This is a riveting true story about life in a polygamist group that goes against everything the author feels to be true. Finally having the courage to break free, the author makes another choice that leads her on a path of turmoil, despair and upheaval. This choice creates a never-ending roller coaster ride which aids in clarity and a new beginning for a much better and brighter future. Having learned from her past choices, the author now consults her inner being, her highest self, before making any decisions. With complete trust and expectation of all great things, the author has broken free of the chains that bound her to a life of mediocrity, and now lives a life of peace, joy, wisdom and love.
With a clear mind and clear heart, the author steps into her power, letting go of fear and moving toward a knowing that all is well.
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.49(d)|
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Designed To Be Uniquely Me
The Courage To Face Life Head On!
By Anisa Blake
Balboa PressCopyright © 2015 Anisa Blake
All rights reserved.
Born A Princess
I was born a princess, but not of the royal order. I was born a centennial princess in a little town in Alberta. I was the first baby born in that centennial year which was 1967. My sister remembers a big party, but all I was told about is a collector spoon with the engraving saying Tofield Centennial Princess.
I was born in Tofield, Alberta, just outside of Edmonton. I was the middle of five children. I had one older sister, one older brother and two younger brothers, with the baby not born until several years later. The four of us kids started our lives on the farm in Tofield with our parents. We had horses, rabbits, guinea pigs and a dog named Pete. I don't remember much about this farm but I see the old pictures. It looks like we had a blast! I even had a horse named Twinkles. She was light brown and had a white star in the middle of her forehead, which is where the name Twinkles came from. Twinkles was the baby of Flicka, who was my mom's horse. Flicka was a big black mare. She was a beautiful horse that stood prominent wherever she was.
I remember playing with my brothers and the many guinea pigs we had. I looked back at the pictures of those days and see myself, with blond hair and blue eyes, and my younger brother with brown hair and green eyes, sitting on the floor with the guinea pigs and being very happy. Another picture I remember is both of us having a bath in a metal basin, having purple mustaches from the grape popsicles we were eating and we both had a huge grin on our faces!! Another picture shows this same brother and me on the back of a horse in our field. I was two and my younger brother was 1. I really do not have a lot of memories of my time on the farm. So much has happened since then and the memories are just not there.
When I was a baby, maybe a year old, my parents owned a restaurant in this little town. I am not sure of all the details of why they sold the business, but I believe my entrepreneurial spirit comes from this beginning. Not long after this, my parents moved us to where my mom's parents lived, and we lived in their basement for many years. It was here that my youngest brother was born. This pregnancy was not planned and really seemed to change my mom. This house was by a beautiful park with a lake and I remember visiting the park often. I always felt at peace while I was there. All of my time growing up, whenever I was sad or had problems, I found answers and healing in nature. It was not until a few years ago that I understood why.
After my youngest brother was born, my parents bought a house. It was an older, two story house with a semi-developed basement. My room was right next to my younger brother's room which both boys shared. It was here that my brothers decided to make it their life mission to make my life miserable. They played tricks on me constantly and I always had to watch my back. Even in the middle of the night, when I was in a deep sleep, these boys would find a way to traumatize me. This created such a distrust in them that I kept my distance. When I did try to play with them, they disappeared and left me on my own. I got the hint and spent my time away from them.
My childhood was not what others would consider usual or "normal". Although I did go to school during the day, played after school, ate supper and did homework, I always felt different. I did not have a group of friends nor was I involved in school activities. In grade two I joined ballet since I enjoyed dancing, a lot! I was free to express the joy I felt inside and just focus on my body and the music. This lasted for about a year and then I had to give it up. My ankles were becoming weak and could no longer support me while I danced. The doctor said it was due to weak ligaments in my legs and would continue to get worse unless I quit dancing. Sadly I had to quit dancing. However, this did not change the condition of my legs and I had troubles all of my childhood. I was on crutches more years than I care to remember, which left me out of many activities. My ligaments were so weak that I kept spraining them and it would take forever to heal. I would no sooner get off the crutches and I would sprain the other foot. It was a vicious cycle that had no end. Of course, being in school with crutches was a perfect opportunity for the boys in the class to tease and ridicule me, taking my crutches and using them as machine guns.
