Dateable: Are You? Are They?

Dateable: Are You? Are They?

by Justin Lookadoo, Hayley DiMarco


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780800759117
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Publication date: 08/01/2003
Pages: 224
Sales rank: 327,507
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.55(d)
Age Range: 14 - 17 Years

About the Author

Justin Lookadoo is a juvenile probation officer, author, and speaker whose hard-hitting humor and in-your-face message connects with teens. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee.
Hayley Morgan developed and created Extreme for Jesus, a multi-million unit selling brand for teens. Her new company, Hungry Planet, is a teen think tank based in Nashville whose expertise is understanding and connecting with teenagers.

Read an Excerpt


Are You? Are They?

By Justin Lookadoo and Hayley Morgan

Fleming H. Revell

Copyright © 2003

Hungry Planet, LLC
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0-8007-5911-7

Chapter One


Screech! What did he just say?

You heard me. Whatever relationship you are in right now,
whether you are 14, 15, 16, or even 18 years old, know this:
It will not last! Period. The end. I know, you are sixteen and
sooo into this guy or girl-but understand that this relationship will
not last. You will break up. It will end. It will hurt. It will get
in the way of your purpose in life, and it will complicate things
and distract you from your passion and destiny.

I know, I know. I'm wrong about your relationship. It's different.
You're the exception. You're right for each other. You can
just feel it. You have so much in common. You like the same
movies. You know each other so deeply that you even finish
each other's sentences. You know what the other is thinking.
It hurts when you're apart. Congrats! But that has nothing to
do with it.

Hang with me now. I know it's a bummer to think about
and even harder to accept. You may even refuse to accept it.
But that doesn't change the fact that it's true. I may believe I
don't have to wear clothes to school, but that doesn't mean
I'm right. Just because you believe your relationship is different
doesn't mean it is.

I'm not trying to throw a Valium in the middle of the upper
moment you have going with your bf or gf, but you have to
accept this fact. If you don't, dating will destroy you. It will rip
you apart piece by piece. Crush by crush. But when (and only
when) you accept the fact that it will not last, you can totally
enjoy this dating thing.

For those of you who are die-hard romantics who have bought
into Hollywood's version of Romeo-and-Juliet-teen-love-at-first-sight
(movies which are usually played by actors who are on their third or
fourth marriages, by the way), let's play it this way. Check these facts:
Out of 100 married people asked, 22 said that they married their high
school crush. Sounds great, huh? Maybe there is hope. But check
this: Out of those 22 people, 17 got divorced. So 5 out of 100 people
between the ages of 18 and 89 are still married to their high school
sweethearts. Ouch! So you and your crush have two options-one,
get married; two, break up. That's it. Get married or break up. The
percentages speak for themselves. Still not convinced? Try this.

The average age people get married is 25. So take 25 and subtract
your age. We'll call your answer "years left" (see formula
below). That's how many years you have left, on average, before
you marry. Now, write down how many crushes you have had
in the last 12 months. Got it? Now take the number of crushes
and multiply it by your "years left." The number you get is the
number of crushes you will have before you get married.

25 - __________ = ______________
your age years left

_________________ X __________ = _________________
number of crushes years left number of crushes
in last 12 months 'til you find
"the one"

Now if you're one of those hardheads who thinks, "I'll show
him. We are different. It's gonna work!" don't do something
stupid like run out and get married and then call me to say, "See,
I told you we were meant for each other." No! Don't call me
after 2 years, or after 5, 10, or even 20 years. Give me a call after
you've been married 35 years. Then you can say I was wrong
about your relationship. You'll be about 52 years old. Call me
and scream as loud as you can, "I told you so!" I won't hold my
breath, though. See, getting married is not the issue. Anyone can
do that. It's staying married that is the goal.

Here's why it's so important to accept that it will not last: If
you hold onto the hope that your relationship will last and that
you will defy all the odds, then you give away too much and
waste your teen dating years. You end up so zoned on trying to
make it work that you miss out on the best parts of the experience
of dating. You set yourself up for failure. I want you to
succeed. With the truth in this book, you'll know how to protect
your heart and live with excitement and passion. I'm not knocking
the dating process. I think it can be fun if you have the right
goals in mind. I just don't want you to put so much pressure on
the relationship that you take all the fun out of it. I want you
to date, but even more, I want you to be Dateable.

