Dad Is Fat

Dad Is Fat

by Jim Gaffigan

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Overview

Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan never imagined he would have his own kids.

Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies."

Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so hes' now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat.

From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists").

Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780385349062
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Publication date: 05/07/2013
Sold by: Random House
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 288
Sales rank: 66,930
File size: 9 MB

About the Author

JIM GAFFIGAN is a stand-up comedian and actor with numerous film, television, and stage credits. He lives in Manhattan with his wife, Jeannie, and their five children in a two-bedroom apartment.

Read an Excerpt

Letter to My Children

Dear Children,

I am your dad. The father of all five of you pale creatures. Given how attractive and fertile your mother is, there may be more of you by the time you read this book. If you are reading this, I am probably dead. I would assume this because I can honestly foresee no other situation where you’d be interested in anything I’ve done. Right now, you are actually more interested in preventing me from doing things like working, sleeping, and smiling. I’m kidding, of course. Kind of. I love you with all of my heart, but you are probably the reason I’m dead.

All right, you didn’t kill me. Your mother did. She kept getting pregnant! I don’t know how. Don’t think about it. It will give you the willies. At one point, I was afraid she got pregnant while she was pregnant. She was so fertile I didn’t even let her hold avocados. Anyway, this is a book all about what I observed being your dad when you were very young and I had some hair back in good old 2013.

So why a book? Well, since you’ve come into my life, you’ve been a constant source of entertainment while simultaneously driving me insane. I felt I had to write down my observations about you in a book. And also for money, so you could eat and continue to break things. By the way, I’m sorry I yelled so much and did that loud clapping thing with my hands. I hated when my dad would do the loud clapping thing with his hands, so every time I do the loud clapping thing, it pains me in many ways. Most of the pain is because that loud clapping thing actually hurts my hands.

You may be wondering how I wrote this book. From a very early age, you all instinctively knew I wasn’t that bright of a guy. Probably from all the times you had to correct me when I couldn’t read all the words in The Cat in the Hat. Hell, I find writing e‑mails a chore. (Thank you, spell-check!) I wrote this book with the help of many people, but mostly your mother. Your mother is not only the only woman I’ve ever loved, but also the funniest person I know. When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.

Love,

Dad

P.S. How did you get that hula hoop into that restaurant Easter 2011?

Table of Contents

Contents
Foreword
Letter to My Children
Who’s Who in the Cast
Rue the Day
“Drinking the Kool-Aid”
Family-Friendly
Have Children: The Condition
Anti-Family
I Confess
Happy Days Are Here Again
The Pharaoh and the Slave
Vice President
My Dad, the Professional Wrestler
The Narcissist’s Guide to Babies and Toddlers
When Women Get Lazy
Oh My God, You’re Pregnant?
Witchcraft
Newbornland
Dogfight
Circumcision
The Invasion
Eat the Coleslaw!
Toddlerhood
The Evil Within
Secrets and Lies
A Critical Analysis of Children’s Literature
No Further Questions
Bring in da Noise
The People Who Live Under the Floor
Monsters
Nothing in Common
Hotel New York City
Vamanos
Is It Too Soon to Start Dating Again?
I’ll Be Your Tour Guide
Pale Force
Learnin’ Them
A Self-Portrait
Your Special Day
Losing My Religion
No Such Thing as a Free Babysitter
How to Put Five Kids to Bed in a Two-Bedroom Apartment
Negotiating with Terrorists
My Former Bed
Morning Has Been Broken
Naps Are Payday Loans
Get Married, Have Kids, Get Fat
Hand-in-Mouth Disease
We Need Bread
You Win, McDonald’s
How Sweet It Is
’Tis the Season
My Other Family
Are You Done Yet?
Six Kids, Catholic
The Great White Baby
The Mousetrap
Picture This
Snow Job
On the Road Again
Eskimo Pies
You’re Going to Miss This
Acknowledgments

