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A Crooked Kind of Perfect

A Crooked Kind of Perfect

4.2 108
by Linda Urban, Tai Alexandra Ricci (Read by)

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Carnegie Hall, look out!

Zoe Elias has big musical dreams. As soon as she gets a glossy baby grand piano, she’ll be on her way. Trouble is, what Zoe gets is a wood-grained, vinyl-seated, wheeze-bag organ. The Perfectone D-60.

How will she ever be discovered as a prodigy when her lesson book is The Hits of the Seventies? Not even a cha-cha beat can


Carnegie Hall, look out!

Zoe Elias has big musical dreams. As soon as she gets a glossy baby grand piano, she’ll be on her way. Trouble is, what Zoe gets is a wood-grained, vinyl-seated, wheeze-bag organ. The Perfectone D-60.

How will she ever be discovered as a prodigy when her lesson book is The Hits of the Seventies? Not even a cha-cha beat can make the theme song from The Brady Bunch sound like Beethoven. If you add to that problem a mom who’s always at work, a dad who’s afraid to leave the house, and an odd boy who follows her home from school every day, Zoe’s big dreams are looking pretty lopsided.

But when she enters the annual Perform-O-Rama organ competition, Zoe discovers that life is full of surprises–and that maybe a little lopsidedness will help her find what she’s really hoping for.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Sounding a bit like a younger Rachael Ray, Ricci has a slight throaty rasp and a deadpan quality that well suits the personality of newcomer Urban's protagonist, 10-year-old aspiring pianist Zoe Elias. Zoe endures all manner of humiliation-including losing her best friend and playing "Hits of the '70s" on a "wheeze-bag" of an organ in competition-by reminding herself of her goal of performing piano concerts at Carnegie Hall. Short chapters prove a great way to shine the spotlight on Zoe's wry, just-short-of-sarcastic observations and will likely keep listeners hooked. However, Ricci's sometimes halting delivery and forced-sounding inflection mar the rhythm of the proceedings, taking some of the snap out of Urban's often laugh-out-loud humor. Listeners may also wonder why this recording, which has so much to do with music, contains nary a note. Ages 8-up. Simultaneous release with the Harcourt hardcover (Reviews, Aug. 20). (Sept.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
School Library Journal

Gr 4-6
An impressive and poignant debut novel. Eleven-year-old Zoe dreams of giving piano recitals at Carnegie Hall. When her father purchases a Perfectone D-60, though, she must settle for the sounds of the organ rather than the distinguished sounds of a baby grand. Her organ teacher, Mabelline Person, notices the child's small talent for music and recommends her for the "Perfectone Perform-O-Rama"; she will play Neil Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans." Accepting this new twist to her ambitions, Zoe must depend on a quirky support system: her father, who gets anxious when he leaves the house and who earns diplomas from Living Room University; her workaholic mother; and her classmate Wheeler, who follows Zoe home from school daily to spend time with her father, baking. Playing television theme songs from the '60s and '70s rather than Bach doesn't get Zoe down. Instead, aware of the stark difference between her dream and her reality, she forges ahead and, as an underdog, faces the uncertainty of entering the competition. In the end, resilient and resourceful Zoe finds perfection in the most imperfect and unique situations, and she shines. The refreshing writing is full of pearls of wisdom, and readers will relate to this fully developed character. The sensitive story is filled with hope and humor. It has a feel-good quality and a subtle message about how doing one's best and believing in oneself are what really matter.
—Jennifer CoganCopyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

Kirkus Reviews
All ten-year-old Zoe Elias has ever wanted is a baby grand so that she can become a star who dazzles Carnegie Hall. She doesn't know how to play, but that's a minor stumbling block. What she gets instead is an old, wheezy organ, a gift from her well-meaning, agoraphobic dad. While workaholic mom is hardly ever home, Zoe resigns herself to learning to play the instrument, all the while encouraged by her skittish father and a newfound supportive pal. Wouldn't you know that she turns out to be great at it and goes on to win in competition? There's a lot of knowing, child-friendly humor here, not the least provided by Zoe's hoot of an organ instructor. Readers should enjoy the fast-paced, brief chapters, silliness and tongue-in-cheek first-person narration. The author doesn't pull out all the stops, and the ending is pat, but this is still a satisfying read. (Fiction. 9-12)

Product Details

Penguin Random House Audio Publishing Group
Publication date:
Edition description:
Product dimensions:
5.12(w) x 5.91(h) x 0.58(d)
Age Range:
9 - 12 Years

Read an Excerpt

A Crooked Kind of Perfect

By Linda Urban

Harcourt, Inc.

Copyright © 2007 Linda Urban
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-15-206007-7

Chapter One

How It Was Supposed to Be

I was supposed to play the piano.

The piano is a beautiful instrument.