Let's break it down and check some of the hardcore issues.
First, let me tell you where I'm starting from. You need to
understand some solid truths. Let's start with some basic things
we can agree on:

TRUTH: Just because you date someone doesn't
mean you will marry them.

TRUTH: Your dating experience will help shape
your married life.

TRUTH: You will date several people before you
get married.

TRUTH: Your spiritual beliefs have an impact on
your dating life.

We can all agree on these truths. This is our baseline. Now
let's look at what accepting "it will not last" as a truth will do
for you.

Totally accepting that the relationship will not last does not
cheapen it or make it less important. In reality, it makes the
relationship more valuable. You know that you only have it for
a short time, so it becomes more important to you. You want
to savor it more. You appreciate it more. You learn from it and
protect it. If you truly understand that the relationship has an
end, then the sweet little things will become important and
the giant ugly things-like how he didn't call-will become no
biggies. Would you rather waste your time freaking out about
everything or enjoy the time you have? You know it won't last
forever, so yeah, you want to enjoy it while you can.

Also, when you accept the truth, the pressure's off. A
lot of lives are destroyed because of pressure to make a dating
relationship work. If you believe that the relationship is meant to
be, then you will do stupid things to keep it going. That's where
couples can really mess up. You can get into a cycle that you
just can't seem to get out of. You might get into sex to make the
other person happy. You might try manipulation, violence, or
using each other. You worry that your friends won't understand
or won't like you if you break up. Or worse yet, your parents
might get upset if you break up with "the perfect person." That's
just not cool. Don't let others force you into a relationship that
isn't right.

Let me throw in a commercial here. Do not get your family deeply
involved in your relationships.
Let me repeat that: Do not get your
family deeply involved.

Sure, you need to let them know who your friends are and
who you are dating, but don't allow your dating life to get too
tight with your family life
. I mean, it's one thing to spend time
with your bf/gf at home or hanging out with your family. That's
not horrible, but it's a totally different issue to let your bf/gf get
so involved in your family that they are as much of a fixture as
you are. They're not your significant other. And no one becomes
part of your family until you marry them. Making them part of
the fam is way too much pressure.
And what's worse is that it
can make you get stuck in a relationship you want to get out of,
because you not only have to break up with your crush, but you
have to break up with the entire family. It's just not healthy.

You don't have to worry about any of this if you start the
relationship already knowing it will eventually end. You can
relax. The end might come this week or it might come eight
months from now. It's okay. Just part of the deal. And you won't
have to compromise who you are or what you believe just to
feel accepted. If your boyfriend really wants you to have sex,
you don't have to give in to try to keep him. Why would you?

Chapter Two

So it will last another week? Hey, you can just consider this the
end of the relationship. No big deal. You knew it was coming.
Yeah, there will still be some pain, but nothing like there could
have been (more on that in How Much You Put In Determines How
Much It Will Hurt When It Ends
). You are protected from a lot of
pain because you understand that it isn't going to last anyway.

Now let's look at this from the spiritual side. God knows
that if we get too caught up in chasing, catching, and hanging
onto a crush, then we stop growing. We stop seeing his power.
His mystery. His love. The Great Romancer wants to romance
you. He wants to show you the sunsets and give you the falling
stars. He wants you to run with passion after him. He wants
to shape you. He wants to give you your dreams, your desires,
your destiny. But he can't do that if your crush already has your
total focus.

Dating is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be safe. But we
invest way too much in trying to make it work out. If we just
let go and understand that it's a short-term thing, then we get
the most out of it. We learn about ourselves. We learn about
others. We experience a crazy, fun part of life, and we don't get
destroyed during the process. We end up stronger, happier, and
more successful. We understand what makes us tick. What we
like. What we don't like. We find that desire that God has placed
in us. And we don't get chained to a dying relationship.