Customer Reviews

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Dad Is Fat 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 152 reviews.
AlishaMcNulty More than 1 year ago
I thought this book was great. Its all about what its like to be a Father of five, a husband and a comedian. True, some of the material is directly from his stand up shows, but there is enough new material to make this an excellent read. He comes across as thoughtful, funny, inspired, devoted to his family and utterly exhausted. I'm a fan of Jim Gaffigan, if you are too then you'll enjoy this. If you've never heard of him, buy this book; it says it all.
xMxRx More than 1 year ago
I'm not even a parent and I absolutely love this book. You only really need to have ever been a child with parents, or know a set of parents to truly enjoy this book. I've always loved Gaffigan's humor and it is well portrayed through his writing. It's universal, the essay style lets him cover many topics, yet they all flow very well. If you want a good preview, try the chapter on candy, it's what got me hooked.  I heard him speak about the book at Book Expo America and you can tell just how much of him and his wife went into the writing process. It's a book about young families. I'm sure Mr. Gaffigan's children will one day read it and laugh at the memories it portrays. 
AMT2005 More than 1 year ago
I love this book! Very funny, well written and enjoyable until the very end. When is the next one coming out? I need to buy the audio book for my commute to work. I could listen to this over and over. Great job, Jim and Jeannie :-)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is laugh out loud funny. I couldn't put it down. The author is very witty. I really enjoyed this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Jim Gaffigan, have seen all of his standup specials, all three. This book will make you laugh out loud, it is hysterical,  and anyone who has kids will relate, a great weekend read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Such a funny book and a must read if you have kids. I couldn't put it down and found myself laughing out loud with every chapter.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
LOVED IT!! Got this book as a "gag" Father's Day gift for my husband.  It's a fast read (about 2-3 hours), but the chapter length lends itself to reading a bit, putting it down (telling the kids to be quiet, I'm trying to read!), then coming back to it. It was totally refreshing and laugh out loud funny to read parenting from a male perspective.  I found myself walking out of the bedroom to read paragraphs to my husband during the hockey game.   I found myself nodding my head several times, both in remembering my youth and as a parent of 3 (now teenagers & up).   I am purchasing another copy for my mother-in-law's upcoming birthday.  Mother of 7 kids in 6 years (2 sets of twins & Catholic)...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed this, even as a young single person--not just for parents
VickiLN More than 1 year ago
I’ve been struggling with audio books lately. It’s not the stories I’ve had a problem with, it’s the narrators. The last few audio books I’ve tried to listen to I had to stop without finishing, which is hard for me to do. But the narrations were torture to my ears and I couldn’t take it any more. I first saw this audio book reviewed by Sheila @ Book Journey (go check her review out, she has a few quotes from the book and even a video), and immediately put it on hold at the library. I waited for it to come in with mixed feelings. I was pretty sure I’d  be laughing, but could I take listening to hours of him narrating the book? Not only is this one of the funniest books I’ve listened to…or read, I had no problem with the narration. His voice was calming and didn’t make me wince once. I even loved his little kid voices! Jim Gaffigan is one funny dad, but don’t take my word for it. If you need a good laugh, go get this book. I can’t imagine anyone not loving this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Every chapter makes you chuckle. I enjoy Jim Gaffigan as a comic and his writing style is similar to his stand up style. Many short stories (chapters) that you can put it down and then come back to reading when busy schedules allow. I read it while on vacation. It was funny and enjoyable.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I lost count how many times I laughed so hard I cried. This is the best $13 I have spent in a long time! A fantastic loveable read. You will not be disappointed. Three kids, catholic :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A good book and an honest take on parenting.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I Loved this book! I thought it was so funny and relatable.
junebugOH More than 1 year ago
I've always been a Jim Gaffigan fan and really enjoyed this book. Some of the material I've heard in his comedy but a lot of it is new. Loved it so much I bought a copy for all my sisters and my mom.
bergamotbooks More than 1 year ago
