Don't Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight

Don't Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight

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Overview

Don't Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight by Deb DeArmond, Ron DeArmond

In every marriage, there is conflict. And with every conflict, there is a choice for resolution. Will you ignore the issue until it seemingly goes away? Or will you work together to find peace?



In Don’t Go to Bed Angry, Deb and Ron DeArmond give you permission to fight. Conflict isn’t the problem, after all; the real issue is how we deal with the conflict. Deb and Ron demonstrate how communication through conflict can safeguard—and even strengthen—your relationship. Immensely practical features including worksheets and discussion questions make this a definitive go-to resource to help you start fighting—together—for your marriage.





PRAISE FOR DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY:



“Don’t Go to Bed Angry. Stay Up and Fight!” packs a one-two punch into the gut of all marital conflict no matter the source. The book is both transparent and practical, offering couples a variety of proven tools to develop marital muscles to knock out every opponent, and arise as Christ-like champions. An incredible resource!”—Clint and Penny A. Bragg, Authors of Marriage on the Mend—Healing Your Relationship After Crisis, Separation, or Divorce and founders, Inverse Ministries



“In Don’t Go To Bed Angry. Stay Up and Fight, Deb and Ron DeArmond deliver a biblically-based book on the topic of marital conflict. Practical exercises will help the reader move away from the potential damage conflict can bring to the discovery that comes from learning to stand together as allies not enemies—even when you don’t see eye-to-eye. We highly recommend this book as a creative guide for any couple, at any stage of life to find alignment with one another—and God—in their marriage.”—Claudia & David Arp, Co-authors, 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage and founders of Marriage Alive International.



"Don’t Go to Bed Angry has a solid Biblical foundation and is full of wise counsel and great practical tools. Deb and Ron are open and honest as they share from their experiences and those of others. I have been counseling couples for over thirty years, and this great, new title goes immediately to the top of my list of books on how to deal with conflict in marriage and grow your marriage God’s way." —Kim Kimberling, PhD, author of Seven Secrets to an Awesome Marriage and the leader of the Awesome Marriage Movement.



“When my sons were teenagers, they often argued. Finally one day, I sat them on our couch and said, "I'm going to teach you how to fight." They were shocked. They thought they were experts. I gave a couple of steps to keep their arguments respectful and to help them own their own feelings. In their book, the DeArmonds have set us all down on their own couch and given us the principles to do right what we probably all do, and do wrong. These principles work! The sooner you start, the sooner you reap the benefits.” —Joann Cole Webster, Vice President, Christian Men's Network



“In our work with couples in crisis for twenty years we have seen the value of having conflict resolution skills. "Fights"--loud and silent--can become long lasting wars with much devastation. In Don’t Go To Bed Angry, Deb and Ron give us a pattern to develop essential skills to resolve inevitable marital conflict. Read this book and let God guide the application to your marriage. Then you can begin the "fight for" your marriage. It's so worth it!”—Mona Shriver, author of Unfaithful and co-founder of Hope & Healing Ministries.



Praise for author Deb DeArmond and her previous book, I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last



"It's often been said that our choices define us. That's true personally, but it's also a key to our relationships. Deb DeArmond has provided a practical and insightful book detailing 31 choices we can make as husbands and wives that have the potential to transform even a good marriage—and make it a great one." —Greg Smalley, Vice President of Family Ministry, Focus on the Family

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781426790935
Publisher: Abingdon Press
Publication date: 06/21/2016
Pages: 208
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.30(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Deb DeArmond is an author, speaker, and coach with a focus on communication, relationships, and conflict resolution. Her writing explores marriage, parenting, in-law and extended family relationships. She is the author of Related By Chance, Family By Choice and I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last. Deb is a member of AWSA and the founder of Living-Write, where she coaches aspiring authors. She’s monthly columnist and feature writer for Lifeway’s Mature Living Magazine, and contributor to WHOA Magazine for Women. She and her husband live in the Dallas area.