NOTE: So far I've been talking mostly to the girls. You know
why? 'Cause guys do not think it's going to last, as in married,
forever, amen. Sure, he may tell you that you will be together
forever. And it will seem like forever to him. But teen boys don't
think much about things down the road, like planning weddings-that's
kind of a girl obsession. A guy's forever is more
short-term than a girl's forever.

So, girls, while you are planning
your life together, he's thinking about
his future. He's thinking about what
he wants to do with his life. Not your
married life together! Marriage is not
really a factor to him. Even if you
decide to go to the same college to be
with each other, you are still not the
biggest issue in his life. And no, asking
him if this is true will not clear things
up. He will tell you what you want to
hear, not the truth (see Guys Will Lie
to You to Get What They Want

All this doesn't mean guys are jerks
and girls are great. It just means that we all
have different ways of looking at things.
The balance of the universe depends
on this. Gifts are home-builders-you
create, you give birth, you nurture and
protect your families. So you tend to be
on the lookout for the perfect home, the
perfect provider, the perfect husband. It's
the way you're wired. Guys are hunters-they
have to go off to conquer and
save the world. It's the way they were designed. So it isn't being horrible
jerks that makes them this way; it's a well-designed plan. Once
we all figure that out and are cool with it, we can start to have healthy

Now guys, you need to understand where the girls are coming
from on this. They really think you are going to be together for the
next 10 to 20 years, maybe even the rest of your life. As soon as
a girl starts crushing on a guy, this whole dream world kicks into
motion. She produces and directs this movie in her mind about
the two of you. She sees the two of you laughing and playing
together and you totally digging her. She is already picking out
names for your kids.

Guys, hear me now, believe me later: The girl who has a crush
on you is practicing signing her first name with your last name!
Don't think she's not. She is! She starts that before you even start
dating for real. She talks with her friends about all of this. They tell
her how good you look together and they talk about what your
kids will look like. This is even before you are officially going out.
Don't laugh this off, guys. It's for real.

You need to understand this, fellas, because we are the ones
who make the problem worse. It's like this. A girl starts liking
us, and then we start telling her what she wants to hear:

"You are the most wonderful girl I've ever met."

"I feel so different when I'm with you."

"I've never met anyone like you."

"I want to be with you forever."

The catch is, guys know they aren't planning a marriage.
If someone would push us to think about what we're actually
saying, we would know instantly that we don't mean it
like that
. Notice that I didn't say we don't mean it. We just
don't mean it like that. We know that any hot girl will make
us feel different when we are with her. We know this-but
girls don't. They think our words are the honest, how-we-feel
truth. Girls build their lives and dreams around these words.
But for guys, they are just words that we hope will get the
girl to like us.

So, guys, help! We are responsible here. Think about what
you're saying. You really know that it won't last, so don't pretend.
What you are doing is emotional abuse. See, sexual abuse is sex
by force or manipulation, and emotional abuse is manipulation
of emotions, playing with her feelings. Don't manipulate a girl by
purposely saying things that she will misunderstand. Guys, you
know that a girl who is crushing on you is going to hang on every
word you say. She is going to build a fantasy romance, leaving her
vulnerable and willing to do whatever she can to make it work
with you. So you take the pureness inside of her, expose it, twist
it, and force yourself between her imagination and her dreams.
Then you rip it out, use it, destroy it, and leave her to pick up the
shattered pieces. All the while, you knew you didn't believe all
the stuff you said. You just said it.

STOP! Don't tell her you love her. Don't tell her you want to
be with her forever. It's not cool, even if that's what, you think
right now. Because you're abusing her emotionally if you do.
As men, we have been given a responsibility. Take it and be a

The guy is in charge of the relationship. You can't let it get
blown out of proportion into this "forever-and-ever" thing. Be
careful with her heart. Protect it like a mighty warrior. Don't let
anyone damage it, not even you. You are the protector.

Some guys who are reading this are saying, "That's not me! I
think it's gonna last 'cause I love her. The way I feel is amazing.
She is the one." Okay, I'll give you that. You do feel like it
will last forever, so let's talk about that feeling. You can't eat, you
can't sleep, you get butterflies in her presence, your palms sweat.
You feel like a total dork and it feels great. Newsflash for you:
This isn't love. It's somebody else besides your mother thinking
you are cool.

