books. Parents and educators look for the Mom's Choice Awards seal in selecting quality materials and products for children and families.