People wear ball gowns and tuxedos to hear the piano.

With the piano, you could play Carnegie Hall. You could wear a tiara. You could come out on stage wearing gloves up to your elbows. You could pull them off, one finger at a time.

Everybody is quiet when you are about to play the piano. They don't even breathe. They wait for the first notes.

They wait.

They wait.

And then you lift your hands high above your head and slam them down on the keys and the first notes come crashing out and your fingers fly up and down and your foot-in its tiny slipper with rubies at the toe-your foot peeks out from under your gown to press lightly on the pedals.

A piano is glamorous. Sophisticated. Worldly.

It is a wonderful thing to play the piano.

How It Is

I play the organ.

A wood-grained, vinyl-seated, wheeze-bag organ.

The Perfectone D-60.

Vladimir Horowitz

The best pianist who ever lived was Vladimir Horowitz.

Well, maybe Mozart or Beethoven or one of thoseancient guys was really the best, but nobody knows because they didn't have CDs or television or anything back then. But once TV and recordings came around, the best guy for sure was Vladimir Horowitz.

I saw a show about Vladimir Horowitz one time.

I wanted to watch that old show on TV Land about the twins who are always switching names and clothes and playing tricks on their teachers and boyfriends, but my mom said, "Zoe, either you can watch PBS with me or you can go to bed." And she had popcorn.

Vladimir Horowitz was born in Russia. His mom played piano. The show didn't say what his dad did.

He was a prodigy, which means that even when he was a little kid he could play like a grown-up. When he was seventeen, he gave his first professional concert, and when he came to America a few years later, he played Carnegie Hall.

I'm ten. Almost eleven.

That means I have six years to get good.

I told my mom that I wanted to be a prodigy, that I wanted to play Carnegie Hall. I told her I wanted to play the piano.

"Take it up with Domestic Affairs," she said. That's my mom's way of saying, "Talk to your dad."

The Controller

My mom is a controller for the state of Michigan. She looks after all the money and makes sure she knows how every dime is spent and that nobody is cheating or stealing or buying stuff they're not supposed to. I found all this out on Career Day last October. I didn't know before.

On Career Day, the other moms and dads were things that kids had heard of. Like Mr. Nunzio, who is a baker and who brought us all little chocolate cupcakes with Nunzio's Buns written in pink frosting. Or Joella's mom, Mrs. Tinstella, who is a host of a radio program on WPOP. She had her microphone and pretended she was doing her program while she was talking to us-putting in commercials and introducing songs and taking requests-and then she gave us red-and-purple WPOP bumper stickers. For weeks afterward all the cool kids' parents had WPOP bumper stickers on their cars, but we didn't because my mom says bumper stickers fade and peel and then your car has a big gummy rectangle that attracts dirt and anyway it's just a big advertisement for WPOP and they're going to have to pay us if they want us to advertise for their noisy excuse for a radio station.

When Mrs. Trimble introduced my mom and Mom started talking about being a controller and fiscal responsibility and keeping your ducks in a row, most of the kids looked really bored. Even Mrs. Trimble looked like she was going to need to head to the teachers' lounge, which is where she goes when she has had it and desperately needs a cup of coffee and a Tylenol.

But then my mom started walking down each row and asking each kid's name, and she'd say, "Lily. Nice to meet you, Lily. Here is a quarter. Buckley. Interesting name, Buckley. Here is a nickel." She talked to each kid and gave them money and then went back up to the podium and kept on talking about how a controller has to know where every penny is and not get distracted by emotion or politics or home life or what's on the radio. Which made Joella Tinstella turn around in her seat and stare all mean at me for about five minutes. Everyone else was watching Mom. Hoping she was going to hand out more money, probably.

"In any organization there are distractions. Personalities. Drama. It is a controller's job to ignore these distractions and focus exclusively on the money," said my mom.

Then, with her eyes closed so we wouldn't think she was cheating, my mom said, "Lily, quarter. Buckley, nickel. Colton, quarter. Ashley, dime." She named every single kid in the class and said exactly which coin she gave them. "I got them all right, yes?" asked Mom and we all said yes and clapped. Mrs. Trimble said, "Thank you very much," and started telling my mom how much we all enjoyed her talk. My mom interrupted her.

"Before I go," Mom started. And my stomach started aching and my hands started sweating and I knew that every kid in my class was about to hate me.

"Before I go," she repeated, "I'll need you to pass those coins up to the front of your rows. Every penny counts. That is fiscal responsibility!" Mrs. Trimble made us all pass our coins up and Mom counted them at the end of each row, and when one quarter was missing in row three she said, "Wheeler. My quarter." Wheeler Diggs pretended that he had already passed it up to the front and then faked like Sally Marvin dropped it on the floor and he had to crawl around under his desk before he handed it over.