Excerpted from Dateable
by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley Morgan
Copyright © 2003 by Hungry Planet, LLC.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

1It Will Not Last10
2How Much You Put In = How Much It Hurts28
3Way It Begins = Way It Ends44
4If I Will Do It for You, I Will Do It to You56
5Guys Will Lie70
6Girls Will Lie86
7If What You're Showing Ain't on the Menu, Keep It Covered Up106
8Girls Control How Far You Go114
9Guys Control How Far You Go130
10Sex Games 101145
11Boys Will Be Boys152
12Good Girls Go for Bad Boyz162
13Girls, Shut Up178
14Guys, Be a Man194
15Pay to Play208
16The Porn Biz216

Customer Reviews

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3.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 30 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is absolutely amazing. Whether you've dated before or not, it will help any teenager understand how to date in a way where they will not be used and can come out on top. It explains in a non preaching way how to get the most out of dating by learning about what you like and don't like in the opposite sex. I am reccomending this to every friend I have and of my friends who have read it, everyone loves it. This is a great book for a parent to read and give to their children so they can have open discussions about healthy dating. Unlike other preachy books, this doesn't give you a feeling of guilt about past dating relationships. Instead, it opens your eyes about how to change your future relationships so you will end up happy, with positive relationships for the rest of your life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I too am a mom, of a teenage daughter who just went through a break-up of a relationship of 1-1/2.I pick out this book with careful eye on details for my daughter.I feel that this book is truthful and honest about most,young relationships. It has helped my child to realize that not All boys/men are like this, but a few are and to be aware of the relationship ahead and past ones. I have bought an other copy for a friend's daughter who has also just gone through a break up. I think the book is a 'HIT' if your willing to admit the truth to it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was amazing. I had been feeling sad about my break-up (from about 2 months ago, haha) when I started reading it. The information in it is so true! If your relationship starts fast, it will end fast. That's what happened in my relationship. It has also prepared me for other relationships -- at least I hope it has! I liked how they had activities in there too... like the quizzes and writing down your dreams and making a committment to God. I really enjoyed reading this. It was funny, and it told the truth. I borrowed the book from a friend, but now I'll have to get my own copy! It's the sort of book that you want to refer to later on. :) It was awesome!
Guest More than 1 year ago
So far the book has been really good. It has taught me that me and my boyfriend should have lives outside our relationship and take time to be with our friends and family. I love him so much, but we both need friends and family too not just us. This book teaches you how to be a couple, yet independent at the same time. It will help couples everywhere!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is the most teen directed, truthful experience I have ever read. It's also the only book I've read that I didn't get immediatly bored with. You feel like you know Hayley and Justin, like they're sitting right there reading it to you! I enjoyed ALL of it and even understood ever single word(not like I can't read, but some books, I swear are written in greek!)Anyway, I even read some to my mom! She was laughing at the first page! You know the one, The Thing before the Thing, yeah that page. I also will tell my sister to read it when she's old enough. Right now she's only 14, a little young for dating! I'm 16 and I'll probably share a lot with her anyway 'cause we're such good friends, she won't have to read the book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is so informing and helpful. I mean what the authors are saying completely applies to almost all areas of my life. Now I understand about guys and all that good stuff and why I should wait on dating! It's amazing and you should read it. I've never read a book like this it's so God oriented and true.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is the deep down truth in all aspects of teen dating as well as open your eyes to how it works. This book helped me to understand why it was hard for me when it came to dating. I now know how to come out on top without getting my heart broken.
Guest More than 1 year ago
this book is soooo great!! a friend of mine borrowed it from a friend of hers and i started reading it in school one day and couldnt stop!! its really easy to read and understand and the pictures are really funny. you'll get what i mean when you read the book!! :)
Anonymous 5 months ago