My home life was very difficult for me. I was living with three very annoying, trouble-making brothers and a big sister who was always gone. My mom did not work outside the home and was always there when we got home from school. That was nice, but she was always tired from all the baking, cooking and other housework she had done during the day. I had always hoped to have a great relationship with my mom, as I had known other kids to have, but as a child that did not happen. Mom always seemed to focus on the boys, helping them accomplish what they wanted to do and I was left out. When the boys were in the kitchen, experimenting with baking and cooking with moms help, I was told to get out of the kitchen. I think mom felt threatened by me being in the kitchen and she would not teach me how to cook or bake. In fact she even went so far as to chase me out of the kitchen. I said profoundly, "Fine then, I will just marry a chef and he can cook for me."
Like most young kids, we were given chores to do. We were washing and drying dishes, setting the table, putting the food on the table and then clearing it away, vacuuming, dusting and cleaning bathrooms. We were not allowed to leave the house on the weekend until our chores were done. I remember that my chore was to clean both bathrooms. This was the worst job ever as the boys were always messy and missed the toilet. I still do not like to clean bathrooms as they seem to be the dirtiest rooms in the house. I felt it was very unfair to have this chore and the boys got off easy by dusting or vacuuming. I would have much rather done either of those chores then clean the bathrooms.
Our house had a large front porch and I loved sitting there dreaming about my life or being in my room listening to music. Those were my favorite places to be. I was excited for the end of my school day knowing I would go back there and travel to a different world. My imagination was one of my best gifts and it was free. From there I would day dream about what I wanted to be when I grew up and how I wanted to travel and see the world. I would fantasize about all the famous people I would meet and how I would marry the man of my dreams right out of high school.
I really wanted to be an astronaut. I enjoyed looking at the vast universe above me, wondering what created the beautiful blue sky and fluffy white clouds. I could see myself reaching out of the space shuttle to touch those clouds and having my hand just go right through them. What an illusion they were! I loved gazing at the night sky, with all the twinkling brilliant stars and constellations they created. I would close my eyes and imagine touching a star, seeing my arm stretch up from where I was on earth. The stars felt like diamonds; rough with many edges that caught the light. I wondered what it would be like to be in space, away from the rest of the world, looking at the earth from above. My dreams were magnificent and I felt like I was part of something bigger.
I also thought about being a lawyer but I did not like the idea of punishing people or putting them in jail. What attracted me to that job the most was the money I could make and that I loved to engage in debate. I wanted a job that helped people. That was my calling in life and I knew it early on. I also enjoyed playing office in the play house my dad made when we were young. I had a stapler, paperclips and papers, a calculator and pens. I would likely become a secretary, I thought to myself, because it was a helpful job and I really liked helping people.
Because I was so different from other children, I did not have many friends. I found it easier and less painful to be alone. This was fine with me as it allowed me to be myself and not have to put on a mask to be someone others expected me to be. This was one truth I was very glad to learn early in my life, though it made for a lonely childhood. No one seemed to understand me. My parents were too busy to spend much time with me and my sister was never home to talk to. My brothers' only impact on my life was negative as they made it a priority to make me uncomfortable, scared and always on edge. I found it easier and better to ignore them and stay away then to try and join them. When something would happen in the house, my brothers always blamed me and my mom always believed them.
Instead of focusing on the things I could not change, I chose to do something else. Sometimes I would take a walk, or go to my room and listen to my records. My music brought me great joy as I sang along and felt free to express who I was. I also enjoyed writing stories and poetry as another way of self-expression. These poems and stories I kept hidden from others, though I am not sure why. I will admit that as I read these poems and stories as an adult, they were really good. I also kept a journal as a way for me to keep in touch with my thoughts. I liked to write as a way to free my mind of what bothered me and to allow more good information to flow through me. Sometimes saying the words to others got me in trouble as I always spoke the truth and said it like it was. No sugar coating but factual and to the point. You always knew what I was feeling as I wore my heart on my sleeve. I was always a sensitive soul and could see that people could be very cruel. I learned early on that sometimes it is better to say nothing at all than to say something that will hurt someone else.
Though I easily fit into group activities and could adapt well to working with others, I chose to be involved in solitary activities. In school I was part of the debate club and I really enjoyed the excitement of the argument. I enjoyed all aspects of debate, from preparing the speech to the discussion itself. It was refreshing to be able to express my true feelings without backlash or upsetting anyone else. I remember being dressed up, walking on to the stage and having all eyes on me. It felt right, like I was meant to be there and I had a message to share. I was good at this too. I was not shy by any means, nor was I afraid. I was comfortable there. I was at home there. Being the leader, the one others look up to, has always been a part of me. That is what truly makes a great entrepreneur: being confident in who you are, being able to make decisions and take actions that improve the lives of others.