Ron DeArmond has followed Christ since the age of 12 and has studied the Bible for 45+ years. He has previously served in ministry positions with Christian Men’s Network, Faithful Men Ministry, and has ministered internationally, teaching men's curriculum. Ron is currently the director of men’s ministry at Catch the Fire/DFW. Ron and Deb have been together for more than 40 years and live in Euless, Texas.

Read an Excerpt

Don't Go to Bed Angry

Stay Up and Fight!


By Deb DeArmond, Ron DeArmond

Abingdon Press

Copyright © 2016 Deb DeArmond
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5018-1640-6



CHAPTER 1

What's Wrong with Us? Can't We Just Get Along?


My daughter-in-law, Sarah, descended the stairs slowly. I glanced up from the sink, scraping a few breakfast remnants into the disposal. "Hi, sweets. How are you this morning?"

She turned in my direction, a look of concern on her fair face. "Uh ... okay. How are you?" She slid onto the stool on the opposite side of the breakfast bar.

"I'm fine." My eyebrows shot up. "Why do you ask?"

She twisted a strand of her red hair. An old habit from her little girl days, I think. But whenever she did it, the message was clear: I'm uncomfortable or anxious or something. "You and Dad had a fight last night." She blurted the words onto the granite countertop, eyes not meeting mine.

"Oh. Yes. We did. Didn't realize you could hear us, honey. I'm sorry about that."

Her eyes searched mine. "But you fight? You guys seem so good together. I didn't think you ever did that."

I chuckled. "How do you think we've stayed married so long, Sarah? We're two strong personalities who've never struggled to express ourselves. It gets loud at times, but it's over pretty quick. My mom used to say it's not the vented pot that blows its stack. It's the one with the lid screwed on too tight that explodes. What you heard was us 'venting the pot.' At least no one around here will ever be able to say, 'Gee, I didn't know you felt that way.'"

Sarah's mother raised her on her own after Sarah's dad died. This sweet girl was only five at the time. She'd not been present for many dustups between married couples. It startled her. Later, she told me that hearing the fight between Ron and me made her feel better about the occasional arguments she and our son Jordan experienced. When I asked her why, her answer was simple: "Because it means you can disagree with someone you love and it doesn't have to ruin a relationship. It's bound to happen on occasion."

In other words, I'm okay, you're okay. Or maybe even, Misery loves company. Either way, Sarah was right.


Conflict Is Inevitable

Conflict is bound to happen. It can be healthy, a genuine asset to understanding each other. But it can also be harmful and dangerous. Whichever way it goes, one thing we do believe: conflict is inevitable. Two different individuals with different life experiences, even if both are committed Christ-followers, come to marriage with different approaches, ideas, preferences, and beliefs. And whether it ever becomes a verbal process or not isn't really the issue. Quiet in the house doesn't mean peace. Conflict originates — and sometimes lodges — in the heart.

Marriage is a continual work in progress; we never truly arrive at a place where we can say, "Well, then, that's it. We've got it nailed." As our lives change and shift with the years, so does our need for attention and commitment to making love last. We've met couples who have been married thirty years who are as mired in the difficulty of conflict as they were in year one. How can that be? They got stuck without a plan or path to grow in their relationship and as a result, they lack the wisdom of thirty years of experience. They have one year repeated thirty frustrating times.

Our primary goal for this book is to help you avoid that path. We believe you can build the required skill and knowledge to resolve life's conflict in a manner that honors the covenant of your marriage and deepens the relationship — not only between the two of you, but with God as well.


Beware the Real Enemy

The pretty redhead with the question at that conference where we spoke said to me privately as our evening concluded, "So it sounds like you advocate fighting. I'm not comfortable with that. It doesn't sound right to me."

I agreed with her; it's a concept that I had questions about over the years. I grew up in a home where, if my parents ever disagreed, it was never apparent to me. "Larry" was all my mother said on occasion to address my father's often-boisterous behavior. It came with a specific tone and a glance over the top of her glasses. And somehow for them, it did the trick. It was over. Right then. Unfortunately, I didn't inherit that gene. Or perhaps Ron simply ignores my gift. Either way, we usually require more than just one word.