Later, after music class, Wheeler Diggs stopped me in the hall and looked all mean at me and I thought he was going to punch me in the stomach and I threw up and I missed my bus and my mom had to come back to school and take me home.

On Paper

The first time I told my dad that I was supposed to play the piano, he harrumphed. The second time, he rubbed his chin. The third time, he said, "That's a big commitment for a little person." My dad knows about big commitments. He has twenty-six framed diplomas from Living Room University.

"I am destined to play Carnegie Hall," I told him.

"Baby steps," he said, pulling a flyer from the stack of junk mail on the counter. It was from the Eastside Senior Center, and in it was an ad for More with Les, a revolutionary method for learning the piano. Six weeks of lessons with Lester Rennet, Award-Winning Music Teacher and Trained Motivational Speaker! Specializing in Children and Seniors! No Instrument Required!

The senior center had one piano, and it was not grand. It was an almost-upright. It leaned to one side. I guessed it had been donated by a school because there were initials carved into its legs, and if you lifted the yellow scarf off the top, you could read all about a Mrs. Pushkin who smelled like fish. The bench was bowed from years of supporting senior citizen backsides.

The More with Les students sat at folding tables. There were nine of us. Me and eight seniors, including Mr. Faber, who was ninety-two years old and slept through most of our lessons. He was not motivated by the More with Les philosophy.

"My philosophy is simple! My method revolutionary!" said Lester Rennet.

"Save it for the brochures," grumbled Mr. Faber.

"This is your More with Les songbook." The cover featured an out-of-focus photo of Lester Rennet surrounded by kids who appeared to be holding up homemade accordions. SIMPLE! it said. REVOLUTIONARY!

Mr. Rennet told us to turn to the back of the More with Les songbook. There we would find the revolution.

What I found was a piece of perforated cardboard folded over on itself a couple of times. There was a piano key design printed along the bottom edge.

"Voilà!" said Mr. Rennet.


"The More with Les paper keyboard!"

Paper keyboard.

The blurry kids on the songbook weren't holding accordions at all.

Lester Rennet pulled his own paper keyboard from his briefcase and unfolded it. "As you can see," he said, holding it up to the tired piano at the front of the room, "your More with Les paper keyboard is exactly to scale. It has black keys and white keys, just like a real piano except, of course, that they make no sound when you touch them! The More with Les paper keyboard is the perfect practice instrument! No worrying about plunking out wrong notes in front of your friends! You can practice anywhere. At the kitchen table! At Bingo Night!" Mr. Rennet pointed at me. "You can practice in the school lunchroom!"

Had Lester Rennet ever seen a school lunchroom? Did he understand that the lunchroom is a jungle, where sixth-grade beasts stalk the weak and the dorky? Unfolding a revolutionary paper keyboard would be like picking a scab in a pool of sharks the scent of blood would cause a frenzy.

Lester Rennet continued. "Each week you will be assigned a piece from the songbook. I will play it for you here à la piano while you play along on your More with Les keyboard!" Then we'd go home and practice-the More with Les recommendation was twenty minutes a day-and at the following week's class we would each take a turn in "performance" at the real piano, hearing for the first time the songs our fingers had trained for all week.

"And now," said Lester Rennet dramatically, flipping my More with Les songbook to its paper keyboard page, "let us begin!" And with that he tore out the magical paper keyboard that was supposed to be my ticket to Carnegie Hall. For the first and only time, the paper keyboard made a sound: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrip.


We have 432 rolls of toilet paper in our basement. Four hundred and thirty-two. This is enough to last until I'm out of high school, my mom says, provided we are conservative in our usage. She figured it out. Family of three-one of us gone almost all day every day at her office and one of us at Eastside Elementary five days a week-goes through about one roll of toilet paper a week. That means we will use fifty-two rolls in a year. 52 x 8 (the number of years until I go to college, as long as I don't flunk a grade-not likely-or skip a grade-even less likely) = 416. That leaves sixteen extra rolls for emergencies.

We have 432 rolls of toilet paper because my dad went shopping by himself. Dad is not supposed to go shopping by himself, but sometimes he gets all worked up about how he should be able to go shopping like everybody else. And then he gets to the store and there are lots of people around and if it is noisy or there are flashing lights-like maybe a blue flashing light announcing an extraspecial, limited-time offer on toilet paper-my dad gets really jittery, and if somebody notices and tells him something like "This is a once-in-a lifetime deal that will not last," my dad will say, "I'll take it," and the people with the blue light will be very happy to help him. If he says he is going to take all of it, they will even offer to deliver it to the house. And all Dad's jitters will fade and he will believe that he has done a very smart thing, making sure that his family has enough toilet paper to last for eight years.

And then he will forget all about it.

Until the delivery truck comes to the house.