As soon as I saw a book by Jim Gaffigan was available, I was pumped. I really enjoy his sense of humor (hilarious, but not unnecessarily dirty). I figured his book would be filled to the brim with more of his humorous everyday life observations, but though the book is funny, it isn't what I expected. First of all, reading what a comic wrote down and hearing them tell you in person is not the same. At all. I highly recommend getting the audio version for this purpose, I really think that would make a difference. Second, the book is a collection of essays, which about I felt wildly misinformed. This is OK though, given that the book is meant for people who have kids and are therefore pinched for time. The essays are so short you can read a few in a sitting without having to follow a story line of any sort. So what is the book about? Funny stuff his kids have done, comical observations from having children, what he used to think having children was all about, etc. Reading as someone without children, it really gave me an insider's view of what having kids is like without terrifying me to death. If you are someone with kids, the book will be more entertaining than informative for you. All in all I recommend this book only if you already have children and want a laugh, or if you want to know what having five! children is like. You can get more information here to purchase the book. I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for th
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I've always been a fan of Jim Gaffigan's comedy, so my husband got me this book for a mother's day gift--BEST. GIFT. EVER. The book is written as a collection of short essays, most a few pages long, so it's easy to read for a few minutes before bed. As a busy parent, time for free reading is limited so this set-up is nice, although I usually can't put it down! Anyone who has children and a sense of humor has to read this book! I'm currently reading it for the 2nd time and it's just as funny. I've already given this as a gift to my brother and best friend; I won't stop until everyone I know has read it. If you have children and appreciate Jim's stand up act, you will LOVE this!
Brunette_Librarian More than 1 year ago
 I am a huge fan of Jim Gaffigan and this book only reinforces why. A fun filled romp through fatherhood, Gaffigan talks about the ins and outs of being a father living in New York City. I loved the off handed humor but you can also feel the genuine love he has for his children throughout.        Jim Gaffigan has five children at the publication of this book. He and his wife Jeannie live in a two bedroom apartment in New York, with no car, and FIVE kids. Yep. Its hard for me to get over it but I think it bears repeating.        Gaffigan talks about the trials of being a parent that are pretty universal. Some of my favorite parts of the book dealt with how annoying other parents are, which I can totally see. I don’t have children myself, but I enjoyed the random stories about how crazy children act and behave in different situations. Trips to the park took on a whole new meaning!        I think all-in-all I enjoyed the book best because I could feel the love for his family as he wrote. Nothing really stood out to me as astounding but I did laugh in different places. I probably wouldn’t have picked up this book if I hadn’t known Gaffigan, but it was a pleasant, quick read that was pretty cute. Great for fans of Gaffigan’s stand up comedy and of course, for parents.
FirstAdam More than 1 year ago
This book is such a fantastic blend of Jim Gaffigan's eye-rolling brand of humor, with a deep and heartfelt love for his wife and children. Funny, yet touching.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Oh Jim. I first saw him at Gotham Comedy Club and laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. A great read if you want some lighthearted insight into parenting. Jim has always been so funny sinply because what he says is so relatable.
MelodyHarmony More than 1 year ago
I was already a huge fan of his standup and had great expectations for this book. It was a fun read, however I agree with other reviews that his jokes don't translate as well on the page. I didn't find myself laughing so much as smirking every now and then. I also agree with the overpraising of his wife while belittling himself-noticed his wife edited his work as well, not that it means anything, just funny. All in all it's a fun read especially if you're already a fan. Plus there is amusing insight into the life of parenting. Some adorable pictures of his family and to top it off, he blatantly lets us know in the book they're hoping for success so they can finally move out their tiny apartment into a nice house with their many children. I'm happy to support that dream
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I laughed so hard in so many parts of this book! Anyone with children will definitely relate. Anyone who is around children will definitely relate! It is a quick and easy book to read...loved that he gave his wife so much credit and love.
mecadtde More than 1 year ago
funny quick read
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you grew up with a large family, read this book. If you have kids, siblings, grandkids or friends with kids, read this book. If you teach, babysit or you're an aunt or uncle, read this book. This is a laugh out loud read, written by a Dad who honestly loves his wife and kids while maintaining a wild sense of humor. Really enjoyed.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
You can be a cynic and say a lot of this is from "Mr. Universe," but recognizing that just proves how much a fan you really are. My 10-yr old son and I listen to his concerts so much we recite portions throughout our daily life. Jim Gaffigan is THE comedian of our time. Thank you for being a dad, and for being fat, you give the rest of us someone to identify with.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I cant wait for his book in about teen years, in about 10 years!