Disentangle: When You've Lost Your Self in Someone Else

Disentangle: When You've Lost Your Self in Someone Else

by Nancy L. Johnston


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An inspiring and practical guide for people seeking emotional freedom within relationships, whether those relationships are with an intimate partner, parent/child, other family members, friends, or those in the workplace.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781936290031
Publisher: Central Recovery Press, LLC
Publication date: 03/14/2011
Pages: 284
Sales rank: 1,169,183
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Nancy L. Johnston: Nancy L. Johnston, MS, LPC, LSATP, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Substance Abuse Treatment Practitioner in private practice in Virginia. She has a BS in Psychology from the College of William and Mary and a MS in Counseling Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University.

With thirty two years of clinical experience, she has developed the approach presented in her book, Disentangle, from both her professional and personal experiences. Johnston specializes in treating adolescents and adults. She works with a wide range of emotional and behavioral issues, and has always had a special interest in addiction and its effects on both individuals and family systems.

Johnston lives with her husband and daughter in an old house on a river in the Valley of Virginia.

Table of Contents

Preface to the Revised Edition xi

Preface to the First Edition xvii


1 By Definition 1

2 The First Twenty-or-So Years 5

3 The Second Twenty-or-So Years 11

4 Others on This Journey 21


5 The Big Picture 37

6 The Basics 47

It's About the Experience of Losing Your Self 49

It's About Unhealthy Attachments 51

It's About Finding You 53

It's About Getting Balance 56

It's About Intervening on Your Own Behalf 59

It's About Spiritual Growth 61

It's a Process without Rules or Sequence 64

It's a Process That Takes Time 68

Every Day Ain't Great 70

Don't Go This Alone 73

7 The Four Areas of Work 79

Facing Illusions 81

Find the Truth About Your Situation 82

Work to Accept the Truth You Find 83

Detaching 86

Become Aware of Who and What Entangles You 88

Separate Your Problem(s) from The Other Person's Problem(s) 92

Don't Try to Fix the Other Person's Problem(s) 93

Work for Emotional Distance 96

Observe the Other 97

Act, Don't React 99

Use Self-Talk 102

Be Aware of Your Motivations 108

Setting Healthy Boundaries 113

Slow Down 116

Listen to You 119

Use "I" Statements 121

Make Statements Rather than Ask Questions 123

Set and State Your Boundaries 126

Stick with Your Limits 128

Say Things Once 130

Say Things Cleanly and without Extensive Discussion 132

Stick to the Topic 133

Stay in the Present 137

Listen to the Other Person 140

Be Careful of Defending, Justifying, and Convincing 142

Be Conscious and Observing of Your Self 143

Learn When to Stop 145

Stop 147

Developing Spirituality 150

Slow Down 152

Simplify 154

Be in the Present 156

Find Some Solitude 157

Breathe 160

Relax Your Body 162

Quiet Your Mind 164

Sit in Silence 166

Discover Your Higher Power 169

Have an Ongoing Relationship with Your Higher Power 170

Let Go of Things You Cannot Control 173

Practice These Things 175

Cultivate Faith 177


8 So What's Happened to "Others on This Journey"? 185

9 The Next Twenty-or-So Years 213

Epilogue 233


Appendix A Characteristics of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (Woititz, 1983) 245

Appendix B Roles in an Alcoholic Family (Wegschieder-Cruse, 1989) 247

Bibliography 249

Index 251

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