The Perfectone B-60

My dad was supposed to buy me a piano.

But instead of going online or calling Rewind Used Music, he went to the mall and it was crowded and noisy and he was walking by the big fountain with the stone hippo in the middle and he heard this sound.

This boompa-chucka, boompa-chucka sound.

And his toes started tapping and his hips started wiggling. The man at the store that sells Perfectone D-60s saw my dancing dad and waved him over.

Dad told me everything that happened after that. But he didn't need to. I could have figured it out for myself.

"You look like a man who knows fine music," Mr. Perfectone said to my dad. Boompa-chucka, boompa-chucka. "Do you play?"

My dad laughed. He was supposed to say, "My daughter is about to have a concert at Carnegie Hall. I just need to buy her a piano so she can start her lessons." But Dad was mesmerized by the boompa-chucka-boomp.

"Go ahead," said Mr. Perfectone, slithering around behind my boompa-chucka dad. "Press a key." Chucka-boomp.

Dad pressed a key. A Cuban nightclub act sprang out. That's what my dad said. A single key and he could hear bongos and trumpets and guitars.

Mr. Perfectone flipped a switch. "Again," he whispered in my dad's ear. Dad was bold. He touched two keys. An entire orchestra tumbled out of the speakers. "Not bad, Mozart," Mr. Perfectone said, sliding a sales slip and a pen from his sleeve.

Two weeks later, instead of an elegant piano slick as black ice, two hairy guys dropped off a wood-grained behemoth.

Now, the Perfectone D-60 is mine.


Excerpted from A Crooked Kind of Perfect by Linda Urban Copyright © 2007 by Linda Urban. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Linda Urban grew up in Michigan with dreams of fame. Ballerina. Television star. Musician. She played the violin for a year, then begged her parents for a piano. Instead, her dad bought an organ at the mall. Although she has never competed in a Perform-O-Rama, she can still play the right-hand parts of “Up, Up and Away.” A former bookseller in California, Ms. Urban now lives in Vermont with her family. A Crooked Kind of Perfect is her first novel. Visit www.lindaurbanbooks.com.

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A Crooked Kind of Perfect 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 108 reviews.
Iloveanimals More than 1 year ago
This is a great book...... for children who do not need a large challenge. It has very relatable characters, yet the plot is a little off structure, I liked it personally! A wonderful book for Book Clubs, it will really get a discussion going! It is always good to be a little crooked kind of perfect!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is the best book ever. I am ten and i had to read this book for battle of the books. I thought it was going to be boring but it is the best book ever.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I LUV YHIS BOOK SO MUCH. Its a good book for young children.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great book i read the sample and it was good so i can imagine the whole book will be good .......this book would be good for a high leveled fourth grader and a fith and mabey a sixth grader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book (paperback) and loved it
Victoria Siamundo More than 1 year ago
This book show that you can't always get what you want, but if you work hard, things might just turn out your way. Life can be a crooked kind of perfect.
Book_Reviewer525 More than 1 year ago
This book was ok. I like books that have something really big or surprising and this book didn't really do that. It felt short too, like it didn't have enough, if you know what I mean.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hi turd
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Best booeverk
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Poop and toot and burp and puke.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book and I absolutely loved it! Its not very big but its a good read! I think you should read it! :P
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is great, especially is  your a music lover. If you ever feel like ready a book that involves music pick up "A Crooked Kind of  Perfect" 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved this book. Wheeler is the best.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I recomend you read this book you will love it
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I found this to be such a cute book aimed more towards very young adults. I enjoyed it a lot. It makes you LOL. I suggest it to anyone but it was made for children twelve and under.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was the best book i have read it is so funny i think everyone should read it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It made me feel AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The age group I would recommend this to would be 8-any age who enjoy every day life.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My daughter read this book. She said that the book did not bore her and had a great ending. It was something that was not too hard to read, but was fun to read. She read this book, because she is partici[ating in her school's battle of the books. Some body told her that the book was an easy read, and something that she should read. So, she decided to. In the end, she book was a perfect fun read with a lot of interesting chapters!!! (: THANK YOU FOR READING!!! (:.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved this book I actually set Zoe as my role model cause she is so much like I read a hound dog true but this book is way better its really encouraging and a good read can't wait until the next one comes out on March the 5th wooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
An amazing story! Very heart warming and inspiring! I will probably read it many more times
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
5 Stars!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It was one of the many books I picked up from the library it was entertaining and had some humor to it about a young lady who has dreams to get to Cargine Hall but she plays organ instead of the piano which she wants to play the piano.Okay I admit I did get a little bored with some of it because in some parts in novels they get carried away with usless information but ,overall it it was excellent and remember to leave out boring parts Thank You for reading and I hope to see you soon Bye! Follow your dreams;)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago