Crawling Distance is the official, non-technical expression, applied (in general terms) to the distance between your favourite local boozer, and your home.
It may, however, be applied to the distance between any pub in your locality, and your home, subject to actual distance, and of course, your tolerance to alcohol…
More specifically, Crawling Distance is the distance you would be prepared, or indeed able, to actually crawl in the (probable) event of inebriation, and/or missing the last bus home/having no taxi fare (because you spent it on fish ‘n’ chips… twice).
Hence the expressions ‘Minimum Crawling Distance’ and ‘Maximum Crawling Distance’, used to aid the selection of an appropriate ‘alternative’ venue.
If you have ever experienced any difficulty in assessing whether or not a particular pub is ‘within Crawling Distance’, the rule of thumb is that if you can walk there comfortably, then you’ll probably be able to crawl back.
Above all, it should be noted that ‘Crawling Distance’ is not to be confused with ‘Staggering Distance’. Crawling Distance is the shortest route home; Staggering Distance can, more often than not, be the longest… and doesn’t necessarily guarantee actually making it home…
Crawling Distance by Stanski, is a kind of ‘fly-on-the-wall’ account of ‘your’ Friday Night Mission To Get Leathered With Your Mates. This most traditional of traditional routines, is told from the (allegedly) objective perspective of the ‘narrator’, who is, in fact, your conscious self, or your conscience…
Can you keep it together between you, with all that alcohol you’re bound to consume (if you’re taking the Mission seriously), or will both aspects of your character succumb to its effects…?
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