Let us be clear: volume — whether in decibels or in the number of words — is not violence. But behavior that's out of control physically or emotionally is out-of-bounds and should never be tolerated. It's not acceptable to God, and it shouldn't be acceptable to us as couples.

So is fighting the right approach? Is it even the correct term for what we do?

The title of this book may lead you to believe that we think stepping into the ring to take our shot at each other is a great resolution tactic. It's not. But fighting the enemy, together, for the life of our marriage is.

Remember that after the fall of the angels from the heavens, the first recorded act of the deceiver was to create division in the union between Adam and Eve and between them and God. (Genesis 3:1-11). It's our belief that if Satan can divide the marriage, he can divide the family. And if he can divide the family, he can divide the church.


God Holds Us Both Accountable

The church often finds itself in the center of marital conflict as couples seek counseling and support. Ephesians 4:26-27 is the source often quoted as part of the process: "And 'don't sin by letting anger control you.' Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil" (NLT). Every Christian couple on the planet has heard that particular message. It doesn't apply to marrieds alone, but it sure does seem to fit nicely.

My friend Marissa Star, married for more than fifteen years, took to Facebook to vent about this passage, perhaps one of the most misunderstood scriptures on the subject. I can't improve on what she said, so prepare for a rant.

You know that scripture about not letting the sun go down on your anger, don't let the devil have a foothold? Yeah, that one. My personal opinion after traumatizing my husband with my good Christian intentions the first two years of marriage is that this can be one of the most misunderstood or poorly taught marriage principles in the church. It leaves couples feeling like failures at 2 in the morning, exhausted as all get-out, trying to resolve issues that would be better talked through by two rested individuals who had time to reflect and gain some perspective.

The sun going down on your anger is about you dealing with your own anger, not keeping inventory of your spouse's anger or discussing how well he / she dealt with it. It takes five minutes with your eyes closed to give God your anger and get the devil off your foot, if you will. Let it go until a more beneficial time when you both have fresh perspective.


We couldn't agree more. The keys in this scripture are about personal responsibility: God holds each partner accountable for his or her behavior. The Bible is clear that it's possible to be angry without it becoming sinful. But to withhold forgiveness until the other party satisfies you, which may be unattainable in the moment, can be a problem. He expects us to forgive, even when the other party hasn't requested it. We believe it's God's love for us that calls us to let go of the ugliness, the hurt, or the pain, so we aren't damaged by it. Forgiving others benefits us, allowing us to move forward beyond the drama or the anger, on to the peace He quickly supplies. Making that choice is empowered and enabled by God's Spirit. We are not doing it in our strength, but by His.

I'm not going to pretend it's easy, and you may not feel like forgiving in the moment. But authentic love and successful marriage are not the results of feelings. Feelings are subject to change. Love and marriage are choices. Choose to forgive because it's the right thing to do and because it allows God's presence to infuse the remaining work that needs to be done. It's much easier to resolve the conflict and create a solution both can support if you are no longer adversaries, but allies, working together for the health of your relationship.

When our sons were growing up, the conflict often revolved around them and how to best raise them to be good humans and great men of God. We agreed on the outcomes we desired, but the opinions on the best approach sometimes varied widely. Other topics like spend versus save, and sex versus intimacy were often up for discussion. And don't forget the disagreements about who said he or she would do what, when, and now it's not done. Let's include the times we got embroiled in arguing about the argument and the tone of voice or the rolled eyes. After forty years together, the topics are different, but we still bump up against each other on occasion. Is it just us?

Discovering the answer to that question was our first step in the process of writing this book. We got nosy with friends and family, asking them about their conflicts. We read a lot of articles and did some research online. But eventually, we were interested in how people of faith dealt with this issue, and whether there were differences in approach when compared with those with no basis of faith at all. So we conducted some surveys and interviews of our own.

In chapter 3, we'll take some time to review what we discovered. But first, take a moment to complete Put on the Gloves!


Put on the Gloves! Chapter 1

If possible, we recommend both spouses complete this entire section. Respond to the questions individually, and then come together for a discussion. If you are completing this process alone, record your thoughts to the questions and use the conversation starters for a discussion with your spouse. Record what each of you shares in the "He said / She said" section.

1. What were three ideas, concepts, or elements in this chapter that stood out to you based on your experience with marital conflict? Why did they seem significant?

2. Complete this sentence: Our relationship would be so much stronger if we could just stop or start ...


He Said / She Said

Use these questions to build a discussion with your spouse. Then each enter your thoughts in a "He Said / She Said" section of your journal.

• What do you believe about conflict?

• Is it inevitable?

• Are there any positive aspects to conflict? Could it be beneficial to our relationship? How?


God Said

"And "'don't sin by letting anger control you.' Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27 NLT).

What new insight and understanding do you have regarding this scripture now?


New Discoveries / How Can We Use This Information?

Be specific! Write in your journal what stands out to you from this chapter.


Prayer

Father, we recognize that you created each of us as a unique human being, and while we may not always agree, we are yours and agree on your headship in our life together. Our hearts' desire for our marriage is to walk in the unity you envisioned for us, as we became one in marriage, knowing that it honors you and our covenant. We recognize that some of our behavior is an outpouring of your craftsmanship; other actions are born of our own desires, experiences, and preferences. Please help us accept each other as you made us to be and recognize where we need to become more like you, leaving the old behaviors behind. We ask you to help us as we move toward the reality that conflict can be an energizing and positive aspect of our relationship, leading to wholeness in our life together in you. We surrender the need to be right and submit to the goal of reflecting you in our relationship. We stand on the promise of your Word: "Again I assure you that if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, then my Father who is in heaven will do it for you" (Matthew 18:19).

CHAPTER 2

Is It Just Us?


Whether conflict grew unexpectedly out of a conversation that suddenly got away from us, or we stomped in and threw the doors open wide, the impact was almost always the same. The weight of the discord was tough all by itself, but at times the knowledge that we had let God down smothered us. The burden of conflict is the damage it leaves in its wake.

Does it have the same effect on all couples? Or do some have the ability to shake it off and go on unscathed? What creates conflict most often? And what are the secrets of those who manage it well? Those were among our top areas of interest in the research we conducted.

As we prepared our online surveys, we wanted to be clear about defining who our respondents would be. We asked them to identify whether they considered themselves persons of faith, along with gender, age, and other baseline questions. Nearly all of those in the first survey self-identified as Christ-followers. That was not a surprise. We sent the invitations for this survey to those in ministry, church groups, and those among our personal friends or acquaintances through Christian social media sites.

The second survey was open to all respondents through an online survey process. While many indicated they were Christians, the majority indicated no faith affiliation or a belief system. In total 235 men and women responded. The results were both surprising and enlightening.

The combined groups' marriage experience:

[TABLE OMITTED]

The great majority (80 percent) had been married once, with another 15 percent having made the trip to the altar twice. Just 4 percent had married three times with the ever hopeful 1 percent saying "I do" a total of five times.

The average length of their current marriage was in the 11–20 years range with the second largest group at 2–5 years.


What's All the Commotion About?

Since conflict was our topic, one of the most important questions was to discover the sources of the couples' conflicts. Here's what they told us (combined survey results):

[TABLE OMITTED]

The interesting and somewhat startling fact is that while the percentages shifted slightly between the two surveys, these categories were identical in their order of importance. The great majority of respondents indicated that conflicts attached to these issues happened on average of three times per month.

Nearly 50 percent believed that conflict is inevitable in marriage. Although many acknowledged that conflict could be damaging (25 percent), a larger percentage indicated it could be helpful to the expression of thoughts and feelings (60 percent) and a healthy way to gain insight and understanding (49 percent), and 59 percent believed that done well, conflict could help spouses grow together. That was encouraging news.

One set of responses we found particularly amusing (and very familiar to us personally) was that in the majority of cases, respondents saw themselves as far more skilled than their spouses when it came to using effective conflict resolution tactics. Why is that funny? Because it's common to judge ourselves on our intentions rather than solely on our actions. This allows us to assign ourselves extra credit even if the behaviors were a little wonky. On the other hand, my mate? Oh, don't even get me started! (Don't look so innocent; you've done it too! It's human.)

The tools described by respondents as effective included empathy, communication, listening, and anger management skills. Just one out of every three found his or her spouse equally skilled, and only one out of six scored his or her spouse as more highly skilled than him- or herself. It would be interesting to see if their mates agreed with that assessment!

In addition to the statistical data, here are just a few of the anecdotal comments:

• "We had no conflict. I didn't know we had any issues since we never argued until he left me for another woman after eleven years of marriage."

• "We tend to ignore issues rather than talk them out."

• "My husband is known in his family as the get-along guy. He has such a "'mercy motivational' gift that sometimes it gets in the way of resolving the conflict between us."

• "My spouse refuses to communicate or resolve any issues. All he says is, "'It's okay.' But it's not."


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Don't Go to Bed Angry by Deb DeArmond, Ron DeArmond. Copyright © 2016 Deb DeArmond. Excerpted by permission of Abingdon Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction: Rules? There Are Rules? xiii

Put on the Gloves! Introduction xxiii

1 What's Wrong with Us? Can't We Just Get Along? 1

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 1 7

Burdens

2 Is It Just Us? 9

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 2 17

Baggage

3 Leave That Baggage on the Carousel! 19

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 3 32

Bridges

4 Communication Tools That Work 35

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 4 55

Barriers

5 The Keys to Conflict Styles 59

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 5 75

6 Communication Traps 77

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 6 103

7 Your Past Doesn't Have to Be Your Future 105

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 7 117

Boundaries

8 Rules of Engagement: Learning to Fight Fair 119

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 8 137

Blessings

9 How Do We Get There from Here? 139

Put on the Gloves! Chapter 9 150

Appendix A Scriptures and Intentions 153

Appendix B The Rules 167

Appendix C Excerpt from Got Vision? 169

Resources 177

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Don't Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight 4.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 10 reviews.
More_Than_A_Review More than 1 year ago
There is so much more meat in this book then just ‘stay up and fight’. There are six categories and they did into each of them, and then there's life application at the end of the chapter where you answer questions and journal and there's a prayer. I highly recommend this book. I feel that there is a war on marriage. You need to know who the real enemy is and it's not your spouse. You need to have the right tools for your marriage and I would consider this book one of those tools. I received this book at the International Christian Retail Show. I was not required to write a positive review. You can see my full review at More Than a Review dot com where I rate the level of sex, violence, language and drug/alcohol use in books.
heidiheart More than 1 year ago
Deb and Ron DeArmond give us permission to fight. But wait a minute, there is a blueprint for how to fight effectively and in a way that strengthens our marriages, shows our children how to resolve conflict and bring glory to God. Deb and Ron in their latest book DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY are authentic and open about their own marriage and give brilliant insights into how to DEAL with conflict in practical ways and with doable solutions. I love the way they acknowledge our diverse personalities, family history and then give a clear pathway as to why we do what we do. Their research is sound and their solutions are wise. All their words lead us toward understanding our marriages in the way that God designed them to be: Good.
debhgrty More than 1 year ago
Deb’s Dozen: Rules for Conflict: Don’t Go to Bed Angry. Stay Up and Fight! Ron and Deb DeArmond have written a practical guide for communication between spouses in Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight. Much of what they say is not new, but Ron and Deb have so formatted their book, the advice makes perfect sense. I especially like the wrap up to each chapter: “Put on the Gloves”–what did you learn? “He said/She said”–how did each partner view the material? “God said”–what does Scripture teach? The DeArmonds address communication in nine areas: Burdens, Baggage, Bridges, Barriers, Boundaries, and Blessings. As they speak to each topic, they relate stories of how they handled the different areas–demonstrating that all of us slip and fall–but more importantly, how we can get back up and move forward positively. The two sections that impacted me most were those of communication and communication traps. Communication is defined as “transmission of a message so that both parties have a shared understanding of what’s been said.” The most important part of that definition is “shared understanding.” I can think of many times when my husband and I have had hurt feelings or conflicts because each drew a very different understanding from the conversation. The chapter on communication traps was the second most important for me. I know at various times in our marriage, I have fallen into each one of them: Silence, Sulking, Sarcasm, and Sound. The DeArmonds define each one and teach very clearly how and why they are so dangerous. My husband and I are both experts (to our detriment) in Sarcasm–I can’t tell you how many times we’ve walked away from a discussion hurt, angry, and sullen. If we’d followed the DeArmond’s suggestions, we could have escaped those traps and spoken with each other successfully. In addition to the excellent advice and counsel in the chapters, Ron and Deb add three appendices which summarize the book: Scriptures and Intentions, chapter by chapter; The Rules; and an excerpt from Got Vision. The result is a concise, well-written handbook on how two people can best get along when they’re married to each other. In fact, the rules can apply to any two individuals who are close and want to build an excellent relationship. Four stars! Ron and Deb DeArmond have been together for more than forty years. Deb is a sought-after speaker and executive coach, and Ron is currently the director of men’s ministry at Catch the Fire/DFW. When I interviewed them last June, they told me they met in high school and married when they were nineteen. After three or four years, they asked their moms, “Why did you let us get married?” They came from opposite backgrounds–Deb from an Ozzie and Harriet lifestyle and Ron from a family filled with lots of conflict. As a result, the two of them had no pattern for successful fighting. They said they quickly learned the most important question to ask was, “Do you want to win–or do you want us to learn to listen to each other and learn to love each other?” Their discoveries led them to share their “Tools and Rules” with us, giving us options for speaking and conflict resolution in a positive fashion. Abingdon Press gave me an Advanced Reader’s Copy of Don’t Go To Bed Angry in exchange for my unbiased review.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I went jst bed but its fine. Lol u can start
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am here.
Sister-P More than 1 year ago
The main premise of this book is how to communicate in a marriage and tools on how to resolve conflict effectively. I honestly wish this book existed years ago. If you don't know how to fight fairly, or resolve conflict, you are going to find yourself in a very precarious situation. "Don't God To Bed Angry" can help as it is a guidebook and will teach you how to communicate and do marriage successfully. This is by far one of the best marriage books I have read in years. I give five stars, but if I could give it more, I would. I will be referring to this book and recommending it to everyone. ***I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