Since I enjoyed debate and the speaking part so much, I decided to become involved with the speech club. I felt at ease in front of the crowd and loved sharing my story. I was so good at this that I joined the Royal Conservatory of Speech. This meant that I would say my speech in front of a panel of judges and would be awarded a place, such as first, second or third. I did this for many years and received many awards. I was very proud of my accomplishments. Even though both of these activities were clubs, they are very much singular activities. I was part of a club, yes, but the activity itself was sole preparation and presentation. The only person I interacted with during my preparation was the teacher. Once on stage, I interacted with the audience through words and intentions alone.
At the age of nine, my mom and dad bought a piano. They signed my brother and me up for lessons. This meant that we had to practice for 1 hour every day, much to my mother's upset. Mom always had a hard time with noise and this was definitely noisy! At first I found it fun and challenging. I was a natural my teacher told me. She encouraged me to practice more, really wanting me to spend time on a few songs and learn them well. I didn't mind practicing for an hour a day, but I also had my own desires I wanted to accomplish. I took piano for 5 years. I was very successful at it, yet it was not my passion. Dad had signed me up for the Royal Conservatory of Music, which is a rather large competition and involves students from all around the province. Being involved in this meant that I needed to really push myself to practice and perfect a few songs. The judging for this competition was rather tough and I was going up against some really good pianists. I did very well and was a natural my teacher said.
After a few years of this, I did not feel it was my calling, so I asked dad to let me stop my lessons. My brother had been able to quit the year before, but dad thought I needed to keep going. Dad and I debated this for quite some time. Dad really wanted me to keep going and perhaps even be famous. I certainly could have taken that route, but it just did not seem to fit my life plan. One more year of piano and I could have been a teacher. I could have been my own boss and taught others a valuable skill. However, I decided against that route. So dad let me quit. That same year he sold the piano to pay off his Visa card.
This came up in our discussions for years to come. In fact dad still wishes I had become a piano teacher. Honestly, sometimes I do too. I wonder where that life would have taken me. I guess we will never know the answer to that question. There was a reason I chose not to pursue the route of piano teacher. If it was meant to be my place in the world I would have had a much stronger inclination to do it. But I felt a much stronger desire to do and be other things. So I followed my heart and chose another path.
The best part about my piano lessons was the date I had with my favorite guy, my dad. Dad always took me out after my lessons. We would go out for ice cream or hot chocolate and a donut. It was a special time for us to connect without all the other distractions of home, which were many. These dates stopped, though, when I quit playing piano. This made me sad as it was such a wonderful nurturing experience for me that allowed me to see my dad in a different way. At home with the family he was quieter and strict. Yet alone with me he was happy and funny. He enjoyed telling jokes and making me laugh. I was about 13 or so when I quit piano and still today, at 48, I miss these special times with my dad.
I was always close to my dad; in fact so close that the other kids called me daddy's girl. I was always by his side helping him with the renovations on the house, which were never ending. When dad needed a different tool, I was there to hand it to him. When he needed anything, I was there for him. I realize now that I always had this intuition of being able to know before things were said or done. It is too bad I did not know what it was then or how to harness this energy to its full potential. How much different my life would have turned out had I been able to fine tune this God given ability to know and see things in a truly inspired way.
I was always amazed and impressed with the creativity my dad had. He was a genius!! When he needed a tool to aid in a project, and he had no such tool, he would build one. When dad needed to have an item to store things in, or needed to enclose an item that had no closure, dad would create a system that worked, and worked well. His many inventions over the years could have made him millions of dollars had he trusted the process and believed in himself enough to give it a try.
When most of the other kids and their families went on fancy and expensive vacations, my family and I went camping. As soon as school was out at the end of June, or around the 4th of July, we would all head out on holidays. My dad's birthday was July 5th and my birthday was on July 13th, so we usually celebrated together on our family holidays. I remember many trips to B.C. to see my dad's sister. We would also stop at other camp sites that had activities for kids. We would camp in a park close to home and Dad would take the other kids on hikes while Mom and I went on the ferry across the lake. Sometimes we would stay in a hotel and then go to the hot springs, which we all enjoyed. Our holidays were usually low key and inexpensive. Keep in mind that my dad was the sole bread winner and there were seven of us to provide for. We would all pile into our blue station wagon and enjoy the ride. There was a seat in the very back of the wagon with two spots that faced the back of the vehicle. It was such a blast to be able to watch the traffic from a whole new perspective.
Excerpted from Designed To Be Uniquely Me by Anisa Blake. Copyright © 2015 Anisa Blake. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
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