This is the most misogynistic book I have ever read. As a quote directly from the book, there is a chapter called “Girls, Shut Up”. This chapter speaks of how girls must not tell guys anything about themselves so they appear to me a “mystery” and are a “challenge” to entertain the man. It also says you must not tell your significant other any problems in life you have because they will become weighed down and leave you for someone for happy. If a man is too weak to deal with a significant other’s problems and help them work through it, are they even worth it? It says to “save your problems for your girlfriends” which is a very unhealthy relationship. I would never recommend a young, insecure girl should read this. It can damage their view on dating and possibly lead to very unhealthy relationships in the future.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is horrible. Nobody should be giving this to their son or daughter to read. It has nothing to do with how to date or be "dateable", only how to be afraid of ever having a relationship. This is not a book that you should read for incite, only for humor because of the loads of crap it gives you about how not to live like God wanted us to. God wanted us to love EVERYONE, yet this book says no relationship will ever EVER last if you are a teen and it's impossible for teens to actually love someone. If you want to learn something about how to love and be loved, read Proverbs. I'm pretty sure Solomon is more wise than Lookadoo. Read the Bible and learn how to love; don't read "Dateable", the book about how to be afraid of relationships and not love people.
Guest More than 1 year ago
notice how the people who give this book a GOOD review are the mature adults with a healthy marriage, who have actually experienced the dating world. and the only ones who say this book is trash are the teenagers. The ones who think they're so smart. The ones that must know SO MUCH about EVERYTHING. Romance is a beautiful thing, but i agree with the author, teenage dating isn't some fairy dream-world where everyone's happy. And if you're a teenager who still believes it is, well then SUCK IT UP PRINCESS, CUZ IT'S NOT.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This has got to be the absolute best book on relationships ever. I am a parent of a teen and this book was recommended by a friend. It's great. I read it and then had my daughter read it. I really think it has helped her keep a 'real' perspective on her current relationship. I would definitely recommend this book to ANY teen -- boy or girl.
Anonymous 5 months ago
This book has countless things wrong with it. It consistently speaks of how girls will believe absolutely anything a guy says and fall in love with them no matter what. It also says how all guys are exactly the same, not matter how strong the girls thinks their faith is. That basically means the “scumbags” on the streets are the same as your pastor at church. This book has an extreme view on how gullible girls are and how sneaky all men are, repeatedly stating that there are NO exceptions. I would not recommend this book to anyone who is wondering how dating really works, it will just make a person refuse to date for real because of fear of everything in this book coming true. Really, I don’t think anyone who agrees with this book is sane.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is a joke.  "A guy will have a tendency to treat you like you are dressed. If you are dressed like a flesh buffet, don't be surprised when he treats you like a piece of meat." -Dateable So, if I see a guy walking down the hall in a football jersey, does that give me the okay to tackle him? Because that's what he's asking for, right? Don't let your teens read this sexist crap. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
LCV More than 1 year ago
when I first opened this book I did find the first title to be both surprising and true. This book looked at the common misconceptions about dating and gave great advice to both boys and girls about dating. Some may find this book to be a waste of time because they do not want to believe what this book is saying. The book backs up what it says and helps teens, including myself, to understand teen dating. The advice in this book is only meant for teens though. Dating as an adult is different and has different challenges so the book is ONLY geared towards teenagers. I think that every Christian teen should read this. It is a book you have to think about and understand where they are coming from. Don't scoff off any of the ideas with out thinking about them.
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This book is jaw dropping info about the oppisite sex. You will find out stuff you never knew about Girls/Boys. Why are you just sitting there? Go out and buy it.
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yo_mariah46 More than 1 year ago
I AM a teenage a girl and this book is great. some of the things in here give me so much freedom. it makes you realized how much time and energy we are waisting. im telling all of my friends to read it,they need it. if you are a teenager you NEED to read this book. some things will make you mad,but its the truth. and some things wont apply to you (tho alot will). give this book a try. i promise you will get something positive out of it. Justin and Hayley know what they are talking about,theyre not just some adults who think they know all about our teenage world today.
Justin Lookadoo has gone to talk at my middle school then at my high school twice. Hes very funny and he entirtaining,but he always makes a strong point.
Read this book.