RSSMILES More than 1 year ago
This is a wonderful book with some really good advice from a couple that have been married for 40+ years.  I love the title and subtitle - it catches your attention and brings to mind the advice to not ever go to bed angry. :)  This is an easy read that only has nine chapters and is broken down into six categories (Burdens, Baggage, Bridges, Barriers, Boundaries, & Blessings).  Each section ends with an informative "Put On The Gloves" summary & discussion with "He Said/She Said", "God Said", and "Prayer".   I really like that about this book. If at all possible you should read this with your spouse.  You'll find some good tools for communication and conflict resolution for arguments that are inevitable in any relationship.  Even if you don't have an argumentative, verbal personality, there will always be some type of conflict that you will need to resolve.   And like I said, it's a quick read so it won't bog you down with too much information.  You can't go wrong in reading this book! *Thanks to Litfuse for a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes. I was not required to write a positive review and all opinions stated are my own.*
mymissdaisy More than 1 year ago
About the book (provided by Litfuse) . . . A practical handbook on how to fight better—together—for your marriage. In every marriage, there is conflict. And with every conflict, there is a choice for resolution. Will you ignore the issue until it seemingly goes away? Or will you work together to find peace? In Don’t Go to Bed Angry, Deb and Ron DeArmond give you permission to fight. Conflict isn’t the problem, after all; the real issue is how we deal with the conflict. Deb and Ron demonstrate how communication through conflict can safeguard—and even strengthen—your relationship. Immensely practical features including worksheets and discussion questions make this a definitive go-to resource to help you start fighting—together—for your marriage. Endorsements (provided by Abingdon Press) . . . Visit the publishers site (click here) for a few endorsements from a few authors and Pastors including Clint and Penny Bragg-Authors, Claudia and David Arp-authors, Kim Kimberling PH.D -Author and Greg Smalley Focus on the Family. What I thought. . . I wish they had written this book 30 years ago! Lot's of insight and wisdom. I loved the subtitle Stay Up and Fight this is so true and so smart. I've always remembered folks advising me not to go to bed angry. But never had I received the advise to Stay Up and Fight but to me it makes sense to go over the conflict and try to workout whatever it is. Maybe ending the whole thing with praying and going to bed less angry is the only option but it's a good option. This book is a fairly easy to read and short only containing 9 chapters that end with a prayer. The introduction is especially helpful and gives the reader an over view of what each chapter/topic is about. I gained so much needed knowledge and insight that as I mentioned in the beginning I wish I had 30 years ago. So I think that anyone from the newly or young married couple to the mature couple could gain some valuable wisdom. I would recommend Don't Go To Be Angry and give it my 5 star rating. I received a complimentary copy from Litfuse in exchange for my honest review. This review is posted on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, CBC and Good Reads. This review is posted on MyReadingJourneys.blogspot.com and linked with blog parties.
VicG More than 1 year ago
Deb DeArmond & Ron DeArmond in thier new book, “Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight!” published by Abingdon Press gives us the rules to fight better-together for your marriage. From the back cover: A Practical handbook on how to fight better-together for your marriage. In every marriage, there is conflict. And with every conflict, there is a choice for resolution. Will you ignore the issue until it seemingly goes away? Or will you work together to find peace? In Don’t Go to Bed Angry, Deb and Ron DeArmond give you permission to fight. Conflict isn’t the problem, after all; the real issue is how we deal with the conflict. Deb and Ron demonstrate how communication through conflict can safeguard—and even strengthen—your relationship. Immensely practical features including worksheets and discussion questions make this a definitive go-to resource to help you start fighting—together—for your marriage It is official God made every single one of us with a separate and distinct personality. This means that every so often, without bringing any thought to it, there is going to be a clash. She is going to see the situation one way and feel it should be handled her way. He sees the same situation another way and feels that it should be handled his way. Sometimes it is easy to resolve other times there is major conflict. And if something isn’t done it will start to eat away at the couple like sandpaper. Good news Deb DeArmond and her husband Ron know about all this and they give us practical ways to resolve that conflict and grow from there. Are you married? No matter how good, or bad, your marriage is this book will make it better. Thinking of getting married? This book will give you new thoughts. Know others that are married? This book can help them too. No matter where you are in life I believe this book would be beneficial for any stage of marriage you are at. Everyone should have this book. Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from Litfuse Publicity Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
MeezCarrie More than 1 year ago
Don’t Go to Bed Angry (Stay up and Fight) is full of practical insight and solid truth to help you a) learn how to fight fair and b) recognize who the enemy is – and isn’t – in your relationship. And ultimately, the most important aspect of this book is how it points you individually and as a couple to Jesus and teaches you how to make a plan for your marriage with Him at the wheel. A must-have for any newly-marrieds, old-marrieds, or barely-still-marrieds. There is hope, and Deb & Ron DeArmond help you fight for it. The nine chapters are broken down into six categories: Burdens, Baggage, Bridges, Barriers, Boundaries, and Blessings. Each chapter includes helpful, easy to absorb information and practical guidance as well as insight from surveys the authors conducted and conversations they had with couples who graciously shared their experiences with Deb & Ron. The chapters each end with a section called “Put on the Gloves” which provides questions to complete individually and then discuss together as a couple, as well as a prayer to pray together. I found the section on the Four Conflict Styles (in chapter 5) and the chapter on Communication Traps (chapter 6) to be the most interesting/helpful for me, but this is a book that I want to go back and read with my husband too. (I received a copy of this book in exchange for only my honest review.)